dance like a butterfly

strangle me!strangle me!

I was powerless to get out of the situation in front of me, and my heart was ashamed.No matter how painful my body is, it can't compare to the loneliness and helplessness in my heart at the moment.For a long time, all the love and love that I have learned from the national wind, song lyrics, and Ming songs are full of love, how can my strong love that is brewing under the winter snow for a long time, how can it withstand the puncture of the real sunshine?I understand that the trickling stream that Lao Han and I have carefully cared for can only become a poisonous miasma that my brothers and my father will die after smelling it in the traditional and conservative hometown of Hua County. In the eyes of people in this ancient city with a history of thousands of years of Chinese civilization, it will be a long-lasting joke after dinner.

strangle me, strangle me!

In this way, I can finish it all.When I get to Naihe Bridge, I will risk my life to pour out the bowl of soup from Po Meng, and wait for Lao Han in the dark wind. When he passes by here one day, we will hold hands tightly and reincarnate together in the deep mountains and old forests. Go to the next life, and save yourself the hard work of this life!

"Since coming to Xi'an, Lao Han has treated you so well, you think I'm blind... Why did he give our dad so much money during the Chinese New Year? Why doesn't he pay for the house we rent? …How expensive is the house now? How much money can you earn to buy such a big and nice house? …Also, Lao Zuo runs to our house all day long. Why do you do those weird things that are not positive? If you think about it together, are these things normal? If Zhang Ergou hadn’t said that Lao Han took care of you today, I wouldn’t believe it myself , I was not honest in my heart before... Tell me, tell me the truth, is this true?"

The second brother yelled out every sentence and spit on my face.

If lying now can turn things around, I'd rather tell the lie to the end.

I want to say that I bought the house. I want to say that after selling the house in Yuxiangmen, I bought the current house with more money; If you are lonely, you will take care of me, and when you gradually become like-minded, you will recognize me as your godbrother; I want to say that more than half of the money that Lao Han gave to his father is my money, and I gave it to him.I want to say that the house you rent is also paid for by me.I want to say that Lao Zuo was my teacher when I was in college. He said that he liked the countryside and always said that our family is good, so he grew old; I want to say that Tian Zhenzhen is a very neurotic person...

But these arguments, even I myself feel that it is not convincing to deceive a three-year-old child.As the second elder brother who watched me grow up, he is not so stupid that he can’t tell the truth from the fake. After seeing Lao Han and Lao Zuo’s frequent abnormal contributions, especially after personally feeling Lao Han’s careful care, it’s really embarrassing for me to say these words Take the second brother as an idiot!

The second brother let go of me, and suddenly heard two "slaps", and then heard two loud slaps.

When I opened my eyes, I saw my second brother slapping my face, "We are really ashamed of our ancestors, why did you come out of our family with such an immoral and shameless bastard! We are ashamed of our ancestors, we are ashamed of our ancestors!" What about people..."

The second brother continued to slap himself in the face, his voice was hoarse, and the place on the back of his right hand that was bitten by Zhang Ergou broke free, blood spattered out, and a large drop fell into my open mouth in surprise. Salty, very salty.

"Brother—" I rushed forward and grabbed his arm, "Brother, don't hit me, hit me if you want to, I don't blame you if you kill me, just hit me..."

At this moment, I just realized that there are a few white beards on the short mustache on the corner of my second brother's mouth. He is a man of the family, and his face looks older than his actual age. He is ashamed and crazy at the moment, and he is not willing to lay down on me. The ruthless restraint really broke my heart.

The love for Lao Han, the resentment and helplessness for Zhang Ergou, the pity and fear for the second brother, the unwillingness and helplessness for being unable to control the situation, made me like a soft-legged crab with a hamstring, Kneeling at the feet of the second brother with a plop.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't make it loudly, I wanted to shout, but I couldn't, as if a fishbone stuck in my throat, I sobbed and hugged my second brother's leg, teardrops turned into threads one by one.

When I first met Lao Zuo, I didn't worry about anything. I said frivolously that I would leave him.Ever since I met Lao Han, I have always been afraid of being separated. The longer I get along with Lao Han, the more I am afraid. This kind of worry makes me panic all day long.

Maybe the second brother has been unwilling to believe that all this is true.He expects me to have enough reasons to deny Zhang Ergou's words, but he may know in his heart that it is self-deception.

The second brother stopped, his face flushed, he suddenly stopped, looked at me, pulled my hands away, raised his leg, and kicked me in the chest.

With a "poof", a sticky thing spurted out with an uncontrollable heat flow, and I fell back to the ground.

"Get out of here, I don't want to see you again! There is no such thing as you in our Hong family!"

The second brother stopped looking at me, shook his hand and walked away.

The pain in my heart made me gasp for breath. I put my left elbow on the ground and stretched out my palms. I sat up with support, and there was still a little bit of sticky stuff coming out of my mouth.

Reluctantly getting up, I leaned against the wall by the side of the road, unable to lean on it, and fell to the ground again.

Looking at the clear blue sky, gasping for breath, my chest hurting, but I smiled.

Second brother hit me, I deserve it, I don't feel ashamed.The second brother can't understand my feelings. He hopes that I will go on in a normal marriage relationship in this world. His hope is not wrong. It is me who is wrong. The wrong thing is that I love Lao Han. The wrong thing is that Lao Han also likes me. .

I should really laugh!Don't you always worry about others knowing?Well now, now that I know everything, I no longer have to worry about it, but feel relaxed.

But, from now on, where can I go?Can I still go back to my hometown in Hua County?Can I go back to Lao Han?It's so funny that I have nowhere to go!

You can no longer sit here with blood stains on your face and dusty body, and people will gossip when they see it, that would be too embarrassing for Lao Han.

Staggering up to the car, I took off my coat, crumpled it up and threw it to the side of the road.

"Didi-didi-didi-", the phone rang muffledly, and the phone was in the pocket of the coat that he had just taken off.

Frozen for a few seconds, I turned around.Whoever the call is from, it doesn't mean anything to me now.

There are several bottles of mineral water on the back seat of the car.Unscrew it, and pour it down the top of my head, bottle after bottle of water, warm, gurgling my head and face.Grabbing a towel from the front desk, I wiped the blood off my face.

Even if I die, let me go clean. I can’t stand by the Naihe Bridge like a beggar. When Lao Han comes back decades later, Lao Han will not recognize me.

I can't stay here anymore, although there are no people on this road now, there will still be people passing by.

Patting the dirt on the top of my jeans, I closed the car door and threw the key, and walked towards Fengcheng intersection.

After a few steps, a brand new BYD taxi slowly drove over.When I got in the car, the fat driver with a beard gave me a look: "Handsome guy, where are you going?"

Hold!I feel like a dog, and you still call me a handsome guy?Touching the swollen cheeks, squeezed out a few words: "Train station!"

The car turned around in the open space ahead and headed south all the way.

Leaning back in the chair, the broadcast of Xi'an Traffic Music Station was playing in the car, and a song filled the whole car.

leaves are wings that cannot fly

Wings are leaves that fall in the sky

Heaven should not be a delusion

It's just that I've already forgotten

How did you start flying

Loneliness is a person's carnival

Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people

The original beginning of love is companionship

But I also gradually forget

How was it accompanied by someone

……

Just where did my heart go

I can't even see myself

I think

I'm not just losing you

Tears, could not stop pouring down again.The pain does not only come from my body, there is a kind of pain that has never been seen in this life, which is constantly coming together, like a raging tide, one wave has not stopped, and another wave of higher water carries bitterness, and it goes on and on Coming to me.

Ah Sang's loneliness is like a sea without people under the moonlight, like a vast sky without a moon, but what about my loneliness at this moment?

Where am I going, I don't even know myself.

After I was like a dog that lost its home, I was no longer as simple as just losing Old Han.