dance like a butterfly

I know that I have been living in a deep inferiority complex.

Even though I have a relatively low degree of education, even though my appearance is not inferior to others, even though I now have a lot of income, but what about these?I-I also know that the inferiority complex only stems from the fact that I am a child who came out of the countryside, and it also stems from the fact that I like men!Many times, I even feel like a thief, dodging the scrutiny of others who want to shoot into my heart, and spend my youth among those "orthodox" people forever with a feeling of being dependent on others.I haven't even learned how to protect myself. I can't even protect my little self-esteem. I can only wash the filthy wound with tears after crying in the corner alone like today!

After living for 26 years, from the very beginning, no one taught me to live by an emotional law.No one ever said that a man must find a woman to live his whole life!More than ten years of school life and years of family education have only taught me how to make a living in this society, taught me how to be kind to others, taught me how to cling to a kind of persistence, insist on not occupying Take advantage of others, insist on being an upright person.I never wonder if this is childish or ridiculous.My paranoia and a little nervousness grew like a small bean sprout.Many of my childhood friends either became parents prematurely, or lived in a piece of yellow land where the sun rose and went to sunset, or earned 80 yuan a day in the provincial capital’s marketplace.I haven’t been in touch with my classmates in college for a long time. I just occasionally heard that someone among them started a company and soared into the sky, and I also heard that someone’s official career was prosperous in a certain government agency relying on nepotism.But these have nothing to do with me.I have no ambitions, I'm just a little bird.I just want to live my whole life silently and unknowingly in a certain corner of the city.I'm not a money addict, and I'm not interested in politics. I just know that I'm an out-and-out gay man. I can't prove that I will be gay in the last life or the next life, but, deep down, I'm deeply fascinated by men. I deeply understand that in this life, I only live for one man, I must find this man, I must find my old Han!

The more ruthless Tian Zhenzhen is to me, the more I am deeply grateful and infatuated with Lao Han for treating me like a relative.

I washed my face with cold water in the bathroom, and in a trance, everything that happened was like a dream.All of this, if only a dream!However, in my life, I have fallen too deep on this road, I can't turn back, I have fallen in love with Lao Han hopelessly, what can I do in a daze?I still have to follow the inertia all the way!When I think of Lao Zuo, my heart hurts and I bleed. When I think of Tian Zhenzhen, I can't feel any hatred for her. When I think of Lao Han, I feel infinite tenderness from the bottom of my heart.

Like a thunderstorm on a summer evening that relieves the unbearable heat, after crying, my mood is much calmer.

I took a closer look at the face that Tian Zhenzhen had just slapped in front of the mirror, and it was only for the first time that I began to carefully look at the marks on my face.

Lao Han was right, this not-very-obvious imprint is really like a butterfly's wing.

It was the size of a dollar coin and slightly darker than the rest of the cheek.It's like who deliberately tattooed it a little delicately, carefully discerning, there are still some lines in the period, the butterfly wings seem to be full of strength, ready to fly away at any time.

The person in the mirror, with black shiny steel wire-like hair, is stunned, with handsome and slightly thin cheeks, a bright forehead, a high nose, and a pair of lips that are really sexy, but those eyes Looking at me, at the moment, it is extremely melancholy and empty.Just as Lao Zuo said, the butterfly wing imprint on the left cheek seemed to make this person look several years older!I know it's the face, and if it's another ten years, I'll fall in love with it myself, it's so haunting, that's how it attracts a person's attention.

Only then did I deeply understand what such a face means to a person's life.

Like a narcissistic butterfly, I looked at the face in the mirror, and I became confused again. If I didn't have this face, would I be so entangled with Lao Zuo in my life?If I didn't have this face, would Lao Han really like me?Tian Zhenzhen was first surprised, then annoyed, finally hated, and finally wished that I would die, oh, what a harm!

I sigh and shake my head.No matter what I think now, isn't life going on as usual?If I was only worried about harming Han Mei and Han Hao, it would be too much to worry about now. Now that the road ahead is darkened, I will walk carefully first, isn't Lao Han waiting for me at home?

Thinking of Lao Han, my heart warmed up again.

Take a taxi to Kaiyuan Commercial Building.I was thinking about buying something for the two children.

Thinking of the two children who have been growing up in the emotional disharmony of their parents, I feel very uncomfortable.I'm not a woman, and I can't give my children something like a mother's love. In the future, I know that I should give them more care, so that they can trust me and rely on me from the bottom of their hearts.When I was with Han Hao before, this kid didn't have the slightest dislike for me.But I'm really not that big of a deal with Han Mei. Could it be that she has such a secret mind that she didn't have the slightest awareness of why I suddenly got so close to Lao Han?Thinking of this, I suddenly wanted to see her shrewd eyes looking at me, and I couldn't help but feel guilty, the soles of my feet were floating, and my palms were sweating.

I don't know what to give to please a girl like Meimei.Thinking of trying to please someone, I felt like doing something shameful, and for a while, I blushed.

Lingering in front of the jewelry counter, looking down at a jadeite pendant.It was a green and white butterfly, very well made, and the color was crystal clear.Anyone who sees such a thing will like it.

"Handsome guy, what are you looking at?" Suddenly, a voice came straight over.

The voice was relatively unfamiliar, and I didn't look up.

"Hi, Han Jun's brother! What about you!", the man raised his voice.

This made me have to look up.

The person in front of me was about the same age as me, not too tall, with rather handsome features, and a pair of talking eyes.Look at the affectation in the smile on the corners of his eyes and brows.I feel a little disgusted with him.

"Sorry, I don't know you!" With his eyes, I could see who he was.

"Handsome guy, I didn't know him before, but now I know him?" He laughed again, very charmingly.

I really hate such a man who is neither male nor female, but also has a flattering face!I'm going to walk away and ignore him.

"Don't go, it doesn't matter if you don't want to know me, there is someone you must know!" He resentfully pointed behind me.

Looking back.On a chair for customers to rest next to the big pillar, a hale and hearty old man smiled and nodded to me.

I was surprised, isn't this the old man who visited Lao Han during his hospitalization?Although I have only met him once, I still have a deep impression on him as a kind of deep doubt.

Seeing me looking at him, the old man simply stood up, waved to me, and beckoned me to go over.

I have never heard Lao Han say anything about this old man, so I am still very curious about him.Even though the young man who talked to me just now is no longer the one who accompanied the old man to the hospital to see Lao Han, and even though I was surprised that the old man was so bold and so eye-catching in public, I still respect him He walked over, after all, he was an old man.

"Xiaohui, is Han Jun okay now?" The old man smiled and motioned for me to sit on the chair next to him.

"Him? Very good. Do you know my name?" I was surprised that the old man knew my name was Xiaohui!

"Are you all right? I heard that you had an accident in Hubei some time ago! I was also very worried at the time."

The old man smiled and didn't answer my question. On the contrary, he said something that surprised me even more.

"It's okay, thank you for thinking about it!"

I can see that he is used to a superior attitude, he doesn't like to answer other people's questions, he only cares about his own problems.I don't know where he got this information from me, and I'm terrified of what he knows.

"Xiao Tang, go, wrap up that thing that Xiao Hui saw!"

The old man gave instructions to the person next to me who spoke to me.

I was not sure for a while, who the old man was going to give the things I had seen.It's hard to say anything, I stood there awkwardly, and to be honest, I don't want to stay here anymore.

"Sit down, don't you mind talking to me, an old man?".The old man laughed, his voice soft and commanding, though he was very polite.

"No, let's talk about it later." I don't want to stay too long with people like Xiao Tang in such a crowded commercial building, although I have always been curious about the relationship between the old man and Lao Han.

"You child!" The old man's face became a little excited. "Why do you have the same temper as Han Jun, so direct! If old Han was more sensible when he was young, would he be able to become such a poor village chief now? Who is he looking for!"

The old man's words caught my attention.I noticed his expression, his eyes were a little blurred.It seemed that what I said suddenly brought me back to the distant past.

Like many people, I am very eager to know about Lao Han's past, especially what kind of relationship I had with this old man.However, Lao Han kept his mouth shut in front of me, and I expected the old man to say these things again.However, I really don't have time today, and besides, this is not the place to talk.

The old man seemed to realize his gaffe suddenly, and immediately smiled kindly again: "Xiaohui, what's wrong with you today? Look at your listless look!"

"Really?", forcing a smile.

I have a hunch that with an old man like this, it's hard for me to get him to talk when he's not about to say anything.

"I have to go, really, it's getting late."

"Oh?" The old man's face became displeased, but he couldn't hide his excitement, "Okay then, I'll give you a call and contact me when I'm free!"

The old man fumbled in his jacket pocket, took out a business card, and handed it to me.

I had to pick it up with both hands.

"No, take this!" At some point, Xiao Tang reached out and handed me a box.

I glanced at the old man, "I can't have it!"

Xiao Tang laughed: "You have to take it. The things my godfather sent out have never been taken back! Also, he has never given anything like this to anyone!"

"You can go back and ask, how did your old Han get demobilized?"

Even though the old man was smiling, that smile made me extremely uncomfortable.It was coercion, yes, the triumph of coercion.

I had to take it over.I smiled, pocketed my things, gave them a nod, and hurried away.

Kaiyuan Commercial Building is next to the most prosperous Bell Tower in Xi'an. Just as he walked to the street, the phone rang suddenly. It was Lao Han.

"Xiaohui, Meimei is back, why haven't you come?"

"Really? Is Haohao back?"

"I'm back too, I'm missing you." Old Han laughed.

My heart warms up.

The streets were full of pedestrians.While answering the phone, someone touches me from time to time.

After waiting for a long time, I finally waited for a taxi.

After passing the north gate, I remembered the box and business card the old man gave me just now.I'm going to throw that box out the window, no matter how valuable its contents!This thing, to me, is really an ugly prickly pear.

However, I should really look at that business card, at least I can know who this old man is and what he does.

However, I touched my pocket, only to find that the pocket where I put the box was empty, not to mention the business card, it didn't even feel like I had filled it.