你 是 我 的 梦

Carrying the suitcase to the first floor, Zhang Yi was the only one in the living room.He sat alone on the sofa in the living room, his eyes moved with my steps.Now he seems to have returned to the gentle and polite appearance when we first met, it seems that the whole person is much cleaner.

Seeing that I didn't intend to stop, Zhang Yi stood up from the sofa and walked towards me. When he got close, he took my arm with one hand and took down my suitcase with the other hand, and said softly: "Xiao Han, let's talk!"

This should be Zhang Yi's real voice! !So soft, softer than my voice.God is really unfair, such a white face, such beautiful lips, and such a nice voice, but grow on a man's body, what a waste of money.

Let’s talk again, I seem to have less and less initiative recently.

Talk just talk!Even if you put an end to your own journey.

"Okay. Say it."

"Let's sit down and talk slowly. I'll tell you everything you want to know."

I go to the sofa and sit down.Zhang Yi followed and sat on my right.

"It's time to start. You talk and I listen."

"please wait a moment."

There are really no better words to describe this voice.

Zhang Yi went to make me a cup of coffee, put it in front of me, and poured himself a cup of boiling water.

Then hold the water glass with both hands and say: "First of all, I want to say sorry to you on behalf of my parents. All this happened because of me. If I were, it would be normal. My parents would not think of hurting you. Can you forgive me Parents?" The voice became smaller and smaller, showing his sincerity.

Apart from the first meeting, this is the second time I found that he spoke in an orderly manner, without nagging, no foaming, and no signs of paranoia.Except for the change of voice.

"There is no forgiveness or unforgiveness. Anyway, you never touched me, and I never fell in love with you. It's not illegal to cheat, so there's no need to say sorry."

I still have my own temper, but I just feel that ~ I have to be forgiving and forgiving, and if I say what I want to say, I don’t necessarily feel happy in my heart. It’s better to keep some useless nonsense in my heart and let it rot.But today's nameless fire can't subside for a long time.

"I'm really sorry! It's not illegal to cheat, but our morality has always been condemned." He lowered his head as he said that, as if he was about to cry.

I'm afraid, a big man is crying, except for the Qiong Yao drama, I really can't accept that man's so nasty tears.

"Actually, I don't hate you that much. It's just that the people in your entire community are acting as your insiders to deceive me. It's really unacceptable to me."

Zhang Yi looked up and said, "No, people in the community don't know who we are..."

"Really?" Oh!There are not so many people watching my jokes, and I finally feel better.

"Really. After Mom and Dad found out who we were, their family sent him away. He just came back a few months ago, so no one knows except our two families."

"Oh!"

forget it!Regardless of whether what he said is true or false, whether he is morally condemned or not, calm down and think, no matter whether his parents are really nice to me or pretend to be nice to me, they are still nice to me. What you already have is lost.

"If you have any questions, you can ask me, and I will tell you everything."

"No, I'll believe what you tell me."

"All right!"

Zhang Yi was silent for nearly a minute and then began his self-report.

The man you ran into earlier was called Jiang Yu. He was a buddy who grew up with me, and also, my lover.

We are only three months apart in age, and we both live in the same community, upstairs and downstairs, so we naturally became the best playmates.Then go to kindergarten together, and go to junior high school together.

I didn't pass the high school entrance examination, so I couldn't go to high school with him.I remember that I used all the methods used by girls [crying, making trouble and hanging three times], my parents finally couldn't stand my [torture], and agreed to find a way to let me go to the same school as him.It was very simple back then, just good buddies.

As we wished, we entered the same school, the same class, and even lived in the same dormitory.

At first everything was the same as before.

Until the second semester of high school, the classmates began to fall in love one after another, but we were still the same as before, going in and out together, eating and drinking together.The conveniences are almost synchronized.

I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary, we've been like this since kindergarten.At that time, some teachers said that we have a tacit understanding than twins, just like conjoined twins.Mom and Dad also said that apart from the fact that we look different, they couldn't figure out how we developed almost the same behaviors.

I like this kind of tacit understanding. I don't know whether he learned me first or I learned him first. Anyway, one person must imitate the other, otherwise the tacit understanding would not be so consistent.

But this kind of tacit understanding is abnormal in colleges and universities, because everyone has learned a word~[gay].A lot of classmates were talking about us behind our backs. I didn’t mean to panic when I heard it in the toilet. I was afraid that I was really gay.

When Jiang Yu and I were the only ones in the dormitory, I said to Jiang Yu: "Jiang Yu, have you heard? Many students in our class are talking about us behind their backs, it's not normal! How can they mess up like that behind their backs?" Gossiping, we don’t look like that homosexual anymore, don’t we just have a better relationship! Don’t talk nonsense if you envy us!”

Jiang Yu said like a normal person: "Gays are gay, anyway, it's not just you, but also me!"

At that time, I thought Jiang Yu’s reaction was very unreasonable. Homosexuality is not a small matter. Many older people have never heard of it. Those who have heard of it also feel that it is against common sense and the laws of nature, and it cannot be tolerated. .But how could he be so calm after listening?Shouldn't you take me to those rumormongers and let them stop hurting?

Under my repeated questioning, Jiang Yu had no choice but to confess honestly: "Xiao Yi, I actually knew that I was gay when I was in junior high school, because my first... sexual fantasy was you. I think , It’s good to like you! We are the childhood sweethearts that others say, if I am not gay, we will have to separate in the future. Now it’s okay, we can always be together.”

I was surprised when I heard it, how did he know so early?Why didn't he tell me when he knew?He's sure he's gay, but I'm not!

I said, "I'm not gay, I won't be with you."

Jiang Yu said, "I told you not to be angry, I checked the information later, and I'm sure you are gay like me."

I told myself it was impossible, but subconsciously I believed his words.He won't lie to me.I can see that they are trying to lie to me.

I really wanted to know what his basis was, so I asked, "How can you be sure?"

Jiang Yu said: "You may not have noticed, but we grew up together, and I have seen all your changes. You don't have the masculinity of a boy, and you dress more neutrally. The older you get The more beautiful you are, not the more handsome boys should be. You are very soft-spoken, softer than two-thirds of the girls in the class. You like to dress yourself up. Look at you and you have eyeliner on you. . .”

"Stop talking. Impossible..." I interrupted him at the time.I really didn’t find out, I think dressing is a personal style, speaking softly will make it easier to get along with others, dressing up is a kind of fashion, as for masculinity, whoever stipulates that boys must have masculinity.

But Jiang Yu said: "I have a way to convince you, do you want to try?"

I was desperate to prove that I wasn't gay, so I said yes. "what way?"

Jiang Yu said: "I kiss you, you will know after you try it"

I haven't said the word [No], Jiang Yu has already kissed my lips. This is the first time I've been kissed by someone, and I'm still a boy.However, I actually had a special feeling, and I even responded to his kiss.

The proof turned out to be obvious, I was gay.

So those [rumours] I listened to Jiang Yu's words and pretended I didn't hear anything.

After graduating from high school, I was [promising] and admitted to the same university as him.At this time, we all desperately want to live together.So we quietly rented a house off-campus to live together.

But what I didn't expect was that the school director was an old friend of Jiang Yu's father, he [reported] us, and we were [caught] by his parents on the third day after we moved out, and then my parents also came.

After their discussion, I stayed and Jiang Yu left to study abroad.Without our consent, they decided our love.It was useless for me not to eat or drink every day, until they agreed to let me talk to Jiang Yu on the phone.

On the phone, for the first time, Jiang Yu comforted me with a hoarse voice: "Take care of yourself, I will come back, even if I can't marry you in this life, I will not marry anyone else, I only love you alone,"

We cried bitterly on both ends of the phone.We promised each other to wait for each other, no matter when we wait, we must wait.until we meet.This was the only call we had, and we haven't heard from it since.

After graduating from university, my family introduced me to many partners, but I didn't like any of them, and I didn't feel it at all.

Until one day, I saw that the blind date person sitting across from my table turned out to be Jiang Yu, and we both had smiles on our faces, but we didn't say a word.

I went back and told my parents that I had found someone and I agreed to date him.My parents were very happy and asked me which girl I was from. I prepared according to what Jiang Yu told me in advance, and after talking to my parents again, my parents happily agreed.

My parents always asked me when I could bring that girl back to show them. I followed what Jiang Yu said, as long as they agreed to our marriage, he would come to see them.

Maybe my parents were really worried about my marriage, and they agreed immediately when they heard that I was willing to marry a girl.

When I brought Jiang Yu to meet them, they left silently without saying a word.I know that they are so disappointed that they don't even have the energy to scold me.

I know it's wrong for Jiang Yu and I to set up a trap to deceive them, but I can't live without Jiang Yu.Perhaps, as Jiang Yu said, the reason why we are both gay may be to be able to never be separated.

A month later, the two parents sat together again and started talking about us. The difference was that this time we both came too.The result of the discussion was obviously a tacit agreement that we can be together in the future.But it cannot be married, it cannot be made public, and it cannot affect the reputation of the two families.So both of us must marry a wife, and if possible, we must both add incense to the family.

Later, your colleague, who was also my cousin, introduced you. My parents went to inquire about your family situation in advance, and felt that your personality, personality, education, and work were very suitable for me.So agreed to meet.

Before the meeting, they gave me [systematic] training, especially the voice, not to be too feminine.So Jiang Yu taught me repeatedly in his masculine voice.Let me talk less and do more.This is both calm and steady, without losing grace.

The first meeting made me very nervous, but because Jiang Yu repeatedly emphasized what he had to say at the first meeting, it passed smoothly.

I don't want to lie to you anymore, and I don't want to torment myself like this anymore.

But the parents said, it's hard to find a good girl like you. Although I can't give you love, they still hope to have a good daughter-in-law, and they are willing to make up for the love I can't give you.They have to do it themselves, as long as I don't be dumb at critical moments.So we met later and made an appointment at my house.My parents are responsible for the reception work, and I only need to say a few words occasionally.

Later, my parents said that we need to move in and live together.Both Jiang Yu and I objected.Because no one [follows] me, I'm sure I'll be out of the bag.

My parents said it's okay, Jiang Yu can come to help me or go to Jiang Yu when you go to work.

Jiang Yu was very dissatisfied with us living together. He said that in the eyes of girls, except for my soft voice, everything else was good.To prevent you from getting my attention, so let me learn to dress sloppily, my personality must be bad, my temper is bad, and my character is lacking, so I will be safer.So I was getting worse and worse in every way under his [modification].

On the first day you moved in, you said that you would not live in one bedroom for the time being, which made me very happy, because I am pure zero and really have no feelings for girls.So I agreed right away.Jiang Yu said that he also let go of a beating heart.

Sometimes I suspect that I am crazy about your various abnormal behaviors, but in order to reassure Jiang Yu, I still do it.

In fact, I have been with you for the past few months, and I found that you are very good.I think my [pretending] is bad enough in all aspects, but you still treat me well and do a lot of things for me, especially when you are so tired after going to work every day and go shopping for groceries and cook for me, I really condemned in conscience.I actually sometimes think in my mind, if I were a normal boy, I would definitely fall in love with you and give you the best love in the world, but I can only think about it.What I love now is Jiang Yu.So I'm sorry, but before you and love, I chose love.

Zhang Yi stood up and bowed to me.

"It's over."

"Ah."

"I'm leaving."

I stood up, pulled the suitcase and walked out, Zhang Yi followed from behind.

I turned my head and said to him: "I forgive you. If I were me, I would choose love. But I will not hurt innocent people. Also, your voice is very nice, don't change what you think is good for others. Things. In the end, don’t send me off, I’ll come alone, and I’ll leave alone.”

I turned around, waved my hand and continued walking.

Coming out of here, I don't know where my [home] is going to be.However, once the first step is taken, there will be countless opportunities to follow.

Zhang Yi, I listened carefully to the explanation you gave me, and I was also moved.But who would listen to me [explain] my heart?