woman wearing irish linen shirt

My mother didn't see me for the first time.She looked absorbed, as if she was doing something very important.

After a few seconds, the round was over.She turned around, froze for a moment, then smiled: "Yao Yao."

I nodded, turned around and touched Zhizhi: "Hey—Mom, let me introduce you, this is my college classmate."

The two of them were also very surprised. Qu Zhizhi asked me in a low voice, "This is your mother?" Then he and An Ning greeted my mother.

"You guys go first, I'll chat with my mother for a while." I winked at Zhizhi.An Ning even waved to my mother, and she raised her hand in response, looking calm.At this time, she had already packed her things, stood up, and gave up her seat.

She was a bit fleshier than I remembered, and she looked good with only light makeup on.Her long hair is pressed down by a cold hat with a smiley face logo on it, a "Daphne" is casually slung on her left hand, and white bee shoes on her feet. She only talks about dressing up, and she is busy socializing with international students in North American water schools all day long. It seems that there is not much difference.It can be seen that she is living a good life, at least materially, she must be richer than me.

On the way to the door, I tried to say something, but a lot of words came to my mouth and swallowed, and I didn't say anything in the end.There are a lot of people here, and she took my hand like she did when crossing the road habitually, but she let go when she left the crowd.

After exchanging cash, my mother went to the side to get two drinks, handed me one, and said, "Those two are your classmates, one of them looks so small."

She still speaks the mandarin that I remember with a touch of Suzhou flavor.

"That's her sister, she works in the same company as me now." I said the first sentence, "I work in Crab Shell."

"Is the company called 'Crab Shell'?" She tilted her head, "What's the name, it sells seafood?"

"It's called this in Chinese. It's an Internet company, and it's okay in Southeast Asia." I explained.I can tell that she doesn't live here, she just comes here for tourism.Where does she live now?But I dare not ask.

I'm afraid she won't tell.

"Oh." She suddenly realized, "Did you come to Singapore after graduation?"

"I have a Ph. D degree. After graduation, I stayed in the United States and worked for a year—" I took a breath, feeling a bit speechless, and said, "Are you free today? Can you call me tonight? We'll see." one side?"

She thought for a while and said, "It should be fine. I need to talk to them first." She saw me looking at her, and added, "I'm married."

I couldn't say anything, I just nodded.She took out her mobile phone and was going to add me as a friend, saying that she could make voice calls directly.I don't know if she simply thought it was more convenient, or for some other reason.

After adding friends, she patted my arm, raised her head forward, and said, "Go."

I wanted to respond, but found that there was no sound in my throat.I still could only nod my head, and took two steps forward, gasping for breath, as if I had been thrown into a vacuum just now.

"How's it going, have you tried your luck?" I patted Zhizhi, she seemed to be watching, but it was An Ning who greeted me first.

Zhizhi shook her head: "I'm not very good at it. By the way, why don't you play poker for us to see?"

I smiled: "I only played in college, I haven't played for a long time, don't waste your money."

Zhizhi didn't insist anymore, and sighed: "Oh, you are also very kind to me, today I left my aunt and came to accompany me."

"Auntie looks so young!" An Ning also said, "Actually, we can ask her to have dinner with us. It's rare for her to come to see you, but you left, so I can only come out to play alone."

I laughed out loud and didn't speak immediately.After a while, he explained: "I'm sorry to disappoint you two. My mother and friends came here for a trip, and I didn't even know it. It was just a chance encounter."

Qu Zhizhi raised his eyebrows: "Aren't your parents in China now?"

I shrugged.She might have misunderstood, but she didn't pursue it.

Tonight is the first time I have turned on ring mode since I got a new phone.I turned up the ringtone to the maximum, and was worried about the unstable network, so I simply turned off the wireless connection and switched to data.But that's obviously not my worst fear.

Ever since I left the entrance to find Sister An Ning, I regretted letting her go, and was afraid that she would never come back.It's all too likely she's done it.

I picked up the voice call without any sound. My mother was probably a little surprised. She was silent for a second or two, but said in a tone that nothing happened: "Yao Yao, where are you?" ?”

"I'll pick you up." I said.

We didn't talk much on the way.She changed her clothes again, it was no longer a T-shirt and jeans, her hat was also taken off, her hair was tied up lazily, but she still carried "Daphne".I think she smells a bit of cigarettes, maybe from somewhere else, maybe her current husband smokes.I came out with my makeup removed, and I was so tired today, but I didn’t feel any better even after taking a shower: the reflection of me and her on the subway glass seemed to be salvaged from my memory, wet, a kind of rediscovery strangeness.It was like yesterday again, she looked gracious and decent, and I was undoubtedly her daughter, wearing a shirt, as if I had just finished a report that was included in the final grade.

The house was pitch black, and we outsiders were the only ones alive.I took my mother around the pile of boxes at the door and introduced, "This is my new refrigerator."

She nodded: "Very beautiful."

"I also bought this house," I said, "and this sofa."

She looked around.

"You're doing fine," she said.

I held back my tears and didn't speak.

My mother took out a handkerchief from her bag and handed it to me.She still kept every habit I was familiar with, the lily-of-the-valley tattooed on the corner of her handkerchief.There is a small care label on the back that reads:

"100% Cotton"

"Made in Japan"

My mother sat on the single-seater sofa, took off her shoes, and tidied them up specially; her feet were curled up.I gave her my slippers, and went to the bathroom barefoot to put on my slippers for the shower.She seemed to have nothing to ask or say to me.I didn't speak either.I don't know how long it took before I heard my mother's voice: "Is your father okay?"

"I do not know."

"The money owed..."

"Paid it off." I said, "My dad paid it off in 11. I borrowed some from my uncle, and I paid it back after I got to work."

"Oh." She agreed lightly.

After a while, she asked, "Are you planning to get married?"

"Do not."

"Do you have a girlfriend now?"

"No." I said.

Silence continued for a moment.

"You..." It was rare for me to hear a wave of wavering in my mother's tone, "If you have time, ask your father how much you paid back in total. I can give it to him."

I took a breath and was about to speak, but I held back.I just said, "Got it. But I don't think he's going to take the money."

"At least the part he paid for me, you ask." She said.

"Understood." I didn't argue anymore.

She put on her slippers, her eyes wandered from the window to my face, and then the brilliance flashed for a moment, and then she returned to the original state, saying: "Our Yao Yao has really grown up."

"I'm 31 years old this year, and I was 21 when you left. You throw a pomegranate seed and kick it up in the soil, and you'll grow up ten years later." I couldn't hold back in the end, but Converge quickly, "I'm sorry."

I wiped the corners of my eyes twice with a handkerchief.

She shook her head.There was still nothing on her face.

We looked at each other silently for a while again, but this time she kept looking at me.I said, "Did you know that grandma passed away the year before last?"

Her eyes finally loosened.As I expected, the turmoil didn't last too long, but after a few seconds, she met my eyes again and asked, "When did it happen?"

"September of the year before last." I didn't hold out much hope, but I added, "Buried in the Cemetery of Celebrities."

"Oh." She didn't say anything more.

In fact, I have a lot of questions to ask her, really a lot, but now that I see someone, I can't ask any of them.I don't know whether I can't ask, or I don't want to ask anymore.At this time, my mother took off her slippers.She slipped her foot into the worn shoe and I started to panic.

Will this be the last time I see her?

She stood up.I hurriedly took a step forward, but was speechless again. In the end, I just asked, "How is your husband treating you?"

She was a little surprised, opened her mouth, and after a while, said, "It's not bad. He has a milder personality and is very talkative."

"Understood." I lowered my head, "I'll take you back to the hotel."

"Just take me to the subway station." She seemed to be very understanding and said, "It's very late today, you should go to bed early."

I couldn't say a word of rebuttal.

My mother and I arrived at the subway station.I returned the handkerchief to her, but she just shook her head: "Keep it."

She is really leaving.

"Mom." I was so scared when I spoke, "Can I contact you? For example, when I miss you. You can also call me."

Her eye circles turned red all of a sudden, and she turned around in a hurry: "Of course, you can just send me a message. I'm leaving, go up."

I stood there motionless.Mom's background gradually faded away.

I don't quite remember how I got home.Curling up on the single-seater sofa, looking at the tight-lipped refrigerator opposite, the situation of buying it at noon on Thursday seems to be a dream of a previous life.My life is not a perfect 610 five-liter refrigerator at all, and I don’t need it: real life is piles and piles of boxes piled up at the door, and it’s a personal computer that’s packed in a box and won’t be used for months. Unopened packets of past-expired flour next to the computer—the bag of wheat flour is still there now, and I didn't even have time to throw it away.

I turned off the phone, otherwise it would vibrate forever.One day I will send and receive so many emails that I can fill one mobile hard drive after another.They can completely constitute my tombstone, which reads: Li Yao, she dedicated her life to contributing to the cause she loves.

But that's probably of little practical importance.

No one I love will visit the grave.