Window 2, Seventh Canteen

The family sat around the dining table, talking and laughing during the meal, and the atmosphere seemed to be harmonious, but Han Zilu could tell that his parents and two sisters were a little restrained because of the guests.

His speech is not as casual as usual, and his tone is always intentionally or unintentionally polite.

Even they are not used to it, let alone the protagonist Han Zilu.

His seat was arranged next to Li Qian, and he couldn't avoid it. His parents didn't say clearly that it was a blind date, but all the topics revolved around Li Qian. I want to bring this topic to Han Zilu and talk about it again.

For example, when asked how many years Li Qian has been in Beijing, Li Qian replied five years, and Han Tiesheng continued to say that my son has been in Beijing for many years, so he stared at Han Zilu and asked him to finish the conversation.

Han Zilu could only smile at the girl, "It's almost ten years."

Han Zilu tried his best to add more vegetables to his bowl, trying to avoid those topics aimed at him, but with the concerted efforts of his parents, he spent most of the meal answering questions, as if on something Like a dating show.

Finally, after supper was over, Han Zilu heaved a sigh of relief, and took the opportunity of smoking to hide.

Li Qian asked casually, "Does he smoke? Is he addicted to cigarettes?"

Just as the second sister wanted to say something nice to her younger brother, the eldest sister poured cold water on Li Qian, "Don't mention it, I'm addicted to cigarettes. I smoke several packs a day. If I say he doesn't listen, I can't quit. I'm so worried."

Seeing Li Qian's complexion changed slightly, the third aunt answered immediately, "It's normal for a man to smoke and drink. I remember Liu'er doesn't drink, right?"

The eldest sister wanted to make a fuss, but was stopped by her father, "Don't drink, our six sons have been honest and sensible since they were young, and we don't fight or drink, and we just smoke."

Sister: "Smoking is better than drinking. I would rather he drink than smoke."

Han Tiesheng frowned and glanced at her, "Whatever you say, smoking and drinking are not good, I will tell him later and let him quit."

The second sister helped Han Tiesheng to say good things to Han Zilu, the eldest sister gave her a blank look, got up and went to the balcony.

"Did you pick up your cigarettes completely? I saw you smoking last year during Chinese New Year, and this year you smoked again. You haven't stopped this year, right?" Han Qi waved his hand in the air to drive away the smoke.

Han Zilu; "Sister, it's cold outside."

Han Qi: "It's colder than being in the house. My parents don't know what to think. The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and a little girl I don't know comes to my house. I haven't eaten well. I'm so awkward."

Han Zilu put out his cigarette and looked into the room, "I'm almost thirty, parents should be anxious, but..."

Han Qi took Han Zilu's hand, "My sister understands, you see, there are three siblings in our family, except for Zhenzhen, parents don't worry about it, hey."

Han Zilu: "Sister, why don't you worry? You have always been the pride of your parents. You graduated from a prestigious university and went abroad for further study."

Han Qi blinked at Han Zilu, and Han Zilu knew she was hiding something when he saw her expression, "Sister, are you looking for a boyfriend?"

Han Qi's smile was full of joy, "Yes, don't make a fuss, I haven't told my parents yet, this matter is not reliable, I haven't figured out how to say it yet."

Han Zilu: "No matter how unreliable you are, you are better than me."

Han Qi moved closer to Han Zilu's ear, "I found a foreigner."

Han Zilu's eyes were wide open, obviously very surprised, but he quickly returned to normal, "International love is very common now, parents may not be unacceptable, maybe they are happy."

Han Qi: "It's not as simple as you think. If I want to be with him, I have to go back to China with him. I don't want to be too far away, and..."

Han Zilu: "And?"

Han Qi: "He's bisexual..."

"what?"

"Hey, it's not because of you in the end. I introduced you to that foreigner during the festival last year. Do you remember?"

It seems to have happened, but Han Zilu can't remember clearly.

Han Qi: "Okay, I know you don't remember, you haven't contacted him at all, have you? Later he asked me and I was quite embarrassed, so I chatted with him, and later happened to travel in the same place ...Hey, it's fate anyway, so let me catch up."

Han Zilu was a little worried. If he was really bisexual, it would be fine. He would definitely suffer when he met those gay sisters with malicious intentions. He organized his words in his heart, not knowing how to say this properly.

Seeing that Han Zilu's expression was wrong, Han Qi misunderstood his meaning.

She pulled him to the corner and said in a low voice, "Don't worry, we tried it, and the bed is very harmonious. Let me tell you, foreigners are very relaxed."

Han Zilu almost choked on his own saliva, and he waited for a long time before finally uttering three words, "That's good."

Aunt San and Li Qian left at nine o'clock, and the whole family sat together to gossip, and it wasn't until ten o'clock that Han Zilu had time to go back to the house by himself.

He locked the door behind him, called Jiang Wei, and told him about what happened today. He didn't want to hide anything, but when it came to Li Qian, he still considered his words for a long time.

He said: "That is the daughter of my third aunt's colleague, and she came to the house for dinner with my third aunt."

Jiang Weiyi was delighted to hear that, "Blind date in disguise, right? I've met quite a few of them." What he said was extremely inappropriate, but Han Zilu's heart skipped a beat.

When the same thing happened to him, he didn't feel anything, but when it happened to the other party, it was a bit unacceptable. Han Zilu knew that this was a double standard, but his feelings were a little out of control.

"You went on a blind date?" He couldn't even control his tone of voice.

Jiang Wei was still cheerful, "Yeah, dealing with those aunts and aunts is exhausting, but I have to go, that's what my dad meant, he said he didn't object to me talking to you, but Now there is no need to let the whole family know and worry about it, deal with it for a few years first, and then talk about it later, anyway, blind dates are not reliable, even if you really want to find it, you can't do it without twenty or thirty times of experience, let alone I just Go have a meal."

Jiang Wei's attitude made Han Zilu feel relieved gradually, "Well, what uncle said makes sense, there is no need to let relatives know now, otherwise you will be very stressed."

Jiang Wei: "However, when I was on a blind date, I was thinking that you might not be able to run away. You are older than me, and your family members don't know, so I must be worried for you. As expected, you told me today. Hey, I said , you are different from me, with your face, other girls will definitely match you with each other, you have to perform a little worse, but try to smear yourself, don't be soft."

Han Zilu smiled when he thought of his eldest sister, "Don't say it, my sister has helped to discredit me a lot."

The topic changed from the blind date issue, and it became more relaxed. Han Zilu told Jiang Wei about his elder sister and her bisexual boyfriend. Of course, he only talked about it, and he was not as outspoken as his sister.

The two chatted for a long time, and it was past eleven o'clock when they put down the phone.

Han Zilu went to wash up and saw that the light in the study was still on, so he went over to take a look.

Han Tiesheng was wearing reading glasses, sitting at the desk, reading a book.

Han Zilu made a cup of hot tea and brought it over. His father was different from others. He had the habit of drinking tea at night, and he couldn't fall asleep if he didn't drink it.

"Dad, are you still up so late?"

When Han Tiesheng saw him, he smiled all over his face, "Your sister brings books every time she goes home, and I can't sleep, so I get up and look through them."

Han Zilu glanced at the spine of the book, it turned out to be a copy of Jung's psychology.

Han Tiesheng: "Your eldest sister thinks that I don't read enough, so she always stuffs me with these things. Hey, it looks like a lot of effort. What kind of psychology, I think I'm mentally healthy." After finishing speaking, he closed the book and picked up the tea, "You and Li Qian , I think you have a good chat, and you have left your contact information, remember to meet more in the future."

Han Zilu looked distressed, "Dad..."

Han Tiesheng: "Okay, okay, don't mention it, let you young people fall in love freely." The topic changed, "Liu'er, you came back early this year, let's go there for a walk tomorrow?"

Han Zilu knew that he couldn't escape, so he didn't say much, just nodded.

His life this year was really not going well.

When boarding the return train, Han Zilu also felt a lot of reluctance, but the feeling of relief was stronger than in previous years.

Finally left, year after year, with more stress every time I go home.

It's not that his parents put pressure on him directly, they are not that kind of person, Han Zilu is not afraid of his parents forcing him, he is afraid of their concern and expectations for him.

It was an invisible pressure that made him feel suffocated as long as he stayed at home.

Going home every year is like a trip through time and space. The train connects two worlds, one is where Han Zilu once lived, and the other is where he lives now.

In different worlds, he wears different masks. After a long time, sometimes he can't tell which one is the real self.

Coming out of the station, the scenery in front of me was white and strange.

It's snowing, and it's a heavy snow that hasn't been seen in several years.

Han Zilu remembered that when he was very young, he was injured by his second brother's snowball on his forehead, squatting on the ground crying so sad and helpless, but his biological parents didn't give him a word of comfort, they only said that it would not hurt if the skin was scratched. Don't cry, baby.

The injury was on him, he knew whether it hurt or not, but his parents told him that it didn't hurt, which made him wonder, could it be that his own feelings were fake and the feelings his parents said were true?

There are many such things. For example, when killing a chicken, his biological father would tell him, you are a boy, you are not afraid, so Han Zilu didn't know whether he was afraid or not. But he didn't die so quickly, he thumped desperately in the yard, the blood from his neck splashed all over his face.

He was trembling so much that he could barely stand, but he didn't know whether he was afraid or not.

The thoughts brought from home accompanied him all the way, until he stepped into the small family of himself and Jiang Wei, Han Zilu really felt relaxed.

Close the door and close the other world behind you.

In this world in front of him, he loves men openly, and he has a gay man who gets along well.

They can go shopping and watch movies together, and they can explain their relationship to any friend, just like any ordinary couple, only with a slightly different gender.

When he was a teenager, Han Zilu once felt that liking the same sex was a shameful and dirty thing. This kind of feeling needs to be covered up, and it is not visible. So he decided to hide, leave home, leave the eyes of his family, and live alone. To face this filth.

Later, as he grew older, he gradually understood that this was not a shameful thing, but there was still a shadow in his heart, and he never dared to imagine that one day he could fall in love like ordinary people and live in the sun like that.

If he hadn't met Jiang Wei, he would probably still be trying his best to hide his identity and live cautiously. He couldn't even imagine that one day, he would have the idea of ​​coming out to his parents.

But now, seeing what Jiang Wei has done for him, this kind of thought inevitably appeared in his mind, but was overthrown by him again and again, and was pushed back to the bottom of his heart.

As soon as he closed his eyes, he seemed to see the eyes of his parents, so loving and caring, he couldn't imagine what kind of gaze those eyes would cast on him after learning the truth.

He never regarded his parents as adoptive parents. For him, Han Tietsheng was his father, the only father.

But biological and adoption are different. If he is really Han Tiesheng's son, even if Han Tiesheng gets angry after learning the truth, even if he cuts off the relationship between father and son, then they are still father and son in the same line.

But he doesn't have Han Tiesheng's blood. If the nominal father-son relationship is lost, they are just uncles and nephews.