silver sea

2017, December, Yawan.

In the hotel corridor near the sea, Wen Youxia glanced at the fluffy bed, turned off the light, and gently locked the door.

Three hours ago, Qiu Sheng held him until he regained his senses while weeping silently; two hours ago, he hugged Qiu Sheng and said he would never leave; half an hour ago, he took Qiu Sheng with him Back at the hotel, he washed Qiu Sheng's face with a hot towel, hugged him on the bed and fell asleep, with a buzzing sound in his head.

Wen Youxia wanted to be quiet, the carpet easily eliminated the sound of footsteps, he walked to the special smoking room around the corner, opened the door but saw a familiar person standing inside.

"Gu Qi?" Wen Youxia froze for a moment, taking out the lighter was a beat slower.

The man standing inside was smoking a cigarette, and after meeting Wen Youxia's eyes, he handed over his lighter.Wen Youxia thanked her, closed the door, stood next to Gu Qi to light a cigarette, and took a puff. The smoke was lingering, and they agreed not to mention what happened tonight.

Wen Youxia is used to being silent but Gu Qi can't, the newly lit cigarette burns to one-third, Gu Qi couldn't help asking: "Did you sleep?"

Wen Youxia nodded, "I'm tired."

"That's fine," Gu Qi said vaguely while biting on the cigarette, "If you vent your emotions, at least you can have a good night's rest."

Wen Youxia felt the familiarity he missed in Gu Qi's words, and asked in distaste: "Qiu...what's the matter? I don't remember it being like this before..."

"He didn't let me say it because he didn't want to use this blog to sympathize with others." Gu Qi scratched at her hair, "But I think...you should know, otherwise even if you get away with it this time, next time, next time... Next time I get sick again, I don't want to find some excuses for him."

"How could it be so serious?" Wen Youxia asked.

Gu Qi took a puff of cigarette, raised his head and vomited in circles, and after a while he said, "Actually, I didn't take it seriously at first. After all, when we met, Qiu Sheng went to the hospital regularly to get and take medicine. He It has always been like that, emotional ups and downs, easy to be nervous, always overdrawn with worries about the future... It's also because we didn't take it to heart, otherwise maybe... After you left, Qiu Sheng remained in a stable state for a long time, he It seemed 'normal', I don't know, thinking now, he should have been pressing since then."

"It's like a spring, it bounces back after a slack, I know it." Wen Youxia said, rubbing his face annoyed.

Gu Qi didn't know why and smiled: "That's right, so the time he 'rebounded' was when we arrived in Pingzhou in the middle of the tour, and the result was similar to Luyang. Probably because there are too many memories of Qiu Sheng in that place. , he couldn’t control it. We performed so badly that day that we almost got refunded on the spot.”

Wen Youxia lowered his head, it was hard for him to imagine that scene, but he also felt how much it hit Qiu Sheng who was perfect and supreme.

Gu Qi continued: "Our bass player was hired outside later, and few of you played the bass line well. By the time we got to that show, half a year had passed, and everyone got along so well. There was no shortage of arguments with Qiu Sheng. We agreed to perform "Respect for Freedom", but Qiu Sheng simply played the bass by himself and hired an outsider as the rhythm guitar. There was not much rehearsal, and "Respect for Freedom" could not be performed."

Wen Youxia was in a stalemate for a moment while smoking, and he thought: It was the time when it was said on the Internet that Qiu Sheng was not in good condition.

"The performance was finally over, and we didn't care that Encore was retreating...Qiu Sheng suddenly said, 'My pick fell off'." Thinking of this, Gu Qi had painful memories welling up on the tip of his tongue, and his voice was in his mouth A trace of bitterness, "I was thinking that you didn't use a pick when you played the bass. What's the matter? When I turned around, his expression was very bad. I was startled and quickly gestured to Sister Wang to turn off the lights in the livehouse. Take Qiu Sheng backstage...

"He...covered his left hand, said 'broken', and repeated it several times. I didn't know what to do. I asked him what was broken, and he stretched out his hand and looked at me... Xiao Lu, Sister Wang and I, we Watching him together, Xiao Lu asked if he should call an ambulance, Qiu Sheng shook his head and said that he would be fine soon. After a while, a staff member came over with a string and asked if it belonged to Qiu Sheng. , the eyes immediately went wrong, staring at the staff member, or Wang Jie blocked him, and handed the thing to Qiu Sheng. He grabbed it and touched it from one end to the other... Then he couldn't breathe, and wept uncontrollably, His body was trembling... I had never seen him like that before, and the comfort was completely useless, maybe it wasn't me or any of us that he really needed.

"That chain... It's been too long and I can't remember it. It was broken strangely, and a bell hanging on it almost fell off. Qiu Sheng said that there was a pick on it, and he must find that pick. His state at that time we How could it be possible for him to look for it? I said, 'I'll help you find it.' While the audience was gone, I groped the performance hall inch by inch with the cleaner, but I didn't see anything like a pick. Someone should have taken advantage of the chaos to pick it up.

"I was still thinking about how to deal with Qiu Sheng. Xiao Lu came over and told me to take a look at Qiu Sheng while calling the ambulance. I..."

Gu Qi choked up for a moment, he pressed a cigarette butt on the stone and crushed it again and again, after thinking for a long time, he saw that Youxia was always keeping a sideways posture towards him, and smiled wryly: "Are you still listening?"

The fingers holding the cigarette moved, Wen Youxia's lips parted slightly, she was speechless for a moment, but nodded.

Gu Qi said: "Okay, originally I planned to tell you everything, you should be mentally prepared."

"After I went back, I saw...Qiu Sheng's hands were covered in blood. I don't know how he did it. Under the noses of Sister Wang and Xiao Lu, he cut himself with the broken string and wounded everywhere... He kept his head down, sobbing softly, calling...calling your name.

"Xiao Lu couldn't listen to it at that time, scolded you are sick, others left, and ran out of the door angrily. But no matter what we said, Qiu Sheng seemed to be inaudible, he was in his own world, only calling you, Said he was wrong, and told you not to leave—you know, Wen Xia, I really hated you that day, seeing Qiu Sheng like that, I was thinking that if I could see you again in this life, I would definitely rush to kill you first Kick my foot to mend it and give you a few more punches—but, I understand that these are useless, all I can do is to take care of Qiu Sheng as much as possible, as for how far he thinks my friend can go, that is his responsibility thing.

"Only once in a while, when I saw Qiu Sheng's absent-minded appearance, I also thought, it would be great if Wen Xia was here.

"We sent Qiu Sheng to the hospital and treated the injury on his hand in the emergency department. Qiu Sheng struggled and refused to be touched by others, so the doctor gave him a sedative and asked if he had any relevant medical history. The doctor, but because... because of some things, it was interrupted. After being informed, the doctor suggested to go to the mental health center, but his condition is too bad, so we should stay in the hospital first, and we decided to wait until he recovers from his injuries."

"Are you wondering why Qiu Sheng never mentioned this?" Gu Qi exhaled, "Sent to the hospital, including seeing a doctor, debridement and applying medicine... Qiu Sheng basically had no impression of the whole process, and I don't know what he remembered. But obviously the two of us were not in the same dimension at the time. I discussed with Xiao Lu at the time, and it was estimated that the tour should be postponed. We will see if we want to continue after Qiu Sheng gets better, but he fell asleep for more than a day, and then woke up—"

Wen Youxia's heart ached from his sudden interruption, and he couldn't help asking: "What's wrong?"

"He drove us all away."

The fierce quarrel did not lie in how violent the physical conflict was and how noisy the language was. On the contrary, in Gu Qi's memory, Qiu Sheng was very calm—it was a kind of dead silence after being discouraged.

He said, "I can't keep the band going, let's go here, the salary is settled, the bass player doesn't care, he wants to run away, what should you two do. Brother Qi, you have to work to make money Married, Xiao Lu is still young and has her own career feelings, I can't delay you."

"You don't want the band anymore?" Lu Yining couldn't understand at all, "What about the album?"

Qiu Sheng took a deep breath and didn't answer directly.

Then, Yinshan just disbanded.

The mood that should have felt more turbulent when I actually heard the word "disbanded" seemed to have only a little ripple.Wen Youxia recalled where he should be at that time, and felt unspeakable guilt.

His fingertips hurt, and Wen Youxia lowered his head only to realize that during Gu Qi's last two or three sentences, he couldn't help but pinch the burning cigarette.

But what is this little burn compared to Qiu Sheng's pain at that time?

"I shouldn't have thought that," he said abruptly.

Gu Qi was taken aback: "What?"

Wen Youxia just smiled wryly, he suddenly felt that his pursuit of life and death was ridiculous and childish.

"Did you lose contact after the dissolution?" Wen Youxia asked, "I don't blame you, it's just... I heard."

"Ha, you don't have the right to blame me!" Gu Qi laughed shortly, these words eased the tension between them, "But you can also feel it, he just wants to be alone when he says he wants to drive away He is such a strong person, the first time he said "I can't do it" is that I really can't hold on. Little Lute was angry, and had a big fight in the ward that day, then pointed at Qiuer's nose and said, "I'll play the drum again for you I’m a dog’, deleted his contact information on the spot, and left; I was also very angry, speechless, and went out for a few laps to get better. Later, I told him that I would be quiet for a while and would not change my number. If he needed me, he would call, and then I went back to Donghe, but Qiu Sheng seemed to have disappeared, and I couldn't reach him."

"...He didn't go back?"

"I don't know. The disbandment of the band also hit me hard. For a long time, I was digesting this bad news. I didn't dare to care about Qiu Sheng. I was afraid that I couldn't bear it. You treat me as a coward. I have some responsibilities. I really bear the responsibility." Don’t move.” Gu Qi pursed her lips, “Then it was... the winter of 15 years, sister Wang contacted me and asked me if I could help record a group of Qiu Sheng, and only then did I know that he was still working with Tai Guo to help write songs , but I don’t sing myself.”

After a long time, Wen Youxia heard himself asking hoarsely: "Then he's been... well these two years?"

"Regular medical treatment, physical examination, and medication, how do you think it will be better?" Gu Qi threw away the cigarette butt, "And he worked hard to make money. When asked, he joked that he would only rest after earning 500 million."

500 million, others may not know, but Wen Youxia thinks he knows.

It was the "liquidated damages" that Qiu Sheng had to pay to get that song back.

After finishing smoking, Gu Qi left the smoking room, Wen Youxia quietly lit another one.He didn't smoke this time, he waited for the smoke to burn out, the blue white mist suffocated his eyes, Wen Youxia used it to resist the dryness of his throat, he pushed open the door after a while, he stood at the door of the room thinking for a while, took off Take off your coat and swipe your card in.

Taking a shower quickly, Wen Youxia was worried that the sound of the water would wake up Qiu Sheng who had finally fallen asleep——Qiu Sheng was a light sleeper, he knew all along—fortunately, the other party still maintained the sleeping face when he left.

His brows were frowning, his lips were tightly shut, and his hands and feet were all regular, not like he was having a nightmare.

The hotel that Ah Lian booked was a standard room with a lot of space, and the other bed only had traces of Wen Youxia sitting on it at the end.He should take a look at Qiu Sheng and then go back to his side to rest, but Wen Youxia was standing by the bed, trying to touch Qiu Sheng's hair several times, but when he withdrew his hand, his feet seemed to be bound by some invisible rope. tied up.

The dim night light illuminates half of the warm side harmoniously, reflecting Qiu Sheng's pale face.

Wen Youxia stretched out his hand to cover the light source, saw Qiu Sheng slightly stretched his brows, rubbed his side face against the white pillow, and hummed twice like a cat.

"Wen Xia..." He whispered softly.

"Click", Wen Youxia heard the string in his brain snap.

He stood up until the soles of his feet started to feel numb, then carefully sat down on the edge of Qiu Sheng's bed, lifted a corner of the duvet with his fingers and pushed it to the other side, while nervously observing whether Qiu Sheng responded.Qiu Sheng was trapped in the soft quilt, looking so thin and thin. He slept deeply and turned ninety degrees unconsciously, leaving no more than half a meter of space around him.

Wen Youxia huddled and lay on his side half a meter away. He wrapped himself with another quilt, then hugged Qiu Sheng like a silkworm chrysalis, and gently closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

This sentence is too weak, but now all words are pale.

The author says:

Recently, I have been very busy with my internship, and I have a lot of things to do after graduation. I try not to ask for leave orz