Unofficial History of Emperor Wuzong of the Ming Dynasty

Under Wu Ping'er's planning, the palace was decorated with a New Year's flavor.On the first day of the new year, everyone's faces were also beaming, and they greeted each other when they met.Zhang Jin and Zhang Yiwei were panic-stricken, and they were extra careful when traveling, as long as they smelled the fragrance of Princess Wu or saw Princess Wu's figure from a distance, they would run away with their heads in their arms.Physician Wu has a bad heart, as long as he smells Zhang Jin's body or sees Zhang Jin's figure from a distance, he will drag Wu Ping'er all the way to chase him.The big rabbit holding the little rabbit in the new clothes passed the courtyard and frowned when he saw the three running from here to there, and then from there to here, having fun.

Wu Jie turned his head and stopped when he saw the big rabbit who was particularly eye-catching in the morning light.Wu Ping'er, who braked in time, glanced back and forth between the two of them, clicked his tongue, stepped forward to bow to Zhu Chenhao and bowed his head, and said good luck, said auspicious words and told her plans to return to her mother's house tomorrow, and then found an excuse to abduct her. Go sweet bunny.

The fluffy little rabbit nestled in the arms of Stepmother Wu who hadn't gone far and asked inexplicably, "Where are we going, Mommy?"

"Go molesting Zhang Yiwei."

"Trick?"

"That's what Imperial Physician Wu often did to your father."

The little rabbit suddenly realized, moved his body, and kissed Stepmother Wu on the lips.Stepmother Wu made a disgraceful "beep" by the little rabbit's "molesting" behavior.And the two face-to-face people who hadn't found Huatou over there saw this scene and their expressions were a little stiff. Stepmother Wu snickered and quickly evacuated with the little rabbit.

The broken red left by the firecrackers after opening the door is all over the ground, and when the wind blows, there will be a burst of joy.There is a plum tree in front of the hall, and the flowers are counted overnight, and the fragrance of the flowers is stuffed in and out, stirring up the eager spring.

Imperial Physician Wu stroked the jade plaque on his waist and said, "The "Sui Zhan" says that eight days after the new year, one day is a rooster day. Today is sunny, and those birds will breed."

The big rabbit said "um", sat down on the stone bench beside him, but didn't answer.

"I sank the medicine sachet in the well yesterday, and today I took the medicine and soaked it in sake. I just boiled some for Meng Yu to sip. Do you want to try it?"

According to legend, this Tusu wine was made by the famous doctor Hua Tuo, and later spread by the famous doctor Sun Simiao. Rhubarb, Atractylodes macrocephala, Guizhi, Fangfeng, Zanthoxylum bungeanum, Aconitum, Aconite and other traditional Chinese medicines were wrapped in the bag, soaked in the well on New Year's Eve, and taken out on the first day. , put it in sake and boil, drink it to benefit the temperature and yang, dispel wind and cold, and avoid the evil of epidemic diseases.The order of drinking Tusu wine is from the youngest to the elderly. This is to celebrate the children's one-year increase in the new year, and the elderly whose life span has decreased by one year drink it last, which implies longevity.

Zhu Chenhao looked at Imperial Physician Wu and nodded, then Imperial Physician Wu brought the wine with a smile on his face.The lotus white jade cup was filled with warm Tusu wine. Zhu Chenhao, who was used to drinking traditional Chinese medicine, was quite used to the taste.

Wu Jie waited for him to taste it and said, "How is it?"

"Spicy..." Zhu Chenhao frowned slightly.

Wu Jie looked at the lips that were getting hotter and brighter, and he couldn't hold back his blood so much!Although Wu Ping'er repeatedly warned him to follow the steps, Taiyi Wu endured very hard every night.That kiss, which is lightly tasted, always draws people's imagination, and the delicious rabbit is right in front of him, but he wants to pretend to be a gentleman and treat it indifferently.

"you……"

A soft call made Wu Jie come back to his senses, and then he heard King Ning who was drinking face-up and said: "You should drink some too!"

Wu Jie was stunned.This Tusu wine is drunk with the family.

Zhu Chenhao, who was blushing, looked at Wu Jie in a daze, thinking that he was embarrassing that there was no extra wine glass, and was about to call for someone to fetch it, but Wu Jie picked up his half glass of wine, stroked the finely carved and round lotus cup, and turned to Zhu Chenhao. Hao Fang put his lips on the place where he had just drank.Master Ning blushed from his cheeks to the ears, and watched Taiyi Wu sip the remaining warm wine in the cup, and stood there in a daze, not knowing how to react.This indirect kiss is actually more disturbing than the touch of water before going to bed every night...

Wu Jie put down his cup and looked at the big braised rabbit in front of him with downcast eyes.There was no one around, so there was no need to bear it any longer, Imperial Physician Wu grabbed Big Rabbit's hand and said while it was hot: "I resigned from the imperial physician, how about working in the palace?"

The big rabbit was startled by the words, and then silently tried to withdraw its hand, but soon the other hand also fell into the fox's paw.

I don't know if it's the wine or the fragrance of the plum blossoms, but the big rabbit felt a little dazed, closed his eyes, and said with force: "Shangyuan Festival, send me a hundred lanterns to the palace... If he agrees... "Before he finished speaking, his whole body fell into a warm embrace.

"How did he respond?"

The big rabbit pretended to be drunk and did not answer, the corners of Imperial Physician Wu's lips twitched, and just as he was about to kiss him, he heard a person not far away say: "If he is hard, you will obey him!"

Physician Wu turned his head, and after a moment of silence, he put down the blushing big rabbit and jumped up to chase after Wu's stepmother, who ruined his good deed.

So the two ran from here to there, and from there to here.

The big rabbit opened his eyes, and waved to the little rabbit who tilted his head to the side to watch the excitement. The little rabbit came over with its furball tail up and threw itself into his arms.

The clothes are covered with winter plums, Tusu wine, acacia soup, auspicious fruit, ruyi cake... I have eaten a few things every year, and I feel some taste today.

Legend has it that after Empress Nuwa created animals such as chickens, dogs, pigs, cows and horses, she created humans on the seventh day. Therefore, the seventh day of the first lunar month is also designated as "Human Victory Festival", also known as "Human Day".

On this day, as usual, Emperor Zhengde bestowed color thread on all his ministers, climbed to the top, and gave a grand banquet to all his ministers.Rensheng is a kind of ribbon-cut headdress, which is worn by women on their hair for auspiciousness.

At the banquet, all the officials said: "Today's weather is clear and bright, and people will multiply this year."

Emperor Zhengde remembered the first litter of six wild cats that had been born outside the leopard room last year. They screamed every night so that people's brain hurts. Later, he ordered Jin Yiwei to take them back and raise them to catch mice.

Emperor Zhengde told Jiang Bin about this, and seeing Jiang Bin's expressionless face, he asked for Qibao soup made by himself.

At this time, the Leopard Room was deserted, and the monks, musicians, actors, courtesans, etc. living in this maze-like palace were all sent out by Emperor Zhengde to celebrate the New Year before New Year's Eve, leaving only some servants and guards in royal clothes. .

Jiang Bin boiled soup, while Emperor Zhengde looked at the calluses on his hands with great interest.

After drinking a bowl of hot Qibao soup, Emperor Zhengde took off his clothes and said, "Will you make gestures later? There are those people watching, I haven't been active for a long time."

Jiang Bin was also aroused by this sentence, he really wanted to see Emperor Zhengde's martial arts.

So they packed up, and the two came to the Leopard Room teaching ground.

Compared with archery first, Emperor Zhengde asked Jiang Bin to shoot first, Jiang Bin had already corrected his posture, and every shot was accurate.Emperor Zhengde smiled, took the arrow, bowed it, fully loaded it, aimed, and then with a "whoosh", the cluster of arrows split Jiang Bin's tail and hit the bull's-eye.

Jiang Bin was stunned, Emperor Zhengde lowered his bow and said with a smile: "This will penetrate you from behind."

Jiang Bin didn't understand the meaning of the words, so he shot another arrow in disbelief. Emperor Zhengde went around to the back of the stack and shot another arrow. This arrow passed through the bull's-eye and hit Jiang Bin's arrow. go out.

"Look! It's piercing you through the front of your head again."

Jiang Bin, who was molested, refused to accept it, and pointed to the arsenal, asking Emperor Zhengde to pick up weapons.Emperor Zhengde said: "It's so boring to pick up ready-made ones! Why don't you and I tinker with something ourselves and meet here in an hour?"

Jiang Bin thought for a while and nodded in agreement.So an hour later, Emperor Zhengde came back with a mace that was as thick as a bowl.This mace made by Emperor Zhengde was five feet long and was made of heavy wood.Emperor Zhengde complacently supported the work and waited for a while, then heard the rumbling sound, turned his head and saw that Jiang Bin dragged a Hongyi cannon...

Emperor Zhengde immediately threw down his mace and ran to the locust tree beside him as light as a swallow: "Commander Jiang, the word 'locust tree' means 'hopeful'. Standing under this tree, should you also forget some grievances?"

Jiang Bin looked up at the Emperor Zhengde coiled on the tree for a while: "Isn't it surprising that the emperor can drag this cannon by himself?"

Emperor Zhengde then went down the tree to observe, and found that the red cannon was significantly smaller than the original imported cannon.

"Imitation?"

Jiang Bin nodded, and pointed to a large box that was dragged over by a few servants not far away.

Emperor Zhengde went to watch them open the box. The lime, charcoal, and dry straw were wrapped with iron sand, stones, lead, gunpowder and other fillings for cannons.On the side, there are firearms that look like big bowls and muzzles.

Jiang Bin picked up a modified large blunderbuss, stuffed it with iron sand, stones, and then pressed lead, loaded it with gunpowder, and then took the big blunderbuss and stuffed it into the barrel of the imitation red cannon.

Emperor Zhengde suddenly realized.

Before, he only thought about imitating Hongyi cannons in large numbers, but he ignored one point.

"Sun Tzu's Art of War" states that the fighter plane is "dangerous and short", and the time it takes to insert iron sand, stones, lead, and gunpowder after firing a cannon is enough to calm the enemy after seeing the amazing power of this firearm. Come down, even turn defeat into victory.

Jiang Bin, who has more actual combat experience than Emperor Zhengde, noticed this, so he came up with such a method-before going out to fight, he can first put iron sand, stones, lead, and gunpowder into this large bowl of gunpowder. Inside the sub-guns, mass-produced, sealed and taken away.When it comes to the battlefield, if necessary, the child gun can be plugged into the mother gun, that is, the barrel, which can save the time of stuffing the "inner core" on the battlefield.

Emperor Zhengde admired Jiang Bin's way of thinking, and excitedly dragged Jiang Bin to the Shenji Camp, which had been changed to the [-]th Regiment Battalion.The Shenji camp was relatively deserted, but the ministers in charge of the camp, two military officers and one military officer were still there, and they were flattered to see Emperor Zhengde.Emperor Zhengde rewarded them with the seven-treasure soup whose leaves had turned yellow, and then he and Jiang Bin lingered on it.

In the next two days, the two met head to head with four experts and a few technicians left behind to study how to further expand the lethality of the Hongyi cannon.When finally seeing the semi-finished product come out, Emperor Zhengde couldn't contain his excitement, he took Jiang Bin's little hand and said: "Look at our son, he has no head and no face, and he only has a big one!"

Commander Jiang withdrew his hand, and went to the open space behind Shenji Camp to test the power with several developers.This modified Hongyi cannon, which was called "One Night Nine Times Lang" by Emperor Zhengde, is equipped with countless sub-guns for easy replacement, and has eight more barrels that can be filled with sub-guns.So the "one night nine times Lang" cannon became a nine-round row of cannons. When asked why he used nine, Emperor Zhengde pretended to be gentle and said: "Since ancient times, numbers start from one and end at nine. Number, the outline of Tao... and nine is the pole of yang number, and it is mostly used for conferring emperors..."

Jiang Bin's words as Emperor Zhengde fell on deaf ears, and he commanded a few soldiers who were temporarily called back to test fire.

With an order, the guns sounded like thunder, and after the smoke and dust cleared, the splashed iron sand, typefaces, and stones were deeply embedded in the protective walls piled up seven or eight miles away.Immediately afterwards, the cannon barrel turned, and the cannon barrel that had been filled with sub-guns released shocking power after aiming.After all the nine rounds were tested, the protective wall piled up in front had already collapsed and there was a gap, and the ground was covered with bricks and rubble.

Emperor Zhengde and several R&D personnel were so excited that they dragged Jiang Bin to the "No. [-] Restaurant in the World" to celebrate.

After the commendation, several people drank to death.Only these few military officers in the world have the guts to pour Emperor Zhengde in this way.In the end, it was Jiang Bin who was escorted by several Jinyi guards to help the drunken Emperor Zhengde back to the Leopard Room.

The servant who was left behind in the Leopard Room slacked off somewhere, and Jiang Bin was not used to ordering people around, so he served Emperor Zhengde by himself, wiped his face and drank sober soup, and then took off his coat and stuffed it under the quilt.Seeing the smell of alcohol, Emperor Zhengde closed his eyes, Jiang Bin turned to leave, but was hugged from behind by Emperor Zhengde who suddenly sat up from the bed.The force was astonishingly strong, Jiang Bin was so startled that he couldn't break free even after exerting [-]% of his strength.Emperor Zhengde grabbed him and dragged him into his arms, saying, "Do you still remember the wild goose by the Taiye Pond?"

Jiang Bin struggled for a while, but couldn't break free, so he had no choice but to say: "Chen, eat."

The incomparably powerful Emperor Zhengde frowned and bowed to Jiang Bin: "You said that at the beginning...you..." Halfway through speaking, he leaned on Jiang Bin's body, and fell asleep with his eyes closed.

Jiang Bin, who was tortured enough, reluctantly removed the drunken Emperor Zhengde from his body, covered him with a quilt, and went to the training ground to practice archery.

In the evening, Jiang Bin went to see how the Emperor Zhengde was doing. Before entering the house, he saw two Jinyi guards coming out of the house. Seeing Jiang Bin, he was slightly startled, and then he bowed and left in a hurry.When Jiang Bin walked in, he heard the awakened Emperor Zhengde sitting beside the bed with a bunch of bronze medals in his hand: "You came just in time, the new waist card."

Jiang Bin naturally didn't believe that the two guards in Jinyi were just here to give a badge, but he still took it and took a closer look.

"Did I say nonsense when I was drunk?" Emperor Zhengde carefully observed Jiang Bin's expression.

"The emperor fell asleep on the bed."

Emperor Zhengde breathed a sigh of relief.

Jiang Bin looked at the string in Emperor Zhengde's hand, and then at his own: "Why are leopards carved on everything else, and mine are dogs?"

Emperor Zhengde smiled and said: "Dog, very loyal!"

Jiang Bin was too lazy to answer this nonsense, and turned over his waist card to look at the back, but was grabbed by the hand of Emperor Zhengde. He shouted excitedly: "Turn over my card, turn over my card!" He was about to undress Untied to serve, but Jiang Bin raised his waist card and slapped a dog seal on his hand.

Emperor Zhengde was not polite, threw Jiang Bin down and began to tear, Jiang Bin raised his foot and kicked Emperor Zhengde in the ribs.

So a flower-picking robber and a chaste martyr, you come and fight with each other with great joy, which can be regarded as making up for the regret of not competing before.

More than half an hour later, the servant and Jin Yiwei who heard the sound rushed over and looked at the disheveled two people who collapsed on the bed and gasped.

Emperor Zhengde moved, leaned on Jiang Bin's stomach and said, "Is my mace still there?"

"Take it..."

"Actually, it's not an ordinary thing. The thorns on the stick are all made of jade and can be removed."

Jiang Bin pushed Emperor Zhengde's hand away: "Jade is fragile, so what's the use if you take it off?"

"Think about it..." Emperor Zhengde coaxed, "The soldiers took this mace to fight the enemy, and when they returned to the barracks after a day of exhaustion, they took off the jade thorn..." After a pause, "When the jade thorn use……"

Jiang Bin opened his eyes and wrestled with Emperor Zhengde again.