Looking back

My sisters said that I am very beautiful today, and I am the most beautiful bride on the grassland.

I smiled, and lightly put my hand over the beads hanging on my shoulders.The bronze mirror in front of him was already the best mirror on the entire grassland, but the faces inside were still dim and blurry.Dark red lips, dark red hair crown, dark red beads, connected into a blurred red shadow.

I think of a fairy tale I read when I was a child. A princess disguised as a man and her maidservants dressed as knights came to another castle. The king doubted their gender and deliberately arranged them to walk through a room full of Hall of mirrors.

As long as you are a woman, how can you resist looking at yourself in the mirror?

The king's kind daughter learned the truth and gave them the ordeal ahead of time, so the girls in masculinity strutted down the hall without glancing at the mirrors out of the corners of their eyes.

But I don't remember the last time I looked in the mirror seriously. I would look at the sky, the lake, and the distant horizon, leisurely, and never think about looking at my own appearance.

Then I remembered that the spring breeze was intoxicatingly warm that day. I washed my hair by the lake and let my braids spread out to dry.Slowly, the water waves stopped, the blue sky solidified on the mirror-like water surface, and among the white clouds, I saw my appearance, no longer the small facial features that I couldn't see clearly when I was a child, I have straight eyebrows, tall High cheekbones, no matter how many there are, they can't be seen clearly.

I suddenly wondered in my heart, why did I keep forgetting to find a better mirror after walking in the Central Plains for so long?

The time on Peach Blossom Island is like the hazy shadow in the bronze mirror, the ripples of the sea, the rain of flowers in the peach forest, the floating dust of ancient books, and the aloes of medicinal herbs.When I left Peach Blossom Island, it was like escaping from a deep dream. Huang Yaoshi didn't ask any questions, but just said lightly, "You think you have learned enough, but don't say that I didn't try my best to teach in secret."

Rong'er is only 14 years old, with tears rolling in his eyes, while Xiaoyi is holding on to the corner of my clothes, he is such a stubborn and clingy boy.

He asked me, sister, why are you leaving?Are you going to find brother Yan?

I thought about it, and I said that I want to go back to get married. It was a marriage arranged by my father. I want to marry into another powerful family. If I don’t go to get married, the two families will fight and many people will die. .

This is the truth, but only Xiaoyi will believe it. His eyes were red, he bit his lip, and watched me get on the boat.

Marriage...?

I can't deny that I still have a little longing for marriage.Apart from weddings, what other occasions would allow a girl to wear the most beautiful and gorgeous clothes? They all looked forward to her, waiting for her figure to appear, and made her the only focus?

And once in a lifetime.

So I'm back.Oh, my grassland, my home, my mother, my cradle, I have been away from you for six full years.I am as desperate to come back as I was to leave six years ago.

I used to leave so recklessly, with fantasies and longings for the distant place, I firmly and even eagerly gave up everything here.I think there is a world in the distance that is really suitable for me. I used to have such an eager desire, not for material wealth, nor for spiritual enjoyment, nor just for all pure, clean and beautiful things such as philosophy, etiquette, poetry, and songs. longing.

I was ten years old that year, ten years old physically, but spiritually?I have no idea.I used to be satisfied with the freedom of galloping horses and the tranquility of singing songs by the campfire. I used to think that I loved this land from the bottom of my heart, and I had an inexplicable strong emotion for this land.That kind of emotion is like a mother's embrace, which makes people want to indulge in peace of mind, and makes people want to escape from suffocation.

The person who broke my peace was Zhu Cong. At that time, I went to him to learn how to recognize characters. I could recognize some traditional Chinese characters that seemed familiar to me, but it took some effort to fully recognize them. So I would go to him every day and draw beautiful and complicated ancient characters on the ground with a branch.Reading and practicing Chinese characters brought back my memories of the previous world, and those memories opened a window, making me feel more and more incompatible with the vulgarity, filth and ignorance here.

Yeah, of course I'd be out of place, I don't belong here!

But what did the past life that haunted me so much leave me?Knowledge of mathematics, physics and chemistry?What I can do here is not even as good as a blacksmith.Poems and songs that can be plagiarized?In the last years of the Southern Song Dynasty, the Tang poems and Song Ci poems that I remember have already come out.The plot of the original work and the historical background that I don't understand more and more clearly in my mind?But I was stuck in this boundless grassland, doing nothing.

I finally realized what exactly that life left for me. It was an inextinguishable yearning in my heart.I long for a civilized order, not the law of the jungle where the weak prey on the strong.I am not someone who can feel at ease when I live well. I long for a society where all people can straighten their spines and live with dignity. What they advocate is equality, benevolence, justice, and truth, not money, superstition, And power.

With my longing, I looked at the southern Central Plains day and night.But only after I left did I realize that there is nothing I want in the distance.I outlined my Utopia through words, but in the end I found that Utopia only existed in those ancient words.

I saw the bodies of dead beggars thrown in mass graves, I saw beautiful women being sold as belongings by their sweethearts, I saw half-naked children being beaten to death for a copper coin, I saw black kneeling in front of the county government office People all over the place, I saw the blood spattered by the beheaded prisoner, staining everyone's eyes red, and turning into waves of cheers.

One day I heard a poem, at a loss what to do, I read it upside down, "One point is like the ultimate nature, thrown into the stinky skin, wandering and lost, drifting with the waves, never returning home for thousands of years."

Does that mean me?The wandering soul loses its way, drifts with the waves, and never returns home for thousands of years!

I can never go back.Lost in this world in the book, where can I go?

I thought of it, there is only one place that will accept me without any complaints, the me who once abandoned her, and the me who once disliked her.I love and hate her, I love her simplicity and hate her roughness, I love the shelter she gives me, but hate the responsibilities she gives me.But I still went back, yes, this is my home, the place where I wanted to escape when I was weak and weak, and the place where I wanted to come back when I had strength.

The grassland is huge, however, the rumors that Temujin's young daughter heard the revelation from the gods have been blown to every corner by the wind.The day I came back, what greeted me was my father's proud smile, my mother's loving tears, and the cheers of my brothers and sisters.

In the crowd, I saw two boys, one was expensively dressed and arrogant named Du Shi, and the other was thick-eyed and simple-minded named Guo Jing, two very different people, but to me——Tie Mu Zhen's youngest daughter, Huo Zhen Bieqi, said it was the same, they would all be people who had a marriage contract with me but failed to get married.

Later, I sat in my mother's tent and tried on my wedding dress. I asked my mother, "Will father and Jamuka go to war?"

Will Temujin and Jamuka go to war?This may be a question that people will laugh at, but my mother didn't laugh at me.She—Ms. Puertie, the number one beauty on the Hulunbuir Grassland—has lost her beautiful face long ago, but she is still the closest, most respected and most trusted woman of her father. She said calmly that she would, without any hesitation.

I originally wanted to ask, "Then what should I do?" But before I could finish my words, I realized that this was a stupid question. On the grassland, there are very few women who have only one husband in their lives like their mothers.

My grandmother, the mother of Tianjiao Genghis Khan, the admired Mrs. Hoerlun, was snatched by my grandfather from the leader of the enemy.My third elder sister, Ala Haibeji, just returned to the tribe a few months ago. During the few years I was away from home, she married the Wanggu tribe with Turkic descent in the far west.She married Buyan Xiban, the son of Arawusi, and the Wanggu tribe also formed an alliance with the Qiyan tribe of the father Khan, and together they conquered the Naiman people.Unexpectedly, her husband Buyan Xiban died in the rebellion. The third sister fled to the boundary wall with several relatives of her husband's family overnight, hung down the city wall with ropes, and finally returned to her father. Next year, she will remarry Arawusi's nephew Zhen Guo, her former husband Arawusi's cousin, is also a companion in need who fled from the rebel army the day before yesterday.

So I changed the question, "What if Father Khan loses?"

"You can have a good time with Dushi."

"What if Father Khan wins?"

"Come back and choose the husband you want to choose."

"What if I already have children?"

"Then come back together." My mother smiled and braided the last hair for me.

The mother's no longer clear eyes seemed to have seen through everything on the grassland, but she just didn't expect that everything would come so quickly.When the date of marriage is agreed, it is the time when the horn of war sounds!

At this time, I discovered that I can still attract attention without a wedding!Surrounded by the army, besieged on all sides, I was wearing a blood-red wedding dress, standing in front of thousands of horses and horses, pointing to the stars in the sky like arrows.

After breaking out, I didn't change my blood-stained wedding dress. The wound on my left shoulder and the bloodstains on the wedding dress were covered under the sable fur shawl.That wasn't the only wedding dress that could be offered, but no one wanted to change it.Firstly, Mongolia does not have many taboos of Central Plains people, such as not being able to see blood during festivals, and secondly, people who know the direction of this marriage will not waste energy on such futile things.

So I wear it with peace of mind. I like the pattern inlaid with beautiful gold, the soft color of the leather, and the scar that has been stitched up in a hurry. It always reminds me of yesterday, the moment when the shining sword faced my chest. .

What am I thinking?

I wonder if I will die.

Dressed up, I was still sent to Sangkun's tribe as a bride, and the enemies who were confused by Temujin's false weakness were killed in drunkenness.

So actually I am a married woman, my husband died in the rebellion on the wedding night, and it was my father who killed him.

So I am a widow.

This realization made me chuckle, did I come back to be a widow?

The daughter of the Great Khan cannot live without a husband, and Guo Jing, who accepted the reward from his father Khan ignorantly, became the son-in-law of the golden knife.Father Khan took this as compensation for me, for a daughter who was injured in protecting him, but was still thrown into the enemy camp as a hostage and a smoke bomb.

Good boy, he once asked the Great Khan not to marry me to the tyrannical Dushi, and that request was regarded by the whole clan as love for me, and his military exploits are more than enough to match this honor.

He got a golden knife, and I got a fiancé.

That's fine, I'll be free until the next marriage falls through, and maybe even after.So I thank you, sincerely.

"Father Khan, your gift nourishes your children like rain nourishes pasture.

O Father Khan, the light of your glory shines upon your children as the sun shines upon all things. "

So I escaped from fate again, escaped from the life trajectory that was supposed to come, the same life trajectory as my mother and most women on the grassland, but I started a career of pretending to be gods and ghosts-randomly fabricated spells and carefully crafted The concocted herbal medicine cured the wounded and sick, and then put on the shaman's robe, and danced the dance of the gods coming into the world over the bonfire with breathtaking lightness.

Amidst the cheers of the crowd, I saw Father Khan's meaningful smile.

Shaman is the privilege of talking with the sky, the medium through which Changshengtian communicates with everyone, and the agent of various gods.Huoerchi, two great shamans of great virtue and prestige, claimed that he was appointed by the gods to be the master of the thousands of miles of land when his father Khan unified the various tribes of Mongolia.

However, which ruler would tolerate others standing between him and God's will, monopolizing God's will?

Unless it's his own daughter.

God, you probably won't mind if you throw me indiscriminately in this world, let me get the honor in your name

The author has something to say: "One point is as perfect as nature, thrown into the stinky skin, wandering and lost, drifting with the waves, and never returning home for thousands of years." This poem was written by Qiu Chuji in history.

This chapter recalls the beginning of this volume, Huazheng returns to the grassland alone.When I was writing, I listened to Tengger's "Paradise", which is super nice~ It's a pity that the writing is not very emotional, but I still have to explain some things on Huazheng's side~

The next chapter recalls the grievances with Mei Chaofeng, Houhou

PS: In the past few days, I have been busy solving an injured cat downstairs, using various methods, and contacting the matter of adopting a kitten.I'm really exhausted, and the update speed of the previous few days may not be there for the time being.