King's Landing GL

Chapter 59 Look Back Again

When I walked into the imperial study room, I saw that the furnishings here were still the same as before, but I didn't spend time paying attention to them.When I walked into the inner room, what I saw was the desk and chair she used to review the memorial, and... a chair next to it.My nose suddenly became a little sore, and I looked at the chair next to the throne. Only I knew that in the past many days and nights, I sat with her and accompanied her to review the memorial until late at night, adding fragrance to her body.

Didn't realize it was still there.

I was a little dazed, and I forgot the purpose of my visit. There are many memories of me in this palace city. I tried hard to forget them, and I thought I had already forgotten them.However, when I really came back here and was in it, I realized that I had been deceiving myself and others, and I didn't know how ridiculous it was.

"Pa..." The book fell to the ground and made a sound. I woke up from the memory and looked for the reputation.I saw Murong Bai, who was dressed in a black robe, standing in front of the bookcase, looking at me without blinking.Probably because I knew someone was coming in, so I walked out from behind the bookcase, but unexpectedly saw me.Her dark eyes were full of starlight, and she fixed her eyes on me.I looked at the book on the ground at her feet, came back to my senses, took two steps sideways, knelt down on one knee, cupped my fists and said:

"Chen Zhenguo General Gu met the king from the south, my king Sheng'an."

After a pause, I spoke again. Although I tried my best to keep my voice calm, I still felt its trembling:

"I didn't put on the armor, and I couldn't fully salute. Please forgive me, Your Majesty."

I felt that the whole room became silent in an instant, and after a long time, I didn't see her asking me to get up, so I lowered my eyes and waited quietly.

After a long time, her trembling voice came into my ears through the air:

"Excuse me...hell." I heard her say.

"Thank you, Your Majesty."

I stood up, not daring to look at her, my eyes kept falling on the ground, I took out the memorial from my arms, bent down and handed it with both hands:

"It has been two years since the minister led the army to attack Chen. This is the memorial from the minister."

But she didn't answer for a long time. After a while, she said to me in a hoarse voice:

"Head up."

My heart trembled, I took a dark breath, raised my head and moved my eyes steadily up.

She looked at me, took two steps closer to me, and said:

"Remove... helmet."

I took off the helmet as I said, hugged it on my left waist, and looked up at her.

She shook violently, her eyes turned red leisurely, and then tears fell without warning, and the tears hit the ground.

She slowly raised her hand and caressed my left cheek, tears streaming down her proud face.

"Does it hurt...?"

"Honor..."

"I asked you if it hurts!" She suddenly growled, interrupting what I was about to say.

I could feel her trembling fingertips on my face, stroking my ugly scars so tenderly.

"It hurts." I was finally willing to look her directly in the eyes, and said calmly.

How can it not hurt?

She raised her left hand to cover her trembling lips, and she shed tears like pearls, drop by drop.

She bent slightly, lowered her head and said nothing, weeping silently—I know, she didn't want me to know that she was crying.

This woman is always so strong.

Just when I thought she was still as hard as iron and unbreakable.She suddenly reached out and hugged me tightly.Even though I was wearing a military uniform, I still felt the temperature of her tears falling on my shoulders.

The hand hanging by my side was tense, I was afraid that if I was not careful, I would want to hug her back.

I hate her as much as I love her.

But I never understood her, just like now, I don't know why she is crying.

Are you sorry for me?

Is it.

"Why are you crying..." After a while, I whispered, "I should be happy."

She held my hand tighter, but remained silent.

I sighed and squeezed out joy from my wry smile, as I said myself: I should be happy.

I finally met her and finally lost her.

"Xinran... how are you doing?" I said as if dreaming, "You have to live well to..."

In this way, I spent six years to let go, to forget, to force myself... to get used to, to get used to a person's life.Life without Murong Bai.

"Not good..." She hugged me and wept on my shoulder, "I miss you so much..."

I was taken aback for a moment, it was really hard for me to imagine that a woman like Murong Bai would say such straightforward words.In the past so many years, I waited and longed, but I couldn't get a word from her that she missed me.Now when she told me that she missed me very much, I laughed shamelessly.

I'm laughing.

It turns out that people in the world really know how to cherish only when they lose it, even Murong Bai is no exception.

I asked her if she loved me?She said she wouldn't fall in love with me... so now she says she misses me, isn't she lying to me again?So ruthless and ungrateful, the king who has driven me to a dead end many times, how can he know how to cherish it.

Probably just resentment, resentment that the person who once stood behind her and followed her lead has now left her.

Unwilling and angry—that is possessiveness at work.

But also because of this, at this moment I clearly felt the lack of trust between me and Murong Bai, maybe we have always been lacking, but at that time I was too cheerful and optimistic, too giving Hypnotized myself.

I personally wove a beautiful dream of growing old with Murong, but was awakened by reality.

I should believe her, after all, I still love her.

I shouldn't believe her, after all, I still hate her.

"I saw Su Yu." I said quietly.

She trembled in my arms, and after a while, she stepped back slightly and left my arms.

She looked up at me for a moment and said:

"Then you... still blame me?"

"Resentment, of course resentment." I looked straight into her eyes and said calmly, "Not only resentment, I...I also hate you."

I heard my voice lowered and became hoarse:

"I hate you as much as I love you."

How much I hate that you are the king of the Great Qin, how much I hate that you are Xie Changjun's wife, how much I hate that you are Murong Wu's mother... how much I hate that you refuse to be my family.

Murong Bai, I love you and you can turn a blind eye, then I hate you, will you feel fluctuated?

"It doesn't matter." She looked at me, but the corners of her mouth curled into a smile, but her eyes were still so clear and sharp, "Hate and love are originally one. It doesn't matter if you love me or hate me."

I stared at her fixedly for a long time.When I first met her, she was so arrogant and aggressive. Eight years later... she is still her, she hasn't changed at all.

But I am not me anymore.

When I came to Qin, I was young and full of vigor.Now with black hair and white hair, time is running out...why bother to get entangled again.

Well, she is still so good.Born to be a king, one day he will rule the world.

I can't stop her, and I can't stop her.Her ambition is too strong, and my love is too weak, it cannot be resisted, nor can it be resisted.

"If the king has nothing else to tell me, I will leave first." I took a step back and saluted.

"Does it have to be like this?"

My eyes fell on the ground, and my voice was calm, neither sad nor happy:

"Chen, take your leave first."

After saluting, I turned around.As soon as she took a step, she called out to me:

"Consider."

At that moment, I almost shed tears, the moment she called out my name.I thought I was strong enough to face her beautiful appearance calmly, and I had enough courage to watch her happiness now.

I think I am strong and I have learned to pretend.But at the same time I was vulnerable because I almost cried just hearing her call my name.

Seeing Murong Wu, I didn't cry.

Reunited with her, I did not cry.

I didn't cry when I heard her say she missed me.

But at the moment she called out my name, my eyes were red and tears fell.

Thinking, thinking, what a ridiculous name... Obviously I have been free and casual all my life, but it makes me worry.

Just a joke.

"Don't you want to ask me something?" she said behind me.

My hands holding the helmet tightened, and I suddenly remembered what I asked her when I was in the Hall of Eternal Life.

——I asked, Murong Bai, did you ever love me?

——She said, there are ghosts and valleys everywhere, and no one will fall in love with you.

Now, what's the big deal now that she told me the answer to what I wanted to know most years ago?

Why bother mediocrity.

"Or, is there something you don't want to know?" she continued.

"No need." I said lightly, "I already know the answer to what I want to know the most. The rest is not important."

"...Is she important to you?"

"It's very important." It is precisely because I know that you will not fall in love with me that I can find a reason to release myself and let myself go.

Emotional things can't be forced.

"...I see." She suddenly smiled, "You and I played chess, and I lost everything."

My heart trembled, I turned around suddenly, stared at her, and said:

"Losing?—Did you lose?"

"I lost." She nodded slightly, the corners of her mouth seemed to be curved, "I lost to you, I lost to Su Yu."

Su Yu?What's the matter with Su Yu?I was about to ask her, but she continued:

"But it doesn't matter." She turned cold, and returned to the indifferent king, "You are mine, you are my Murong Bai's man, and you are Murong Bai's ghost when you die. Do you want to escape from me? - I Absolutely, not allowed."

"Are you crazy, Murong Bai?" I looked at her face, and after a closer look, it was a little strange, "Do you find it interesting to be tortured like this?"

"Yes, of course there is. Of course it's interesting to torture each other to the point of death."

I looked at her reddened eyes and chuckled lightly:

"Gray-headed?—You mean white-headed?"

I laughed out loud, pointed at my white hair, and asked her:

"I have gray hair, what else do you want from me? What else can I do..."

Her pupils dilated slightly, her body unconsciously took two steps back, her face suddenly turned pale, and she looked a little flustered:

"No...thinking..."

"Murong Bai, that's it." I looked at her for a long time, then turned around and said to her, "If you still want to say something to me...then look back when we meet again , you tell me what you want to say..."

"......it is good."

I nodded, and strode out.I'm afraid that if I stay there for another quarter of an hour, I won't be able to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I miss her.

I am no longer eligible.

After leaving the imperial study room, I walked aimlessly in the palace, I don't know how long I walked, and where I went.I suddenly heard a voice from a distance:

"Your Highness, Your Highness. You run slowly, run slowly..."

Before I turned around, I felt a tightness in my legs, I looked down, and saw Murong Wu holding my thighs as before, looking up and smiling at me.

"Father Jun..." Her voice was soft and soft.

I looked down at her and had to admit that she was very similar to Murong Bai, especially between the eyebrows...

Maybe Murong Bai was as cute as her when he was young.

"How old are you?" I bent down and asked her.

She tilted her head and thought for a while, maybe she was too young to understand what I said to her.But she still smiled very happily, let go of the hand holding my leg, bent her eyebrows, stretched out her hand towards me, and said in a childish voice:

"Hug...hug."

I was silent for a long time, and finally stretched out my hand and hugged her.She happily hugged my neck and kissed me on the cheek.

I froze and didn't move, I couldn't express what I felt in my heart.I hate Murong Bai, it's true, but I also love Murong Bai.I have always been very clear about the differences, and I can't involve the hatred for Murong Bai's betrayal on a yellow-haired child, but I can't get close to this child either.She is bleeding from the blood of the person I love the most.

But love Wu Jiwu, I think I can't do it to Murong Wu.

"Your Majesty...Your Majesty." Seeing me hugging Murong Wu, the belated nanny was startled, looked nervous, and hurriedly saluted me, "Damn this old slave, I didn't follow Your Highness well. Let Your Majesty... ..”

"It's okay." I said lightly.

Murong Wu lay on my shoulder, first played with my hair, then calmed down after a while, looked sideways, maybe she was sleepy, she was rubbing her eyes with her little hands.

"Sleepy?" I asked her softly, even I didn't realize that my voice was so gentle.

I probably love Murong Bai more than I hate him.

"Father Jun..." She pouted, her small face was pressed against my neck, her arms were still tightly wrapped around her, "Hug..."

"Okay, hug." I coaxed her.

Mammy knelt on the ground.

"Why does she call me Father Jun?" I asked Mammy.

Mammy was stunned for a moment, and said:

"It was given by the king, besides, His Majesty is His Highness's biological father..."

My face darkened, and I said coldly:

"What did you say?"

"Your Majesty, forgive me. His Majesty joined the army in the early years, and His Highness has never seen His Majesty since he was born. His Majesty has a lot of government affairs..."

"You said, she is my child?" I paused word by word.

"Your Majesty joins the army, I'm afraid you don't know about it." Mammy said respectfully, "To put it bluntly, if it wasn't for His Majesty's child... how could His Highness be made the eldest princess?"

I pursed my lips and didn't speak for a while.Now it seems that the whole palace or people in the world think that Murong Wu is my child, which is normal after all... After all, I have been married to Murong Bai for many years.

The eldest princess is naturally the child of Murong Bai and I.

But Murong Bai and I both know very well that it is impossible for us to have children.

I patted Murong Wu's back lightly, coaxing her to sleep, and straightened her waist a little, trying to make her sleep more peacefully.I thought how wonderful it would be if she was really my child...

"Where is Mr. Xie?"

"Your Majesty is talking about Young Master Xie?" Mammy replied, "When Chen and Qin started the war, Young Master Xie was imprisoned in Yong'an Hall."

"Got it." I nodded.

Mammy stepped aside.

I hugged Murong Wu who was asleep, and stayed there for a long time.

After putting Murong Wu to sleep, I went to the military department, where I waited for my subordinates to see me, and they all saluted:

"General."

I nodded and said:

"go in."

"promise."

......

After coming out of the Ministry of War, the sky was already dark.I said to my subordinates:

"Let's go back."

"Is the general going home?" A soldier teased with a smile. I knew he was joking with me in good faith. After all, on the way back to Beijing, everyone's nerves were not relaxed, and now things have settled down. Most of the time, it should be easy.

But I was stunned for a moment, home?Such a strange word.I raised my eyes to look at the large Qin Palace. Outside the high city walls is the most prosperous capital of Qin... What a big city, what a powerful country... But there is no home for me.

Home... I haven't had a home for many years.

On the third day after returning to Beijing, on the 21st of the twelfth lunar month, I was going to go back to the Zhenguo military camp.The left and right also reported their duties. Although it was not very pleasant, I didn't want to stay with the royal capital anymore.Anyway, I have to go back, and it just so happens that I can take a lot of food and grass back this time.

When Pi Sen came to see me off, he asked me why I didn’t leave after the new year in the capital, and I said:

"Forget it, I'm used to the New Year's atmosphere in the military camp, so it's not interesting to be in the royal capital deserted."

Pi Sen was silent for a while, then suddenly smiled again and said:

"When will this battle be over?"

I shook my head. If there was no Sylphy in Chen Guo, I would have led the army to destroy the capital of Chen Wang and destroy Chen Guo. But in fact, since Chen Guo had Sylphy, this battle has become more and more difficult to fight.Sylphy led the army to fight with me. Although Chen Guo had consumed too much before and he couldn't change the ending of Chen Guo's destruction, he could delay the time for Chen Guo to destroy the country.

"I don't know, maybe half a year, maybe a year or two." I shrugged and said, "Ghost knows."

Pisen smiled and patted my shoulder, saying:

"Let's get it over with sooner. This way Qin has completed its mission of unifying the world, and you can relax a bit."

I smiled and nodded.

"When the battle is over and the King of Qin proclaims himself emperor, my task of protecting the three generations of the Murong family in the Pi family will be completed." He smiled on his brows, "I can finally be relieved, and I can be unrestrained after resigning from office. I'm going to practice medicine."

"Yeah, I'm almost free." I stood in front of the Xuanwu Gate and turned around to look, and the whole Qin Palace fell into my eyes, familiar and unfamiliar, changed and unchanged.I took a deep look.Then I moved my eyes to the highest point of Qin Palace - the tall moon-watching pavilion. From a distance, I saw the bronze bell hanging on it.I think, when it rings next time, it will be the triumphant return of the Qin army.

"If the war is over, where do you plan to go?" Pi Sen asked me, "Or...do you plan to stay here."

"No." I shook my head, stretched my waist, and said to Pi Sen, "After this battle is won, I will disarm and return to the fields, and go to Beihai."

Pi Sen was taken aback for a moment, then smiled and said:

"Want to go to the sea?"

"It's not all," I laughed, "I miss my relatives, I have a relative, she is waiting for me in Beihai. She said that when I become famous and go back, she is waiting for me there."

"Then I will come to Beihai to see you when the time comes."

"Okay." I got on my horse and said to Pi Sen, "I will bid farewell to you today, and when I meet again, I will invite the old man to have tea."

"Goodbye then."

"Goodbye." I reined in my horse, bid farewell to Pisen, rode through the Xuanwu Gate, and rode away.I didn't look back, and I didn't dare to look back, because I knew that the Qin Palace behind me was getting farther and farther away from me.

until it can no longer be seen.

"Hug..." On the Mochiyue Pavilion, Murong Wu stretched out his hand and tugged at the corner of the mother's clothes who was standing straight and stiff with her back facing her in front of the railing, and said softly, "Hug..."

Hearing his daughter's voice, Murong Bai paused for a moment, then turned around and reached out to hug his daughter.Looking at the fence, from a long distance, she saw a man in military uniform saying goodbye to Pisen in front of Xuanwu Gate.

Are you leaving?

Do you still have to go?

Her dark eyes were as deep as the sea, and the deep emotions hidden in her eyes were finally revealed at this moment, her tightly pursed lips were pale and cold, and her delicate face was full of bewildered fragility:

She still can't keep her, just like two years ago.

She actually wanted to tell her everything, that way... maybe she wouldn't leave her.But when she was about to speak, the man told her that what she wanted to know the most was already known, so the rest was not important.

It's not important, so I don't want to know.

She laughed at herself, it turns out that the person she thinks about day and night, the person she misses in her heart is not her, but her childhood sweetheart, Su Yu, who she grew up with.

She already knew that Su Yu was not dead, so other things were not so important.

Including her... To her, she is not important anymore.

Should we cry or laugh?She had hoped that Zongheng could love her less, let her breathe in her love, and let each other be more free... But when she really faced that person's indifference, she found that she was a little bit I can't bear it, I can't bear her without her in her eyes.

Obviously before, her world was full of her and only her.Now he wants to leave her.

How ironic.

And the most ridiculous thing is herself, laughing at her own self-righteousness: she thought she was still the same as before, trusting her unconditionally and favoring her.But in fact, she had already changed. After she finally knew her own mind, that person changed.Probably because her heart was hurt badly by her, that's why she thought so much about her former lover... Su Yu.

She once thought that Lechang split the scene because of a misunderstanding between them, but when she wanted to explain, she was unwilling to listen.She suddenly remembered the desperate and painful expression on the man's face when he learned of Su Yu's death, looking at her with such empty eyes... He joined the army because of Su Yu.

Now she was leaving, but he didn't even want to say goodbye to her.Do you really hate her so much? —It’s okay, it’s really okay.

You hate me, at least you can still remember me.

"Jun...Jun Father..." Murong Wu's little finger pointed in the direction of Xuanwumen, softly, "Jun Father..."

Murong Bai was stunned for a moment, she really did not expect that Murong Wu would recognize that person from such a long distance.

Fate?

She lowered her eyebrows and smiled lightly:

"You recognized her?—very well."

Murong Bai's cold voice carried a rare gentleness:

"You should know her, she is your father."

Murong Wu couldn't understand what her mother was saying, but she lay on the railing and babbled to the person in the distance, very happy:

"Hug...jun father hug."

Murong Bai was tall and tall, and together with his daughter watched the man get on his horse, ready to leave.Her eyes were clear, and she remembered that man said to her that day in the Hall of Eternal Life:

——If you must still want to say something to me... then when we meet again, look back, and you tell me everything you want to say...

Looking back, will I tell you everything I want to say when we meet again?So now you are not willing to listen? ——It’s okay, I’ll just wait for you.When you come back, I will tell you everything.At that time, I cleared away all obstacles, and you stood shoulder to shoulder with me, ruling the world together.

Murong moved restlessly in Murong Bai's arms, looked at the person leaving in the distance with a shy face, and said in a waxy voice:

"Father..."

"Chaoyang, my father is going to the border to protect us, and he will be back soon..." Murong Bai held the child, looked at the figure of the man going away, and murmured softly, "Mother, I will accompany you to wait for my father." When you come back, you have to be obedient, grow up according to your father's wish, don't be illiterate, just grow up happily, and be the person she wants you to be."

——I really want to have a baby with you, but I know it's impossible.

--Is it......

——If you want to have a daughter, she can follow your temperament.If that's the case, I'm determined to teach her well.

——how to teach?

——Teach her to enjoy life and be content with her.

——Aren’t you going to teach her how to read and write?

— do not teach.

"Good girl, she will come back. The three of us will be reunited soon." She heard herself say, "At that time, I will never let her go again."

"No...don't let go." Murong Wu grinned and repeated his mother's words.

Hearing this, Murong Bai's eyes turned red suddenly, and his voice became hoarse:

"Yes, never again, never let go."

(End of this chapter)