Inferior by Nature

It is not accurate to say that the memory is restored, it is more like a revolving door in life.

When I was four years old, my mother took me into the musical instrument store and bought my first baby 10/1 cello. Since then, I have been completely attached to the cello.It became my hobby and it became my profession.

At the age of eight, the family underwent great changes.To say that before the age of eight, my life was a strict mother, a loving father, and a happy family, but after the age of eight, it was completely subverted.

I remember that after dinner that day, I was doing my homework, and the landline at home rang.My mother picked it up and listened to it for a few minutes, but didn't say anything to me, and hurried out the door with a big belly, and the soup for my dad was still simmering on the stove.

I finished my homework by myself, and I was so scared that I couldn't sleep by myself. I turned on all the lights in the house, and slept in the living room, waiting for my parents to come home with the sound of the TV.

It was about one o'clock in the morning that my mother dragged her tired body into the house.

I got up from the sofa rubbing my eyes when I heard the sound, and the words "Thank you for watching" appeared on the TV screen.My mother put down the keys like a ghost, and sat on the sofa opposite me, her face seemed to have aged ten years in just a few hours.

She bent her back, staring at a point on the coffee table obsessively, except for the normal ups and downs of her chest, she rarely blinked.

I don't know what happened, but she panicked me somewhat.I climbed off the sofa, approached her cautiously, and asked her what was wrong.

She raised her head slowly, stared at me for a while, then stretched her arms and hugged me into her arms.From sobbing forbearance to wailing regardless, it was the first time I saw her cry like that when she was eight years old.

I will always remember when my mother was pushed into the delivery room and I sat alone in the empty hospital corridor, the loneliness, fear, and the "cold" I felt from the bottom of my heart, and it was even summer at that time.

In the next few years, my mother tried her best to raise my younger sister and me. When she was the hardest, she worked several jobs by herself and fell asleep when she was so tired that she was cooking.

In order for me to learn the cello and for my younger sister to learn to dance, she completely gave up her own life and spent all day trying to make money, day after day, day after day.The heavy pressure of life devastated her, making it difficult for her to breathe.She does love us very much, but she is also really dragged down by us.

I thought about it, she later became a believer, maybe because she needed a "support", otherwise such a hopeless life would be really difficult for her to sustain.

When I was 15 years old, I obeyed my mother's arrangement and successfully entered Honggao, becoming one of many freshmen in high school.

The school is pretty good, a few bus stops from my home, not too far away, but there is a higher vocational school next door that doesn't have a good reputation.My mother was quite worried about this, and she specifically warned me to stay away from those people, so as not to be led astray.

"Those who like to fight and make trouble, those who smoke and smoke all day long are not 'students', which student doesn't study to be a punk? Ji Ning, you must never be friends with that kind of person ,do you know?"

My mother gave me instructions, and I agreed with my mouth, but I felt that she was exaggerating.Even if I want to be led badly, how can I get in touch with this kind of person?Hong's management is so strict, and he doesn't even think about going out after school on weekdays. Did he go over the wall and come in to be friends with me?

With Band-Aids on the corners of his eyes and a bruise on the corner of his mouth, Ran Qingzhuang stared down at the ground and leaned against the wall in a normal manner.People passing by the door of the office would involuntarily look at him, but he didn't care, and always maintained a posture, drowsy.

The first time I saw him, my mother's words flashed in my mind unconsciously. This is probably the kind of person she said that you must never be friends with, right?

"Did he fight with the Nanzhi people again?"

Withdrawing my gaze, I continued walking, passing by the two girls in front, and I happened to hear them talking about Ran Qingzhuang.

"Mr. Liu is suffering from a headache. He seems to be a grandma at home, and he can't control him."

"He looks so fierce. Stay away from him if you're fine in the future. Who knows if he will suddenly lose his nerve and turn into a violent maniac?"

"I think he really went to the wrong school, he should go to the next door."

"Then his grades are still very good, otherwise Teacher Liu wouldn't have a headache..."

I turned a corner and parted ways with them, gradually getting farther and farther away.

A few days later, I looked down from the window and happened to see that "violent" "violent maniac" who would "go crazy" at some point was playing "tug of war" with the little black dog with a broom.

From this point of view, it is a semester.

I can't tell when it started, maybe it was when I saw him playing with Xiao Hei with a gentle face; maybe it was when he ran into the rain alone and left the umbrella to me, maybe he pushed me away and When I was injured by a prop; or maybe he could tell that I was injured only from the sound of the piano... At that time.

My heart sank little by little, and was occupied by unknown strange emotions, and I, a fool, even took it as a "friendship" with Ran Qingzhuang at first.

After knowing that he often had hypoglycemia because he didn't have time to eat breakfast, I started to secretly deliver breakfast to him every day.

Before leaving school after piano practice, I would put the bagged breakfast in my school bag into his locker.The locker stands against the wall in the corridor, and his locker is never locked, and there are only some books in it, which is a mess.

There are two red bean breads, a box of breakfast milk, and a signature biscuit in the breakfast bag.At that time, my mother would go to the night market to set up a stall to sell snacks at night. The food was ready-made at home.

Ran Qingzhuang didn't know that I was bringing him breakfast, and he even said that he didn't know which girl brought it to him during the sports meeting.

"The man gave me banana milk and red bean bread? Is there something wrong with him?"

I looked at him blankly, the pain in my chest was so tight that it even overwhelmed the pain in my knees.

It turned out that the boy brought him breakfast, which made him so disgusted.

I swallowed the words on my lips, and finally I didn't say anything.

Breakfast is still delivered every day, but with more care.I was afraid that he would find out and think I was sick.

In the summer vacation of that year, even though the school was the third year of high school, I still insisted on going to the night market with my mother at night to help her.

She couldn't hold me back, and there were indeed more people during the summer vacation and the business was better, so she agreed to take me with her.But she didn't let me do the heavy work, and only gave me the simplest ones.

She fried crispy meat in the front, and I prepared the ingredients in the back.Sit on a small stool, pour all kinds of ingredients and seasonings into the basin, wear gloves to stir evenly, and then it's over.

In fact, I don't think I am ashamed of doing these things. There is nothing to be ashamed of making money in an upright manner.But when I saw Ran Qingzhuang and Lin Sheng walking side by side, I turned around subconsciously, not wanting to be seen by them with my face covered in flour and oil.To be more precise, he didn't want to be seen by Ran Qingzhuang.

These hands are not very expensive.I shook my rubber gloved hands, I thought to myself.

"Do you want to eat this?"

Lin Sheng's voice came from behind, and I was so shocked that I almost wanted to run away.I'm really afraid of what to come, there are so many stalls in the night market, why did they stop at our place?

I closed my eyes and prayed in my heart that they would never look this way, never look.

"No, if you want to eat, you can buy it yourself." Ran Qingzhuang's voice continued.

"Forget it, let's go."

"It's so hot, I want to go back."

"We've only been shopping for half an hour..."

"gone back."

"what?"

It may be that my prayer had an effect, and the two of them didn't stop. I looked back quietly, and only saw their backs in the crowded crowd.

I always watch them from a distance.

I stared at Ran Qingzhuang's back, which was particularly eye-catching due to his height, until I couldn't see him at all.