our psalms

In this world, there are many encounters, and I have comforted myself like this thousands of times.I am not the only one who was abandoned by God and became the protagonist of tragedy.In the face of many hardships, perhaps what I have experienced is not worth mentioning.This kind of deception is getting deeper and deeper, stimulating the heart. When I find that in the boundless dark world, the light is still passing by, even I no longer believe in myself.

Looking bewilderedly at the small mound of dirt on the top of the mountain, I seem to be able to hear the voice of my uncle's persuasion, go back, go back to your father's side.He can't imagine, and he will never hear me tell him the so-called truth, what the truth is, and I still don't understand it myself.I looked at the soil that covered the open-minded and ordinary body that had abandoned all desires and had no thoughts or thoughts on this land for decades. I sprinkled a few petals and stood alone on this land just like him. Can the wild flowers on this piece of land and decades of loneliness come to an end?

"Why are you crying? You can't come back from the dead. Your uncle loves you so much, and he doesn't want to see you so heartbroken after he leaves." The kind-hearted man in camouflage has been helping me to bury me Uncle Tian, ​​he still doesn't forget to comfort me. "Your accent doesn't sound like a local?"

"You go, thank you uncle!" Although I am grateful, but Uncle Tian's departure has caused my body and mind to suffer huge fluctuations, it seems that I have no energy to look at the stranger again and say gratefully Thanks.I got up and walked past the uncle's tomb, at least I could still walk, and if I walked down, it was the way.

"You call me uncle?" He was a little surprised, "How old are you?"

Obviously, I can't look like a 20-year-old, and he can't see how young I am at a glance.Or maybe he thought I was his peer.

I didn't want to say much, just walked my way, and he seemed to follow with great interest.

"Where are you going, where is your family, remember your uncle told you to go back to your father, you have to listen to him!"

"Stop talking!!!" I turned around and became angry like a lion without any warning or reason. All these sudden changes made me silent for too long, but I didn't expect that I would be so angry with a stranger. People burst out.I obviously felt that my emotions were out of control, and I lowered my voice, sorry to say that he said something: "I'm sorry."

"I'm not a bad guy!" I don't know why he thinks I'm a good guy, "I'm from the city, I'm a soldier, a military doctor. A professor at the Military Medical University, I'm here to collect some medicine, maybe you listen I don't understand what I'm talking about, but you have to believe that I won't hurt you."

"I'm not an idiot, you don't have to think I'm so mentally retarded." I continued to walk forward, the wind came out head-on, and the road down the mountain seemed rugged and long.

The military doctor also seemed to hear something from my mouth, at least he was sure that I was different from the simple or uneducated farmers here.He was more and more curious, very curious.

"Where is your home, I will take you back?"

"Don't follow me anymore please, I know you've helped me a lot, I'm really grateful, but I have nothing to express, except my life, well, I promise you, As long as you feel interested in it?"

"Haha, you have a sense of humor. You have a stubborn temper."

"Whatever you want, what do you want, this money?" I took out the big change that Uncle Tian gave me, with his blood on it, "I have nothing but this money and myself If you are not interested, then please don’t bother me anymore!!!”

"Hmm..." He thought for a moment, "I feel like a child!"

"Did I tell you I'm not a child?"

"You look like..."

"Like an uncle like you, right?" I smiled coldly, "But in fact, I'm not! I'm only 20 years old, if you believe it, please show the demeanor of an elder, don't embarrass me I'm gone, okay?"

"You're only 20 years old?" He stopped and opened his mouth wide.

I continued on my way, not surprised by his reaction at all.It's the same as Uncle Tian back then.

"Wait a minute!" He chased after him.I stood there helplessly, turned back to look at him and said, "Thought it over, do you want me or money?"

"Whatever you want, I'm not gay. I just want to help you!"

"I'm gay!" His unintentional words aroused my infinite sadness and anger, "What's wrong with homosexuality, you look down on it, right? We didn't hinder you, do you understand this feeling, no, you don't I understand, no one can understand, even if it is for him to become like this, I still have no regrets, I miss him so much, love him so much. This is unbelievable, or disgusting, right, if you think so, then never Disappear in front of me OK!!!?"

As I spoke, I approached him, and he kept stepping back, my angry face almost touching his nose.But he still didn't choose to disappear from my face, "I want to know how you became like this?" he said.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"afraid of what?"

"I'm gay?"

"What's so scary about that?"

"Don't you ordinary people despise things that violate ethics and are extremely disgusting?"

"Is your face artificial?" He obviously cared about my appearance. Although my anger gradually subsided, I still didn't have much interest in explaining to him.Turn around and continue walking forward.

"Maybe there is still salvation!!" he cried.

"Is there still salvation?" I stopped again, this time, I looked at him eagerly, "What you said is true?"

"Did you forget? I'm a doctor!" he said, "I'd like to know what can make a person's face age so badly."

"A drug, maybe a drug," I said.

"Drugs? Why are you trying..." Before he finished speaking, I interrupted him: "I didn't try it, maybe, I tried a person's jealousy, and it was his jealousy that destroyed I."

He obviously didn't understand what I was talking about.Looking at me in surprise, I continued, "Maybe I didn't realize how many...incredible things there are in this world, and maybe you don't even know. He is a...how should I put it, he hates me because I was with Lao Cao together, so he injected me with this stuff."

"I think you need to tell me your story completely, if you want me to help you." He looked at me seriously and said.My hands were trembling, I looked at his face, I thought of Lao Cao, if he can really make me change back to the way I was before, it doesn't matter what he wants me to do.But can I trust him?