woman wearing irish linen shirt

The sky is white.The duvet in the bedroom was halfway up, and Miss Pender's legs were tucked under the quilt, and her head was resting on my lap while I dried her wet hair carefully with a towel.

She has her own way of saying that no matter what kind of hair dryer it is, it will damage the hair, and even if it is wiped with a towel, it must be in the same direction.She is usually so busy, how can she have time for such time-consuming daily care, I have the right to take her as a coquettish, and do not refute, just do it silently.

I also smell of her shower gel on me.The fragrance soaked into the shirt with the water droplets, and with a sense of intimacy, I touched her half-dry hair and asked softly, "Do you want to dry it and sleep for a while?"

"It doesn't make sense." Miss Pender turned over, eyes half closed, "Even if you fall asleep, you have to wake up an hour later. It will be as uncomfortable as after HIIT, and it will last all day. I don't want it."

Her fantastic analogy resonated with me.I stroked her face with my thumb and said, "You are the boss, so it doesn't matter if you come later."

"I also hope..." Miss Pande stretched her waist, curled up into a ball, and slowly helped me sit up, "There is a very important meeting in the morning, and I have to visit a new client. You want to take a day off Is it fake?"

I nodded sincerely: "I think so."

She moved her eyebrows, and her smile was a little tired: "But?"

For some reason, as soon as I noticed her exhaustion, my mind wandered again.Miss Pande looked at me, and immediately sensed my deep meaning, half complaining half affectionately, she said, "Don't look at me like that..."

"You said the same thing yesterday." I leaned over.

"No, no, no." She pushed me away with almost no effort, "I must be out before ten o'clock. Are you going to wear my clothes to work?"

"I'm prepared." I put my arms around her.

Miss Pender moved a little, sighed softly, and didn't struggle anymore.

I brushed my hair aside and kissed the skin behind her ear.I could even hear the change in her breathing, and my heart couldn't help trembling, but I restrained myself and didn't move.

I took a slow breath.My chin rests on her shoulder, and I can only see a small half of Miss Pender's face from me.With her eyes closed, her skin is delicate and has the luster after years of precipitation.There was a little bit of affection hidden in the corner of her mouth, following the full curve of her lips, it flowed to me again.

I said, "I'm not dating anyone right now."

Her voice was light and ethereal: "Me neither."

"Yeah." I replied coolly, but couldn't stop laughing.

Miss Pender turned a little sideways, but because she was too close, she couldn't see the whole picture of me.She just looked me in the eye: "What do you mean 'um'?"

"It's literally. The No. 11 letters in English, the king, the key, and 'um'." I found myself rhyming, "I am very satisfied or something."

"I'm not dating anyone else?" she pointed out relentlessly.

I rubbed my forehead against her shoulder, answered sullenly, and hugged my hands tighter.

I'm really not good at bringing up this kind of thing. Usually, it's the limit of my ability to ask me to come forward and criticize a colleague alone. In the sentence pattern of "yes" or "no", the only thing I would like to say is to inform others to be promoted. job news.How am I going to tell it?I'm not afraid of seeing other people's reactions, nor of her refusal—I just don't know how to talk to Miss Pender.

Or maybe I'm both.

I am afraid that she will respond negatively, and I am afraid that she will refuse directly.

Miss Pender was extremely tolerant of my sudden childish shaking of my head.She didn't seem to be impatient at all, on the contrary, she was still shaking my arm together.She supported me and hugged her elbow tightly. The two of them were like elementary school students sitting together on the bus during an outing.

But nothing remained in my ear.Be it the chattering discussions, or the sound of the engine working after drinking half a sip of diesel, they were all left in Gensokyo.It wasn't the childishness who was cheering and cheering about the outing, but Miss Pande, who had been waiting for me for a long time and was accommodating me.

The moment her childlike innocence was revealed, she treated me differently.

What am I afraid of?

I stop.Sure enough, Miss Pande also stopped her swaying back and forth. Although I couldn't see her eyes, I felt a kind of deja vu from her determination.Like regulars on the dean's list, sitting on a campus bench after an all-night wait for the first class: Chang Lian from the gym running past, a party drunk who just finished reading [-] pages, Liberal arts students leaving the library.She opened up her bench.

This bench is called safety.

"You—" I swallowed, "what did you major in in college?"

Miss Pender froze and said nothing.I was at a loss in the silence, and ended up hugging her even tighter: would it hurt her?I subconsciously let go, but Miss Pender hugged my arm instead.I felt her laugh in my chest before my ears.

Miss Pan De's shoulders trembled slightly, and she said, "I study literature. I took a lot of journalism courses as an undergraduate."

This time it was my turn to froze: "Ugh. Cool! But...was your PhD interdisciplinary?"

"Perhaps." She smiled slightly teasingly, and then said after a pause, "I'm a PhD in comparative literature. I do comparative literature and art."

I can't react.

After some time, I asked, "So it only took you four years to get your PhD?"

"That's it."

"PhD in Comparative Literature?"

"Correct."

"At Harvard?"

At last Miss Pender resented my dull questions.She scraped lightly on my forearm with her nails: "Am I that much like a business school student?"

"No no, that's not what I meant." I laughed for no reason, "It's just, well, I'm sure you've heard that a million times—but you're really good."

Her voice was a little listless: "Yes, yes, I know, a liberal arts background, a 30-year-old partner, and so on."

I laughed out loud, leaned on her shoulder, and said, "No!"

Miss Pan De has malicious intentions: "Let me hear what unique insights Dr. Li can have?"

"Oh." I sighed, "It's really good to hear you say that."

Because I don't work in the academic system, the consulting industry emphasizes background over education, and Internet company heroes don't ask where they come from. Except for the year I graduated, I was hardly called that.

"Come on," said Miss Pender, "don't delay, you only have five seconds."

I laughed even harder when I heard her say that, and almost choked myself.She seemed really a little angry. I leaned over to look at her, but Miss Pendor turned her head away.Originally, we were so close that it was difficult to see each other's expressions clearly. Now that we don't even have a standard of reference, I feel even more uneasy.

Yet she let me lean on her again.

I moved closer to her and said, "Your department head at the time was Dr. Damrosch, right?"

She turned around and looked at me, expressionless, just said: "He is still the head of the department now."

I nod.Miss Pender didn't answer any more, she must be waiting for the next one.

"You know I have a BA. A classmate of mine, going in the same direction as you - she ended up at Yale - was very popular with prospective advisors, but the one who made the decision was the department chair. She tried no less than five ways , to show what a qualified candidate I am. Really, I don't remember Dr. Damrosch being as difficult a sucker as I can remember.

"He didn't read the portfolio, he didn't read the grade points, and the publications basically didn't exist. I thought that the dozen or so people admitted to Harvard's comparative literature every year must have been donated." I rushed Before she could react, she immediately added, "Is there really someone who can fall into his favor?"

She was noncommittal, and fell back, leaning against me.

"So we decided to help her," I said. "Of course, according to the single logic at the time, we all felt that the problem was identity. If she was a minority group who needed to use accessible parking spaces, or at least she If you can have a little 'Sky' or 'Berg' in your surname, the chances of being admitted are higher. But she can't. She is really typical from the photo, name and resume. WASP."

Miss Pan De narrowed her eyes: "You still have this kind of time?"

"Aren't you very lucky that you are only dating me now?" I smiled.

"Hmm..." She scratched the end of her eyes with her hand, "You are indeed different from what I imagined."

"Why is it different?"

"I haven't heard your opinion until now." She changed the subject, "Did you do anything?"

"Oh. Yes." I touched her arm. "At that time, I had already been spotted by my mentor. As the well-known 'Miss Nothing to Do', I gave to the The department chair wrote a letter of complaint."

"I didn't know Betty was an alumnus of your school." Miss Pender hesitated, "Do you even have an association named after her?"

"No." I deliberately remained silent for a moment, "That association was fabricated by me to justify the name."

Miss Pender frowned tightly: "You used to be good and bad!"

I laughed. "That was the last bad thing I ever did. Seriously!"

And I'm only one of the accomplices.The person involved, Lao Bai, even made an association logo for me to help the evildoers.

--wrong.As if she is Zhou?

"Did you get a reply?" Miss Pender rested her chin in one hand.

"Received." I lowered my eyelids, "It's not that he doesn't look at quantitative indicators. On the contrary, he is very satisfied with my classmate's published works and grade points. Dr. Damrosch decided to put her on the waiting list Yes, because in the second email he got, she wrote "Lost in Translation" as Sofia Copula. Copula, the one with the Copula function—"

"Oh." Miss Pender took a breath.

"So he often does this? Text cleanliness?"

"Hmm...it depends on how you look at this kind of clerical error." Miss Pan De seemed to be considering her choice of words, "It can't be called 'word cleanliness', it's too ugly. But accuracy is really important for people who do literary research. very important..."

I paused: "He won't be your mentor?"

"No." Although she denied it, her expression was very hesitant, as if she couldn't bear to see others embarrassing, "But, because I graduated a year early—let's say, I left Dr. Impressed. We actually emailed each other a while ago."

I was stunned and laughed heartily: "Yes, you really look like the kind of social expert who keeps in touch with everyone after [-] years of graduation."

Miss Pan De sat up and stopped leaning against me: "Is this your unique opinion? About my excellence?"

It’s over.

"No, of course not!" I said hastily, "What I want to say is—that is—you know, you have made breakthroughs in such an unpopular major, but you put down those achievements and don't regard past efforts as It’s the burden of living, and I think it’s amazing to go into a new industry, do a completely different job, and do something really beautiful. Most importantly, you’re very brave.”

"Is that so?" Her voice was a little soft, "Thank you, Yao."

"You're welcome. But why do you say that?"

"You didn't question my professionalism," Miss Pender said. "Every time people know that I have a liberal arts background, they always like... always like to express their 'higher education whiteism.'"

I was dumbfounded: "This term is very beautiful. Did you make it up now?"

She nodded: "But at least it's appropriate."

"I can understand." I didn't say anything reassuringly fake. "I majored in art history in undergrad. But I didn't even put it on my resume."

"A classmate in art history class?"

"South Asian literature." I said, "Unexpected!"

Miss Pan De smiled in surprise: "South Asian literature?"

"But I only had one semester of class." I explained before she misunderstood, "I have only read four chapters of Ramayana so far, so I may not be able to discuss the development of Indian literature with you immediately lofty topics like history."

Miss Pan De was thoughtful, touched her chin: "May I know the name of your classmate?"

"Annette White," I said, "she's teaching in California."

Miss Pender took a breath.I knew that she must have heard of Lao Bai's name before she would have such a reaction. Sure enough, after a while, she said: "I know her. I have read all her non-fiction works. It is Harvard's loss that she did not come to Harvard." .”

"So you now agree that your dean has a cleanliness freak?" I asked.

She glanced at me: "It's two different things."

It was full light.We are still chatting nonsensical gossip, and there is not much time left for me.But Miss Pender didn't seem to be urging her at all. Her hair was [-]% to [-]% dry, and only the ends and the depths of her hair still had the dew from the night.I was in a trance for a while, and I really didn't want to go to work today.

But even if I get cold feet from a meeting and alienate my post at the last minute - I can't be left alone.

Miss Pender was going to be busy after all.

However, she has no awareness of being ready to go.Miss Pender's slightly tired voice, there was a clue of lusting for something, and her voice spread in my ears, making me unwilling to break free: "Frankly speaking, I don't have any white friends who are particularly close. But you and Annette—you guys even had such pointed conversations during the admissions process. I assume you must be very close?"

I choked: "—Yes."

After speaking, I laughed myself.

Miss Pan De understood the implication immediately: "There is little contact now?"

"Yes. I..." I said, trying to pick the right words, "I'm a very 'independent' kind of friend."

She moved away a little, turned around, shook my hand and said, "I believe people's friendship can last forever."

I didn't look at her: "Is family affection too?"

"It depends on the specific person." She patted the back of my hand as if comforting, "Sometimes distance is also a kind of sense of security. If one day, the environment with me makes you feel safe, I will be very willing Hear everything you wish to tell."

I look up at her.

Miss Pender kissed me.

"But it's hard to say if it's something to be thankful for..." she said slowly, "I mean we're only dating now."

I recalled myself as an undergraduate: "You're not going to like me."

"You don't know what I was like before." She narrowed her eyes.

"But I know I like you the way you are," I said.

She probably didn't expect me to speak so bluntly, she froze for a moment, then smiled and said, "I'm very happy."

Miss Pender began to speak slowly again: "Now the lines are very short. I have two classmates who know Annette directly, and Annette knows you. Suppose the Pioneer Valley can't be saved, but she just came to Boston to find you Just play, if my classmates and I run into you again..."

I couldn't help laughing.

"Hi!" Miss Pender patted my arm. "Why are you laughing again? I'm talking seriously."

"You know," I said, "we have two dozen connections on LinkedIn, and it doesn't really take that long."

"Half of them are my colleagues, half of them are clients, and they are all people I met after work." She looked at me and said with a little emotion, "Forget it. You don't understand at all."

I pretended to think, and said: "I understand that you like me. You like me too, right? Especially me now?"

"Of course I like you." Miss Pender looked at me, "Why do you doubt that?"

Her slight emotions have subsided.

Nothing seemed to shake her heart, her essence: Miss Pender and her safe couch.

I said, "Can you just date me?"

She paused: "You said, like an exclusive dating relationship?"

"Yes." I answered very quickly, but in a low voice.

It seems that the confidence is insufficient.

"I would love to." She laughed. "That's what you wanted to say in the first place?"

She saw it.

I tried to stay calm: "Uh, uh, no. I just want to get to know you."

"On..." Miss Pender's teasing intentions can be seen everywhere, "On weekday mornings?

I lowered my head: "Okay. I wanted to ask you this at first."

She held my right hand with both hands, arched her body slightly, caught my lowered gaze, and said, "Then do you feel better? Now we are on a one-on-one date."

I suddenly felt like an awkward middle school student.I muffled: "Yeah."

"come over."

I lean over.

Her hug is so warm.