woman wearing irish linen shirt
Chapter 105
I was choking.
In the blink of an eye, I realized that she was deliberately mocking me with other typical costumes of East Asian culture.
When Westerners look at the East, there is only Japan; when we look at the East, there is only our own country.
But on this kind of issue, I always feel that we are on the same level as Indians, maybe not as good as them.Among other things, this slightly out-of-the-ordinary national pride of Indian descent does impress everyone of other ethnicities - I froze there.
I have a deep prejudice against her.
Before today, I always thought I had restrained myself.
"I'm sorry." I immediately apologized, "Now I know what my problem is. Sometimes when it comes to a topic, I don't even think about asking you about the specific situation, and I fill the imaginary space with a certain... impression. Blank, and then go on. This is really," I took a deep breath, "really disrespectful. I'm sorry."
Miss Pan De didn't look at me again, she nodded lightly: "At least you are willing to say today that you don't know anything about my cultural background."
I looked over cautiously: "Can you forgive me?"
She didn't respond to me immediately, and after thinking for a moment, she said, "It remains to be seen."
"Any hints?" I hesitated and took her hand, "I really want to make amends."
She sighed: "First things first: don't label me."
"Okay." My head is pounding like garlic.
"If you're unclear about anything, or if you've heard rumors somewhere - about me, about Indian descent, or being a cross-cultural family like me who grew up in a third culture The 'mixed people' in the background—you can ask me." She stared at me for a while, her eyes made me feel a little sad for no reason, and then said slowly, "Don't use your imagination to complete me. That's not me .okay?"
"Okay." I raised my right hand.
She probably didn't expect me to do this, so she burst out laughing.The little sadness that was barely traceable was all diluted, and it was already elusive.Miss Pande nodded with a smile: "Please tell me."
"'Hybrid' sounds a little weird." I looked at her. "Did you know there's actually a word called 'citizen of the world'?"
"I know." She lowered her eyelids, "I guess that's how you define yourself?"
"Uh," I grudgingly said, "is it? But honestly I'm not too happy to be put in this category. I just have to be a citizen of the world."
She looked at me for a while and said, "I consider myself an Indian. I am proud of my Indian heritage."
Her tone was flat and not forceful, but it just made people feel unquestionable.
I was about to say something when Miss Pande said again: "I know that I am not 'typical' or 'stereotype' enough. In the eyes of some people, I may not be 'pure' enough. I understand my native culture Limited, I don't speak Hindi..."
With a soft sigh, as thin as diluted smoke, she said slowly: "And I probably won't go back to India to live, or even consider it as a vacation spot - I don't love it, at least not now. It. Even so, I still feel Indian.”
I held up three fingers in the oath of oath: "I agree [-]% that you are Indian."
Faced with my gag, she just glanced helplessly, as if her anger had subsided, and her expression became gentle again: "Back to the topic just now. Sometimes I say French words because the term is originally French, not because I think To show that I have a good education, or to show off my status as an intellectual. I mix English and French because my English is not good enough-"
Miss Pan De originally wanted to continue talking, but she looked at me and paused: "What are you thinking?"
She is really sharp.
I swallowed my saliva, and said in detail: "Dr. Pan De, do you still remember the research direction of your doctoral period?"
"That doesn't mean my English is superb."
Judgment criteria must be different from person to person.I nodded silently, signaling her to continue.
"As you know, I lived in the United States for 14 years, and my teachers and classmates in elementary school also spoke English." She was silent for a while, "I know I am very Western." She was silent for a long time Time, "I may just... vent my anger on you. In fact, what you just said was not that exaggerated."
"No, you pointed out a very important problem. I'm glad I realized it so early." I supported Miss Pender and looked at her. "Do you want to talk? What happened?"
She met my eyes for a few seconds and shook her head. "Just some family stuff. Maybe next time? I'm scared of being late."
"Hey," I said, looking at her, making sure she was looking back at me, "I'd love to hear that all the time, okay? I'll always be there when you want to."
She was startled, and the sadness came back again, and said with a smile, "Okay."
We took the subway to the dance classroom.Miss Pender praised my light yellow linen suit. She has some knowledge of the suit making process, so she can tell at a glance that this is a men's suit.
The clothes are made by a tailor I am familiar with. The bust is enlarged, and the height of the sleeves is kept to the general standard. Therefore, the position of the armholes is relatively suitable, and the elegance of the fit will not be lost due to the blind pursuit of elegance.The reflection of me in the window glass is cool, just like I imagined before, it suits her very well.
The stickers on the subway have all been changed to a red and white theme, and some of the people who get on and off the train occasionally hold small national flags.There were two vacant seats on the opposite side, but Miss Pender was still standing side by side with me.
I suddenly said: "My mother and I also took the subway on the purple line one day. I would occasionally look at her on the glass, but as soon as she noticed my gaze, she would lower her head and play with her phone. As soon as I moved my eyes away, She just looked at me. She is about 1.6 meters three..." I gestured at the position of my ear, "When I arrived at the station, I couldn't hold the ring firmly with one hand, and it shook violently."
She nodded and said slowly, "It sounds like you seldom get together?"
I did the math: "I haven't seen her in almost ten years. I was in Hamburg in my junior year, and she video chatted with me on Christmas Day - and a few words with a classmate of mine - and said that maybe later Come and see me. And then she just... disappeared."
To this day I don't know why she told that lie.Is it to create an illusion that if someone comes to me for questioning, I will be a perfect perjury for her?
Or did she just change her mind temporarily?
Miss Pan De looked over with concern, didn't ask any more questions, just said: "Are you okay?"
I shook my head: "My mom is really the best negotiator I've ever seen. It may be hard for you to imagine how, how, I don't know how to say, self-closing in a relationship? Irresponsible In short, he almost refused to communicate. But every time he got angry, my mother could find out exactly why, analyze the problem, and actively express her thoughts—and she was really good at her job.”
She listened carefully and said, "You dream of her."
"Yeah." I was lost for a while, "Sonia."
"Ok?"
The "Please be careful of the gap" sound in four languages sounded in the car, and we are almost at the harbor.
"I still like you a little bit."
The loud announcements overwhelmed me.
She laughed: "What is 'a little more'?"
"Just a little more." I looked to the side.At this moment, the broadcast of "Please be careful of the gap" in Malay has been finished, and it is the turn of Hindi with rich tones: the last word is "Karbu Lengxi not working", I don't know what it means, but it always feels like a spell, Occasionally imitate.
I changed the subject and said, "Do you know what 'Karbulenxibuling' means?"
Miss Pender shook her head with a smile: "What do you mean?"
"It's a bit like a mantra in Chinese, meaning 'it's not cold enough here, and a wish won't come true'." I thought about it for a while, and found it really interesting, "Hindi is really interesting."
"That's why you remember how '999' is said?" She looked at me, "'Bad hole Wangbadong Wangbadong', that's what you said."
I didn't dare to explain this to her, so I said sloppily: "Your memory is really good, I must have imitated it for you on the day of the concert, right? It's embarrassing to say, I never grasped the essence of that pronunciation, Still trying to imitate Chinese pronunciation—do you think it’s a matter of intonation?”
Miss Pan De didn't say anything immediately, she just laughed and walked out of the subway with me.
Breaking free from the crowd, she stood in a corner, looked at me and said, "Fun fact: Neither the 'wangbadong' nor the 'mantra' you just said is not Hindi. You know the official language of Singapore even No Hindi?"
I froze for a moment: "Uh-uh-"
"That's Tamil." She looked at me, smiling, but not mocking, "I know, the two languages may look alike to you—and they may sound alike." Like, because you have no way to tell the grammatical structure of them. But apart from the fact that someone who speaks Tamil might also speak Hindi, they are really two completely different things."
I just invisibly read her helplessness.
"It's really interesting, you can clearly explain the linguistic difference between Mandarin and Cantonese, and also think about doing language difference research in the past, but you don't even know that Hindi belongs to the Indo-European language family, and Tamil belongs to Dara The difference between the two is greater than that between Chinese and Japanese.” She looked at me, “In fact, Tamil is already one of the most important languages in the Dravidian family, I think It's really hard for people to be interested in other people's culture, isn't it?"
My face must have gone red: "Thanks for telling me, Sonia, otherwise I might have been a running joke for at least a decade—maybe a lifetime—before I finally found out. You're right, I sometimes So ignorant."
She raised her eyebrows without comment, "Your arrogance can still be forgiven."
I hung my shoulders and looked at her: "Will you be my window?"
Miss Pender walked ahead, turned around and said, "This is a good start."
In the blink of an eye, I realized that she was deliberately mocking me with other typical costumes of East Asian culture.
When Westerners look at the East, there is only Japan; when we look at the East, there is only our own country.
But on this kind of issue, I always feel that we are on the same level as Indians, maybe not as good as them.Among other things, this slightly out-of-the-ordinary national pride of Indian descent does impress everyone of other ethnicities - I froze there.
I have a deep prejudice against her.
Before today, I always thought I had restrained myself.
"I'm sorry." I immediately apologized, "Now I know what my problem is. Sometimes when it comes to a topic, I don't even think about asking you about the specific situation, and I fill the imaginary space with a certain... impression. Blank, and then go on. This is really," I took a deep breath, "really disrespectful. I'm sorry."
Miss Pan De didn't look at me again, she nodded lightly: "At least you are willing to say today that you don't know anything about my cultural background."
I looked over cautiously: "Can you forgive me?"
She didn't respond to me immediately, and after thinking for a moment, she said, "It remains to be seen."
"Any hints?" I hesitated and took her hand, "I really want to make amends."
She sighed: "First things first: don't label me."
"Okay." My head is pounding like garlic.
"If you're unclear about anything, or if you've heard rumors somewhere - about me, about Indian descent, or being a cross-cultural family like me who grew up in a third culture The 'mixed people' in the background—you can ask me." She stared at me for a while, her eyes made me feel a little sad for no reason, and then said slowly, "Don't use your imagination to complete me. That's not me .okay?"
"Okay." I raised my right hand.
She probably didn't expect me to do this, so she burst out laughing.The little sadness that was barely traceable was all diluted, and it was already elusive.Miss Pande nodded with a smile: "Please tell me."
"'Hybrid' sounds a little weird." I looked at her. "Did you know there's actually a word called 'citizen of the world'?"
"I know." She lowered her eyelids, "I guess that's how you define yourself?"
"Uh," I grudgingly said, "is it? But honestly I'm not too happy to be put in this category. I just have to be a citizen of the world."
She looked at me for a while and said, "I consider myself an Indian. I am proud of my Indian heritage."
Her tone was flat and not forceful, but it just made people feel unquestionable.
I was about to say something when Miss Pande said again: "I know that I am not 'typical' or 'stereotype' enough. In the eyes of some people, I may not be 'pure' enough. I understand my native culture Limited, I don't speak Hindi..."
With a soft sigh, as thin as diluted smoke, she said slowly: "And I probably won't go back to India to live, or even consider it as a vacation spot - I don't love it, at least not now. It. Even so, I still feel Indian.”
I held up three fingers in the oath of oath: "I agree [-]% that you are Indian."
Faced with my gag, she just glanced helplessly, as if her anger had subsided, and her expression became gentle again: "Back to the topic just now. Sometimes I say French words because the term is originally French, not because I think To show that I have a good education, or to show off my status as an intellectual. I mix English and French because my English is not good enough-"
Miss Pan De originally wanted to continue talking, but she looked at me and paused: "What are you thinking?"
She is really sharp.
I swallowed my saliva, and said in detail: "Dr. Pan De, do you still remember the research direction of your doctoral period?"
"That doesn't mean my English is superb."
Judgment criteria must be different from person to person.I nodded silently, signaling her to continue.
"As you know, I lived in the United States for 14 years, and my teachers and classmates in elementary school also spoke English." She was silent for a while, "I know I am very Western." She was silent for a long time Time, "I may just... vent my anger on you. In fact, what you just said was not that exaggerated."
"No, you pointed out a very important problem. I'm glad I realized it so early." I supported Miss Pender and looked at her. "Do you want to talk? What happened?"
She met my eyes for a few seconds and shook her head. "Just some family stuff. Maybe next time? I'm scared of being late."
"Hey," I said, looking at her, making sure she was looking back at me, "I'd love to hear that all the time, okay? I'll always be there when you want to."
She was startled, and the sadness came back again, and said with a smile, "Okay."
We took the subway to the dance classroom.Miss Pender praised my light yellow linen suit. She has some knowledge of the suit making process, so she can tell at a glance that this is a men's suit.
The clothes are made by a tailor I am familiar with. The bust is enlarged, and the height of the sleeves is kept to the general standard. Therefore, the position of the armholes is relatively suitable, and the elegance of the fit will not be lost due to the blind pursuit of elegance.The reflection of me in the window glass is cool, just like I imagined before, it suits her very well.
The stickers on the subway have all been changed to a red and white theme, and some of the people who get on and off the train occasionally hold small national flags.There were two vacant seats on the opposite side, but Miss Pender was still standing side by side with me.
I suddenly said: "My mother and I also took the subway on the purple line one day. I would occasionally look at her on the glass, but as soon as she noticed my gaze, she would lower her head and play with her phone. As soon as I moved my eyes away, She just looked at me. She is about 1.6 meters three..." I gestured at the position of my ear, "When I arrived at the station, I couldn't hold the ring firmly with one hand, and it shook violently."
She nodded and said slowly, "It sounds like you seldom get together?"
I did the math: "I haven't seen her in almost ten years. I was in Hamburg in my junior year, and she video chatted with me on Christmas Day - and a few words with a classmate of mine - and said that maybe later Come and see me. And then she just... disappeared."
To this day I don't know why she told that lie.Is it to create an illusion that if someone comes to me for questioning, I will be a perfect perjury for her?
Or did she just change her mind temporarily?
Miss Pan De looked over with concern, didn't ask any more questions, just said: "Are you okay?"
I shook my head: "My mom is really the best negotiator I've ever seen. It may be hard for you to imagine how, how, I don't know how to say, self-closing in a relationship? Irresponsible In short, he almost refused to communicate. But every time he got angry, my mother could find out exactly why, analyze the problem, and actively express her thoughts—and she was really good at her job.”
She listened carefully and said, "You dream of her."
"Yeah." I was lost for a while, "Sonia."
"Ok?"
The "Please be careful of the gap" sound in four languages sounded in the car, and we are almost at the harbor.
"I still like you a little bit."
The loud announcements overwhelmed me.
She laughed: "What is 'a little more'?"
"Just a little more." I looked to the side.At this moment, the broadcast of "Please be careful of the gap" in Malay has been finished, and it is the turn of Hindi with rich tones: the last word is "Karbu Lengxi not working", I don't know what it means, but it always feels like a spell, Occasionally imitate.
I changed the subject and said, "Do you know what 'Karbulenxibuling' means?"
Miss Pender shook her head with a smile: "What do you mean?"
"It's a bit like a mantra in Chinese, meaning 'it's not cold enough here, and a wish won't come true'." I thought about it for a while, and found it really interesting, "Hindi is really interesting."
"That's why you remember how '999' is said?" She looked at me, "'Bad hole Wangbadong Wangbadong', that's what you said."
I didn't dare to explain this to her, so I said sloppily: "Your memory is really good, I must have imitated it for you on the day of the concert, right? It's embarrassing to say, I never grasped the essence of that pronunciation, Still trying to imitate Chinese pronunciation—do you think it’s a matter of intonation?”
Miss Pan De didn't say anything immediately, she just laughed and walked out of the subway with me.
Breaking free from the crowd, she stood in a corner, looked at me and said, "Fun fact: Neither the 'wangbadong' nor the 'mantra' you just said is not Hindi. You know the official language of Singapore even No Hindi?"
I froze for a moment: "Uh-uh-"
"That's Tamil." She looked at me, smiling, but not mocking, "I know, the two languages may look alike to you—and they may sound alike." Like, because you have no way to tell the grammatical structure of them. But apart from the fact that someone who speaks Tamil might also speak Hindi, they are really two completely different things."
I just invisibly read her helplessness.
"It's really interesting, you can clearly explain the linguistic difference between Mandarin and Cantonese, and also think about doing language difference research in the past, but you don't even know that Hindi belongs to the Indo-European language family, and Tamil belongs to Dara The difference between the two is greater than that between Chinese and Japanese.” She looked at me, “In fact, Tamil is already one of the most important languages in the Dravidian family, I think It's really hard for people to be interested in other people's culture, isn't it?"
My face must have gone red: "Thanks for telling me, Sonia, otherwise I might have been a running joke for at least a decade—maybe a lifetime—before I finally found out. You're right, I sometimes So ignorant."
She raised her eyebrows without comment, "Your arrogance can still be forgiven."
I hung my shoulders and looked at her: "Will you be my window?"
Miss Pender walked ahead, turned around and said, "This is a good start."
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