silver sea

In Qiu Sheng's memory, it was the hottest summer since he arrived in Donghe City.

The torrential rain, followed by the sun, made the space between the sky and the ground gray and shiny, the trees and flowers lost their luster, and the cicadas were not as loud as before.Passers-by are in a hurry and can't wait to squeeze into the subway, bus or shopping malls, but the air-conditioning in these places is starting to be insufficient, and TV news reports high temperature and waterlogging every day.

The water level of the moat in the coastal city has reached the highest level in 20 years. Patrol teams have been stationed on the beach for many months, cordons have been raised, and several beach scenic spots have been closed in succession.

Qiu Sheng spent this summer in the record store and the city library. He lived in the student dormitory and took the bus to the record store every morning before the sun was shining.The chubby boss was afraid of the heat, so when he saw him coming, he hurriedly handed over all the work to him.

Organize accounts, check inventory, look at the store, and occasionally bring some private goods and put some CDs of favorite bands.

Compared with the library which is quiet but always brings him tension, Qiu Sheng prefers this place.

Gu Qi asked him to read more books, saying that it would be good for him.Qiu Sheng could understand it very well, but at the same time he couldn't listen to it at all. His resistance to books didn't develop overnight, otherwise he wouldn't have quit his part-time job in the library after two weeks.

Without Wen Youxia, Qiu Sheng's life just returned to the state of not knowing him: not good, but not bad either.I have nothing to write and write songs by myself, or I am idle in a daze, and go for a walk in the park after get off work.

Although Wen Youxia said that he could call him, but once the tour started, it would be intense rehearsals and performances. How could he find the time to talk on the phone with an unknown guy whom he had just known for two months.Qiu Sheng was clear in his heart, he didn't bother Wen Youxia too much, and occasionally sent text messages asking him how the tour was going.

Wen Youxia usually replied "it's okay", occasionally said some nonsense like eating local characteristics, and occasionally sent him two photos of the backstage of the performance.

The pixels of mobile phones in that year were not as high as later, and the photos taken were blurry.Wen Youxia's photos do not include himself, the messy wires, the musicians drinking, the girls who came here to strike up a conversation, and the dim lights and musical instruments.

There was only one time when Wen Youxia probably had too much to drink, so she confided a little bit of her heart in a text message.

"It's very different from what I imagined."

But Qiu Sheng has never been on tour, he doesn't know where the "difference" is.

At the beginning of August, Qiu Sheng ran out of medicine.

He called Dr. Zhang who prescribed him medicine last time, and he kindly suggested that he go for some more tests.Qiu Sheng made an appointment with her. On the way to the hospital, he kept thinking about whether the money he earned from working during the summer vacation would be enough to finish the medicine and then pay the tuition for the next school year. Graduation was approaching, and there were still many places to spend money.

Thinking of this, Qiu Sheng began to self-examine again, and Qiu Sheng couldn't help but want to stop taking medicine to save money.

But Dr. Zhang quickly corrected his thoughts. Although anxiety disorder is not as serious as bipolar disorder or severe depression, which may be life-threatening, it can’t make a big deal out of it. It has already affected daily life and should be paid more attention to.

In fact, it was not Dr. Zhang who he met in the first psychological diagnosis and treatment department. After the basic examination, he prescribed some short-acting medicines for him.When Qiu Sheng took the medicine for the second time, Dr. Zhang was on duty, called up his medical records, and asked him if he wanted to have a chat after reading it.

Dr. Zhang has a research topic for a specific group of people, and Qiu Sheng just meets her criteria. After the two parties reach an agreement, it will be considered a mutual benefit.Qiu Sheng didn't know what she was going to do with it, and he didn't cooperate at first, but after chatting now, he gradually realized that if he didn't cooperate, he would be seen through.

This is the fourth time this year, Qiu Sheng pushed open the door, and Doctor Zhang was pouring hot water for him: "Sit down."

It started after a brief exchange of pleasantries, and Dr. Zhang would not give him too much advice—it was not a consultation after all—most of the time was spent chatting, or letting Qiu Sheng speak for himself.Holding a pen and paper, she asked, "How are you feeling recently?"

"generally."

"Are you still nervous coming here now?"

Qiu Sheng paused, his eyes began to dodge subconsciously: "...um."

"Is it because you don't want to? I remember you said that you will be nervous if you don't want to do something, and you will be nervous if you don't do what you want to do."

"……Um."

"I haven't asked before, to what extent do you think it's not good?"

"I have a standard in my heart but I can't say it now. It's similar to the feeling of failing to pass the exam."

"You set a passing mark for everything you do."

"almost……"

Doctor Zhang nodded and asked, "Do you think this habit has anything to do with the parents' previous request?"

Qiu Sheng sat up straight suddenly, as if someone had slapped him on the back with a wooden ruler.His forehead began to sweat, and so did his palms, but his hands and feet became cold, and he couldn't even cover the warm water cup.

His resistance to this topic was obvious, Doctor Zhang pushed his glasses, and no longer forced Qiu Sheng to answer.

"So we can still overcome this aspect. If you want, I suggest..."

"I don't want to." Qiu Sheng resisted sharply. Immediately after he said the words, he realized that he shouldn't be so rude, but he repeated in a low voice unwillingly, "I don't want...to have any more contact with them."

Doctor Zhang looked directly at him, then lowered his head after a while and continued to write in his notebook.

The "rustle" of the pen tip rubbing against the paper, and the bright sunlight outside the window, mixed together as if the flames were about to engulf Qiu Sheng.He gripped the glass of water tighter and tighter, trying to resist the urge to break it.

This voice is the strongest portrayal of his boyhood.

In coordination with it, there are often schedules that parents make densely and accurately to each hour, report cards that are always short of their expectations, and cynicism from the class teacher.

"Why do you lose points here? Did you do the wrong test book? How many times did you go through the review before the exam?"

"What hobbies do you have, what hobbies do you want? The task of a student is to study!"

"Be obedient, Mom and Dad won't hurt you."

"You have to be in the top 50 in the final exam. If you can't get in, don't read these books."

"Where's the homework?... If you didn't bring it, you didn't write it. Go out and make up! Listen to this lesson in the corridor!"

"The parents are both senior teachers, so they are rebellious, right? Let Teacher Qiu call me when you have time, and if you do something wrong, you have to ask the parents. We don't give special attention to the children of teachers."

"Mom and Dad don't expect you to be very promising, they just want you to be safe and happy..."

"What is this? What is this? I asked you to listen to English tapes and you secretly changed to this kind of thing. Who did you learn from, huh?! Listening to this nonsense every day, my grades plummeted, how do you make me hold my head up in front of my colleagues! Throw it yourself!... Hurry up, don't make me say it a second time!"

……

"You set a 'pass line' for yourself, and then judge whether doing these things will make you happy after the 'pass line'. Qiu Sheng, have you thought about the burden this line will bring to you?"

"I just," Qiu Sheng said with difficulty, "I don't want to... make mistakes, or regret it."

So keep everything under control.

Doctor Zhang looked at Qiu Sheng thoughtfully.

She asked the last question of the day: "Have you encountered any happy things these days?"

In the past, the boy in front of him would hesitate for a long time before taking out a little superficial sesame and garlic skin to deal with her.She asked routinely, but saw Qiu Sheng's beautiful facial features suddenly lit up by this question.

"Yes! I met a new friend, and being with him is very...very happy."

The short-acting drug was replaced by a long-acting drug, and Dr. Zhang told him not to mix it with painkillers.If there is no choking and limb weakness like when the campus band disbanded, it is best to stop alprazolam.

The new medicine needs to get used to. Qiu Sheng was drowsy in the record store, listening to the drumbeating songs, and just spent the hottest summer in 20 years.

After autumn, he was promoted to the graduating class.

The university itself is not a particularly good university. After no classes, Qiu Sheng's classmates began to be tired of running around in various presentations, thinking about submitting their resumes all day long.In the beginning, some of the roommates who had a bad relationship teased him, "Your band isn't rehearsing." Later, the other party was eager to find a good job and have a beautiful girlfriend at the same time, but he couldn't take care of himself.

The classmates were all busy, which set off Qiu Sheng's unusual idleness.

The school gave a lenient to the graduating class, and he held Wen Youxia's warehouse key--he borrowed it shamelessly when Wen Youxia was about to leave--and often stayed out at night.

Living in a garage is not much better than living in a basement. The dogs barking in the villa next door, neighbors arguing loudly and even fighting can be clearly heard.The camp bed was also hard, Qiu Sheng didn't know why he was here.

Maybe, as Doctor Zhang said, he needs a sustenance.

So Wen Youxia's secret base has become a haven for him to live in temporarily, at least missing Wen Youxia can make him calm, away from most pessimism and impatience.

The exposed light bulbs and wires are retro and outdated, just like those "underground" documentaries that Qiu Sheng has watched from video tapes and DVDs.He works during the day and hides in this cement box when he doesn't go back to the dormitory at night.

Strangely enough, it amplifies all the wind and rain, and also amplifies his fleeting inspiration.

Qiu Sheng brought the guitar here, stuck the mute, wrote a sentence, played it again, and started all over again if he was not satisfied.Just like making a schedule when he was a student, he set daily tasks for himself, but soon collapsed under the fluctuating ability, and had to live every day.

The first song after leaving the failed band was born on a clear night in early autumn. Qiu Sheng played and hummed once, and changed a certain line of the verse to "rainy summer turns green, waiting to say your name".

Qiu Sheng pressed the written score on Wen Youxia's desk with a mineral water bottle.

The next morning, it started to rain. Qiu Sheng was sleeping soundly, when he suddenly heard the sound of unlocking the lock.

He was taken aback, thinking that the landlord was going to evict the illegal residents, and before he could find the light switch by the bed, there was a cold smell like a storm coming from the door, wet like grass.

Qiu Sheng paused in place, his premonition forced him to ask: "Wen Xia?"

"En." The figure blocking the door responded.

Qiu Sheng narrowed his eyes, and after adapting to the hazy light in the morning, he saw the outline of the other party clearly. He was closing the iron door that buzzed when the wind blew.

Wen Youxia didn't open an umbrella and was drenched by the rain.

He was not at all surprised that Qiu Sheng appeared here, and after saying hello briefly, he put down his luggage.Wen Youxia turned around, turned his back to Qiu Sheng, and pulled off the T-shirt stuck to his body with a tug.

The smell of rain diffused in the dark environment, attacking Qiu Sheng's five senses. He seemed to be surrounded by a dewdrop. It was obvious that humidity was something he hated, but now Qiu Sheng didn't care at all.Wen Youxia was looking for clothes from the storage box with her upper body naked. The muscle lines from back to waist were perfect, thin and powerful, and the ravine in the spine had been submerged in the back waist of the jeans.The rain hadn't completely evaporated, and a fine stream of light spread out on his back.

Wen Youxia clasped both hands on the belt and twitched, the crisp sound brought Qiu Sheng back to reality.He tried his best not to focus on Wen Youxia's body, and started looking for something to say.

"I wrote a song." Qiu Sheng said, he felt like his voice was separated by a layer of water.

"Ok?"

Wen Youxia changed into the heavy and hard pants, and walked towards the camp bed while putting on a clean T-shirt.

Qiu Sheng intended to explain his creative process, but he forgot all his thoughts when he approached step by step, so he could only point to the desk in a daze, then jumped out of bed and chased after him.

The music score is very short, Wen Youxia turned on the light and read it under the warm yellow light.

A raindrop hit the paper along his chin, blurring the last note.Wen Youxia wiped off the water marks on his fingers, picked up a pen and added a few notes—he changed the melody at the end of Qiu Sheng.

What's weird is that Qiu Sheng, who has always had a sense of boundaries about his "property", didn't express any objection. He even leaned forward and asked impatiently, "What do you think?"

"Very good." Wen Youxia thought for a while and asked, "Name?"

"Not up yet..."

"It can be called May Rain, Samidare, if you like."

Qiu Sheng: "Is there a special meaning?"

Wen Youxia shook her head and put down the music score: "Summer'srainisgreen, it's very suitable, isn't it?"

When he said this, there were still water droplets on his collarbone, and his chest was so wet that his color was darkened a lot. The fragrance of grass and trees poured in through the window, and Qiu Sheng really felt that the rain had turned into a green mist in a trance.

The author says:

The lyrics should not match the beat or something, even if you just look at it, I don’t know anything about it _(:3」

*Alprazolam mainly acts as a sedative hypnotic, anti-insomnia, anti-panic effect, and is a short-acting drug.Qiuqiu has severe anxiety, so he will take it frequently. Estazolam, which may be mentioned later, is a moderate-effect drug.Mental illness is not that terrible, but some people's physical reactions will be particularly obvious, so they need to be controlled by drugs. Give Qiu Qiu's mothers a reassurance (?

see you tomorrow uh uh uh