Qiuchi silent

Summary: don't think about it now

Seven or eight-year-old children don't know much clearly, but they are good at figuring out the emotions of people around them, and they are especially sensitive to negative emotions.

Although not all people who like to chew their tongues can lower their bottom line enough to make irresponsible remarks to a child, but the stiff smile, the partner who was forcibly taken away by the adults when playing hide-and-seek, and the occasional voice that is too late to lower, will all be ignored. Burn on the cornea and eardrum.So Xie Qiuchi knew that he and his mother were not welcome in this neighborhood, or more accurately, they were disgusted.

Xie Qiuchi still has some vague impressions of when he was two or three years old. In this impression, the role of his father is a tall man with a smell of cigarettes that cannot be washed away. He sometimes lifts Xie Qiuchi up. Scared him, it was so high that it could almost touch the lamp hanging from the ceiling—or it was an illusion, because the ceiling of that kind of old house was really very high, and it was not a distance that could be touched, but Xie Qiuchi had no chance to prove this something happened.

When he was six years old, Xie Qiuchi's father was diagnosed with lung cancer. The five-year survival rate of stage II lung cancer is around 30-50%, which is not a desperate figure.

What he remembers most clearly is that his mother was sitting under the dim incandescent lamp, crying while counting money with paper, and the ballpoint pen with ink jammed drew out uneven blue and black lines on the paper, and occasionally a white mark. The paper was torn.After finishing the calculation, she wiped away her tears, smiled and said to Xie Qiuchi, "Son, it's fine."

Xie Qiuchi sniffed and nodded at her.

But luck does not follow others. After the operation, the cancer relapsed and metastasized quickly. The doctor suggested targeted therapy, which cost [-] yuan a month, and other drugs were also needed. The whole family was nailed to the hospital.

The doctor couldn't bear it either, so he pushed his glasses and asked them, "What about the medical insurance? It can be reimbursed by the medical insurance."

His mother stood there dumbfounded, and opened her mouth: "I didn't buy it."

On the surface, medical insurance is a must for employees, but in fact there are still some companies that, because they are unwilling to pay the part of the medical insurance expenses that should be borne, use one or two hundred "subsidies" for employees per month in exchange for strict control.

Between the illusory medical insurance and the imminent subsidy, many people are willing to choose the latter.

The doctor sighed, pushed the list and explained to her: "If..."

"Doctor, let's treat it."

The old house was sold like this. Because the sale was urgent, the price was severely suppressed. In the end, it was less than 30 yuan. Xie Qiuchi and his mother moved to a low-rent house in the old neighborhood—bringing him years of money. The block of nightmares.

Xie Qiuchi seldom cried, most of the time he would sit quietly cross-legged near his dad doing his homework and show it to his dad.The man was so thin that he only had a skeleton, and he couldn't lift him up, so he patted his head.

Treatment expenses are a bottomless pit for cancer patients. The money his mother throws in doesn't make much money, and it was spent within two years, so he started borrowing everywhere.

Xie Qiuchi took the kettle to fetch hot water, and heard his father's hoarse voice at the door: "Let's die."

The fuck didn't talk.

After Xie Qiuchi grew up, he vaguely understood that his mother not only borrowed money from relatives, but also borrowed money from usury. The woman who had been withered for two years bought inferior cosmetics and didn't go home at night.

To put it simply, she became the most shameless woman in the neighborhood, wearing a flamboyant skirt in the dark behind her husband's back, and then turned around and continued to fill the money into the black hole.

She is really good-looking, and even if the price is higher, people will buy her. Occasionally, she gets too drunk and is sent back to an old low-rent apartment by a strange man. She randomly steps on a pair of high-heeled shoes and fumbles for keys in her bag.Xie Qiuchi heard the movement and came out to open the door for her, and hugged her waist to catch her.

The man's eyes fell on his face, which was hot with the smell of alcohol.

"How old is your son?" He asked, smacking him a few times, "He's prettier than you."

The man's surname is Xiao, and his name is Xiao Rong.

Xie Qiuchi had forgotten about it for several nights, and his mother suddenly came back at night, her face was smeared with makeup, and her eyeliner was badly blurred. She hugged Xie Qiuchi and cried bitterly, crying even more than the day she got the medical certificate. The aroma of chemicals rubbed against his face.

His mother finally touched his face, choked up and asked him: "Son, can we save Dad?"

Xie Qiuchi was also very sad. He buried himself in his mother's arms and nodded, quietly leaving tears on her skirt.

"Can you, don't look at me..." Xie Qiuchi asked him in a low voice.

Mu Zhe has been shaking his fingers with him since just now, and he tried his best to restrain his expression, did not speak, and only listened to Xie Qiuchi.

He seemed to be a little bit stunned, and he was stunned for a moment before he realized Xie Qiuchi's question, and he answered hoarsely, "Okay."

After he finished answering, he stood up, half-kneeled on the hospital bed, still holding Xie Qiuchi with one hand, and wrapped his other hand around Xie Qiuchi's shoulders to press him down: "This way, I won't be able to see."

Xie Qiuchi's voice was muffled in his neck: "Later, Xiao Rong's wife caught rape, but she didn't catch my mother, but she saw me. She reported Xiao Rong, and she brought people like Xiao Rong along."

It turned out that there was more than one person.

Mu Zhe hugged Xie Qiuchi silently.

"I've always... been very grateful to her, but she was also stimulated by this incident, and she had some mental problems. I didn't know where she was, and I didn't dare to visit her."

"My father was not cured in the end. My mother married a rich man who liked her very much in order to pay off the usury.

"She didn't see me again, but she gave me a lot of money and asked someone to help me transfer my student status to study in another place.

"I resisted at the beginning, but it was useless. I would be beaten and locked up. If I didn't resist, they would give me food and candy. I always vomited after eating candy, and they scolded me for not knowing what to do. They also said Even if I was young, I had to keep my promise. I did it voluntarily, so I shouldn't be disobedient, so then I... didn't resist.

"I was unlucky. I met Xiao Qing again in college. He still remembered my name, and found someone to find my student status file. If I were him, I would probably also hate the person who ruined my family.

"Actually... I didn't think it was all my fault. I found many reasons to excuse myself. I thought I could pretend that those things didn't happen. But Xiao Qing asked me at that time... If you don't want to Why not die."

Mu Zhe trembled all over, Xie Qiuchi clung to him, trembling, his fingers subconsciously tightened his clothes, Mu Zhe finally cried when he heard him: "It hurts, I'm scared, I thought about it too. of……"

"Then don't think about it now," Mu Zhe let go of him, avoiding the wound and wiping his tears, "Now I know everything, right?"

Xie Qiuchi closed his eyes and let out a "hmm".

"I listened to everything, it should also help you share all the emotions, if you are sad, you can only be sad 50.00%, if you blame yourself, you can only blame yourself 50.00%, the rest is mine, Do you want to pull me to think together?" He slowly leaned closer and pressed his forehead and nose against Xie Qiuchi, "Qiuchi, you know it's not your problem, right?"

"..."

"Open your eyes," Mu Zhe slapped him on the forehead, "it's not your problem, is it?"

"I know." Xie Qiuchi opened his eyes and looked at him. From a very close distance, his eyes were reflected in the pupils washed by water.

Mu Zhe's eyes were very red, which made Xie Qiuchi feel a little regretful, but afterward they kissed shallowly, and Mu Zhe hugged him tightly again: "Still dizzy?"

"Only a little."

"That's a lot of points."

"I really didn't lie to you, only a little bit."

"I lied to you many times before."

"Sorry, dog was wrong."

"I don't care about you for the time being today."

Mu Zhe smiled generously, and did not let go of Xie Qiuchi, but after hugging him quietly for a while and seeing that he had not moved, Xie Qiuchi became a little anxious: "You haven't bandaged yet."

"Oh..." Mu Zhe remembered that the wound was still hurting, grinned, stepped back a little and took off the down jacket.

It was only when he took off his underwear that he realized that it was stuck together with blood. Xie Qiuchi frowned tightly, and wanted to ring the bell to call the nurse, but Mu Zhe blocked him with his hand: "Wait a while."

"Taking it off directly will tear the wound open, why do you..."

"What about me?" Mu Zhe raised his eyebrows.

"Aren't you... hiding your illness and avoiding medical treatment..."

"Fart," Mu Zhe laughed, and put his hand to Xie Qiuchi's lips, "Did I tell you not to let people see it?"

Xie Qiuchi was still a little dazed, didn't understand what he meant, so Mu Zhe touched his lips, and coaxed softly, "Lick it clean first, then disinfect."

Remarks: I checked a lot of things about Qiu Chi's father's illness, but it was still very confusing and didn't fit the plot direction, so I mixed many things together.

Then I realized that I might have to remind... What Qiuchi said may not be completely true. For example, he said that he didn't think he was wrong, but pay attention to his word "excuse", in fact, he can't help feeling sorry for this matter. Blame himself, he will deceive himself. (The same goes for Mu Zhe.)

Hahahaha And just don’t believe my nonsense, I said 20% yesterday, I just made it up, look, isn’t it 80% today, you ask where is the remaining 20%?Just kidding, how can a conversation completely solve the knot of many years, and the days to come will be long, this is just a very important... many, many steps.

He will have more courage, know himself more clearly, and dare to accept more love.