twice marked

Later, Qin Lang saw that I had to go to work in the afternoon, so he didn't drink with me anymore. After I sent him away, I went back to work. Before I went back, I still blew on the wind for a while, and came back when the smell of alcohol disappeared. to go.

As soon as I went up, Sister Hui looked at me and smiled: "You're back?" I nodded with a little guilty conscience: "I'm not late, am I?"

Sister Hui laughed: "It's okay, the boss is not here!"

Haha, Sister Hui is a good person.

It's good that the boss is not there, so when I get off work in the afternoon, I also get off work on time to pick up the children.

Xiaojin took my hand and said, "Dad, I saw Uncle Sheng's car, and he parked there."

He gestured towards me, I glanced over there, there were quite a lot of cars parked, the parents of the children in this kindergarten are not short of money, and the car driven by Sheng Yun is not considered a luxury car, so? Many.

I asked him, "Which one?"

I think he missed Sheng Yun, and I felt a little sad when I touched his back, Xiao Jin really couldn't find a car, he lowered his eyes and said: "Maybe he left."

I also smiled at him: "Well, he's been very busy recently, so he can only see you when he passes by."

I don't want to tell him that he admitted his mistake, he is still young, and he has to take his time to accept the reality, maybe one day Sheng Yun will come to see him?

Thinking about it this way, I can't help but want to blame him, even if he wants to say goodbye to Xiao Jin, tell him that he is going on a business trip or that he is going abroad.

Don't make Xiao Jin wait for him like this.

But I have no other choice but to blame him, Sheng Yun was driven away by me.

This week has been busy, and it’s finally the weekend. On my rest day, I cleaned up the house after I got up. I heard a knock on the door just after I finished cleaning. I glanced at the cat’s eye and found that it was Gao Yu. It's only been half a month, and I haven't opened the door for him.

Gao Yu saw that I didn't open the door, so he whispered outside the door: "Xie Shen'an, I'm here to apologize to you, please let me in and talk. I won't touch you again."

I yawned, what I said was so sweet and sweet, I used to expect him to come back? I couldn't expect him to touch me at home.

Besides, I have nothing to be afraid of. It's already like this. I don't want him to come in because Xiaojin is at home today. I'm afraid he will talk about Xiaojin again.

Gao Yu was sensible now, and said in a low voice: "I know Xiao Jin is at home, so I brought him a present, his favorite pastry."

I didn't move, Gao Yu continued through the crack of the door: "Xie Shen'an, I really don't want to make trouble like that with you, I'm sorry,

I don't know, I just made it like that, that day I...I...I regret it too, I..."

Like a defeated rooster, he lowered his head limply. The domineering Young Master Gao in the past was also defeated in that chaos.

I told him, "It's all over."

Gao Yu suddenly raised his head: "Xie Shen'an, I was wrong, can you forgive me? I will never do this again."

Come again in the future?

I sighed and opened the door.

Gao Yu probably didn't expect me to open the door for him so soon, he was stunned for a moment, almost flinched, he touched his head and smiled at me: "Xiao Shen, I'm sorry."

He is like a child, and when he smiles like that, it doesn't make people angry. I asked him to sit on the sofa, but Gao Yu didn't sit down. He looked at Xiao Jin standing at the door and forced a smile: "Xiao Jin, I I came to see you, and I brought you your favorite pastries."

But Xiaojin just glanced at him, and after confirming that he was harmless, she turned her head and went back to the room, so Gao Yu smiled awkwardly: "This kid has lost his temper for a few days! He couldn't walk before. I was still holding it when I was young. It was so small at that time."

He gestured to me as he spoke, and I nodded: "Well, he's grown up."

When we mentioned Xiao Jin, we were both embarrassed, so we wanted to sit with Wu Yan for a while. The tea I made was ready and I poured him a cup. Gao Yu just stared at the tea, and then raised his head suddenly Look at me: "Xie Shen'an, let's make up, I will treat Xiao Jin like my own life in the future, you come back with me? How about going back to the way before? Don't ignore me, okay?"

Seeing that I didn't speak, he continued: "I have thought a lot these days, and I remembered our past. I was naive at that time. I was wrong. I will change it in the future. If I really change it, I won't scold you again in the future, no. Will hit you again, you come back with me? Go, okay?"

Gao Yu has never shown weakness like this before, I don't even know what charm I have, I didn't have it before, and now I don't even have it?

Seeing me shake my head, Gao Yu's eyes were full of tears: "You used to forgive me, no matter what I did wrong, you will tolerate me! You are different from him!"

He seemed to be bullied by Ke Ruo, last time he couldn't beat Ke Ruo, but I couldn't beat him either, I told him: "Don't keep following me, he won't quarrel with you. "

Haven't I quarreled with him before?At that time, he was noisy all day long, so he didn't come back? Come?Anyone who encounters that kind of thing will either be decisive or become a bitter woman.

But Gao Yu was very excited: "It has nothing to do with him! I just want to be with you..."

He probably wanted to pull me, but he touched my water bottle, I hurried to help it, so my head was poured on my arm, Gao Yu rolled up my sleeve: "Quick...quick, roll up your sleeves! The water is too hot!"

Xiaojin was at home today, I turned on the air conditioner, and I was wearing a shirt, so before he could stop him, he rolled up his sleeves, and after he rolled them up, he paused: "What's wrong with your hands?" ?”

Seeing him squeeze my hand tightly, I also sighed: "It's okay, I just got scalded by the water."

Gao Yu took a deep breath: "How could this be a burn!"

I know I can't hide it anymore. I have been wearing long sleeves for more than half a year, and I have never rolled up my sleeves.

Because? My arm is not good-looking, and there are dense scars interlaced on it. It is usually not good-looking, let alone being scalded by water now.

Gao Yu's violent temper came back again: "Who the hell hurt you! Tell me, I..."

He realized that he couldn't continue. Who else could be injured in this place except myself?

But who has nothing to do with their arms drawn like this?This is what Gao Yu doesn't understand.

He was obviously taken aback: "Why are you... Am I not treating you well enough?"

He seemed to remember something, and said anxiously: "I locked you up because you did something wrong! Give me...you..."

I know he can't tell, no matter how long it takes, the green hat I put on him is a hurdle he can't get over, just like the scar on my hand, once it hurts, it won't go away.

Gao Yu's hands trembled a little: "You did something wrong, I want to imprison you and make you reform..."

I also nodded: "I know, I was wrong about that incident, and I am very guilty. I don't blame you for locking me in the house."

I asked for it.

Now that we've gotten to this point, let's be a bit more straightforward.

I also took my right hand, and there was a [-]-centimeter scar on the wrist of my right arm, which was cut obliquely. This scar was much more serious and deeper than all the scars on my left arm. .

I had no strength in my right hand at the time. When I gave birth, it hurt like hell. I didn’t know how I dug my hand into the crack of the bed. I didn’t find out until after the child was born. But because my hand was pressed in the crack of the bed for a long time, The blood was no longer circulating, and it would be difficult to use after rescue. That's why I cut my left arm wide and narrow. None of the cuts was fatal.

Those wounds closed on their own, and finally I switched to my left hand. As a result, I severed the tendon with all my strength, so I became what Lin Yi called 'Parkinson'.

Gao Yu looked at me: "You, you...don't it hurt...?"

Pain, of course I’m afraid of pain, I screamed in pain when I squeezed my hands all those years ago, not to mention giving birth, everyone in the hospital knew that when I was giving birth, the topics discussed at the nurse’s station were Why is that OMEGA so afraid of pain? He was the only one calling all night.

They probably couldn't figure out how a BETA-like guy like me is more delicate than OMEGA, but I was in pain at that time.

Seeing me nodding, his hands trembled unconsciously. In the end, he couldn't hold himself any longer, and he let go all of a sudden. After he sat down slowly, he gritted his teeth and scolded me: "Are you stupid! Are you an idiot! You know I don't know how important hands are to a painter!"

Gao Yu's expression was rare and sad, I glanced at him and said with a smile: "It's okay, it's over, I don't particularly want to be a painter, besides, I can't be a painter either."

I actually didn't want to make him sad, because it was my own unspeakable wound, which had nothing to do with him, not because he shut me up.

But I don't know how to tell him, I'm afraid it will irritate him even more.

Gao Yu lost his mind when I said this, he stared at me fiercely, thinking that I was like a psychopath, he gritted his teeth and said: "When Van Gogh cut off his ears, you cut off your arms. Do you think you want to Paints made with blood will become famous!"

Gao Yu saw me copying Van Gogh with his ears cut off, and said he was crazy, but Van Gogh was painting with his life, and I was doing it with my life.The two cannot be compared.

Gao Yu took several deep breaths before finally asking: "Are you going to commit suicide? Why are you doing this?"

There was deep sadness in his eyes, I was breathless when he looked at me, I slowly shook my head: "I won't do it anymore."

I didn't know what was wrong at that time, either because I wanted to die, or because I felt very uncomfortable.

I rolled up my cuffs, looked at the tea on the table and laughed at myself. At that time, Gao Yu made me think of an adulterer, and I really thought about it. I think about it every day. Anyway, I can’t do anything in the house. Dry.

It's a pity that all I can think of are useless.

Not only did I fail to remember who the father of the child was, but I dreamed about sleeping with that man.

It's fine to dream, but I still can't dream of his face.

I have been timid and fearful all my life, and what I am most afraid of is psychological torture, because if I am innocent, I don’t have to blame myself so much, but as Gao Yu said, I am a married couple and a married couple. A man who has a husband and is crazy about other people, a dissolute person.

So during that time, it was not Gao Yu who drove me crazy, it was I who drove myself crazy.

My arms can’t be shown to others, so I can’t tell Gao Yu why I cut my arms like this, because every time I dream of a cut, it’s deep and shallow, and I don’t even have the face to look at it.

I looked at Gao Yu’s trembling hands and thought to myself, I’d better not irritate him anymore. These scars are the number of times I dreamed about my adulterer. There are quite a lot of them, one on top of the other, like an arhat on top of each other, 108 Even arhats are not enough for me to stack, so I finally marked the big day Tathagata...

I thought I could row to the old man of the Buddha, but he obviously didn't want a disciple like me, so he didn't accept me.

I didn't want to dream about it, and I didn't sleep afterward.

But I couldn't control my brain, it? I fell asleep without knowing it.

At that time, I forgot the time, I forgot many things, I forgot my fallen Xie family, my father in Yunxi Mountain, and even Xiao Jin.

Sheng Yun was right in scolding me, no matter how incompetent I am, as a father, I should think about my children, but at that time I actually forgot.

I took a long breath, and smiled with Xiaojin, who was worried at the door of the bedroom. Sometimes people just stick to their horns, especially in a fixed space.

It’s too useless to think about it now, I laughed at Gao Yu and said, “Let him get over the past, if you want, we’ll still be friends.”

Gao Yu was restrained by my arm, and looked at me blankly: "Do you really hate me that much?"

I shook my head, if I hated him, I wouldn't have let him in these days, and I wouldn't have rushed up when he was beaten last time.

I told him: "I never hated you, besides, I did something wrong before."

A slap can't be slapped, and Gao Yu and I have problems on both sides.

After Gao Yu confirmed what I was telling the truth, he gritted his teeth and asked with difficulty: "Then have you ever liked me?"

His question said that I was using him as if I wanted to find a ready-made father for the ball in my stomach.

Can't blame him, if I think so too.

I smiled at him: "At that time, I really didn't know that the child was not yours, I'm sorry."

If I didn't like him back then, how could I have slept with him?I was not so casual back then.

At that time, I really thought that the child belonged to him. I quit school and got married because I really wanted to give birth to him.

I was already marked by him before going to the bar. I only spent one night with that person, but the child is not his, and it is probably dead.

Gao Yu's eyes suddenly turned red, and I poured him another cup of tea without looking at him again.Since it's all life, it's time to put an end to it.

I knew that Gao Yu's knot was here, so I poured myself a cup of tea, and after taking a few sips, I started to talk: "I didn't know who the child belonged to at that time, and I don't know now, but, I was drunk once," Gao Yu looked at me fiercely, and I let myself think about it: "It was my birthday that day, and you weren't here, so I drank a little too much, maybe it happened that night..."

Gao Yu's voice trembled a little: "Which birthday was it for you? The one when you were a sophomore?"

I nodded, except for that time, there was no matching date for Xiaojin's birth.

I looked at Gao Yu's red eye circles and whispered: "I'm sorry, that time I thought it was you who came back. When I woke up the next afternoon, you sent me a WeChat message, saying sorry, saying You will stay with me well in the future, saying that you will spend my birthday with me every year in the future, just like yesterday..."

I coughed, and said the following words: "It's the same as that person said in my ear that night, I'm sorry, I really thought it was you."

Gao Yu's hand holding the cup was so tight that it trembled a little. It seemed that it was all a misunderstanding that night, haha, it was a misunderstanding for four years, I was the one who missed him for four years.

I continued: "I'm sorry, I didn't let you in that day, if you came in, maybe you could find out that I slept with someone else, me,"

I took another sip of tea and continued: "At that time, I blamed you for going to Zhang Chu's red carpet show. I didn't let you in while you were buying me some snacks, but in fact you just came back that day? Come on, right? ?”

When Gao Yu came back that day, I didn’t let him in. He coaxed him in every possible way at the door, saying that he had just queued up to buy my favorite snacks for me, and that I could be angry with him, but I couldn’t be hungry. Said that I drank too much last night and felt unwell...

At that time, I still acted like a baby, and said to him through the door: "Isn't it all because of you that I don't feel well!"

And he also said stupidly: "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it..."

It's so seamless, it's shameful to the extreme.

I still didn't let him in that day, because I asked him: "Did you really go to see Zhang Chu as the news said?"

Not only did he not explain to me, but he also said, 'If you don't believe me, forget it! '.

He left, very simply, I thought I had misunderstood him, so I forgave him when he went to apologize to me the next day, and he proposed to me, and I agreed.

Gao Yu hugged his head and clenched his hands extremely tightly.

I whispered again, "I'm sorry."

Even though I know that I'm sorry, it's useless, it's all wrong, all the days are wrong, one step is wrong, every step is wrong.

Gao Yu finally pulled enough of his hair, raised his head, stared at his red eyes without asking me: "Who brought you home that night? Who did you drink with?"

I twitched the corner of my mouth and said with a wry smile: "I drank it at the bar. It was my birthday at the bar. There were many people. I don't know who gave it to me."

So who to turn to?There are too many people who saw me broken up and bought drunk, and there were also people who expressed their love for me on the way, and Zhuo Kai wanted to buy me a rock star for [-] yuan.

Hehe, after I left the Gao family, I went to find brother Rock, he has been signed by the Gao family film and television, and he is doing well.

At that time, Gao Yu had not divorced me publicly. It was easy for me to meet him. When he saw me, he called out "Young Madam", so I plucked out one of his white hairs for him, and he was very flattered. I thank you.

I went for a DNA test and it wasn't his.

That child's father is even more like a needle in the sea, and he can't get it at all.

After many years, I don't want to go to ask again, and I don't have the face to look for it.

In short, in a word, it was my indiscretion, no one else to blame.

After listening to my explanation, Gao Yu couldn't say a word, so I apologized to him: "It's been so many years, I don't want to go to that person again, and I don't want to make Xiaojin feel sad, so I'm sorry. "

Gao Yu picked up the cold cup of tea and gulped it down. He put down the cup and looked at me: "I see, then will you like others in the future?"

Will anyone else like me?Oh, maybe there will be, such as Qin Lang, but how can I still like others?

I shook my head at him: "No."

Gao Yu was not happy when I said that, he gritted his teeth and asked me: "You don't like that Sheng Yun?"

I paused again damned, seeing his face change color, I also wanted to slap myself, I told him again: "No more."

I want to like him, and I will restrain myself when I can. Just like in the past, I will reduce the time to see him. If it is possible to see him, it is best not to.

Gao Yu pinched and loosened his hands, and a smile appeared on the corner of his mouth: "So you really like Sheng Yun."

I was speechless, I thought what I said just now was 'no more' rather than 'no', but the carefree Gao Yu heard it.

Some things can't be hidden, and paper can't contain fire after all.

I thought I could let him go if I told him clearly this time, but how am I kidding me? The broken porcelain can no longer stick together.

Today, I have finally evened with him. He gave me 13 cuckolds, and I returned them all.

A marriage that hurts each other is not a good marriage.

The two of us are not suitable after all, as their family said.

So now he has the right guy too, and everyone is happy.

He sat without saying a word, his eyes were deep, as if he had suddenly matured. After I was silent for a while, I said to him: "You are also an adult now, and you have become a father. You have to learn to take responsibility. That Ke Ruo, "

Gao Yu looked up at me, I smiled and said, "He is better than me, you have to live well with him."

Gao Yu opened his mouth to say something to refute, but I raised my hand to stop him: "There are many people like me in this world, but few people like Ke Ruo. You will understand later."

There is a well-known saying that your character determines your life. If you don't climb high or go up, then your life will only go down all the way, and will only get lower and lower.

My personality is weak and incompetent, so life is like that, getting lower and lower.

When I was young, I didn’t have the lofty ambitions of high mountains and high ambitions, and now I don’t have peerless talents. I only have a good temper that Qin Lang said is easy to talk, but this kind of good temper can be easily caught on the street, so? Ordinary people have this kind of personality, when they are forced by life to a certain stage, they will accept it.

So I have nothing worth looking back on for Gao Yu, today I will share everything with him, let him understand what is good for him, if possible, I hope he will not come again .

The relationship between me and him is really over after what happened last time. I don't hate him, but I don't want to have any such involvement with him anymore.I have no use for him, I can't repay that great kindness, I can already give it to him, if life can be given to him, I will give it too.

Gao Yu had never been interrupted by me before, so he looked at me for a while, put down his teacup and left.I probably also felt that after I confessed everything, there was nothing to undo.