woman wearing irish linen shirt
Chapter 144
After dinner we drank tea, Miss Pender and I sat on one side, and Rajiv sat on the other side, fulfilling the "question and answer" agreement we had agreed upon during the quarantine.
To be honest, I can feel his care for me.It could be seen during the previous meal that Rajiv specifically asked about my eating habits and confirmed that all the dishes on the table could be eaten by me.This is different from the superficial "reception" for foreigners in the general sense. Rajiv gave me a feeling that he was really thinking about me.
On the other hand, I also sensed that his attitude towards me was hospitality: even though we were at Miss Pender's house, eating a meal that Miss Pender had painstakingly prepared, he carried an unspoken sense of ownership.
We pay attention to elder brothers being like fathers, but we don't know whether this principle is also applicable to her family.
The conversation went on for about an hour, and it felt a little like an interview, but I tried to ignore that feeling.Rajiv's attitude is very sincere, but compared to Miss Pender's peers, I feel more like I am being questioned by an elder.
He was surprised when I mentioned my self-identification and coming out to my immediate family as a teenager, and then praised my courage.I hesitated again and again, without asking him if he had some misunderstandings about the civilization I came from.
And it's hard to say who was the source of the misunderstanding: India is not the only country with a vast territory.
It wasn't until Rajiv got up to answer the phone that I realized that my shoulders and neck were already stiff and I couldn't move for a long time.
Miss Pan put her arms around my shoulders: "Thank you for talking to him so much. I know some of the questions were offensive, but you answered them directly."
I shook my head: "Your brother showed me respect, I didn't feel uncomfortable. I just felt nervous subconsciously... I don't know why."
"Sometimes I'm a little afraid of him." Miss Pender laughed. "My two nieces also said that Rajiv often looks serious, so maybe he is like that. If you feel bad about anything, just let me know. Okay? I'll talk to him."
I looked at her, didn't deny it casually, nodded seriously, and said, "I see. Thank you."
She pursed her lips: "You like to say thank you today."
"I want to thank you every day," I said, "I'm always as happy as a dream."
"Back to reality, you will find," the arc of her eyebrows looked proud, "the real world is actually pretty good."
Before I got closer to her, I found Rajiv who had come back, lowered my head, and coughed quietly.Miss Pender immediately sat upright, keeping her face calm, after all, she is much better at underground work than I am.
In the evening I stayed at Miss Pender's for the night.She's definitely going to save her personal time for family time these days, and I can't bear to be a saboteur, and tonight will be the last time we'll be alone together in a while.
Lying in bed, I had mixed feelings.
She held hands with me quietly, without speaking, we shared the same air in silence, stability and gentleness drifted around the bed.
"Thinking of what?" Miss Pender asked.
"A lot of things," I said.I put one arm behind my head, "Our relationship, college time, my family...it's a lot."
She turned around, supported her head, and looked at me sideways, with a gentle smile: "A woman in deep thought."
"Why do you always remember me?" I asked her, "Is it just because of a strike up many years ago? I think there must have been many attractive people in your life for so long, why do you just remember me? ?”
Miss Pan De's eyes moved slightly, she stretched out her hand to touch my eyebrows, stroked my face, and brought my stray hair to the correct position.
She said slowly, "You are a dream of mine."
I was stunned.It is clearly such a romantic sentence, but I feel that the words carry an extremely heavy weight.
"Do you remember on the first date, I emphasized that I would pick you up in the car, choose the restaurant and pay for the dinner?" Her long eyelashes drooped. things. If we can really meet for the third time..."
I frowned slightly: "After the chance meeting on the flight?"
She nodded: "Do you know why Peter and I used to call you 'crying bag'?"
I pouted.
"I didn't talk to you at that time, not because you fell asleep. In that case, I could choose to find you when the meals are distributed, or before landing." Her eyebrows and eyes focused on me again, and the back of her hand was on my cheek Gently stroking, "You shed tears when you were sleeping."
I squinted my eyes, unable to recall, and looked at her.
"The lady sitting next to you found out. She also asked the left and right passengers if there were any extra tissues. We didn't realize you fell asleep until later." Miss Pan De pointed at the apple muscle, "Your tears Slipped down like half a bottle of eye drops. I only saw you twice because of the awkward seating position, and you looked—”
I said, "I don't even remember that."
She sighed softly: "I think that time must have been particularly difficult for you."
I touched her hand and said angrily, "Thank you."
Miss Pender shook her head.
After a while, she began to speak slowly again: "About half a month after we met, my anger gradually disappeared. I think you probably just didn't take it to heart, and I can't seem to find any excuse to blame you. I was just thinking that when I got back from Wiesbaden, maybe I could try to date some girls - it doesn't have to be you. By the end of the summer vacation, I would have calmed down a lot, if we hadn't met again on the plane , even if I meet you again this year, at the beginning, my heart may not fluctuate immediately... It seems that what I lacked has finally been completed after a long time.
"I've imagined a lot. I remember your tears deeply, maybe I just can't resist your tears." Miss Pender laughed, "I think everyone has their reasons. It's just that those who want to try The feeling gradually changed, and I found that I would think of you involuntarily. Maybe I really weaved too many fantasies, and those things that only kept a weak connection with reality slowly formed the you in my mind. When When I realized that I was kind of scared—well, very scared—that I didn't want to like a dream, an imaginary person."
I squeeze her hand tightly.
Miss Pender lowered her head: "I tried... to a considerable extent. Women, men, for a while I even suspected that I had some kind of 'Asian fanaticism', maybe I just like East Asian girls...but in the end All I know for sure is the fact that I'm a lesbian, I almost thought I wouldn't be able to fall in love, or have the passion to be in a long term relationship. I've always had a hard time feeling when I was dating and was usually out of shape.
"A few years later, during the busiest months of my Ph.D., I couldn't juggle my studies, dancing, socializing, and normal sleep. In this case, I found that I was capable of emotional management instead. I’ve had two more girlfriends since then, and they’re both wonderful people and they’ve helped me a lot.”
She looked at me, as if she was making sure that I wasn't jealous because of it, so she felt relieved and said softly, "But it just doesn't feel right."
I meet her eyes.
Miss Pender's lips moved: "This is the feeling I'm looking for. Every time I look at you..."
I leaned forward and kissed her: "I'm honored."
She laughed again, and the confusion between her brows disappeared: "After I got to know you, I found that you are very different from what I imagined. I thought you were the kind of bad girl who ignored the rules and liked to challenge authority. Emotionally unwilling to make commitments, like to be a playboy."
I took a breath: "And do you have fantasies about such a bad girl? Didn't I disappoint you?"
Miss Pender laughed: "You are much better than I imagined. Although sometimes you still look like a bad girl."
I couldn't help laughing along with her: "I didn't realize that I have that side."
"You always think very fast, and you speak conservatively and act boldly." She pinched my cheek, "The badness is just right."
I sat up and stretched my waist: "So you like this kind of proper self-control?"
Miss Pender shook her head.
I looked at her, silently expressing my doubts.
She smiled again, supported her forehead, and sat up with me, raising one hand above my head.I lift up a little and let her wrap her arms around me across my neck.
Miss Pender said: "I found myself liking you, not my dreams, and there was a very definite occasion. I didn't like your 'bad' side, on the contrary, I liked you without anything. Traces of thoughtfulness."
"How?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Do you remember that I visited you? When you were absent." She lowered her head and giggled again, "Your clothes that day..."
I was a little anxious: "It was an accident! I was so sick at the time!"
"I know." She was still covering her stomach and laughing, "You were still afraid of infecting me—no matter what disease you had at the time—wearing gloves for washing dishes, and wearing a peaked cap with the brim tilted to one side... ..."
"Stop it," I covered my face, "I'm so embarrassed."
"It's okay." She put a little strength on her arm around my shoulder, "Yao?"
I put my hand down and looked at her tentatively.She really didn't laugh at me anymore.
"You lived in my heart that day." Miss Pande looked over with a very serious expression, "You are dressed so interestingly, every step you walk is like a person short of water stepping on the sand, but you are stubbornly sticking to the wall , stay away from me. You may not know how funny and romantic that scene is - I swear in my heart that I will be close to you. Close to you, keep close until the day you reject me comes."
To be honest, I can feel his care for me.It could be seen during the previous meal that Rajiv specifically asked about my eating habits and confirmed that all the dishes on the table could be eaten by me.This is different from the superficial "reception" for foreigners in the general sense. Rajiv gave me a feeling that he was really thinking about me.
On the other hand, I also sensed that his attitude towards me was hospitality: even though we were at Miss Pender's house, eating a meal that Miss Pender had painstakingly prepared, he carried an unspoken sense of ownership.
We pay attention to elder brothers being like fathers, but we don't know whether this principle is also applicable to her family.
The conversation went on for about an hour, and it felt a little like an interview, but I tried to ignore that feeling.Rajiv's attitude is very sincere, but compared to Miss Pender's peers, I feel more like I am being questioned by an elder.
He was surprised when I mentioned my self-identification and coming out to my immediate family as a teenager, and then praised my courage.I hesitated again and again, without asking him if he had some misunderstandings about the civilization I came from.
And it's hard to say who was the source of the misunderstanding: India is not the only country with a vast territory.
It wasn't until Rajiv got up to answer the phone that I realized that my shoulders and neck were already stiff and I couldn't move for a long time.
Miss Pan put her arms around my shoulders: "Thank you for talking to him so much. I know some of the questions were offensive, but you answered them directly."
I shook my head: "Your brother showed me respect, I didn't feel uncomfortable. I just felt nervous subconsciously... I don't know why."
"Sometimes I'm a little afraid of him." Miss Pender laughed. "My two nieces also said that Rajiv often looks serious, so maybe he is like that. If you feel bad about anything, just let me know. Okay? I'll talk to him."
I looked at her, didn't deny it casually, nodded seriously, and said, "I see. Thank you."
She pursed her lips: "You like to say thank you today."
"I want to thank you every day," I said, "I'm always as happy as a dream."
"Back to reality, you will find," the arc of her eyebrows looked proud, "the real world is actually pretty good."
Before I got closer to her, I found Rajiv who had come back, lowered my head, and coughed quietly.Miss Pender immediately sat upright, keeping her face calm, after all, she is much better at underground work than I am.
In the evening I stayed at Miss Pender's for the night.She's definitely going to save her personal time for family time these days, and I can't bear to be a saboteur, and tonight will be the last time we'll be alone together in a while.
Lying in bed, I had mixed feelings.
She held hands with me quietly, without speaking, we shared the same air in silence, stability and gentleness drifted around the bed.
"Thinking of what?" Miss Pender asked.
"A lot of things," I said.I put one arm behind my head, "Our relationship, college time, my family...it's a lot."
She turned around, supported her head, and looked at me sideways, with a gentle smile: "A woman in deep thought."
"Why do you always remember me?" I asked her, "Is it just because of a strike up many years ago? I think there must have been many attractive people in your life for so long, why do you just remember me? ?”
Miss Pan De's eyes moved slightly, she stretched out her hand to touch my eyebrows, stroked my face, and brought my stray hair to the correct position.
She said slowly, "You are a dream of mine."
I was stunned.It is clearly such a romantic sentence, but I feel that the words carry an extremely heavy weight.
"Do you remember on the first date, I emphasized that I would pick you up in the car, choose the restaurant and pay for the dinner?" Her long eyelashes drooped. things. If we can really meet for the third time..."
I frowned slightly: "After the chance meeting on the flight?"
She nodded: "Do you know why Peter and I used to call you 'crying bag'?"
I pouted.
"I didn't talk to you at that time, not because you fell asleep. In that case, I could choose to find you when the meals are distributed, or before landing." Her eyebrows and eyes focused on me again, and the back of her hand was on my cheek Gently stroking, "You shed tears when you were sleeping."
I squinted my eyes, unable to recall, and looked at her.
"The lady sitting next to you found out. She also asked the left and right passengers if there were any extra tissues. We didn't realize you fell asleep until later." Miss Pan De pointed at the apple muscle, "Your tears Slipped down like half a bottle of eye drops. I only saw you twice because of the awkward seating position, and you looked—”
I said, "I don't even remember that."
She sighed softly: "I think that time must have been particularly difficult for you."
I touched her hand and said angrily, "Thank you."
Miss Pender shook her head.
After a while, she began to speak slowly again: "About half a month after we met, my anger gradually disappeared. I think you probably just didn't take it to heart, and I can't seem to find any excuse to blame you. I was just thinking that when I got back from Wiesbaden, maybe I could try to date some girls - it doesn't have to be you. By the end of the summer vacation, I would have calmed down a lot, if we hadn't met again on the plane , even if I meet you again this year, at the beginning, my heart may not fluctuate immediately... It seems that what I lacked has finally been completed after a long time.
"I've imagined a lot. I remember your tears deeply, maybe I just can't resist your tears." Miss Pender laughed, "I think everyone has their reasons. It's just that those who want to try The feeling gradually changed, and I found that I would think of you involuntarily. Maybe I really weaved too many fantasies, and those things that only kept a weak connection with reality slowly formed the you in my mind. When When I realized that I was kind of scared—well, very scared—that I didn't want to like a dream, an imaginary person."
I squeeze her hand tightly.
Miss Pender lowered her head: "I tried... to a considerable extent. Women, men, for a while I even suspected that I had some kind of 'Asian fanaticism', maybe I just like East Asian girls...but in the end All I know for sure is the fact that I'm a lesbian, I almost thought I wouldn't be able to fall in love, or have the passion to be in a long term relationship. I've always had a hard time feeling when I was dating and was usually out of shape.
"A few years later, during the busiest months of my Ph.D., I couldn't juggle my studies, dancing, socializing, and normal sleep. In this case, I found that I was capable of emotional management instead. I’ve had two more girlfriends since then, and they’re both wonderful people and they’ve helped me a lot.”
She looked at me, as if she was making sure that I wasn't jealous because of it, so she felt relieved and said softly, "But it just doesn't feel right."
I meet her eyes.
Miss Pender's lips moved: "This is the feeling I'm looking for. Every time I look at you..."
I leaned forward and kissed her: "I'm honored."
She laughed again, and the confusion between her brows disappeared: "After I got to know you, I found that you are very different from what I imagined. I thought you were the kind of bad girl who ignored the rules and liked to challenge authority. Emotionally unwilling to make commitments, like to be a playboy."
I took a breath: "And do you have fantasies about such a bad girl? Didn't I disappoint you?"
Miss Pender laughed: "You are much better than I imagined. Although sometimes you still look like a bad girl."
I couldn't help laughing along with her: "I didn't realize that I have that side."
"You always think very fast, and you speak conservatively and act boldly." She pinched my cheek, "The badness is just right."
I sat up and stretched my waist: "So you like this kind of proper self-control?"
Miss Pender shook her head.
I looked at her, silently expressing my doubts.
She smiled again, supported her forehead, and sat up with me, raising one hand above my head.I lift up a little and let her wrap her arms around me across my neck.
Miss Pender said: "I found myself liking you, not my dreams, and there was a very definite occasion. I didn't like your 'bad' side, on the contrary, I liked you without anything. Traces of thoughtfulness."
"How?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Do you remember that I visited you? When you were absent." She lowered her head and giggled again, "Your clothes that day..."
I was a little anxious: "It was an accident! I was so sick at the time!"
"I know." She was still covering her stomach and laughing, "You were still afraid of infecting me—no matter what disease you had at the time—wearing gloves for washing dishes, and wearing a peaked cap with the brim tilted to one side... ..."
"Stop it," I covered my face, "I'm so embarrassed."
"It's okay." She put a little strength on her arm around my shoulder, "Yao?"
I put my hand down and looked at her tentatively.She really didn't laugh at me anymore.
"You lived in my heart that day." Miss Pande looked over with a very serious expression, "You are dressed so interestingly, every step you walk is like a person short of water stepping on the sand, but you are stubbornly sticking to the wall , stay away from me. You may not know how funny and romantic that scene is - I swear in my heart that I will be close to you. Close to you, keep close until the day you reject me comes."
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