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I know this is reality, but it's absurdly like a strange dream.

The weirdest thing was that Chen Jin seemed to be more shocked than I was, with a deeply shocked expression on his face, as if I had kissed him on his own initiative.

In fact, it is a very short time, but it seems to us that a century has passed. With a "snap", the light came on. Davis yawned and stood by the switch.

"Something fell—uh..." He opened his dreamy eyes, woke up, and took a step back subconsciously, "Well, I... I went to sleep."

"Davis," I jumped up from the sofa as if grabbing a straw, and rushed to Davis, "I, I can't sleep, can you chat with me for a while?"

Davis looked at me in embarrassment, opened his mouth to speak, but heard Chen Jin say: "Davis, you go to sleep, I will chat with him."

"no need!"

There was a brief moment of dead silence.

Davis patted the hand I was holding his. "Shaw, talk to him."

I stared at him with wide eyes.

Davis separated my fingers one by one, held them in his palm and shook them, then turned and walked back.

Chen Jin sighed quietly, and I heard him sit on the sofa.I was still standing there, with my back to him, not daring to look back.

After a long time, he said, "Shaw, I like you."

I almost yelled out, "Impossible!", almost halfway through that "like"

After a while, he said, "I hope that's not true, too."

I don't know what to say.I could hear a hint of despair in his tone.

My beating heart gradually calmed down, I took a deep breath, and slowly turned around.

Chen Jin didn't look at me, his eyes fell on a certain position diagonally below, his eyes were a little empty.

"I don't know I'm gay...no, it should be said, I'm not gay at all," he raised his eyes and looked at me, "but I fell in love with you, why?"

"You're talking nonsense," I shook my head vigorously, "You hate me so much, you obviously like Lan Qing!"

He twitched the corner of his mouth: "You already know, why play dumb?"

"I have no idea!"

"Yes, you didn't know before, what happened just now?"

I opened my mouth, but was speechless.

He turned his eyes away again, and his usually bright black eyes seemed to be covered with a layer of tulle, misty: "I never hated you, Shaw. I know you have always regarded me as a friend, I I wanted to do that too. But until one day, when I realized that I would look at you in a daze, and I would be moved by one of your smiles, I knew I was done. I couldn’t believe that I could fall in love with the same sex. I lived in the United States for eight years. Years, but even if it is open there, I can't accept the fact that I like men. So I cut off contact with you. I deliberately thought of you as a money-grubbing person. Various coincidences later made me believe so firmly, but I understand better than anyone, but you are not. When I finally realized that I was irreparable, you already wished to stay away from me. Shaw, do you know why I want to try with Lan Qing? Didn’t you find out , he looks a lot like you in some ways." At the end, he had a desolate look on his face.

I took a deep breath.

No wonder when I saw Lan Qing for the first time, I always felt familiar and impossible.I did not know a few Chinese people before that, but I, don’t I also have a Chinese face?

he……

He and I do, in some ways, look alike.

I have no idea.I really didn't know that Chen Jin would like me.Did I... did I hurt him?Did I make him sad when I didn't know it?

But I have no choice.Whether I love Yan Minglang or not, I can't respond to Chen Jin's feelings, that is the minimum respect for my marriage, even though Yan Minglang has never respected it.

"You...don't say anything," I stopped to start, not daring to look at his face, I wanted to say something, but I couldn't say anything, and finally I could only say, "I'm sorry."

Sorry for this simple term, but it contains a lot of meaning.For a smart person like Chen Jin, he will not fail to understand.

"You love Yan Minglang, don't you?" he asked.

I hesitated and nodded.Love it or not, I must nod.

He nodded too. "Stop avoiding me, Shaw. Even if you only think of me as a friend."

I finally understood why Yan Minglang couldn't tolerate my contact with him alone.I subconsciously wanted to say "sorry", but seeing Chen Jin's eyes that were about to shed tears, I panicked and didn't say anything.

He thought that I was acquiescing if I didn't speak, so he smiled slightly.

I like his smile very much. It turns out that his smile has never changed.

Davis must know something, but he has a very high IQ and EQ, and he only mentioned the "reconciliation" between Chen Jin and me.

Since then, the two of them will come to the bookstore every day. When Zhou Zhou is not around, they will help me. When they are not busy, they will go to read books and chat, and occasionally bring other friends.

Chen Jin doesn't show too much enthusiasm towards me, he is still as lukewarm as he was not long ago, but occasionally we look at each other, and every time I have to spend a lot of effort to force myself to look away unobtrusively .

Knowing his feelings for me, the emotion in his eyes made me almost unbearable.

The holidays at the end of the year and the beginning of the year come one after another, and the New Year is here.

I finally saw Yan Minglang again, after nearly two months.But he didn't take the initiative to find me.

After all, that day was also a day that made me feel extremely absurd.

Because I have been alone for too long, when Davis and Chen Jin asked me to go out to celebrate the New Year, I quickly agreed.In such a lively festival, I don't want to be alone and watch other people's excitement.

Paul was there that day, and I also saw Davis' parents, but they had been to the world of two only after seeing each other.

The four of us made an appointment to play ball first, and then to eat.We didn't go to Yan Minglang's club, but to the gymnasium of T University.

Whether it's Davis or Chen Jin, they're all big men, and although I'm not as good as them, I still have a decent face.As for Paul, he must have been a handsome man when he was young. He liked sports, so he maintained a good figure. Even his gray-haired grandfather is a rare eye-catching grandfather, not to mention that he dresses more fashionable than us.

The four of us quickly became the highlights in the gymnasium. Zhou Zhou even brought her roommate to watch us play.

I was in a team with Davis, and Chen Jin was in a team with Paul. The four of us played doubles.Chen Jin and Davis are comparable in game skills, while Paul and I are just a sidekick, occasionally picking up missed balls, neither Davis nor Chen Jin will seriously target us, the old and the weak.

Played vigorously all morning, and when it was over, seeing that Zhou Zhou and her three roommates hadn't gone out for dinner, she invited them as well.

Of course, we would not choose a high-end restaurant that pays attention to etiquette for the New Year's dinner, but the Chinese restaurant Chen Jin chose is also very high-end. There are people everywhere on the street, and there are many people who come out to eat. It may not be possible to eat in the afternoon.

When there are more people, I relax.Everyone talked to each other, and the lively atmosphere completely suppressed the uneasiness between Chen Jin and me.

Zhou Zhou's roommates are very talkative people. Although their spoken English is average, fortunately, I can understand some Chinese now.My non-standard pronunciation often made a few girls laugh out loud regardless of their image, and it was really relaxing to be with them.

Paul suggested that we all have a drink together. I picked up my own glass and got a little oil on my hands. I lost my grip and fell into the soup in front of me.

The hot soup that had just been served splashed out, and I just leaned forward trying to stand up, and the splashed soup flew into my eyes.

I was so hot that I shivered, and I endured it so I didn't cry out.

Chen Jin, who was sitting next to me, quickly picked up a tissue to help me wipe it.There seemed to be a lot of pepper in that soup, and I couldn't keep my eyes open from the pain.

"I'll take him to the bathroom to wash."

Chen Jin said, took my hand and walked out.

Tears flowed from the burnt eye, and the other eye immediately became blurred.I could only hold Chen Jin's hand, and was supported by him into the bathroom.

He turned on the faucet for me, and I washed it with water, and I felt much better.

But it still hurts.

After washing for a long time, Chen Jin straightened me up. He held my chin with his index finger, raised his other hand and put it on my eyelid.My eyelids trembled violently, and he said softly, "Open your eyes and try."

Tears kept falling and he wiped them dry with paper towels.I shook my eyelids, and my eyes finally opened a crack.

He breathed a sigh of relief: "It's okay, my eyes are a little red. Well, try moving your eyeballs."

I followed his instructions and turned my eyeballs to the corners of my eyes, and I was stunned.

Yan Minglang didn't know when he stood at the door of the bathroom, looking at us with a gloomy expression.

The pain slowed down my brain's response a lot. I blinked, and it took me a long time to realize that Chen Jin lowered his head because he was looking at my eyes. There was only a few centimeters between our faces.

I was startled and took two steps back.

Chen Jin looked at me suspiciously.

I turned to look at Yan Minglang.

Chen Jin also followed my gaze and turned his head. He froze for a moment, then looked back at me, and then walked towards Yan Minglang.

"Rango, Shaw he—"

"What are you doing here, Mingming?" A middle-aged woman's voice came from outside the bathroom.

Yan Minglang turned his head.

Chen Jin had already walked to the door, he paused, and bowed slightly to the people outside: "Auntie, long time no see."

"Ah, it's Xiao Jin. What a coincidence, you're eating here too? Where are your parents, are they there?"

"No, I'm..." He glanced at Yan Minglang, "I'm out for dinner with my friends."

While they were talking, I had already leaned on the wall and walked to the door.

My eyes were still hard to open, so I tried to open them wide, and saw a very temperamental lady standing in the corridor next to the bathroom, keeping a proper distance.

Yan Minglang turned to look at me.

The lady looked at him and at me: "This is..."

Yan Minglang looked away and walked to her side: "It's Chen Jin's friend. Go back."

Madam smiled gently, nodded to Chen Jin, and left with Yan Minglang.

"Shaw." Chen Jin whispered my name.

I raised my red and swollen eyes, smiled and said, "Let's go."

Chen Jin hesitated for a moment, I didn't wait for him, and walked directly to the private room.

Chen Jin's friend.

It turns out that I can only be Chen Jin's friend in front of him.Not even his friend.

Does he think I don't understand, or even if I can understand, it doesn't matter if I say such a thing?

My heart still hurts because of his words.

Shaw, you are hopeless.

Chen Jin was flustered, he was at a loss like a child who did something wrong, even more nervous than me.Instead, I calmed down.Since Yan Minglang positioned me as "Chen Jin's friend", why should he be angry?It's ridiculous.