Unbearable

Feng Qi glared at Ji Zhonghan, and Ji Zhonghan looked back without avoiding it, but it was Feng Qi who messed up first.

He frowned first, with disbelief and doubt on his face, his complexion changed several times, as if he was really thinking about who Ji Zhonghan would like.

Sure enough, after Ji Zhonghan waited for a long time, Feng Qi asked hesitantly: "Who is it?"

Ji Zhonghan took a deep breath, holding back the twitching veins on his forehead: "He's not a very good person."

"I have a bad temper, and I don't look very smart. I have nothing but that face." Ji Zhonghan said unceremoniously.

So he made it so obvious that Feng Qi still didn't know who it was.

Are you pretending to be stupid, or are you really stupid.

Ji Zhonghan felt a little pain in his chest, and he didn't know if it was caused by the injury or anger.

Feng Qi seemed to understand something, his eyes flickered, he avoided Ji Zhonghan's sight, and looked at the screen.

"Don't you ask who I am?" Ji Zhonghan said.

Feng Qi pressed the remote control hard, but didn't speak.

Ji Zhonghan doesn't intend to let Feng Qi escape any longer, no matter whether Feng Qi believes it or not, he still has to say what should be said.

"On the day you were transferred, I got up early in the morning and made you a breakfast."

Ji Zhonghan spoke slowly, he described the weather that day, the flower shop on the side of the road, until he described to the clerk that he was going to send flowers to his boyfriend, Feng Qi finally responded.

It was an expression that caught Ji Zhonghan off guard, Feng Qi's eyebrows were raised, his facial features were deep and hard, and there would be a fierceness when he frowned.

But at this moment, Feng Qi's eyelashes trembled in contrast, and his eyes were red.

Feng Qi is like a person who has been begging for something for many years and has been looking forward to it. He keeps his eyes down and stares at his wrist: "As you said, the person you like has a bad personality and has nothing but his face. You Even if you like it now, you will get tired of it sooner or later.”

Ji Zhonghan felt regret again in a very short time.

He reached out to hold Feng Qi's shoulder, and said apologetically, "That's not the case, that's not what I meant just now."

Feng Qi didn't look at him: "If he did something wrong, you will abandon him. If you save you, you will turn around."

Feng Qi twitched the corner of his mouth, revealing a hint of self-mockery: "When you get angry again one day, what should he do if he can't give you anything more?"

I even gave my life, and there is really nothing more to give.

Ji Zhonghan was almost speechless, he was so pale when he said it wasn't such an argument.

He understood what Feng Qi meant, Feng Qi had no confidence in him anymore.

Those decisions he made in the past have now become evidence that Feng Qi does not want to believe him.

Ji Zhonghan couldn't even talk to Feng Qi about the right and wrong of what he did back then, anyway, maybe for Feng Qi, he used to be too harsh and cruel.

Seeing Ji Zhonghan's guilty expression, Feng Qi said instead: "Okay, you go back, I don't need anyone to accompany me at night."

After Ji Zhonghan got up silently and packed the tableware, he left the ward.

When Ji Zhonghan returned to the ward again, it was already an hour later.Feng Qi wasn't asleep yet, so when he saw him open the door and come in, he was no longer surprised.

It may be that Ji Zhonghan has gone back and forth too many times in a short period of time, and Feng Qi is somewhat used to it.

With a bag in his hand, Ji Zhonghan turned directly into the bathroom.He took a hot bath and came out in a full set of silk pajamas before he was steaming hot.

The pajamas are a rare light-colored men's style, the color of tulips, which fits close to the body, and the trousers vaguely outline the legs when walking.

Ji Zhonghan's short hair was a little damp, and his eyebrows and eyes were hazy from the mist.

He unfolded the small bed again, and when he climbed onto the bed, Feng Qi couldn't even speak.

Ji Zhonghan knelt on the bed, spread the sheets and quilts, and carefully patted the pillows soft.It doesn't look like he wants to stay with him at night, but just sleep in another place.

He had just bent down to arrange the pillow, and when he straightened up again, he found Feng Qi hastily turned his face away.

Ji Zhonghan lifted the quilt and lay down in it: "Call me when you want to get up at night."

After finishing speaking, he yawned and fell asleep.

Feng Qi's ears were still a little red, but when he realized that Ji Zhonghan really wanted to stay here and sleep: "Aren't you unable to sleep in bed?"

"I can fall asleep recently." Ji Zhonghan didn't hide it.

Regarding Ji Zhonghan's words, Feng Qi laughed absurdly, but decided that Ji Zhonghan was lying: "You are also injured, there is no need to torment your body like this."

Ji Zhonghan leaned on the pillow and grabbed Feng Qi's quilt: "Actually, there are conditions for being able to fall asleep."

"What's the condition? It can't be that this small bed looks like a sofa." Feng Qi said.

Ji Zhonghan's eyes almost closed: "You must be by my side."

These words successfully calmed Feng Qi down, he didn't hear Feng Qi's voice urging him to leave again, but the lights in the room dimmed to a non-glare yellow.

When he really wanted to sleep, Ji Zhonghan became more awake.He put his hands on Feng Qi's quilt, and listening to Feng Qi's breathing, some words seemed to be easier to say than before.

"It's the first time I found out about my mother and Feng Xinglu. To be honest, I was really devastated. I can't sleep in bed, and most of the reasons are because of them."

"I hate her."

Ji Zhonghan didn't say who she was, but Feng Qi could understand.

"That day When you were in my bedroom and did those things to me."

Speaking of this, Feng Qi's breathing became heavy. They never had a good talk about this matter, and it's time to talk about it.

Ji Zhonghan: "Actually, I really hate myself who enjoys happiness from that kind of thing. It makes me feel that I am exactly like her."

"In the same bed, in pursuit of happiness, forget ethics."

Feng Qi interrupted him hoarsely: "Stop talking."

Ji Zhonghan didn't stop as Feng Qi wished: "When I fled abroad, for a long time, I felt that I should be angry with you. How could you do that to me? Man, and you're my best friend."

"But I always dream of you, of that night."

Every dream intensified his self-loathing.

He, Feng Qi, Mei Yuling, and Feng Xinglu are like two deadlocks that cannot be untied, tied into a knot, entangled, no matter where to start to sort it out, it will make people resist.

That night he went from resistance to powerless struggle, from panicked pushing to depraved obsession.

For Feng Qi, that night might not be called coercion.

And his real fear of sex stems from the scene of his mother cheating on him, and he experienced a completely different experience with the same sex as ordinary people. He was terrified.

Gradually, he felt resistance to touching others, not because he felt that others were dirty, but because he felt that he was dirty.

"Lin Yu said that I am Stockholm to you, so you are special." Ji Zhonghan stretched out his hand, his fingertips covered the back of Feng Qi's hand, penetrated into his fingers, and entangled with Feng Qi.

"Actually not. When we meet again, I'm not afraid of you at all. I thought I never wanted to see you again in my life, but after I saw you, I realized... So I miss you."

That's why he couldn't stand Feng Qi's bad attitude towards him.

Every verbal attack Feng Qi made at that time was a real knife in Ji Zhonghan's heart.

After the reunion, Feng Qi seemed to be doing well.Surrounded by so many people, it seems that Ji Zhonghan has long been forgotten.

Most importantly, Feng Qi is full of hatred for him.

Ji Zhonghan stubbornly believed that he didn't like men.All he has a crush on are women, so how could he fall in love with a man.

If you don't like men, you won't like Feng Qi.

Some things have been hidden for too long.

The secrets hidden in every detail and memory fragment of the past.

He cared about every time Feng Qi shed tears, every time he was sad for whom.

He drank milk tea, watched Feng Qi pretending to confess his love to Wen Yuan, and he didn't want to drink milk tea anymore.

Later, he walked to that river alone several times, stepping on the soft lawn, and he could always think of Feng Qi who was about to kiss him, but told him that he liked someone else.

He was at the airport, holding the helmet, his heart beating violently, almost chasing the urge to leave the airport.

When he met again, he instinctively recognized Feng Qi's smell.

It turns out that there has never been any sudden liking for someone, some are just suppressed, ignored, and the accumulated emotions pour over time.

"At that time you said, if six years ago, even if I found out that you came to find me abroad, the ending would not be different."

He didn't have an answer back then, but now he knows more clearly than before that there will be no other options, only this ending.

Ji Zhonghan got up, and gently pressed his knees on Feng Qi's quilt, in a more intimate posture: "Actually not."

He would only discover the secret sooner.

Ji Zhonghan grabbed Feng Qi's hand and buried his face in it.Just like when Feng Qi acted like a baby in the past, he would always bury his face in his hands.

At that time, Feng Qi's eyelashes always made his palms itchy. He often wondered how people could have such long eyelashes and look so good-looking.

His heart had given him the answer long ago, but he had never looked at it.

Ji Zhonghan put the kiss on Feng Qi's palm: "I will be with you."

Feng Qi's fingertips trembled, leaving a slight touch on his cheek.

"I like you, not because you saved me, not because of Stockholm, and not because I owe you anything. Rather, I like you in the first place."

"Lie." Feng Qi's voice fell from the top of his head, the tone was so light, as if waiting for Ji Zhonghan to break it.

Ji Zhonghan straightened up: "Then how do I prove it?"

Feng Qi didn't speak, his eyes were slightly red again, as if he was about to cry in the next second, just like before, he cried easily when he was emotional, and he would cry in the few times he quarreled with him, and when Lin Jin didn't want him, he would cry will cry.

Why did Feng Qi cry this time? He didn't want to make Feng Qi cry.

Ji Zhonghan held Feng Qi's face in his hands, and kissed his lips on the wet eyelashes: "Can you prove it in a lifetime?"

"Prove that I really love you."