bear hand

After putting down the phone, my brother-in-law looked at me with a complicated expression.

Brother-in-law: "Don't think so much"

I ignored him, and now the thoughts in my head are all about the phrase "disgusting" that Lu Chen told me. Did I always harass him in the past? In his eyes, am I just a person who makes him disgusted? ?What the hell should I do, yeah What can I do?Get out of prison?is it possible?There was a twinge in my heart, and the cruelest words would always come from his gentle mouth.Think back to the past bit by bit, the past Lu Chen, the past me.Everything is in the past, what Lu Chen said today is terrific, if I understand him correctly, I can't even be friends with him, what happened to my Lu Chen.It's time for me to accept the reality, but can I accept it?

When I was taken back to the basketball court by the prison guards, I wobbled over to sit next to the monkey and buried my head in my lap. The monkey glanced at me but didn't say anything.Yes, who can I count on for my own affairs?I was crying, and I tried my best not to make a sound.My thoughts have been stuck on Lu Chen in the past, who was he in the past, and what happened to him now.Did I not know him at all from the first day I knew him?Lu Chen is my closest person, and now he makes me feel very strange.Looking at the surrounding environment again, I felt an urge to die in my heart. Even if I leave here, will I still find someone I love in the future?Even if I find him, may I marry him?This society is very realistic, even if I can be with my beloved, I still cannot see the sun.Why should I be nostalgic for this kind of world?

He sat in this position for a long time, until Haotian came back covered in sweat from playing basketball, and asked me what was wrong, but I didn't answer him.The monkey whispered something in his ear, probably because he thought I was broken in love or something.

Haotian: "A matter of feelings?"

I:"……"

Haotian: "Don't think about it, isn't this better? She told you earlier, so you don't have to worry about it. Otherwise, when you go out and find that she is surrounded by other men, wouldn't it be more painful for you?"

Haotian said these words.It made me feel that there was another meaning in Lu Chen's words.Could it be that Lu Chen said these words for me?He doesn't want me to miss him?really?That Lu Chen I knew?Thinking of this, Lu Chen is probably because he doesn't want me to worry about him here?Straight man?He knows the word?Assuming that because of what I said at the time, he went to look up about homosexuality in order to accept me, and then saw someone’s writing about the pain of lovesickness, and then he said what he said today?

Me: "It's nothing, I'm fine. It's just that I had a phone call with a friend just now, and I feel a little uncomfortable."

I don't want them to know about me. Although I think Haotian may be the same, I still don't want to be so promiscuous. The most unacceptable thing is 419.After changing my mind, I didn't feel that kind of colic anymore. I believe that the Lu Chen I know would never say such things to me, even if I am gay, even if I can disgust him, he would not would tell me so.Even if this is a fact, I don't believe it. I would rather lie to myself than see me break with Lu Chen.I want to live until the day I get out of prison, until the day I meet Lu Chen, and until the day he tells me that he disgusts me.In the dream, the feeling of his heart being torn apart after being shot is very real, I love him.