dance like a butterfly

For three days in a row, my phone rang from time to time, but none of the calls came from Lao Han, not even Lao Zuo called me once.

It’s like, it’s as if in my life, during this period of time, I didn’t know a person surnamed Zuo and a person surnamed Han at all, as if the time we knew each other was a vacuum of life itself.

I haven't been out of the house for the past few days, and I just do this and that for my father in a dull manner: wipe his face, wash his feet, pour the chamber pot, and pick up the stool.

The winter sun dazzled my eyes brightly.

There is that thin mist lingering outside the door.

There is morning hoarfrost to decorate the morning of this hometown.

During the day, the eyes can move from one side to the other, and those thoughts that are forcibly squeezed in the heart can't be raised.

But at night, on the warm earthen kang, under the thick quilt, when you unconsciously touch your own body, those passions with Lao Han, like a torrent breaking through the sluice, are submerged in an instant me.

I just remembered so clearly:

My lips were kissed by Lao Han—the kiss was so deep and lingering.

I dare not think of Lao Han again at night. When I think of him, my heart is like a cat scratching, because I think of Lao Han's gentleness.

I dare not think of Lao Han again at night. When I think of him, I think of that trip to Ningxia, the sunset in the desert we have seen, and the reed flowers flying all over the sky in Shahu.

I dare not think of Lao Han again at night. Thinking of him is like remembering the words he once said that we will never be separated until we are old——I have been looking forward to these words for a long, long time.

Old Han, you evil thief!

The infatuation and anxiety in my heart, unwillingness and disappointment, repeated entanglement, rising and falling, made me like a trapped animal, unable to sleep all night.

I took out the phone and wanted to call Old Han to ask him where he was, what he was doing, if there was a newcomer laughing, and I forgot that the old man was crying.After dialing the number, just when I was about to press the send-fire button, suddenly, that man called Zizhi pressed my hand and said, "Xiaohui, what are you doing? Why are you so cheap? People compare me to me." You are so much older, don’t people go back and forth to think about things? If they still care about you, will they treat you so arrogantly? If they care about you, what things won’t let you? You will be cheap! I don’t want you anymore, why do you still call people? Is there no one who wants you? Are all the good men in the world dead? "

So he threw away the phone, gritted his teeth, covered his head with a quilt, and dared not make a sound, letting tears flow freely and horizontally in a small dark and stuffy space.

When the day was about to break, the big rooster in the chicken coop came out, flew to the wall of the yard, stretched its neck and started crowing again and again, I thought, maybe Old Han is sleeping soundly?When we were together before, he always hugged me, but now that I'm not with him, will he toss and turn when he sleeps alone at night?Will you kick the quilt?It's getting cold day by day, so don't catch a cold at night.Usually he likes to drink a little wine, but in the few days when I'm not here, he won't drink out all night, right?Do you not eat breakfast at all in the morning?Alcohol penetrates the intestines, without food barrier, how can the stomach and intestines stand it in the long run?As I was thinking about it, my heart ached, so I picked up the phone again, and when I finished dialing the number, just when I was about to press the launch button, suddenly, another person called Ziai pressed my hand and said, "You are the only kind person in the world. Who loves you? If someone loves you, can they hit you so hard? You grow up so big, you pinch your fingers to count, who ever hit you cruelly? Did your classmate or teacher ever hit you? Your parents Your brother, your sister-in-law, your neighbor, your client, your colleague, let alone such a hard two slaps, who ever touched your finger?"

Throwing away the phone again, in a hurry, he slapped himself on the face.

Three days passed like this, and the life was muddled, with no soul to return to.

When I was feeding the pigs for my father, I saw two old sows in the pigsty fighting each other for food, so I impatiently raised the short cudgel for stirring the food, and knocked this one and the other: "What are you fighting for? What are you fighting for? Don’t you know how to engage in unity? Don’t you know that you should make room for each other?”

A black rooster with a big red crown and a high tail led its group of wives and concubines to swagger in the yard.Sometimes they peck at one, and at other times they dote on that without avoiding it, making the whole yard full of rattles and rattles.When I got to the door, I grabbed a corn cob from the wall and threw it over. I cursed: "Stop for a while!", and the chickens scattered in shock.When they saw something to eat, they flapped their wings and ran over to fight for it, making it very lively.

When I came out again in a while, the chickens made puddles of chicken manure all over the yard, so disgusting.

Anyway, I had nothing to do, so I found a shovel and slowly cleaned it up.

People say that chickens don't pee, things have their own way.

That's right, Lao Han, you're cruel!It's not that I, Xiaohui, are so bad that no one wants them. If you leave the one in red, find another one in green!

Old Han, you are a thief without a conscience!

The mind is so unstable, like a flame swaying in the wind.

The only thing that can give me comfort is that my father's body has shown signs of recovery.

Dad's eyes began to see things slowly.As I rub the backs of his hands, his fingers are slowly curling up and moving though still stiff.No matter how hard he tried, he could slowly lift it up.

I slowly started telling my dad jokes, little jokes about father and son.Dad started to smile with his mouth open. Although his mouth was still crooked and drooling, it was obviously much stronger than before.

On the morning of the fifth day, when my father's illness was slowly getting better, he suddenly received a call from Minister Ma of his unit, saying: "You should come to the company for a while, a customer from Xiangfan, Hubei called me , to inquire about the situation of our products. You come, let's discuss it and make a plan to see if you have to go out. Also, it has been so long, I heard that your promotion fee and sales commission have not been settled yet Woolen cloth."

The company has 10 salesmen, which are fragmented.It means that one person manages the business of several provinces, and Hubei happens to be my business area.

I hesitate.Those publicity fees and sales commissions add up to less than [-] yuan, so it won't hurt if you don't receive it for the time being.During this period of time, I have been messing with Lao Zuo and Lao Han, and I almost forgot about these things.Now that Minister Ma said it, he really felt a little up and down in his heart.In terms of business, there are many similar products on the market, and to seize the opportunity is to seize the market.However, as the saying goes, the two elders are not traveling far, not to mention that the father is sick.

The second sister-in-law said with a smile: "Xiaojun, if you have something to do, go get busy with it. Seeing that our father is recovering, don't worry, don't you still have your brother and sister-in-law!"

When my dad heard it, he squeezed my hand and said, "Baby, go get busy, 'serving someone else's bowl depends on their face'. Go get busy if you have something to do. Dad is fine, and he can't die. .Even if you are about to die, you will hold your breath until you come back.” He smiled as he spoke.

I was still worried, so I ran to the clinic and asked the doctor in the village.

The doctor came over to look at it, and said, "Judging from the current situation, the situation is very good. If you insist on taking injections and taking medicine, in another ten days, you should be able to take care of yourself."

I took out 1 yuan from my bag and gave it to my second sister-in-law.

The second sister-in-law sent me out and said: "Xiaojun, there are some things that my sister-in-law can't decide for you. You are not young anymore, use more brains about your own affairs, and don't make things difficult for yourself."

I was a little taken aback, but there was nothing I could do.

Sighing, he waved to his second sister-in-law.

Sending me to the bus station, my second brother smiled at me, watched me get in the car, saw the car started, waved, turned and left.

Xi'an, this ancient and civilized city, is now in my heart, although I still have some resistance, but it makes me have to come back again.

The person I miss, have you ever missed me as much as I missed you, after experiencing a painful struggle?