you are in my heart

Zishan drank too much that night, how could he wake up the next morning?

The head was as heavy as a hard rock, and it was difficult to lift it up to look at people. When he spoke, his whole head seemed to be split open.

Yongze is okay, so he laughed at him, "Seeing that you usually go out to socialize so much, why is your drinking capacity so poor?"

Zishan couldn't speak, just sat on the bed, couldn't get up, couldn't sleep, and felt a little anxious in his heart, as if a fire was burning.

Yongze held Zishan down, sighed and said, "Hangover is the most uncomfortable thing, just sit quietly."

He was afraid that Zishan would not be able to sit still, so he recited some words for him, "Listen to see if I made any mistakes..."

Wu Ma squeezed some orange juice for him, and he drank while listening to Yongze's recitation.Sometimes Yongze makes mistakes on purpose, which makes him anxious, and when Zishan recites, Yongze starts to criticize again, so what about that word, what about this sentence.There was no book in the bedroom, and they didn't bother to get it. The two of them talked about quoting scriptures, as if they were playing around.

That day passed quickly, he thought afterwards.

At the beginning of October, Mr. Mei sang "Universe Front" at the Lichun Grand Theater. He thought that Yongze might like it, so he went to find someone to get two tickets for the first-class box.

It was raining that day, he forgot to bring his umbrella, and he didn't drive out, so he had to shake the phone to ask James to take him back. When he was standing at the entrance of the theater waiting for James, he suddenly saw Yong Ze.

Zishan originally wanted to call him, but his throat seemed to be choked suddenly, and he couldn't even utter a word.

He saw him and a woman holding an oil-paper umbrella together, and the two of them were tightly stuck together, as if... lovers.

He watched them walk slowly to the place where the rickshaws gathered, and he watched him call out in that gentle and polite voice, "Pudong Wharf." That special voice passed through the noisy crowd and flowed clearly into his ears middle.

He watched him stretch out his hand from under the umbrella, and adjust the high collar of the woman, and watched the woman raise her hand, the snow-white arm was exposed from under the blue shawl, and the jasper bracelet was shaking slightly on the wrist with.The woman put her hand gently on his shoulder and slowly got into the rickshaw.

He watched that the umbrella he was holding was carefully placed on top of the woman, and then he watched him go up too, and saw that the two people were still very close.

He stood in front of the door of the Lichun Grand Theater in a daze, watching the rickshaw disappear into the rain until the end of the show.He stood numbly at the exit, letting the men and women who came in and out bumped into his shoulders and pushed his body...

It's not that he doesn't want to move, it's just that something has emptied his head, and he suddenly becomes unable to think.

He walked out silently with the flow of people, but he didn't know where he went.Standing in an unfamiliar alley, a rickshaw suddenly passed by, splashing mud all over his body.The man in the car was humming proudly. He stood still and could hear clearly. It was Zhao Yanrong answering her father's libretto. In the flowing Xipi Adagio, he said slowly: ... first marriage Kuang's heart is so miserable, his father's behavior is too bad, even though he and Kuang Lang are married, it's hard to guarantee that they will grow old together for a hundred years...

The rainwater hit his body, it was cold to the bone, he leaned against the wall and laughed, but the sound seemed to be crying, and he thought of another libretto: ah ah ah... just for you like a flower and a beautiful family, like a passing year...

He finally understood himself.

The rain still stubbornly washed the earth, as if to wash away all the dirt on the ground.For a moment, he thought painfully, if only he could wash himself away.

……

When he went back that day, he saw a writing on Yongze's desk, "Blue birds don't send messages in the clouds, and lilacs are empty and sad in the rain." The inscription and signature of whoever it was from pierced his eyes fiercely, Tightly grabbed his heart.

Now he suddenly understands why his mother cried when she read those old poems...

It turns out that such a simple few lines of words can also make people feel very painful.

He passed the large glass screen in the living room, which reflected his gloomy face.

He resentfully touched his face, those eyebrows, those eyes, and the corners of his mouth... It was so similar, so much like his mother, as if she had resurrected her soul...

He sat down dejectedly, and closed his eyes weakly.

His mother was the jewel in the palm of the old lady Fang in Huqiao Town, a well-known female talent with a radius of a hundred miles, and she memorized "Zi Zhi Tong Jian" by heart when she was seven years old.

...a beautiful and talented daughter.

At the age of 16, she married into the Wu family with a considerable dowry.

She married into the Wu family, and her happy life was only three months.Three months later, her husband raised an actor who sang Tsing Yi in the outer courtyard, and she never smiled again since then.

Is it true that newcomers are better than old ones?

Only three short months?

The woman hated him, but missed him.Yes, she was thinking about him, she was thinking about the man's smile when he gently raised her Xipa in the bridal chamber; she was thinking about the smile on his face when he grabbed his hand and asked her to write "Nian Nujiao"; On the way to pilgrimage to Nanputuo, he carried her across the shallow stream.

In the first three months of their marriage, he treated her so well, she put away those things one by one, carefully kept them in her heart, and hid them like treasures.In the past few decades, the master she has been thinking about in her heart is like that.

But she hated him even more.

What she hates is that he begged an actor to be a kid; what she hates is that he doesn't come in her door; It took her life; she hated that Zishan, which she gained through such pain, could not be exchanged for the master's attention.

Her heart is full of hatred, resentment, and sorrow, and she can't let go of her love for Zishan any longer.She always leaned against the bed, crying constantly.Later, she fell ill for some reason, her eyes were broken, she couldn't see anything, and she became a little crazy, so the master simply sent her back to her hometown.

The master never looked at Zishan seriously, thinking he looked so much like his mother; his mother didn't look at him either, complaining that he didn't look like the master.He couldn't even rely on his parents like that, and was alone.In the old house, the food he ate was cold, even worse than the servants at home.At that time, even a low-level cook could ride on his head to do his best.

When he was studying, the teacher in the private school used him to make a raft, and the bamboo sticks half finger wide hit him so hatefully that a deep bloodstain fell on the back of his hand, and it took a long time to heal.

He knows the word "forbearance" at a young age, and he is so good that people are scared.He knows how to try his best to please Er Niang, knows how to study hard, and knows how to do everything to the best.

But the master always looks down on him, dislikes this and that.

What Zishan did was not to his liking.But Zicong, the master hurts him very much.

Zicong's health is not very good, but after all, the eldest Zishan is five years old, there seems to be a layer of separation between him and Zishan, and they can't get along well.At that time, everyone in the house knew that the second young master seemed to be afraid of Zicong, but they didn't know why.Only Zi knew from his own heart what he had done to Zishan.

Zishan really hated Zicong at that time, he never thought of that person as his big brother, he hated him, cursed him every day, cursed him to die soon, cursed him to die an ugly death.

……

Later, Zicong's health became weaker and weaker. One year, in mid-March, he caught cold on the way to pilgrimage, fell seriously ill, and left just like that.

His father refused to stay in the old house, so he took Erniang to Shanghai.At that time, Ziliu was not yet born, and his father had no choice but to take him to Shanghai with him, and told him to learn how to do things.

In Shanghai, he actually met Jin James.

When he was studying, James was his neighbor. At that time, the friendship between the two was extremely good.Later, James' uncle entrusted someone to get James into the public board of directors in the French Concession.

Originally, everything was calm, except for the current situation and state affairs.

……

Until he met Mei Yongze...

……

Zishan stood in front of the window all the time, silent, until later, his feet were numb, and he still stood there, leaning against the window, looking out the door.

That night, Yongze came back very late.The moonlight was as pale as nothing, shining on the plain white Mei Yongze.Zishan seemed to be in a trance, watching Yongze walk in with ecstasy, until Yongze entered the door and couldn't see him anymore, then he smiled faintly.

As if he wanted to throw away all the unsatisfactory things, he sighed deeply.In the darkness of night, as if someone was responding, the deep sigh swayed faintly in the empty room, and could not find its source.

he wants to sleep...

But he stood for too long, his legs were stiff, and he couldn't walk, so he had to grab his legs and move towards the bed step by step.His legs and feet seemed to be filled with thousands of catties of tin iron, so heavy, so heavy, every step was so difficult...

Finally, I moved to the bed with great difficulty, fell down, and never wanted to get up again.

……