One centimeter temperature difference gl

Quanyuan originally wanted to drive Liu Yun home, but after thinking about it, he decided to give up, because it would appear too intimate.Although she didn't want to stay at home alone, she couldn't be too unfair to Liu Yun.Quanyuan did not ignore the fact that the other party confessed to her. Although it was difficult for her to figure out the other party's true intentions in the other party's half-truthful tone, it was wrong to give more tenderness than the true feelings anyway.

But it also happened that Liu Yun's casual attitude took off Quanyuan's defenses.Quanyuan is usually not offended by jokes, but formal pursuits put her on the defensive.

Liu Yun, who felt that he had a long way to go, did not forget to act coquettishly before leaving, asking the other party to remember to compensate him for a meal.Then, with the almost pampering connivance of the other party, he pushed the other party down on the bed: "Take a nap, you want to dream about me!"

Quanyuan rubbed Liu Yun's hair almost subconsciously: "I'm going to be late for work."

Liu Yun left Quanyuan's house disheartened, and began to reflect on whether he was too cute to be treated as a child by the other party.Speaking of it... Quanyuan seems to be a person who is very used to standing in the role of protecting and pampering others.This is really... an extremely beautiful and undesirable attribute.

After Liu Yun left, Quan Yuan, who was lying on the bed, also thought about this issue a little bit, thinking that Liu Yun is really a guy who likes to act cute and pretend to be stupid.It doesn't seem to be considered to be taken advantage of... At least I don't find it annoying or unbearable, but no matter how you think about it, it seems that you are indeed taken advantage of by the other party...

Quanyuan didn't dwell on this matter for too long, at most he reminded himself to take Liu Yun's confession seriously.It is very strange, although Quan Yuan is a person who does not like to have physical contact with others, but his reaction to Liu Yun is not so great.Maybe it was because of the other party's frankness, or simply because Liu Yun was too successful in pretending to be a puppy?

Quan Yuan turned over and sat up on the bed, she cunningly did not respond to Liu Yun's request for her to take a nap.Quanyuan has no habit of taking a nap.Waking up from sleep, knowing that what I saw when I opened my eyes was nothing but an empty room, followed by a sense of loneliness that cannot be dismissed.Most mornings when she opened her eyes, she would feel that this loneliness seemed to have materialized, and her steps made empty footsteps in this room.

She was actually very glad that she met Liu Yun yesterday, and that Liu Yun stayed with her.She thought that under the combined attack of illness and various partings, in her subconscious mind, she must hope to have such a person to rely on.He Chenxi can't do it, and Hua Rong can't do it, even if they are the parties who brought the pain of parting, as far as the past is concerned, Quanyuan can't confide in them to make them worry.

Like the third-person effect, Liu Yun who suddenly appeared became her driftwood.

Quanyuan thought that he was taking advantage of this young woman with a hearty personality and innocent smile.

Of course, such thoughts are a bit exaggerated, but Quanyuan never hesitates to think about himself maliciously.This habit stems from extreme low self-esteem.She kept hinting that she wasn't that good, so she wouldn't be too sad if someone dumped her.

People keep abandoning her, no matter how close they are, they will eventually stay away.

In such a spacious house, she was always alone.

She seeks the ordinary warmth in the world but cannot find it, so she feels lonely.

She has read many books since she was a child, but every time she is faced with her own house, she can only think of one sentence: But the excitement belongs to them, and I have nothing.

In Quanyuan's life, loneliness is like a shadow, empty and tasteless.

Liu Yun's jumping-off and nonsense gave her a temporary respite-it was just drinking poison to quench her thirst.She deliberately indulges Liu Yun, she needs someone and something to distract her, so that her mind will not be full of thoughts about things that hurt her.

Liu Yun is the best choice - a stranger who didn't know him before, acquainted with each other, knows how to measure, although noisy but always knows when to stop... The most important thing is that this person is very concerned about Quanyuan's feelings, Quanyuan enjoys the feeling of being cared about.The sense of guilt arising from this process was intentionally or unintentionally ignored by her.

Drinking poison to quench thirst, as long as you get pleasure for a while, you don't have to think about the subsequent things.Anyway, the day when the poison will come out will not be more painful than it is now.

The obsession with inferiority and fear that cannot be let go due to He Chenxi, the guilt caused by Hezhe and Hua Rong, the disappointment and self-abandonment caused by Huaxia, the source seems to be slowly sinking into deep water, but it is also true. Can't afford the will to survive.She paddled hard, but she didn't want others to hurt her.

Sometimes she also thinks that this kind of thinking is really hypocritical.

In fact, she still wants to live a good life. There must be something that attracts her but she hasn't discovered it by herself, so she misses the world, or maybe she really longs for the sympathy of others, and hypocritically hides the fact that she is extremely looking forward to it. This memory of caring for others.Just like her childhood partner angrily accused her of the content: "Anyone who really wants to die will die no matter what. You are just pretending to be pitiful and want my mother to keep paying attention to you!"

——Maybe I'm just pretending to be pitiful and want people to keep paying attention to me.

Said to be a partner, the child used to play a very disgusting and fearful role in Quanyuan.The two didn't have much contact, but before Quanyuan received treatment every time, if the therapist's child happened to be there, the therapist's assistant would let Quanyuan stay with the child for a while.The assistant wanted Quanyuan to relax.But as a child, Fountain has a sharper intuition than adults. She knows that the girl who is a few years older than her doesn't like her, and it can even be called hostile.

After growing up, Quanyuan certainly knew why the child targeted him so much, and gradually, he also let go of the harm the child caused to him.Even thinking about it sometimes, she would feel that she really owed that child.There is nothing wrong with feeling that children who have been deprived of their mother's love.But some things have an impact that cannot be changed.After that day, the young Fountain, who had been more or less open to the therapist, completely closed herself off.No matter how the other party guides him, even if he wants to confide, there is no way to speak again.

It was a horrible feeling.

For a full seven months after that, Quanyuan couldn't say a single word.It's aphasia.That memory was painful and numb to Quanyuan.She was helpless and frightened, but no matter how hard she tried to shake her whole body, she still couldn't make a sound.

The impact of this event continues to this day.Quanyuan is used to hiding his emotions, and he can't talk to his closest friends.

Come to think of it, that was more than ten years ago.

Quanyuan was nine years old at that time.

Nine-year-old Quan Yuan witnessed his mother's suicide.

The woman whose soul was scarred was lying in a bathtub filled with water, and her bony body full of wounds from scratching was soaked in the water full of blood.The color of the water was so gorgeous that it gave her haggard, mad face a cruel charm.

Wellspring's mother is undeniably beautiful.

And at this moment of death, that beauty blooms like a flower from hell.

When he opened the door and entered the bathroom, Quan Yuan was stunned by the sight in front of him.The first thing she felt was not fear, but maybe some confusion in the transitional fright. She was happy because she saw the long-lost smile on her mother's face.

She called: "Mom."

She remembered that it was a very light-hearted voice, which often echoed in her own dreams, making her frightened and disgusted.But in fact, to this day, she no longer remembers what kind of emotion she had in her arms at that time.

But she still remembered her mother's reaction.

The woman who committed suicide did not anticipate the return of her daughter.Maternal instinct gave her a little clarity in the madness, and maybe it was her daughter's smile that made her feel disobedient and worried. She said softly: "Yuanyuan, don't look, don't be afraid, you go out first."

"Mom?" Quan Yuan belatedly noticed something was wrong in the room.The smell of blood didn't sweep over until this moment.Although she didn't really understand the meaning of death or suicide, the smell made Quanyuan instinctively afraid. "What are you doing?"

Mother struggled feebly in the bath.

After becoming an adult, Quanyuan couldn't help but checked the relevant information. A person would go into shock if he lost 30.00% of his blood, and he would face the danger of losing his life only after losing 50.00%.Cutting the wrist alone is usually not fatal because the platelets cause the blood to clot and stop the bleeding.So suicidal people soak their wounds in water and make multiple cuts in the arteries to slow down the blood clotting.But it is clear that Quanyuan's mother is not an experienced suicide, and even her suicide method is somewhat romantic.In addition to the smell of blood, the bathroom is also filled with the rich fragrance of rose essence, and the wound on the wrist is also very beautiful.This made it impossible for Quanyuan to determine whether his mother had a certain death mentality back then.

Yet she would never be able to peer further into what her mother was thinking at the time.

She only remembered that her mother even stood up from the water at that time. Although she was shaking a little, it was not at all life-threatening.

And it wasn't until her mother stood up and saw her mother's bleeding wound that she really panicked and frightened.

She remembered that her mother even had the strength to comfort her.

The woman who hastily wrapped the wound with a towel put on a bathrobe and covered her daughter's eyes in panic.The tenderness that belongs only to a mother makes her escape from the despair of intending to die in an instant.

"Yuanyuan, be obedient, go outside, mom is fine."

"me……"

"Mom is fine. Mom didn't know you were coming back. You haven't been back for a long time."

"Dad said... said you... Dad told me not to come back, saying you were busy."

"He won't let you come back?"

The young Quanyuan couldn't distinguish her mother's sudden change of attitude. Panic and helplessness made her unable to distract her, and her mother's hand covering her eyes also prevented her from seeing the woman's expression of madness again.

"No, Dad said you were busy... He didn't stop me from coming back, he said you were busy, he said he would bring me back after a while..."

"He won't let you come back?! He said I'm not worthy to be your mother?!"

Quanyuan reacted to the mother's scream, but the young child didn't know how to deal with the situation.She didn't know what stimulated her mother.

"No, Dad said..."

"Don't call him papa! You're my daughter! You're my daughter! Do you hear that?"

"mom, Mom, Mom?"

"Don't leave mom, you love mom, you only have mom, you don't have dad, do you know? Do you know?!"

The final sound was almost a hoarse cry.The mother's madness and abnormality finally frightened Quanyuan, and she struggled in her mother's arms.

"Mom, can you go to the hospital? Let's go to the doctor."

"I'm not sick! He said I'm crazy and can't take care of you! I'm not sick! I'm not crazy! Quanyuan, your surname is Quan! You are my child, my own child! It has nothing to do with you! My child and You have nothing to do with me! I am not sick! You are not worthy to be her father!"

The woman's words were completely confused, and she even started to quarrel with the illusory figure.After all, Quanyuan was still a child, and she couldn't calm down like an adult and think about how to appease her apparently crazy mother, and her strength was too weak to stop it at all.She is afraid.She felt overwhelmed.she began to weep.

"Mom...Mom, what's wrong with you? I love you, I only have you, I don't want my father anymore, I will come back to live with you, Mom, Mom... May I come back and live with you? You don't want to be like this... "

"Go away!" the woman screamed.

She could no longer tell what Quanyuan said, nor could she tell who the person in her arms was.

The word "father" obviously became the fuse.

Quan Yuan's thin body was pushed out by her, and the back of his head hit the cabinet. This heavy blow made Quan Yuan fall into a coma for an instant.But very fortunately, the trauma was not fatal.She woke up a few minutes later.The exact source of time cannot be measured, but the room was in disarray, with beautiful china crumbling to dross, lighter furniture overturned, and beloved paintings thrown on the floor and trampled.This well-furnished home that once made Quanyuan feel so happy and comfortable is in a mess.The woman seemed to be engaged in a struggle with an invisible person. The struggle exhausted her strength and re-opened the wound on her wrist. Maybe it was pain, maybe it was exhausted energy, maybe it was the constant ringing of the doorbell and knocking. The sound of the door—whatever it was—would momentarily wake the woman up.She found her daughter collapsed on the ground, let out a cry and picked her up.

The fountain is in the arms of the mother, awakened by the mother's gentle touch.

dizzy.

There was a sharp, dull pain in the back of the head.

"Yuanyuan, mom, I'm sorry, Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan? You wake up."

Quanyuan weakly clung to his mother's arm: "Headache...Mom, I have a headache..."

The woman touched the back of her head carefully, and saw blood on her hands.

She let out a scream, remembering what she had done to her precious daughter.

Madness strikes again.

She let go of the fountain.

"leave me!"

She yelped and backed away.

"Mom? I'm in so much pain, don't ignore me, mom, mom, where are you going?"

The young Quanyuan already had a premonition of the tragedy that was about to happen. She called out to her mother hoarsely, trying to stand up weakly, but failed again and again.

The woman stumbles into the bathroom.She babbled and repeated the words she could only hear clearly.

"I'm sorry Yuanyuan, I'm not worthy to be your mother, he's right, I'm not worthy to be your mother, I'm not worthy to be your mother, I'm not worthy to be your mother..."

Quanyuan crawled towards his mother with difficulty.

"But you don't deserve to be her father either!" she screamed suddenly.

There was the sound of glass shattering in the bathroom.Quanyuan finally stood up, but fell down again.

The woman stabbed her mirror image in the bathroom with a fruit knife, and then laughed loudly: "I don't deserve it, and neither do you, let's die together!"

"Mom—! Mom—! What are you doing—! Mom—!"

"You don't deserve it, and neither do I. Let's die together."

The last words the woman left in the world were eerily quiet.

She stabbed herself in the throat with the same fruit knife, blood splashed on the light-colored wallpaper, splashed on the blue floor of the mosaic collage, splashed on the ground, opened her mouth, and couldn't make a sound daughter's face.

This is how the woman ended her life.

Quanyuan's last memory of that day is his own screaming.

Neighbors broke in and are said to have been too frightened to even go to the bathroom after seeing such a tragic sight.She was carried out of the bathroom until the police came to Quanyuan. At that time, she was unconscious. Fortunately, she was rescued and returned.

Today, the scars on the back of the head are completely invisible if you don't reach out and touch them.

But some wounds don't heal.

The memory of that day turned into a nightmare, visiting from time to time, reminding her of a fact.

It was she who killed her own mother.

Even though her mother really wanted to commit suicide at the time, she could not forget that her mother once came out of the bloody water, covered her eyes, and said softly to her, don't be afraid.

It was she who killed her own mother.

It was she who said the forbidden words that should not have been spoken.

The Bible defines that human beings have original sin that cannot be washed away by themselves, and only God can redeem and forgive.

And Quanyuan is burdened with sins that even God can do nothing about.

That day was the original sin day of the fountain.