[Zhongyingmei] dishonest love

"And I lost her so early."

"When I didn't quite understand the concept of love, I didn't even have her fully in my memory." Jane's voice gradually became unstable.She took a few deep breaths to calm down and continued to preach.

"As for Mr Lovech, as a daughter I never had him as a father, it's not fair, they say my mum died of postpartum depression and has been getting worse day by day since she gave birth, isn't he Blame me for her death? But if he loved her so much, why did he have someone else..." This is why Jane left immediately when she knew that Mr. Lovech was about to remarry. She could not be loved, but she Mother should always be remembered.

"For a long, long time, maybe a few years... I was so unhappy, it felt like I had exhausted all my happiness by the time I was five years old, I had no friends at school, and I had no friends at home. , I have no family."

"They don't like me. Grandma doesn't like my mother. Even if my mother passed away, every time I see her, I still have to endure her belittling my mother. Maybe it's because she came from a humble background, maybe it's because she and her father were in love with each other. Messed up the course of his life."

"It's as if me and mom were the mistake in my dad's life, and they resisted that mistake, from beginning to end."

Jane couldn't help but choked up and said, "Yes, after she died, I have no family. The only thing I have is my incomplete memory with her..."

The fabric on his shoulders seemed to be wet with some warm liquid. From Jenny’s snort and sobbing, it was not difficult for Tony to guess that they were tears. He listened silently, and his mood gradually calmed down. He began to share his own and Memories of parents.

"Maria likes to bake small treats, and although she's a good cook, desserts are, uh, disasters, always too sweet and burnt."

"She knits me a lot of itchy Christmas sweaters."

"At my urging, she finally switched to knitting hats." That's where the Christmas sweaters and hats come from.

"Every time I have a conflict with my dad, she is always the one who supports me."

"She never tires of reminding me how much Howard loves me even though he never cooperates."

"Father and son are natural enemies."

"I always felt like he sent me to boarding school because he was jealous that my mother loved me so much."

"He never said he loved me."

"He was always so cold and never gave me affirmation."

"God, I hated him all my teenage years."

"But he said his proudest work was ... me."

He pressed the play button again, and the man on the screen moved: "Tony, you are too young, so I recorded this for you in advance...by then you will change the world, and my greatest creation-ever It's you." That's something Howard never said to his face so much that all he could do was just lay there and watch it over and over again, and this video a few years ago inspired him to create new elements, from Palladium poisoning had saved his life, but now... if only the wounds in his heart could be expunged as easily as toxins.

"Look, you still have them, here." Jenny sat up and pointed to his head, "Also, in my heart, you are already much better than me, and you can do better."

Tony lowered his head, in his heart?Is his heart strong enough to hold his dead parents without breaking down?Whenever he thinks of that regretful last side, can he not blame himself?After seeing them being killed with his own eyes, can he be freed?

"I, I can't do it..." He bent over and gasped for breath, his head began to throb, "I tried, but I just can't, I need some medicine, it should be like this a long time ago, uh..." He held his head moan.

"Relax." Jenny patted him on the back, "You know what? Before I met you, all I knew was that you were a cynical billionaire, a brilliant genius scientist, and a man who claimed to be able to maintain the Iron man, the talkative hero of world peace... I am very proud that a small part of my genes may be the same as you. I can't believe that there is such an incredible existence in this world. To me, you are too brave and too Freedom is amazing, I look at you from afar, pay attention to you, and feel that there is no possibility in my life that I will have a relationship with you other than this thin blood."

"But I met you, I met Iron Man without the armor, and then I found out that in the armor—just a fool. You're not so... indestructible, and you're not strong enough to solve everything, you're just not Keep growing, getting better and stronger, just a dork trying desperately to try all the wrong and right ways to protect everyone. You're not perfect, but you're awesome."

"If you can't do it now, it doesn't mean you will never be able to do it. Don't be too strict with yourself. It's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to have shortcomings. You will never be alone, at least I will stand by your side. I Yes, you can." Jenny lowered her head and pressed her cheek against his back.

"There is such a paragraph in a book I have read - there is a concept in psychology called "fixation", which basically means that when a person suffers some kind of trauma, part of his personality will stay in that stage of life forever, Can't mature smoothly, can't move forward." Jane held Tony's face to herself, she tried her best to put on a smile, hoping to make him feel better, but tears were already shining in her eyes, "At this moment, I look at you , it's like I saw you at 17, the stubborn, goofy kid who knew he loved his parents but didn't say "I love you" and blamed himself for it. I guess If I were your age, we'd be best friends because we're both dumbass."

"Mr. Stark, Tony, I believe in the first part of that concept, I don't believe in the latter part."

Her vision slowly blurred due to the tears filling her eyes, Jenny held back her sobs, looked into Tony's eyes seriously and said, "Look at me, some parts of me stayed at the 5-year-old stage for several years. Long time, this part tells me that no one will love me, that I was born because of a mistake and not love. Can you believe that a small child spends all day thinking about the meaning of life? I am too lonely to know To find meaning, but because I met you - I love and love my family, every day, that part of me is moving forward, in your direction. Everything I do with you Small and trivial things, even if it’s just saying hello and exchanging eyes, I’m grateful for all of these from the bottom of my heart.”

"I'm not particularly used to sharing my inner feelings, because for me this kind of experience is very rare, almost zero... But if I say it, it must be because I think so." Tears and snot , she must look terrible.

"Sometimes, love doesn't need to be said, because you both know each other. Believe me, although you didn't say it, they just know it, just like I know you love them. This is the magic of family affection. But also Sometimes it's better for you to speak up, so, Mister Stark, speak up, and move forward, with me."

……

She shed a lot of tears, crying badly, trembling and talking in fits and starts. Anyone who didn't know would be impressed by her effort to speak clearly. Tony listened and wandered.

Frame by frame in his head, there are cutscenes. For a while, he was 17 years old, scribbling on Howard’s desk with his legs crossed. For a while, he was dragged with his head down like a doll at the funeral. Most of the time, it is the kind face of the little girl who belongs to her mother Maria. Sometimes it is a smile amused by him, and sometimes it is a helpless expression of doting on herself. The father who acts as the background board is always a cold face. Looks like, only look at the mother will show a little smile from the heart...

It took him so many years to understand Howard's pride and deep love for him, but he would never be able to talk to him face to face, and he would never be able to feel the warmth of Maria's palm again.

The stalwart figure in his heart that could never be surpassed was tortured to death with punches, and his mother, who was kind and gentle to everyone, was strangled to death by cold palms.

Why is he so stupid, so stubborn? !Why did he leave such a sorry farewell? !Why is that their last...

Tony gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, and a moan escaped from his throat—if he knew, if he knew that it was the last time he saw them in real life... The sore feeling in his nasal cavity continued to spread upwards, and there were countless threads of pain in his heart. Painful, the corners of his mouth twitched, and his throat seemed to be blocked by something.

God knows he loves a burnt, overly sweet biscuit more than any good food, and he would give anything to get the person who burned the biscuit and her husband home.

"No..." He needed this pain to remind him of the mistakes he made, and he didn't deserve to forget.

"Please, tell me. Let it pass, but don't let it disappear." Tears wiped and flowed down again, and in the eyes blurred by tears, Jane could no longer see Mr. Stark's expression clearly, but she knew that he must Still like a child who has done something wrong and doesn't know what to do, sad and helpless, "Please believe me, they know, the person who needs to know now is you."

"They...know?" Tony took a little effort to keep his voice from rising to the point of crying. This action forced him to raise his eyebrows and open his eyes as much as possible. The expression on his face was distorted and weird. Now he understands why Jane had to use such a strange expression when she spoke, because it was really difficult to hold back tears, but no matter how difficult it was, he had to ask, and he wanted to hear the answer from this child—from this child who had a similar experience but walked faster than himself. out of the child's mouth.

Jane covered her mouth, and more tears rushed down in an instant, she nodded desperately: "Yes, they can't come back, but, they know..."

The next moment she was pulled into his arms by Tony, and a child-like cry sounded in her ears, and she heard Tony's earnest and forceful words separated from the wailing—"I love you, I love you ..." Convey it, even after decades of time and thoughts, let him believe that this belated confession will be passed on to them.And, at this very moment, to you, my family.

He hugged the person in his arms tighter, and wept more and more.

That rebellious big boy who will never be in shape in front of his father held the thin little hand extended by the little girl. After a silent exchange of sight, the two figures, one big and one small, walked forward slowly with one foot deep and one foot shallow. ...

As she said, let it pass, but don't let it disappear. He may not be able to do it in a short time, but he can at least believe that with Jane's company, the self who can't move forward will probably be able to move forward bit by bit. Go ahead.

It's great to have you here.

He was lucky to meet her and have her as family.

……