slowly

Ning Zhi's college career was not very happy. It should be said that many things he experienced were completely different from what he imagined.Before entering school, he thought that he would spend four years fulfillingly and happily. Even if his personality was slow and he could not make many friends, he could at least get along well with his roommates.

As a result, the sky did not go his way, and the objective laws always seemed to be contrary to his subjective will. No matter how hard Ning Zhi tried, the invisible train just kept going further and further away.

The first thing that messed up was the teacher-student relationship. He thought he politely pointed out the teacher's mistake, a very small mistake. As a result, he was praised in class and made things difficult for him in the final exam.Then there is the relationship between classmates. Ning Zhi doesn't even know what he did wrong, but the classmates in the class, especially the male classmates, think that he is showy, hypocritical, and pretentious.They often talked about him behind their backs, and Ning Zhi heard it a few times, but he didn't show up or argue, and walked away silently.He learned to restrain himself, try not to "show off his knowledge", and actively participated in group activities, but just as his social life improved, his secret of being gay was exposed again.Ning Zhi noticed the abnormality from the way everyone looked at him, especially Peng Kang, who was in the same dormitory. The video stored in the hard disk, and then told a few close friends, so that it was passed on to ten, ten to hundreds.

Ning Zhi didn't have any face-to-face confrontation, and he didn't bother to condemn Peng Kang for making trouble. He was not proud of his sexual orientation, and of course he didn't feel ashamed.Fortunately, after the secret of homosexuality was exposed, although Ning Zhi's situation in the dormitory was somewhat embarrassing, it was not unbearable.Tian Jin, who is in the same major, would occasionally talk to him, and generally kept the boundary between well water and river water, while Tan Guangsheng, a roommate from the School of Economics, was as gentle and friendly to him as before.Ning Zhi was deeply grateful for this, although he knew that it was only due to Tan Guangsheng's self-cultivation and character, but in an environment isolated by most people, even a little bit of warmth was enough to remember for a long time.

Before the "forced kiss" incident, the two of them maintained a harmonious relationship as roommates, chatting, playing cards, and playing games in the dormitory.Peng Kang would frown every time he saw these things. He and Tan Guangsheng are in the same major, and they often go to class together, and they have a good relationship. It's hard to see such a "pervert" like Ning Zhi approaching his friends, fighting for favor openly and secretly, and acting as an envoy of justice .Whenever Tan Guangsheng and Ning Zhi talked a few more words, he would try to interrupt him, and wink at Tan Guangsheng, reminding him that Ning Zhi was a huge AIDS pathogen.

Ning Zhi hated Peng Kang, as long as Peng Kang opened his mouth, he would stop no matter whether he had finished talking with Tan Guangsheng or not.Tan Guangsheng has a delicate mind, so he naturally knows what's going on, and sometimes he will give Ning Zhi a guilty smile, which makes Ning Zhi feel relieved.

In those few years, all the girls who played well with Ning Zhi were all girls, only Tan Guangsheng was an exception.No matter how indifferent Ning Zhi seemed to be, he was still happy to have a friend of the same sex, as if he was accepted by the gender that had ridiculed and rejected him.

Of course, what happened later proved that the so-called acceptance was just an illusion.

That day, the drama club had a dinner at the cafe on campus, playing Truth or Dare, Ning Zhi lost, and a few seniors booed him to confess his love.He quickly chose Tan Guangsheng. Tan Guangsheng knew his sexual orientation but never avoided or hated him, and he lived in the same dormitory, so it was easier to explain.

The game went very smoothly that day. Tan Guangsheng was surprised for a moment when Ning Zhi confessed his love. Ning Zhi shook his phone and gave him a wink. He immediately understood, nodded with a smile, and said cooperatively, "Thank you for your love, I need think about it".

Ning Zhi never expected such rumors to spread in a few days.Why he kissed Tan Guangsheng forcefully, climbed onto Tan Guangsheng's bed in the middle of the night and stroked his body, and even more viciously said that he likes to give men oral |jobs.

After being called over by the teacher from the student office for questioning, Ning Zhi called his mother, and the first sentence was: "Mom, I want to move out."

"It's over." Ning Zhi said.

The room was so quiet that a needle could be heard, Jiang Chan was silent and serious, Ning Zhi couldn't stand his eyes, felt that if Jiang Chan looked at him for a while, he would cry, so he stood up hastily and walked around the room. Circle, locked on the soda water on the bar, said: "I'm so thirsty, can I drink?"

Jiang Chan nodded, his voice was very low: "Drink."

Ning Zhi drank the rest of the soda water, threw the empty bottle into the trash can, wobbled back to sit beside Jiang Chan, and smiled: "Don't feel sorry for me, in fact, except for a few straight men, everyone treats me It’s not bad. Someone secretly confessed to me.”

With his palms resting on the sofa cushion, his shoulders shrugged slightly, he squinted at Jiang Chan, and said happily, "Jiang Chan, do you believe it? Luck is conserved. I was unlucky before, and I only met you now. Really." .”

Jiang Chan said, "I believe it."

"Okay, it's your turn," Ning Zhi actively enlivened the atmosphere, and even teased himself, "You heard about me from Deng Xin, don't you think I'm perverted?"

His eyes are bright and full of hope, such eyes only belong to people with a pure heart, Jiang Chan said: "I don't think so."

Ning Zhi bit his lip, and his face showed such touching messages as "You are so kind" and "I did not misunderstand the person".

"You point out the teacher's mistakes. The teacher made things difficult for you. It's because he's narrow-minded. You borrowed a computer from your roommate. He rummaged through folders and advertised that you were gay. He's the one who repays your kindness. As for that Tan Guangsheng..." Jiang Chan paused, no Besides, but his expression was very ugly, his eyes lost focus for a while, and he didn't know what he was thinking.

Ning Zhi touched the back of his hand, and comforted him: "Actually, I was also at fault. My personality is not very good."

Jiang Chan glanced at him, the corners of his lips pursed into a straight line slightly raised, looking helpless.

Ning Zhi said: "Actually, I want to know why you didn't tell me when we first met that you were the sarcophagi who tipped me."

"Is it important?"

Ning Zhi nodded again and again, Jiang Chan thought for a while, and said ambiguously: "I want to know you with a new identity."

When Ning Zhi wanted to ask, Jiang Chan said first: "And the swallow bar is not the first time we have met."

"Really?" Ning Zhi was taken aback, and quickly retrieved the memory in his mind.

"Many years ago, at an auction reception, your parents brought you here, Hyde Hotel, do you remember? You are still wearing your school uniform."

When it comes to hotels and school uniforms, Ning Zhi immediately remembered that he was just a waste of food that day. His mother took him into the banquet hall and walked away, telling him to play by himself. There are many, the schoolbags are very heavy, and the school uniform is still stained with oil, which is out of place with the men and women in suits and evening gowns, so they have to shrink in the corner and eat cakes and fruits.

"What about you? Where are you!" Ning Zhi asked with great interest, his impression of these things had faded.

"I'm next to you." At that time, Jiang Chan was wearing a suit and shiny leather shoes. In Ning Zhi's eyes, he was no different from those "adults" who were socializing. It's normal if he can't remember.

Ning Zhi really regretted it, and even felt a little guilty: "Then did we talk?"

"Say it, you handed me a piece of raspberry cake and asked me if I would eat it, and I said no."

"and then?"

"And then you eat it yourself."

"Okay..." Ning Zhi was not very satisfied with the direction of the story. After thinking about it for a while, he cheered up again, "It turns out that we met so early, it is really destined."

Jiang Chan agreed with a smile, "Yes."

"Is there anything else?" Ning Zhi looked up at Jiang Chan, looking eagerly like a puppy, "Is there anything else I don't know?"

Jiang Chan avoided his gaze and pretended to study the zigzag patterns on the carpet. He should have confessed to Ning Zhi. After all, Ning Zhi had told him all about the past, but that matter was really embarrassing and he didn't want to mention it.

"There are others, right? You have other secrets to hide from me." Ning Zhi saw it, and slumped down on the sofa pillow, pretending to be magnanimous: "If you don't want to say it, don't say it."

This is a trap, a trap, and a pathetic attack. Jiang Chan is very sober and sees through everything, but he still succumbs.He asked Ning Zhi: "When you were about to graduate two years ago, you posted an article on your official account, saying you were going to visit the Center Pompidou, do you remember?"

Of course Ning Zhi remembered.If you click on the homepage of "The Grapes of Zeuxis" now, you will find that "Graduation Miscellaneous Feelings" is the last article updated on the official account.At that time, Ning Zhi bought a ticket to fly to Paris on May 30, and planned to visit the Pompidou Center before returning to China, and revisit Notre Dame de Paris and the Louvre by the way.This itinerary was shared by him at the end of "Graduation Miscellaneous Feelings". He even shook his head and said, "I look forward to meeting you at the gate of the Center Pompidou."

In the comment area, a few friends made a joke and made an appointment to go to the square to feed the pigeons on May NO.30. They also said that they would invite Ning Zhi to drink coffee at Angelina Cafe, which was a place Proust once visited.Ning Zhi laughed and replied to them, saying things like "I remember", "Do what you say, don't run away if you have the ability", but they didn't take it seriously at all, because these few friends are not in Paris.In fact, among the more than 200 readers who followed his official account, Ning Zhi never thought of meeting anyone on the streets of a foreign country.

He planned the trip enthusiastically, made a strategy, and booked a hotel. He never thought that something went wrong with him. Before leaving, he sprained his foot and needed to rest in bed, so he had no choice but to cancel the trip.Ning Zhi was still yearning for Paris very much. After a month, he recovered from his foot injury. He planned to rebook the ticket, but the accident happened again. His aunt informed him that his father had passed away and asked him to return to China immediately.

So until now, Ning Zhi still has not entered the Pompidou Center or visited it carefully.He looked at Jiang Chan and felt nervous. Jiang Chan would not mention this trivial matter for no reason, he must mean something.A strange intuition hit Ning Zhi like a bullet. He swallowed, feeling weak and eager, like a dying patient who returned to life: "You won't—"

Jiang Chan lowered his eyes and clasped his hands on his knees. He smiled and looked up at Ning Zhi with a kind of magnanimity and relief. There was nothing he couldn't say: "I'm going, I've been waiting for you for a long time, but You didn't come."

"I didn't, no, I sprained my ankle!" Ning Zhi reasoned incoherently, as if the louder his voice, the more he could prove his innocence.He asked Jiang Chan again: "Why don't you leave me a message in the background of the official account?"

Jiang Chan was unable to answer this question, perhaps out of self-esteem, or perhaps out of disappointment, anyway, he was stubbornly waiting at the entrance of the art center, alone, recognizing Asian faces from the crowds of people coming and going.

In the evening, when the gorgeous sunset glowed in the sky, Jiang Chan took a few photos and found a bench to rest, but his eyes were still fixed on the huge building not far away.He looked at it for so long that he hallucinated, as if he had become a rebar, a pipe, or something else silent and hard, fused into this strange refinery, part of it, waiting for something to happen. Only the white dove that will come at any time and may be always late.

"Jiang Chan," Ning Zhi rushed over, with his arms hanging around Jiang Chan's neck, his eyes blinked quickly, and his voice lacked confidence, "How long are you waiting for?"

"I left after dark. I thought I was unlucky, or you changed your flight and arrived earlier, so I waited for you to post your travel notes for the next few days, but you didn't post them, so I guessed that you were delayed by other things. "

They were very close, Ning Zhi's soft cheek was like a white peach, Jiang Chan kissed him in this gesture, smiled with satisfaction, and the little tiger teeth disappeared in a flash.

Ning Zhi's heart was overwhelmed by guilt, and he said softly, "I'm sorry."

"Look, that's why I don't want to tell you. It was my whim back then, and you didn't know that I would go to Paris." Jiang Chan lowered his head and kissed him again, sucking the tip of his lips, Ning Zhi closed his eyes to meet his Moving, the eyelashes trembled slightly, looking very sad.

"I wish I had known you earlier." Ning Zhi said regretfully during the brief separation.

Jiang Chan was optimistic: "It's not too late."

"Jiang Chan," Ning Zhi put his right hand on Jiang Chan's chest, and pushed him away a little bit, biting his lips with his teeth, with a tangled expression of hesitation.

"what happened?"

Ning Zhi hesitated, blushed before he said anything, and the question he asked at the end seemed to be a bit of a bargain: "Actually, you have loved me for a long time, right?"

Jiang Chan was startled, then burst out laughing.Ning Zhi had no confidence at all, and his embarrassment was doubled by his smile, and he warned Jiang Chan in a vicious voice, asking him to weigh it carefully before answering.

Jiang Chan was kind and thoughtful, and thought about it seriously. Within a few seconds of his thinking, Ning Zhi calmed down, withdrew his playful and threatening eyes, and gently stroked Jiang Chan's fingers.

"I don't know, maybe."

Jiang Chan remembered that afternoon at the end of May, when he came across Ning Zhi's article in his apartment in London, tipped ten yuan as usual, and then went to the bedroom to take a nap.After three o'clock in the afternoon, he woke up and saw the curtains fluttering, the sun fell on the wall from time to time, and a bird flew over the window sill, pecking off a rose petal, and the petal was spinning in the breeze, free and light , as red as a drop of blood, a beautiful dream.Suddenly, Jiang Chan felt a strong urge to see Ning Zhi. He picked up his phone and decisively booked a flight ticket to Paris.

I'm ashamed, if this subtle, complex, and obscure impulse can be called love, then he has indeed loved Ning Zhi for a long time.

The author says:

Jiang Chan, stingy, really stingy