woman wearing irish linen shirt

I was in an indescribable trance, as if a black and white movie was playing in my brain.

One is projected on the screen, and another is heard in the ears.

After entering the fingerprints according to the instructions in the manual, I came back and sat down, looked at her, and suddenly returned to reality as if I hadn't seen her for a long time.

I opened my mouth: "Do you want the key to my apartment?"

"Oh! No. You don't need to do that." Miss Pender raised her hand, "I just want to provide you with some convenience, such as I'm busy or I'm not off work, so you can go in first. If you want to come over, just As always, I would have thought it would be nice to say hello in advance."

"Of course. Thanks for thinking of this for me." I looked at her again.

Miss Pan De suddenly approached, holding my face with both hands: "Don't think so much."

I try to be careful when I speak, trying not to bite my cheek: "Okay."

"What time will you start that one tomorrow morning?"

"09:30." I said slowly, "Just a short meeting, the rest of the day is fine."

"Fine." She smiled meaningfully, "because we need to talk."

I look at her.

She's so pretty when she smiles, and she only has eyes for me, like just the two of us cover the whole world.I pushed my tongue against Miss Pender's palm that was pressed against her cheek, and seeing that she still didn't let go, I said, "I'm very willing."

"Good boy." She squeezed me.

Two glasses of water were placed in front of us along with a water bottle filled with mineral water.Miss Pender just got up and went to the kitchen to get it. She was obviously planning to have a long talk all night.

However, the well-prepared person did not take the initiative to ask questions. She just looked at me, as if she would not be bored at all.I kept silent all this time, and finally Miss Pan De couldn't help it: "Is there nothing you want to ask me?"

But I wouldn't misread her tenderness.

"Have."

She raised her shoulders: "I'm open tonight. Just ask."

what?

I should have a lot of questions that I can ask her, but when the book of answers is lying in front of me, I can't bend my fingers forward and turn them freely.

I don't want to?No, of course not.

She is like a mystery that lives next to me.There are too many parts that belong to her that are completely unknown, and the life trajectory of me and her is like a winding curve, exploring and turning in the east and west of the world, intersecting by chance, and finally ushering in the moment of intertwining and moving forward .

How could I not be curious about her?

But as Miss Pender had astutely pointed out earlier, what made her, what changed her, and the circumstances in which she shaped herself, I can't answer, I can't guess.

I should know.

But where to start?

I pondered, and there was a long pause between each sentence: "Well, I didn't check it on purpose, and I also noticed that you rarely entertain guests at home, er, it may be, it may be your HR Speaking? This behavior is really unprofessional, and by the way, I didn't expect to find out your address from other sources... Anyway, I just accidentally found out about this house one day, uh, Approximate price... of course I'm not saying it's for us—er, no, for me to get to know you..."

Miss Pender took a breath.My already fragmented presentation thus came to a halt.

She looked at me: "Yao, what do you want to say?"

I put my heart to one side: "——Are you rich?"

She looked at me for a moment, smiled, and nodded: "Yes."

"Okay." I curled up my legs obediently, and sat on the sofa with my knees hugged, "I don't care, it's okay."

"Well, but you don't look very 'indifferent'." She distantly drew two circles with her index finger near my knee, "You sit like you got an F at the end of the semester or something."

I'm serious: "I never got anything other than an A+."

"I believe you."

"I'm serious." I crossed my arms and lowered my legs, "I've never done it even in art or music."

She squinted her eyes: "What is 'even if'?"

"They're obviously not the most important secondary subjects, judging by their point value, if you know what I mean," I said, "at least when I was in school. We're in a similar situation to Singapore, where there's a lot of emphasis on written grades, Moreover, the dimension of this emphasis will be more singular.

"I know kids who do well in sports are very popular in Singapore, and that's a good thing. Of course, whether it's a sign of diversity, or whether it's due to a special cultural environment, depends on how you look at it. You know Singapore's 'fear of losing' 'Culture can show up in so many places, and to students, that word is really scary."

"It sounds painful, at least for some children." Ms. Pender added, "Because the single value orientation of society can easily lead to depression."

"I may not be qualified to discuss this kind of pain." I rubbed my neck with one hand, "Because I haven't taken the college entrance examination. You know, candidates usually meet in the school organization when there are a hundred days before the college entrance examination. Next, take part in the swearing-in meeting, and then repeat exams, exercises, exams, and exercises...of course Japan and South Korea are the same, hehe, it’s a bit like a regional curse.”

Miss Pande listened carefully, and said: "India also has this problem, and India also pays more attention to science and engineering." She slowed down again, "Of course I may not have much insight into the entire education system..."

I raised my eyebrows: "You have been in an international school since kindergarten?"

"I didn't..." She was silent for a moment. "I didn't go to preschool. Well, I mean, I did have some teachers at home at the time..."

Hiring "some" tutors for preschoolers...  

I rubbed my index finger against my nose, trying not to sigh.

Miss Pan De sighed and looked at me helplessly: "This story is very long."

I sat up a little bit straighter and cleared my throat: "I'm ready."

She was amused by me for a moment, her eyelashes drooping, and she became quiet again.Sensing her emotion, I moved over and held her in my arms.

"Well, the first thing I've known about myself since I can remember is," she paused, calmly, "that I'm not pure enough."

My hands tightened.

She laughed again, but her head was still lowered, not looking at me.Tilting her head, Miss Pender's long hair occasionally brushed against the inside of my arm, and she continued: "As you already know, I'm a mixed race, with half of Aryan blood on my body and the other half of me. From the Slavs. I suppose you've heard of caste?"

I nodded: "I know this system was abolished long ago at the legal level, but culturally it still has a great influence on people."

"It's not just cultural." She met my eyes for the first time since starting the topic. "One of my cousins ​​still refuses to accept visits from the chief minister of our state. Because first of all, as you probably know, Indian politicians Usually from those more neutral castes, plus Mr Loubani himself has been campaigning for the inconvenience of inter-caste marriages and his daughter is also married to a 'Mishra'. That's a Brahmin name."

I nodded. "May I ask why they need to meet? Because your family is rich and that Lubonne wants some kind of support?"

"It has nothing to do with money." Miss Pender said, "As mentioned before, we are a relatively well-known family in the local area."

I thought about it: "Why doesn't he want to see him? Because..."

I hesitate to say "not pure enough".Even when discussing other people's affairs, I can't describe a person so grandly.

"Because my cousin thinks he is 'pure'. In order to maintain this 'pure', he can't talk to..." Miss Pender drew circles helplessly, and couldn't find a suitable word for a long time, " They couldn't make contact, at least in that cousin's mind—well, because he was sort of, a clergyman."

I pursed my lips: "A Brahmin."

"Yes." Miss Pande nodded, her tone not without irony, "A Brahmin who is extremely proud of his purity."

"I still don't get it. The Chief Minister is the local leader, whether it's for the sake of the community or out of personal interests. Why would your cousin resist meeting someone like that? Just because their caste is different." belong to the same class?"

Miss Pender let out a long sigh of relief: "Yes."

My heart throbbed.Her cousin was like this to an outsider who could bring benefits, if the whole environment was like him, and Miss Pender was still inside this environment...

The thorns of some cowards in the crowd always grow inward.

"I wouldn't say 'Roubani' is the worst off, they're actually Jain Banyas, have been doing business in Gujarat for generations, some were involved in the banking industry when it started, you can Imagine how rich they are." Miss Pender shrugged, "Wealth can change people's perception of a group to a considerable extent."

I shook my head: "At least it didn't change your cousin's opinion."

She laughed suddenly. "Yeah! You're right. When I was little, I always focused on my innocence—"

I interrupted her with my hand up. "Sonia. I wish you would stop describing yourself that way."

Miss Pender was slightly startled, and looked at me.

"I don't know a jerk who said that to you - I don't care, but he or she, or a bunch of them, said a total jerk." I looked right into her eyes, "Yeah, It's a bad world, and some beings come into this world with high expectations and some aren't, but everyone, everyone - when they first came, were equal and innocent.

"You know I don't believe in original sin. You are noble and I am noble, but it is just a layer of ruler's skin. Our choices in adversity, our courage in the face of challenges, whether we are at the peak or the trough, we want to Every step you take before you decide who you are and who you can be; not some chauvin pig shit. Do you hear that?"

I wipe her tears away.

Miss Pender laughed out loud, "It's the first time I've heard you swear."

I stroked her cheek: "It seems that you can hear clearly."