woman wearing irish linen shirt

Miss Pender leaned very close to me, her eyes filled with pity.She squeezed my hand, but said nothing.

I was grateful for her thoughtfulness, closed my eyes, and said, "If there is anything in my life that I regret, it is this. I didn't tell my mother. My mother may think that even now I have no idea."

"It's not your fault." Miss Pan De looked very serious, "This is a matter between your parents and the two of them. Even if you encounter such a situation by chance, the person who should deal with it is your father. Yao , this has nothing to do with you."

"That person works in the same office as him and has his own family. I regret it too much. My mother usually teaches in Beijing. She only discovered all this when I was in the tenth grade. At that time, my father quit his job and started a business." I squinted my eyes, "If I had told her earlier, maybe she would have been vigilant earlier, maybe she would not have chosen to stay in this marriage, and she could have put her income and energy on those more important things instead of Not my dad's business, or me... and I, as the discoverer, should have stepped up. At least I should talk to him, or ask him what he thinks.

"To this day, I still can't figure out why. Why did my dad do such a thing, and why is my mother not good enough?" I looked at Miss Pender, "You agree, too? There is absolutely no way to talk about my handling at that time." perfect."

Miss Pan De was extremely serious: "You were just a child at that time, and, Yao, let me emphasize again—it was a matter between them, and had nothing to do with you."

I leaned on the back of the sofa chair: "I know..."

"You don't know." Miss Pender's eyes were firm, "It's not your fault."

I was silent for a while: "What do you think about people cheating?"

"I don't approve of that approach," Miss Pender said. "Being open and respecting each other is a basic requirement in a romantic relationship."

"Some people end up forgiving their sexually unfaithful partners." I looked at her. "Do you think that's fair?"

"I think that's someone else's business."

"What if it was me?"

She narrowed her eyes and said slowly, "Are you the one who forgives others, or the one who is forgiven?"

I thought about it seriously and said, "I think I might be the one who gave up on communicating first."

"Will not."

I moved my eyebrows.

Miss Pender said, "At least not in our relationship. You're better at maintaining a relationship than you think."

"Do you think I have that gene?" I asked.

I regret it when I say it out of my mouth, and Miss Pender will definitely be angry.

But she didn't.

She just raised her right hand, pinched my cheek lightly, and said, "My heart feels that you are trying your best to care for me."

I paused: "Really? Don't you think I haven't done enough?"

She touched my face, and her eyes seemed to melt, brushing every corner of me lightly: "All I can feel is that I am very lucky to have met you."

Miss Pender is so gentle.

For a moment, I couldn't distinguish the truth from her words, I just believed it instinctively, as if I wanted to believe it, but also as if I couldn't doubt her.

We moved closer and quietly shared a long kiss.

In ancient times, there have been many heroes buried in this gentle township, but I always feel that it is just the scholar-bureaucrats trying to excuse the men.My opinion was originally very firm, but at this moment I hesitated: Miss Pender's kiss can always wear down my will, dilute my memory and pain, soothe me, let me sink, and bring me back to the wonderful reality.

Occasionally, I am overly competitive.She is strong when she encounters the strong, and the more frustrated she becomes, the more courageous she becomes, and as long as I retreat, as long as I counterattack and defend, she will turn into sand on the bottom of the waves, dense and delicate, making my scalp tingle.

Miss Pender moved away a little bit, her eyelashes fluttered and swept across the tip of my nose: "You smell a little bit alcoholic."

Embarrassed, I sniffed for a while, but found nothing. Instead, my head moved too fast, and I felt a little dizzy.I looked at her quietly: "Do I smell bad? Do you want me to take a shower first?"

She brushed my hair back, pulled out my left ear, and whispered, "Don't worry so much all the time."

Those who are not strong-willed use beauty as an excuse.

I have no time for self-examination, just distracted thoughts - I would like to share my life with my beauty.

Under the wall lamp, shadows engulfed a few minutes of fragments, and before my eyes, Miss Pender's lips were slightly red.

I stroked her cheek, couldn't help closing my eyelids, and said softly, "I'm so lucky."

Thumb felt Miss Pender's vivid smile, and only heard her say: "Did you just find out today?"

I shook my head and looked at her: "I just got enough courage to tell you today."

"I really hope that there are more things in your life that make you feel lucky and happy." She glanced at my lips, raised them inch by inch, and met my gaze again.

Miss Pande hesitated for a moment: "I shouldn't meddle in your affairs, but I hope you can find peace and stop tormenting yourself, whether it's in your living habits or in your spirit."

I frowned slightly: "I didn't torture myself."

She sighed: "Your house, Yao."

"It's just a little messy..."

"A messy room is also a part of life." Miss Pender smiled a little, but immediately returned to seriousness, "I mean, before I visited often, it looked more like a model room. You Not even a pot. All your greenery is made of plastic—most likely places where people move, in the cloakroom and by the window in the living room. Yet the cloakroom is a complete reproduction of your work, and I have no doubt that there are The high degree of organization that comes out is nothing but a joint and compulsive behavior of yours."

I pursed my lips: "What about the window?"

"Speaking of the window in the living room." Miss Pande looked at me, paused, and said, "Don't you think it looks like a hotel desk? I can even guess what you look like on a business trip."

I can't argue with that.

Miss Pande patted the back of my hand: "Now that I'm a part of your life, you seem very satisfied with me—"

"I'm super satisfied." I interjected.

She laughed at me, looked a little smug, and went on: "—I want you to be better. I hope the restless part of you can find something to settle down. I hope you can rest. "

"That sounds a lot like wanting me to sleep right away or something." I looked at her.

Miss Pan De didn't smile again this time, she raised her eyebrows and said calmly, "I'm serious."

"I'm sorry." I looked back at her, hesitated for two or three seconds, and said, "Uh, you may find it a little hard to imagine, but this is actually the first time I've mentioned my family affairs to others. So, uh—I Kind of at a loss for what to do. I didn't mean to interrupt you or take the conversation in another direction..."

"I know." She nodded and held my hand, "When you deliberately change the subject, your technique is much smoother."

I was silent: "That sounds like sarcasm, but also like complimenting me."

Her eyebrows moved playfully: "Why can't I have both?"

I looked at her for a while and didn't speak.

What is at work, the alcohol that has not been metabolized, the warm and cold light, or her under the light?I feel safer than ever.Miss Pan De's words easily left traces in my heart, I chewed slowly, on the one hand, I just wanted to avoid it, on the other hand, I unconsciously fell into thinking.

I'm already safe.

I have someone who can trust my back, so, while protecting her, can I try to face the cracks I have encountered along the way?

"Where do you think I should start?" I raised my head and asked her seriously.

Miss Pender looked at me: "Why drink today? I know you like to exercise restraint."

"I just learned something today." I gently shook her hand, "The person I respect very much has a bad moral character."

She just looked at me, neither surprised nor scrutinized, and asked, "Anyone like your role model?"

I nodded.

"That's why you mentioned your father today?" Seeing my response, she slowed down and said, "None of them are you. You are a different person, and you have the ability to control your own life."

"They are all excellent..."

"But they are not saints." Miss Pender's tone tonight was exceptionally gentle. She was calm and firm, but her usual strength was gone.

I thought self-exposure would put me in danger.

I am really safe.

"They're not perfect, I know that. I don't ask myself to be perfect..."

Miss Pender interrupted me: "You really pursue perfection, you know it yourself."

I took a breath.She is right.

I rephrased, "Okay. Do you think the problem is that I'm imposing my own standards on others?"

She didn't answer me casually, but after thinking about it for a while, she said, "I don't think so. At least, you don't give me that feeling. If you ask me, I would say that you make a lot of packages."

"Package?" I frowned slightly.

"Whenever you encounter something that makes you feel powerless or unresolved, you pack them up and store them in a certain location. Maybe you have forgotten their existence," Pan Miss De pursed her lips, "Unfortunately, in the human mind, there is a space called 'subconscious'. Those packages will always be there, if no one does the cleaning work... Do you remember the time before your second bedroom? Does it look like?"

I looked at her. "You mean, maybe I should unpack some packages."

She stroked my hair: "This is your freedom. I just want you to know, Yao—I will always be by your side."