fingertips around

I want comments and starfish~

Before the group FORCE disbanded, Zheng Yao also released a solo album, which included six songs written by Zheng Yao himself and four songs produced by the company.

The name of the album is called "BREAK".

During the discussion at the meeting, Zheng Yao wanted to make some changes regarding the shape of the album cover, so that fans would have a refreshing feeling when they first saw it.Therefore, instead of following the sun-healing style that he is best at and most familiar with, he followed the apocalyptic style with a strong sense of the future.

He also tried his best to force himself out of his comfort zone when composing songs.

Time seems to go back to the time when that album was made.

Four years ago, he was still a person full of hope. The popularity of the team was rising steadily, and he also won the opportunity to release his own song as he wished.

Keep writing songs, keep trying new genres.Zheng Yao quit drinking, and when he had no thoughts at all, he would take an appropriate amount of sleeping pills to help him find his condition. That was the opportunity for him to first come into contact with drugs.

After taking sleeping pills, it’s like being drunk. I can’t tell the difference between psychedelic and sober. I can only feel the rustling sound of the pen falling on the paper, and the sound of the instrument vibrating myself. eardrum.At that moment, I didn't have an exact cognition in my mind. When I woke up the next day, I realized that the effect was not that bad.

During that month, Zheng Yao lived a day and night life upside down, writing songs in the studio every day until four or five in the morning, and then went home to catch up on sleep, ordered a takeaway, and returned to the company to continue writing.

Back and forth.

When "BREAK" was first released, the response was very good, so the company decided to reprint, but the batch of reprinted albums with a huge amount of money involved had not yet been put on the market, and scandals followed one after another.

The rest of the members didn't forward it as if they had discussed it, and helped Zheng Yao to promote it.

The media hyped up the news that Zheng Yao had a disagreement with his teammates. When he was in a state of desperation, his teammates stepped up and posted articles to confirm that the rumors of internal disagreement were indeed true.

Drugs are more or less addictive, sleeping pills are no exception, and Zheng Yao is no exception.The sleeping pills that were originally taken only for inspiration, accompanied him during the period when he was isolated internally.

After taking sleeping pills, Zheng Yao will enter a special state of mind, with effects such as "euphoria", "satisfaction", and "pain relief". Sometimes he feels that he is a musician who has reached the pinnacle, and sometimes he feels that he is a pitiful person who has fallen to the bottom. insect.

Insomnia and suffocation tormented him at the same time, and he couldn't sleep at night.

It is difficult for both sides of the company to be human, so they can only turn a blind eye and close one eye, and directly terminate the contract with Zheng Yao. This kind of unrighteous thing behind the scenes will not be done. Besides, Zheng Yao's health was really bad at that time, and he left the company. It's no better than staying in the company.

After all, Zheng Yao really helped the company earn a lot of money. The company moved to a new building, and most of the initial planning and construction costs were earned by force.

Both sides of the company want to take it into consideration, and strive to create a social image of "valuing love and righteousness" and "compassionate about employees". The relationship between Zheng Yao and his teammates has been deadlocked like this, and there has been no new return since then.

His body had developed a dependence on the drug, and the first step in treatment was stopping the drug.The strong craving for the drug caused Zheng Yao to show a behavior of compulsively using the drug continuously or regularly and other reactions after stopping the drug, making it difficult to control himself.

Zheng Yao tied a rubber band around his wrist. Whenever he couldn't control himself and wanted to paralyze himself with drugs, he would flick the rubber band on his wrist to alert himself.The pain really made him find a trace of sobriety in the chaos, but after only a day or two, his wrist became red and swollen.

One time, during a brief light sleep, Zheng Yao never dreamed of those scenes that made him sick, instead he went back to the time before his debut. Bring the guitar to accompany the lead singer in another band.

When he woke up, his face was full of tears. He missed his lonely courage and blood all over his body at that time, as if even thunder and lightning could not defeat his belief and will.

After that, Zheng Yao went uncharacteristically, thinking of those beautiful memory fragments from the past from time to time.

Only then did he know that what bound him was never the people and things outside, but the thoughts in his own mind.He is obedient to all the sounds and images produced by the brain, so he can never escape the thinking cage created by the brain for him.

Instead of repeatedly recalling the trauma of the past, or following these negative emotions to entangle and refute these thoughts, it is better to ignore the naughty and nonsense of children.

After the contract expired, the rest of the teammates renewed their contracts with the company one after another. The purpose was already obvious. In their expectation, Zheng Yao left the company after the contract expired.

This feeling of revisiting old things is very strange. Zheng Yao can't tell whether he resists or likes it, but at that moment, the initial heart seems to be rekindled.

Zheng Yao wiped the end of his eyes indiscriminately, and his fingertips were full of hot and humid liquid.He unbelievingly dragged out all the other boxes, some of which were sealed, and their weight was similar to that of the open box.

Walking quickly to the living room, Zheng Yao picked up the utility knife on the coffee table and returned to the room.

Opening along the gap of the seal, more albums filled his sight.

It was as if the mute button had been pressed on the surroundings, and what Xiao Shuyuan had said echoed in his ears.

"My family is urging me to get married, and you are the best candidate in my current consideration."

"Is it gone? I thought you came back to get the instrument."

"Take it, I... my mother likes your song very much."

"Don't blame yourself too much, I'm not in a hurry, the most important thing is that you don't be unhappy, okay?"

"No but, if you don't eat it, I'll eat it all."

"I remembered that our unit issued cold drink coupons."

"I'm not someone else, so you don't have to bear it."

"How do you know I don't want to?"

"I know what you have been through before, and I know what it feels like to be frustrated, but I still want you not to be discouraged. I will always be your most loyal listener."

"People who often fall are not afraid of pain, but those who love you will feel distressed."

……

It turned out that Xiao Shuyuan's saying that he liked him from a very early age was true.

It turned out that Xiao Shuyuan already knew what he had experienced, earlier than he imagined.

Zheng Yao raised his head, took a few quick breaths, tried his best to suppress the turmoil in his heart, raised his head and tried to let his tears flow back into his eyes, but it was not enough.

His tears were not all moved.

My heart hurts, even more so than when he was misunderstood.

He would rather Xiao Shuyuan stand in front of him and complain about how sad he was at that time than the current situation. If Zheng Yao didn't find out, maybe he would never know.

He has followed the wishes of others and learned to hardly express his feelings to others. Whether he likes it or hates it, he will hide it in his heart, because there are few people who sincerely look forward to his good. Unhappy traces, but they are satisfied.

His poor acting skills were already exposed in the hospital, but Xiao Shuyuan chose to remain silent, protecting his self-righteous dignity.

Zheng Yao secretly called Xiao Shuyuan a fool in his heart.

Because his dignity is not worth mentioning in front of Xiao Shuyuan's love.

He was used to living in hiding, and it was purely a coincidence that he met that paparazzi.At that time in the hospital ward, Zheng Yao waited happily for Xiao Shuyuan to take him home. When he learned that the reporter and the media were coming to the hospital, his first reaction was not to run away like before.Instead, he thought about Xiao Shuyuan still downstairs, whether he would be photographed face to face by reporters, whether his photos would be circulated on the Internet, and whether his work would be implicated.

He has failed very much, without much ability, and in the eyes of others, he is a soft persimmon that anyone can handle.

He is used to the malice towards him from the outside world, no matter what people do to him, he can bear it.It's okay to bully him, misunderstand him, and cyber violence, but if those people threaten Xiao Shuyuan unfavorably, Zheng Yao will definitely fight back without hesitation.

But he failed again, he asked Xiao Shuyuan to go first, but Xiao Shuyuan categorically refused, and he was circled on the door panel to question.

Zheng Yao only realized how stupid he was, how self-righteous and smart he was.

Xiao Shuyuan never thought of being a deserter, and from the moment he fell in love with him, he was already on the same front as him.

Whatever happened, he wasn't going to let himself face the gossip alone.

Zheng Yao didn't know until now.

He didn't know until now.

Zheng Yao returned to the living room, hugged the MPCLive II, looked at the pinyin of his name on it, and stroked it with his fingertips.

His name was originally inanimate, but it was Xiao Shuyuan who gave it life.

There were still quilts and pillows on the sofa, because Zheng Yao's sleep has not been very good, he also went to see a psychologist, the doctor told him that he can't remember clearly, only remember what "territorial awareness".

I don't know when the insomnia gradually got better, but living under the same roof as Xiao Shuyuan, it seems to be better than before.

It was not bad to sleep with Xiao Shuyuan that night in the hospital.

Last night with Xiao Shuyuan...

Very good.

Reckless, Zheng Yao suddenly felt that the pillows and quilts on the sofa were an eyesore.He walked quickly to the sofa, picked them up and carried them to the bedroom, removed the outer quilt cover and pillowcase and put them in the washing machine, solemnly as if saying goodbye to the past.

In the future, whether Yan Guo left a voice or stepped on the snow without a trace, it would all be the icing on the cake of his affection for Xiao Shuyuan.