Looking back

Once the nightmare turned into reality.Those ferocious hands that had danced countless times in nightmares gently stroked my cheek again.

I thought I had made all the mental preparations, but the numbness all over my body nailed my screaming and fleeing footsteps. Between waves of faintness that fluctuated regularly, only my eyes were in the half-black and half-bright field of vision. , looking indifferently.

I saw that there was a trace of gratitude and relief on her gloomy face.

That was the first day I came to the palace, and I said, "Take me to see her." So he took me through the garden under the moonlight, behind the white artificial rocks, and he pointed to me: "The It’s my master.” But I couldn’t recognize him, what he pointed out to me was a whip shadow shrouded in silver light, the person in the light shadow with long hair and white shirt was like the wind, and the one by the river was initially blind The woman covered up the panic in her heart with her ice-cold face, carefully explored the way with her toes, and walked slowly away.

I read that sentence slowly, "If you want to leave the grassland, listen to the sound of the water and walk along the river. The mission from the Kingdom of Jin will definitely camp by the river tonight. It depends on whether they are willing to take you away. Make it happen."

She heard it and was ecstatic, but my heart sank to the bottom.I once deluded myself into thinking that even without my help, she would be taken in by the palace as in the plot, but her expression shattered that perception.If it is not that my help is more important than I think, even life-threatening, why should I be so concerned about it?

Two voices were entangled in the bottom of my heart, one voice sneered, she killed your relatives, but you saved her life, and the other voice said, very well, she regards you as a benefactor, everything is much easier.

Yes, everything is much easier, because it is not difficult to use empty hands, as long as people's attention is drawn to other places, and the hands are quick and light.She just focused on groping for my appearance at this time, and after several feigned struggles, my two fingers had already pulled out the roll of human skin from her arms and stuffed it into the sleeve of the other hand.The soft texture of the rolled thing stuck to the skin in the sleeve, causing a shiver and reminding me of the material of that thing.But I didn't move, just looked at her face quietly.

She can't see my expression, but I can see hers.So I smiled smugly: "Very well, she didn't notice it!"

I ran back to the house with the scripture and copied it with the tools I had prepared before my hands began to shake. The wild fantasy that had accompanied me for many years came back. The hideous and vague imaginary enemy finally had a copy, which was portrayed in detail. Again there was despair and misery.As always, the imaginary picture soothed my trembling, I printed all the words on the human skin, and then washed and dried the remaining potion on the skin.This left a quarter of an hour for me to think silently, how about destroying this secret book, and let her experience the panic that can't be found, how about it as a prelude to revenge?

However, I still sleeved the roll of human skin and walked to the back garden.I said to myself: She will be the first to doubt me who just arrived at the palace today.I said to myself: Don't worry, there will be plenty of opportunities when I become a master of martial arts.

For many years, I have always hated my calmness. Taking the opportunity of good night, I returned the scriptures to the place without changing my face, and watched the intimate interaction between the master and the apprentice coldly, but my heart was full of shocking emotions. Lang: Why?Why?How can she enjoy this bond and warmth when she has done all the evil things and is alone in her family!She doesn't deserve it!

However, I can't say anything, I can't do anything, I can only swallow all the unwillingness and resentment with an impeccable hypocritical smirk.

That night in the wing of the palace was the most comfortable bed in my life, but I couldn't close my eyes for a moment.

I have experienced many times that when life has no meaning to cling to, it will be empty to panic, so people will painstakingly find all kinds of evidence to prove the value of their existence, just like a drowning person grasping a thin straw .The same goes for people on the grasslands.Their lives are simple, and the meaning they seek and strive for is equally simple.Yes, it's very simple, but it's just two things: to make others good, or to make others bad.

There is selfless devotion, mothers work hard for their children, warriors fight bravely for their wives and children, and patriarchs work hard for their tribe.There is also hatred. There are so many grievances and grievances on the grassland. Killing fathers, seizing wives, occupying pastures, plundering cattle and sheep... Making the enemy pay the price is more enjoyable than drinking strong alcohol for Mongolians.

This kind of selfless, pure and simple effort often makes me feel a little sad: Doesn't anyone feel that there should be some things in this life, and they should be done for themselves?At this moment, this thought swirls in my heart again, for myself?I want to take revenge on her, is it really for Grandpa Harang?

On the wasteland, the black wings of death follow day and night. Drought, cold winter, plague, wolves, and war can kill a person at any time.Accompanied by the deep attachment to life is the fearlessness of death, which is a simple belief that after death, the soul will ride the long wind to the paradise in the sky, the eternal heaven that is like spring all the year round. .

Grandpa Harang is 70 years old, an unbelievably old age on the grassland. How could I not hear it? When he sang the ballad about Changshengtian, there was a tired yearning in his tone.

Will he hate, will he want revenge?Is there any difference between Mei Chaofeng's sharp claws and wild wolf's fangs?

Nor can I fool myself into believing that revenge is for the sake of the dead and for justice to be done.I clearly know that my fanatical hatred is only for my own selfish desires, because I cannot tolerate such a soft, insensitive, weak and incompetent me.

However, after ten years of my absurd time travel, is it just to whip myself in hatred?

I was suddenly at a loss.

What exactly is it for?

Logically, I thought of his appearance, a character who didn't act according to the plot of the original novel, disrupting all my plans.

I don't believe that the characters in the plot will run around for no reason, so there is a chat temptation after the horse race that day.Soon, I defined him in my heart: a hopeless good old man.So I took the risk and revealed my identity to him, which I believe brought more good than danger.Then I left in a hurry, and I didn't dare to say anything before I sorted out my thoughts.

I have no sleep all night, I have to think too much, all cognitions have to be reconsidered, and all plans have to be canceled and restarted.After sorting out my thoughts, I laughed out loud, with the pride of God helping me. At this time, it was already dawn, and the golden red sky was surging, as if it foreshadowed the smooth and good luck bestowed on me by God.

Is it good luck?I was suddenly suspicious.The voice in my heart sounded again, giggling: "Is it necessary?" I stubbornly replied over and over again, "It is necessary!"

But I know I'm just bluffing.

I think, even though she is self-inflicted, she is pitiful enough; I think, she will die anyway, and she will die terribly, so what a few years in the morning; It is impossible for me to do cheating in a few years; I even thought that if exposed, Huang Yaoshi would not let me go...

What I always avoid and don't think about is how should I face him.

So I gave up, and at the moment of dawn, the dark night was dispelled by the gentle morning light, and it disappeared silently.

The new journey seems to open a brand new story, colorfully painted on the soft brocade, and the heavy and depressing old chapters have become yellowed rice paper, broken into powder, and the wind passes without a trace.

Needless to say, traveling around the mountains and rivers and giving advice, being hunted down and down can make me feel extremely relaxed and comfortable. As for the quarrel, I quickly bowed my head and admitted my mistake. I don't want to see him disappointed in me.He did the same to me, and even though he never said it, I knew he would always protect me, take care of me, and make me happy.

He always said that I was still a child, maybe he was right, because only a child knows how to accept the love and care of relatives, and overdraw the patience of relatives without restraint.He's been doing that to me all these years, and it's the same tonight, here in Calvary.

He patted my back lightly, as if to say, "Don't be afraid."

So I trembled uncontrollably again, but this time it was not suppressed anger, but silent laughter: Am I afraid?I, who once crawled out of the dead, would be afraid?Are you afraid of these little skulls?

The rough hand was still blindfolded just now, and the wide palm could cover both eyes at the same time. There was a callus from holding a sword for many years in the palm, and it gently brushed my eyelashes.When the fire was extinguished, his hand let go and gently wrapped around my back.Just like the countless nights when I first came to this world, in the bottomless night, in the endless unknown and fear, my grandmother hugged me with her warm arms and coaxed me to sleep peacefully.

In the night of a modern city, even the most secluded corners will have a slight glow, but the night in the grassland makes me unbelievable that the night can be so dark that you can't see your fingers.In such darkness, who can know whether there are poisonous snakes dancing wildly or flowers blooming around him?

I lifted my eyes to the gap above his shoulders.There, there is only a dark and deep lair, with its mouth open and silently laughing at me.

Is it my eyesight?My little sister, why?I saw you smiling at me?They said that you were taken away by the cannibal Mangai. The old Mangai took your head, skinned and removed the flesh, and brought it home to Xiao Mangai, who ground it into beads and strung it into a necklace.

But are you really here?

I thought your kind soul had already gone to the eternal sky where snow never snows, so how could you choose this pale and cold skull as your final residence?

I used to think that in this life, I would never have the fetters of relatives again.The majesty of my father, the kindness of my mother, the boldness of my brothers, and the gentleness of my sisters all seem to be taken for granted, and it is hard to worry about it. Only you are holding the soft little hand at the corner of my clothes, which makes me unable to let go cruelly.I've been away from home for so long, so long, so long that I don't think you'll remember me anymore, but your eyes, bright as dew, haven't changed, and it's like a dream of years of homesickness, and you sit on the grass, Ask me to tell the story outside, smiling brows and eyes crooked.

Later you are going to marry, earlier than my sister, you will marry to the other side of the light blue distant mountain, and you will never see people from your hometown again.You said that everyone will be reunited in Changshengtian and will never be separated. I laughed at you for believing the nonsense of the old foolish shaman. You were so anxious that you were about to cry, but in the end you just turned around with red eyes.

The tribe welcoming you is thinking about the spring grass and urges you to leave, which is only three days earlier than my wedding.Then you left, riding a bay red horse, I sent you across three rivers, you said that was our last side, how many tears did you shed in those clear and shallow river bends?

I hang my gold chain on your saddle, you say it's my dowry, you can't have it.But my silly sister, how do you know that my marriage is destined to be burnt to ashes in the flames of war, even if I bring the most expensive gold ornaments on the grassland, so what?

How do you know that even if this grassland gives me the most generous gift for a woman, I can't get half of happiness from it.But at least, you don't want to lose any of the happiness that women on the grassland can get.One day, one day, all the Mongols will gather under the command of the father, and we can be family members again. Even if you are old and dim-sighted, and your face is vicissitudes, I still want to see you in peace and happiness.

Because you said, I will always be your sister, a good sister who will always protect you.

But I know, I am not.I am no longer the me I was back then, the me who is not as tall as a sword, the me who can only find comfort in the fantasies of revenge, replaced by a person who has only martial arts but is still powerless. Tears can't fall.

I hated my calmness again, how I wish I could be like the people around me, jumping, cursing, crying, sobbing, but I can only count the internal organs scattered by the river, and the whole body The peeled scalp, with long black hair attached to it, fell half into the water.

How many times have we unbraided our hair by the river, soaked our long hair in the cool water, and swayed gently with the water?

How can I recognize you?Your clothes are newly sewn, and I’m not sure whether the pattern on the hem of the robe is the blue sky and white clouds, or green grass and yellow flowers, only the gold strings that fell into the fine mud by the river, shining dimly in the dark red blood stains golden light.My little sister, please tell me you are okay, let me see your red eyes, sobbing and saying that you accidentally lost the beautiful jewelry I gave you, okay?

I picked up the gold string in the mud, washed it in the river, and brought it back to my hand.

The metal with water droplets emitted a more dazzling light than usual, and the eyes were sore.I thought, maybe I should be able to cry, but the water drops slowly dripped from the cold metal gap, and my eye sockets were like a dry river bed.

The river water was dyed lead-colored by the clouds, boiled by the strong wind, and rolled endlessly, like a gray dragon roaring and struggling, but still firmly trapped in the prison of the earth.The decisive battle between Temujin and Jamuka has just begun, and in the smoke and dust in the sky, the team of the Sixth King of the Jin Dynasty has long been seen fleeing in a hurry.

Looking up at the sky, a mocking smile came from among the clouds.

God, why are you teasing me like this?

If there is a god up three feet above the head, if there is a hand that controls everything above the sky, why, why did it only target my poor little sister?

It is to punish me for my weakness and hesitation of revenge, and let me fall into endless self-blame and remorse, regretting why I didn't do it earlier?

Or must I get rid of the closest and most caring people, just to punish the nostalgia in my heart, to make me cut off the connection with my family, and to pull out the last few soft emotions in my heart?

Perhaps, just to block my escape route, pull me out of the quagmire of self-deception and peace, and throw me from the calm river that drifts with the waves into the huge waves in the storm?

My God, you are so well-intentioned!

Fate put me in a kind of dramatic conflict that I love to hear and see. Is there anyone who enjoys watching this kind of story?

Then, let's play it!

The author has something to say: the editor said that he would update it a few days before the list, so save the manuscript and put it on the top!But the grades are so bad, it’s been more than a day, and it hasn’t risen to 10. Others have raised hundreds of hundreds. If the grades are not good, it will be difficult to get a ranking next time, hey...

But anyway, this volume is over... Is there any long comment, dear!

Hehe, take a break for a few days to revise and revise... Please look forward to the next volume, um, I haven't decided whether it is called "Leaving People's Tears" or "Mountain and River Silence"...囧RZ

In the previous article, the modification hints that in the original, Hua Zheng copied Mei Chaofeng's Nine Yin Manual after stealing it. I thought it was unrealistic, so I changed it to print--!as follows:

Huazheng lowered his head, and then said stiffly, "My aunt has four sons and five daughters, and my father has many wives. I can't count the children of other little aunts. It would be impossible without me. It's okay. Forget it, let's not talk about this, hey, look what this is?" After Hua Zheng finished speaking, he took out a large sheet of rice paper, and by the moonlight, Wan Yankang saw the densely packed small characters on it, took a closer look, the handwriting It's not written in ink, but it's made up of faint black dots.

"Quickly copy it, this dye won't last for a few days. Time is too tight, Mei Chaofeng's copy of the Nine Yin Manual is needle-pricked, and the characters are as big as mosquitoes. It takes a long time to recognize, let alone copy. I don’t know how to use a writing brush yet. I used a potion, penetrated through the needle-punched holes from one side, and printed it on the rice paper on the other side. Then I painted it on the rice paper with a dye that could react with the potion, and it became more obvious. The color of the handwriting. It took a lot of time to wash and dry the potion on the leather."