desensitization therapy

The dense dark clouds pressed down.

The red bougainvillea outside the window was slightly submerged by the thin gray typhoon, almost uprooted and buried in the puddle, turning into mud and soil, leaving only a dark blue stain.

There was no light on in the room.Song Feijue stood on the balcony and looked down. Outside the window, there was clearly a cloud of fog that would not dissipate. His fingers rested on the cigarette case, but he did not move for a long time.

The wall clock on the back silently points to the position of five minutes past ten, about an hour has passed since the sudden power outage.

He threw the lighter and the cigarette case on the table. The cigarette case was very light and slid down the corner of the table without a sound.

The screen of the mobile phone on the bed was turned on, and in a small white notification bar, Jiang Xu asked Qiu Yun in the group when she could call, and they were still waiting to wash up.

Song Feijue glanced at it, and looked away disinterestedly.

He walked to the door, pressed the handle and pulled the door open, feeling the warm velvet touch against the back of his hand, then pried open his tightly held palm, and grabbed his fingers.

"Here we come." Fang Zhilian looked up at him.

Song Feijue lowered his eyes and looked at Fang Zhilian with the same look.

Fang Zhilian looked sleepy, as if he was going to fall asleep at any moment, but he didn't, but looked at Song Feijue with calm and familiar eyes.

"Are you real?"

Fang Zhilian blinked, her fluffy hair rubbing against Song Feijue's palm.

He looked very wrong, as if he was drunk, a little less timid, a little more comfortable, but his eyes were still clear and clear.

Song Feijue didn't speak.But Fang Zhilian seemed to be used to it, he stood up and touched those dark eyes, nose bridge, and earlobes, and said to himself with certainty: "Fake."

What he wants has never been blindly good, but morbidly and swayingly looking for the joy of losing and regaining.

The corridor was very dark, only the green signs for emergency escape were dimly lit.Song Feijue could see clearly that Fang Zhilian's wet eyelashes, like the outline of water plants in a pond, were entangled and scratched a certain part of something.

He has changed his mind.

Song Feijue didn't close the door, so Fang Zhilian consciously followed him into the room.

The good thing about puppies is that they are always more clever than cats, which is a natural way to please people.Fang Zhilian didn't step on the carpet to come in. He squatted at the door, looking at Song Feijue pitifully, as if he was waiting for permission to enter.

"Can I come in?" Fang Zhilian finally couldn't help asking.

"En." Song Feijue's tone was not very clear.

"Thank you." Fang Zhilian was quite polite, took off his shoes, rolled up his trousers, and stepped on the carpet carefully.

Song Feijue glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, only to realize that he was barefoot, his trousers got wet at some point, and his jacket didn't show any signs of getting wet.

"Are you ready to go out just now?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't it come out?"

This time Song Feijue didn't answer, he said, "I thought I made it very clear just now."

"Ah," Fang Zhilian nodded blankly, but his eyes didn't seem to understand. He seemed to be afraid that Song Feijue would think he was perfunctory, so he added, "But I regret it."

"What are you regretting?" Song Feijue asked casually, "Do you promise not to break up?"

Fang Zhilian seemed to be taken aback for a moment, and didn't fully understand what he meant, but just shook his head: "What I regret is that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't love you more."

Song Feijue paused for two seconds.

This time he raised his eyes and really looked back at Fang Zhilian.

The temperature of the air conditioner was turned on very high, Fang Zhilian walked towards Song Feijue slowly step by step, looking up at him as if looking at a towering tower.The tower can be seen but cannot be touched, but as long as he is still there, Fang Zhilian can't help but feel a little bit of hope like a castle in the air.

"Hold me," Fang Zhilian's knees were bent on the carpet, his face was still innocent like a deer's eyes, "kiss me."

……

……

……

The vague smell of mint leaves left, Fang Zhilian opened his eyes blankly, and saw Song Feijue standing up neatly, wiping his hands with a paper towel slowly.

"I don't know," Fang Zhilian's voice was a little hoarse. He couldn't figure out why this time was different from every time. It was as good as a dream and as bad as a dream. "Why is it different?"

Song Feijue ignored Fang Zhilian's nonsense, the sticky feeling on the back of his hand was still there, and he couldn't rub it off.He simply gave up and turned around to go out to wash his hands.

But Fang Zhilian stopped him nervously: "Where are you going?"

Song Feijue looked back sideways, and shook his fingers together, the meaning couldn't be more obvious.

He pressed down the doorknob, and just as he opened the door, he was suddenly hooped by a rushing force from behind.

Fang Zhilian hugged Song Feijue very hard. He didn't know where his courage came from, so he could only shake his head constantly: "Don't go."

Song Feijue didn't move, so Fang Zhilian pulled his clothes in a random way: "I'll bite it out for you..."

But Song Feijue just raised his arm and avoided it.

"You can take revenge on me any way you want," Fang Zhilian was a little panicked, he was talking in his sleep, and grabbed Song Feijue's sleeve unexpectedly, "Don't go looking for someone else."

Song Feijue turned around with a cold expression that Fang Zhilian couldn't understand.

"Revenge on you?" he asked.

The distance between them is very close, as long as one raises his head, or one lowers his head.Fang Zhilian put his arms around Song Feijue's shoulders, and for the first time felt the urge to avoid Song Feijue's gaze, which was like a trial, silently torturing him.

"Have you ever loved me, have you ever liked me?" Fang Zhilian wanted to smile with his eyes bent, pretending to be indifferent, but in fact it was him who laughed clumsily, even the ending They were all trembling, "Even a little bit, it has nothing to do with revenge."

Fang Zhilian waited for a long time, and he heard Song Feijue smile.

"No." Song Feijue said.

Fang Zhilian raised his eyes in a daze, and he saw the person in front of him who was always cold-hearted and cold-hearted staring at him with those straight eyes, and the smile on the corner of his mouth seemed to be mocking someone he didn't know.

Song Feijue stepped forward and repeated again: "No."

But in the next second, Song Feijue suddenly grabbed his neck.Fang Zhilian slammed his back against the wall, hard and painful.

But Fang Zhilian didn't hide.

His lips were bitten, and the bitter fishy smell floated in the small space like a feather.

Fang Zhilian endured the pain, stood on tiptoe, and rubbed his nose nostalgicly against his chin.

Song Feijue stopped suddenly, raised the back of his hand, and wiped the blood off Fang Zhilian's lips vigorously.

The shaking incandescent lights on the roof finally came on.

The day after the typhoon was sunny, the sky was bright with fish-belly white and glaze blue, and the fog that had been gathering for several days also slowly dissipated.

Linyudao Wharf, which had been out of service for a long time, finally became lively for a while, and in the afternoon, it returned to its former calm.

Qiu Yun bought a pack of shisha from the grocery store, and as soon as she came out, she saw Fang Zhilian squatting in a daze facing the ferry. She walked over and asked casually, "Little friend, do you smoke?"

"I don't know how to smoke," Fang Zhilian probably didn't expect anyone to come, he shook his head hesitantly, and said in a good voice, "I'm already 26."

"26? Isn't it just a child." Qiu Yun said disapprovingly.

Fang Zhilian picked up a branch from nowhere, drew a circle on the ground, and asked nonchalantly, "Then how old are you?"

Qiu Yun smiled: "Has no one told you that a woman's age is a secret, you can't say it."

Fang Zhilian let out an "oh" and said nothing.

Qiu Yun finished smoking that cigarette, stood up, and patted the wrinkled skirt because of squatting down. She didn't look at Fang Zhilian, but she clearly said to him: "Go back early, don't worry about it." It’s okay to jump into the sea to die for love, and think about whether everything is worth it.”

Fang Zhilian didn't refute: "Why do you say I died for love?"

"Everyone has regrets. I've seen it a lot, don't you know?" Qiu Yun raised her eyebrows, and then changed the subject, "We should build more fences here to reduce potential safety hazards."

Fang Zhilian also rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Yeah," he said, "how many people, like me, want to jump when they see it."

This time it was Qiu Yun's turn to keep silent.

After a long silence, Fang Zhilian said: "From then on, I often feel that my life is made up of one choice after another. There is no absolute right or wrong, but only leading to different regrets."

Complicated medication, imaginary horror, every time Fang Zhilian thinks of Song Feijue, it's like injecting allergens into his body with his own hands.He caressed his empty wrist, and under his long sleeves were his unbearable past eight years.

"Actually, sometimes I'm more rational and wonder if separation is a better choice for us all. He will live a completely different life in a different place."

Qiu Yun seemed to be interested: "So, are you thinking about it?"

Fang Zhilian said to himself, "Want to open?"

He rubbed the medicine box in his hand, it was empty, and the last one was just finished last night.

Many people say that it's good to think about it, but Fang Zhilian is always wondering what to call it?It's like putting a jigsaw puzzle back into place. If you do it right, you won't be sad, but you won't be happy either.

"If the broad meaning of wanting to open is like this," Fang Zhilian replied speciously, "then I probably haven't thought about opening."

"As long as there is still a bit of determination to warm him up, I can't let go." He said.

If Song Feijue is a ship destined to sail long distances, then he is the anchor for Song Feijue.

The expression on Qiu Yun's face was very astonished, she seemed to be in a daze for a long time, and finally she shook her head with a dumbfounded smile.She didn't judge right, let alone wrong, but lit a hookah and handed it over again.

Fang Zhilian took it.This time he really passed his lungs, and the smoke was lingering in front of his eyes. Holding the remaining half of the cigarette, he couldn't stop coughing.

The grocery store was playing Yang Zongwei's song in a loop, and it happened to sing the line "I have made so many changes, just to keep my heart unchanged, and I will love you silently, whether I meet you or not".

Whether we meet or not.

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