[HP] The Tweed River flows

I was desperate to go back to the Tweed Valley, to the place I had been desperate to escape from.

There are no black veils and black carriages in memory, does this mean that she is still alive?Please, please, please!I don't care if you are Merlin or God, let me see her one last time!I took a chance, but the moment I walked through the wall, my hopes were dashed.

Suppressing the grief in my heart, I walked through the wall, not wanting to disturb anyone, but it was impossible at this time.Is she gone?The house was full of people dressed in black, and the oppressive blackness once again filled my sight.Last time this black coffin took away my favorite grandmother, this time it took my mother.

"Wait—you're—Helena!" I was recognized by my dear cousin, and there was a commotion.I walked through the crowd in embarrassment, and rushed to the second floor while they were pointing. ("Look! Is that Helena! Rowena's niece!" "How did she become a ghost?")

Impossible impossible impossible - it can't be true!

If I still had a body, if I still had feelings, I would have been dizzy and limp on the ground, but nothing happened.Because I'm already a ghost of nothingness.

The room has not changed at all, it is still the familiar blue.It was just that the four-poster bed was covered with white flowers, and she lay on the bed, covered by a white shroud.

At this point my cousin rushed into the room, panting.

"You—you—you—will you finally come back to see her?" he shouted angrily, "it's too late!"

Too late.

"You don't deserve to be her daughter at all!"

"Yes, I don't deserve it, and I don't deserve the surname Ravenclaw." I said with despair, if I was still alive, I must have burst into tears.

He stared at me bitterly, as if trying to restrain himself.It was quiet for a while.He walked to the bed and said, "Do you know that she has been waiting for you, and has been regretting that she didn't tell you. She has been insisting on waiting for you, and she is very afraid that she will not have time to see you for the last time, and she is very worried that she cannot tell you in person, but In the end, you still disappointed her. It was really sad that she left!" He said, stretching out his hand to his mother's bedside——

"No—" I screamed, I was afraid to see her, but he had already lifted the white sheet from my mother's face.

"She left a letter on the table." The cousin said coldly, then turned and left the room.

I knelt on the ground, guilt and grief raged wildly in my heart, how I wished I could shed tears, or bang my head on the ground, and use the pain to ease the sadness in my heart.

The mother lay quietly on the bed, wearing her customary blue robe.Her lily-like face was pure and flawless, as beautiful as before, and she no longer had the pain and worry brought about by life and illness.The only difference is that her face is as pale as paper, slightly thinner, and there is no healthy red anymore, and the long eyelashes are quietly drooping, covering those moving eyes forever.

No breathing, no heartbeat, no temperature, just like an object.The soul is gone, the life is gone from this beautiful body.

Eternal, utter peace and serenity.

I have thought more than once that I would give anything to disassociate myself from Rex, Harris and other "hateful" relatives, but then I realized that I would give everything if I could Let me call her "Mother" again with a clear conscience.But I haven't called her that since I was ten years old.

It took me a long time to remember the letter my mother left behind.On the desk, there was an unsealed parchment envelope with mother's handwriting on it: To H..

Has she run out of strength to write my full name?Desperately I thought, reaching for the letter, the envelope slipped right through my fingers, and another sharp moment of grief pierced my heart—I always forget that I am dead.I blew, and the envelope opened, and the letter floated out, unfolding on the table.As soon as I read the beginning, I felt that my eyes went dark for a while, my brain went blank and I almost fainted.

A storm of grief swept through the world, and a suffocating guilt raged in my chest, making me feel like I could die again at any moment.I am really unable to repeat what my mother said, so I can only attach her original letter, which is as follows.

Dear Helena:

This should be the last time I call you that, my beloved daughter, Helena.

How I wish I could tell you the truth, but I'm afraid I won't be able to wait until the day you come back.Words cannot express my guilt towards you, because I once wanted to possess you so selfishly.But please believe me anyway, we all love you, me, your father, and your mother even though I don't know her.We are all for you, hope this lie can make you grow up happily.

I have always claimed to be a person who keeps my promises, but with you, I have no credibility at all.I once promised you a birthday gift, but I forgot; I promised you countless times that I would tell you the whole truth, but this time, I will break my promise again.I'm such a loser, aren't I?

You have been asking who your father is since you were a child, but I have never mentioned the past.I keep procrastinating because I really want to keep it from you for the rest of my life.I want to trap you in a false dream, because I am also paralyzed in this lie.But as you grow older, I gradually realize that you are not me, and I don't want to choose to escape.

You don't agree with my protection, but I insist on going my own way.When you stood in front of me with your head held high at the age of 14 and asked me why you didn't have the right to know your surname, I knew that day was getting closer.But I am so afraid that you will blame me, hate me, and leave me, and I am afraid that the truth will destroy your life as it destroyed me.

I am not your biological mother.Not only do you have no father, you also have no mother.Because I left your real parents at the stake and took only you.

I wanted to take these secrets to my grave, even if you would blame me for it all my life.But when the god of death really hovered in front of me, I was finally relieved and gave up my initial persistence.Because Gerald and Raja's love for you should not be buried, and I should not continue to shamelessly impostor, but the most important thing is that you are no longer the little girl who needs to be protected, you should What to believe, what to hate, and what to abandon are all your choices, and I have no right to interfere.

So I write this letter to keep my memory, even if these past events make me extremely ashamed.I am about to leave, so I am no longer afraid of losing you; I am really ashamed of you, so it is no wonder that you hate me.But before reading these, please remember that my life has come to an end, and your life has infinite possibilities.I dare not extravagantly ask for your forgiveness, but if you exhaust your beautiful youth just to resent me, it will make me very sad.I care more about your happiness than you hate me.

I met your father in Greece.He is my Potions teacher and I am his student.He's 11 years older than me and I never knew he had a fiancée.It's that I shouldn't be in love with him.We kept a secret relationship for a while, and I could see he was conflicted, but I've never been so carried away and desperate to be with him like that.But suddenly one day, he disappeared.After inquiring about it for a long time, I found out that he left and got married.

If I hadn't met him again, maybe this love that shouldn't have existed would have ended quietly like this.But the second time I met him, it was on the execution ground where wizards were burned.Your father entrusted you to me before he died, and then died in the sea of ​​fire with your mother.Maybe I can save your family, why didn't I try my best at that time?I've never had your all-or-nothing bravery, and I've never been able to get over this stupid self-blame, even now.

So I decided to treat you as my daughter and use my strength to keep you growing up safely and healthily.

I thought I had made this decision selflessly, only to find out later that it was the most selfish act of all.I thought I was relying on rational judgment, only to find out later that this was the most impulsive choice.The reason is the same, we are not alone in this world, I underestimated your pain, and underestimated the power of the world.Probably from that moment on, it was doomed that you would leave me, but I don't know what to do to be right.This is without a doubt the greatest regret of my life, surpassing even your father's death.I regret not telling you all this sooner, but never regretting adopting you.Even if I go through it again, I will still make the same choice.

I'm selfish, even though I don't want to face it in my life.I clung to you tightly and refused to let go, and made up some self-deceiving excuses to reduce the anxiety in my heart: I am afraid that you will not be able to withstand the blow of the truth-do you still want to lose your mother when you no longer have a father?But from a realistic point of view, if it is a mother like me, maybe it is better not to have it.How despicable and shameful the idea was, I knew it, but I didn't want to face it.The diadem always reminded me of this, so I never had the courage to wear it again.No one can survive on absolute rationality.All men covet my crown, not even my daughter can resist its temptation.What people don't understand is that intelligence is also a deadly thing, because most of the world has done stupid things and won't admit it, including me.

Bless me, because at last I no longer run away.

Sorry, Helena, I'm not a good mother.

R． R．