Goldberg Variations

Gu Kai, who was rejected in his confession, was very irritable and depressed. After returning home, he grabbed Bach and rubbed him violently, almost balding Bach's hair.

The angry Bach wanted to scratch someone, so he escaped from someone's hands, and confronted Gu Kai across half a room.

Gu Kai caught it a few times but failed to catch it. He pointed at the fat cat and said angrily, "He doesn't want me, and you don't want me either."

"You are a little self-conscious about facing the patron's father, okay? Look at your fat body and reflect on it. Who feeds you, clothes you, and shelters you from the wind and rain?"

Bach squatted down in disdain, not bothering to talk to him, and listened to the movement outside the window.

The crashing autumn rain fell.

"It's raining." Gu Kai looked out the window.

One autumn rain and one cold, the weather turned cold, Pei Wen's lungs were left with the root cause of the disease, but he had to pay attention to keep warm, don't catch cold...

Gu Kai frowned, why did he think of him again?

Shaking his head, Gu Kai let out a breath, rubbed his face to cheer himself up, and said to himself: "Isn't it just that the confession was rejected? What's the matter, it's just a trivial matter."

"Well, allow yourself not to work tonight, rest early and adjust your state, and you will be a good man tomorrow."

"Is it just a matter of life if you get rejected?"

But why did Pei Wen cry at that time? Obviously, he was the one who was rejected, so if he wanted to cry, he should cry himself, okay?

Is there something sad about Pei Wen?

... Forget it, people have already sent you a good card, why do you think so much.

Even if he really had something sad, he probably couldn't solve it by himself.

Talking to himself to comfort himself for a long time.

In the end, Gu Kai raised the corners of his lips helplessly, gave a wry smile, stopped being attached to that fat cat who didn't know what to do, took a step back, lay down on the large and soft sofa, and laughed at himself:

"very pitiful."

He is really not reconciled.

But life is always full of regrets, Gu Kai sighed again.

Dongcheng District, Pei Wen's house.

Pei Wen was no longer kneeling on the ground, he was sitting on the sofa with dried tears on his face.

He didn't check the time, he didn't know how long he had been crying, but his eyes started to hurt and dry, as if he couldn't cry much.

Sometimes Pei Wen felt that his tears were strange, they always fell uncontrollably, most of the time Pei Wen didn't know why he was sad.

He just felt depressed, sad, hopeless... All kinds of negative emotions engulfed him like a tide, without any reason.

He was like a drowning person, thrashing and struggling in the waves, but it was in vain, but he was swallowed deeper.

Pei Wen turned his face and looked at the cedar tree outside the window.

The cedar in the night is still silent, just shaking its branches and leaves slightly in the autumn wind.

Gu Kai.

Pei Wen said the name again in his heart.

At this moment, he felt that he no longer liked Gu Kai.

Even, he doesn't like drama anymore.The major he had to study even if he disobeyed his mother's order, the career he had insisted on for seven years.

He felt that he loved nothing, that life was nothingness, that there was nothing worth looking forward to.

On Pei Wen's left, there was a small white medicine bottle with blue wrapping paper on it.

It contained medicine, but it was not the medicine prescribed by the doctor to treat depression.

It was a drug that could kill him.

Pei Wen had already forgotten where he first saw that this drug could cause death. His brain had stopped functioning, like a rusty hammer. When he thought about it for a moment, his brain throbbed in pain.

It was a certain kind of chemical reagent, which was easily available in the market, but few people except chemical professionals knew their functions.

Pei Wen, who had devoted himself to killing himself for many years, obviously knew that 10g could kill a cow.

He unscrewed the medicine bottle silently, and a pungent smell came out.

Pei Wen remembered that he used to complain to others: "Isn't there anything that smells better?"

The man replied, "Poison doesn't smell good."

Ah, that's right, Pei Wen poured out some pills, and when he was about to take them, he looked at the cedar tree again.

If he died, would Gu Kai be sad?

If he died, would anyone feel sorry for him?Will anyone shed tears for him?

Will anyone remember him?

He suddenly felt extreme sadness from his numb heart.

He was getting scared.

He doesn't want to die.

Although I don't know why, maybe it's because of the biological survival instinct, maybe because he still has nostalgia, but he doesn't want to die.

But he is in so much pain.

Pei Wen put down the medicine, bowed his head and began to cry.

……

"I'm broken in love." Gu Kai said to the person on the other end of the phone.

Zhu Shaohui was stunned for a moment: "When did you fall in love?"

"..." These words were a bit heartbreaking, Gu Kai was speechless, and said dejectedly, "Okay, I'll lose it before I fall in love."

Zhu Shaohui was silent for two seconds, and asked, "Brother, are you going to Jiangzhou to find you?"

In the past, when Gu Kai broke up in love, Zhu Shaohui would accompany him to hang out—such as playing games all night—to vent the sadness of losing love.

This has become a habit between the two.

Gu Kai frowned: "Where's your goddess?"

"The goddess is at home well." Zhu Shaohui paused, then smiled sheepishly, "I can't put too much emphasis on sex and despise friends. I think you did a lot of hard work when I chased the goddess back then."

"Now that you are broken in love, brother has to comfort you no matter what. After all, you asked me for help before, but I didn't help you."

Gu Kai didn't taunt him, fell silent for a while, nodded: "Okay, then you can come."

Zhu Shaohui readily agreed, and then asked, "Is that the one you told me about last time?"

"Ah."

"It's only been a few days. At that time, I was just about to make a move for you. Didn't you say excitedly that he came to you? From what you said, he is also interesting to you. Why did he become obscene so quickly? What's the reason?"

Gu Kai pinched the center of his brows, feeling that Zhu Shaohui's every word was poking at his heart.

"I don't know, he didn't say anything, but sent me a good person card."

Zhu Shaohui: "Good card, this..."

"You want to laugh at me?"

"Cough, no, I just think... Maybe you thought that people liked you before, but it was just your illusion."

"Otherwise, why would you issue a good person card?"

Gu Kai frowned, and began to doubt his own judgment.

"What happened to you guys, tell me, brother can help you out."

Although Gu Kai didn't believe that Zhu Shaohui could come up with any ideas, talking to Zhu Shaohui could also relieve his emotions.

It's better to talk about some things than to be bored.

Gu Kaidang even told Zhu Shaohui what happened in the past few days.

After Zhu Shaohui listened, he asked in confusion: "You mean, his attitude changed after he answered the phone that day? There must be something wrong with the phone. You didn't ask what the caller said?"

"I asked, and she didn't say anything special, just congratulating her parents for their divorce."

"Congratulations on the divorce of my parents, this..." Zhu Shaohui couldn't understand, and thought seriously, "Then could he have some shadow on the marriage and be seduced?"

Gu Kai said: "It should be, his parents divorced when he was in junior high school."

"Perhaps it is precisely because of this that he has a fear of intimacy, and avoids you in order to avoid being hurt."

Gu Kai thought about it, he didn't think so deeply at the time, but now it makes sense after analyzing it.

So he turned around and sent a message to Pei Wen.

But did not send out.

A line of small characters flashed on the screen: "You are not the other party's friend yet, please add the other party's friend first."

"..." There was a basin of cold water pouring over Gu Kai's head, which chilled Gu Kai's heart.

Gu Kai stared at that line of words for a long time, then twitched the corners of his lips:

"No more analysis."

"forget it."

The author has something to say: Every sentence "I don't want to live" said by patients with depression is actually "I don't want to die, save me." If everyone automatically translates this sentence when they hear it, it may be better. Understand what they are saying.I hope everyone can understand them a little bit more. This is also my original intention of writing this article.

I prefer to use the work itself to convey my meaning, so I don’t want to talk too much, so I just want to say, I hope everyone will like this article!