I can't, I can't

Sheng Lingyu was hastily settled down. He lost consciousness without food for too long, and fell asleep for half an hour before waking up.The palace people scattered and left under the panicked order of the little emperor, and brought back many different styles of porridge, but they had to wait for Sheng Lingyu to wake up before they could eat it.

Kang Jiangxue had nothing to do, so she stayed by the bedside to guard Sheng Lingyu. Seeing Sheng Lingyu sleeping on the bed, his heart seemed to be surrounded by a gray fog, and he couldn't breathe.

He didn't know if Sheng Lingyu was like this because of him, but he had a faint voice in his heart telling him: It's him, it's because of him.On top of that, and more specifically because of why, Kang Jiangxue even lost her faint intuition.

During the waiting time, Kang Jiangxue's eyes fell on Sheng Lingyu's hand—thanks to Ping Wuqi's careful care during this period, Sheng Lingyu's hand injury has been much better than before, and now only pink spots remain on her left hand. Scars, although the right hand can't move, it will no longer twitch in labor pain from time to time.

Maybe after a period of time, his right hand will be more stable, and the scars on his left hand will be more shallow. From the outside, it seems that everything has returned to the way it used to be, but those injuries did exist, smoothed on the surface Kang Jiangxue doesn't know whether it means that her heart can be truly smoothed out.

Sheng Lingyu's heart was a mystery to him, and he didn't even dare to explore it. Before exploring it, he would always be overwhelmed by a lot of guilt and self-blame.

Just like now, the feeling of worry made the little emperor almost dizzy.

Kang Jiangxue was fascinated, and unconsciously stretched out her hand to touch Sheng Lingyu's hand. Sheng Lingyu's hand was bigger than his, with slender fingers that could be bent to wrap around his hand—suddenly, the touch One hand clasped Kang Jiangxue's hand just like in memory.Kang Jiangxue was startled suddenly, and when she looked up, Sheng Lingyu just opened her eyes.

Sheng Lingyu slept for nearly an hour, and finally woke up at this moment. Kang Jiangxue felt relieved, and complained anxiously amidst joy: "You can also be a good imperial guard like this? How can you forget such things as eating?"

Kang Jiangxue blatantly reproached her, but she could not hide the relaxation and joy in her tone. However, there was no response to these. Sheng Lingyu just listened, her eyes remained motionless.

He looked at the little emperor quietly, just looking at him, with deep eyes, as if everything in the surrounding world had disappeared, leaving only the little emperor alone, and it seemed that many, many hands were stretched out from the darkness, thinking To drag people into an abyss where there is no light to be seen.

Kang Jiangxue's voice was stuck in her throat, and for a moment she didn't understand why Sheng Lingyu looked at him like this, but before he could speak, Sheng Lingyu suddenly dragged him onto the couch.

The weight of an adult struck, and the strong pressure from the arm caused severe pain in Kang Jiangxue's arm. The little emperor swallowed back into his stomach, his cheeks became a little distorted, and Sheng Lingyu seemed to want to strangle him into his body The general hugged him tightly.

Kang Jiangxue was in excruciating pain, but she had no room to resist. After struggling a few times, she had no choice but to give up.Sheng Lingyu calmly watched the little emperor forcibly endured in his arms, his brows were frowned, his face flushed, but he didn't curse or call anyone.

Sheng Lingyu had expected his reaction, the more patient the little emperor was, the more silent he became, the less he said a word.

Look……

Sure enough, it was still the case. He had already discovered that the little emperor was more tolerant and tolerant towards him than anyone else. This person treated him with an obsessive and sometimes delusional kindness. It was this kindness that made him to this day. I always feel like I still have a glimmer of hope.

The little emperor could stand by his side when he was most desperate, reach out to him, give him a place to stay, care about him and trust him, and even think about his situation more than his own after what happened last night, now He treats him so rudely for no reason, the little emperor will still bear it...

But Sheng Lingyu didn't understand, she was willing to pamper him so much, why didn't she want him no matter what?

Why just don't want him?

Because he couldn't figure it out, Sheng Lingyu always had the urge to hate so much that he wanted to laugh. He didn't hate the little emperor, but if he said what he hated...he didn't know.

Sheng Lingyu wasn't the only one who didn't understand, Kang Jiangxue didn't understand that either. He didn't understand why Sheng Lingyu hugged him like this all of a sudden, and he didn't understand why Sheng Lingyu's body was so stiff and trembling.

He was very close to Sheng Lingyu, yet he felt that the distance between them was unprecedentedly far.It's too far away, even if you get close, you still don't feel at ease.

Sheng Lingyu said before that she didn't blame him. Kang Jiangxue believed that Sheng Lingyu really didn't blame him, but apart from that, Kang Jiangxue didn't know anything. He only felt a suffocating pain coming from Sheng Lingyu's body. It was passed on, causing him to start suffering as well.

During the long silence, Kang Jiangxue finally asked bluntly: "Sheng Lingyu, can you tell me what are you thinking?"

The little emperor asked, and Sheng Lingyu wanted to answer, but he thought in his heart: Can everything be different if he speaks out?If he asks the little emperor for it, then the little emperor will continue to pamper him and give him what he wants?

Sheng Lingyu was as calm as if two people were talking normally, but this time he really said what he wanted to say, he said lightly: "There are many people around your majesty, but there are only your majesty around me, your majesty has no meichen , maybe it’s just sad, but if I don’t have His Majesty, I don’t know why I’m alive.”

He spoke normally, but Kang Jiangxue couldn't listen to every word normally.His first reaction was also a little rigid about love, so he felt surprised and confused. After thinking about it again, he found that it was not a little love, but something deeper and heavier.

It's like a person's life, like the meaning of a person's existence.

It took Kang Jiangxue a long time to ask: "Sheng Lingyu, are you living for me now?"

Sheng Lingyu said: "It's for the minister himself, but the way the minister lives is to dedicate his life to His Majesty, in exchange for His Majesty staying by my side."

His Majesty stays with the humble minister, not the humble minister stays with His Majesty.

Because his heart was too shaken, Kang Jiangxue didn't notice the difference. He thought in a dazed way: So that's the way it is, it turns out that Sheng Lingyu thought so... No wonder, the sober Sheng Lingyu accepted that night as a treason to her The absurdity of violating a gentleman's virtue, no wonder Sheng Lingyu has always been so calm.

Because Sheng Lingyu was originally such a person.

In the original text, for the sake of the country, the people, and his relatives, he can endure everything he can't bear, and can do everything he can't.But now, maybe it's because of loyalty, maybe it's because of imperial power, maybe it's because of gratitude, the country, the people, and relatives have all become little emperors. He and Sheng Lingyu asked for more, and Sheng Lingyu would not refuse.

Kang Jiangxue's heart seemed to be stabbed out of thin air, and he wanted to curl up in pain. He suddenly understood why Sheng Lingyu swore never to leave him in Mingguang Temple, and why Sheng Lingyu was so abnormal now.

The little emperor brought Ji Linxiu back and gave Sheng Lingyu a sense of fear. Sheng Lingyu...was afraid of being abandoned.

Abandoned, outrageous to sad words.Kang Jiangxue hugged Sheng Lingyu tightly with her forearms, suppressing her sourness and said: "Sheng Lingyu, I have already decided that I will be with you for the rest of my life."

One sentence made Sheng Lingyu almost tremble, and her arms suddenly loosened, Sheng Lingyu looked at the little emperor's face and asked urgently: "Really?"

A look similar to confusion appeared on Sheng Lingyu's face, which was a rare fragile state.Kang Jiangxue looked sad in her heart, nodded, and added: "Really, so Sheng Lingyu...forget about what happened last night, it was because I was drunk and did something wrong, and this will never happen again. From now on, just pretend that nothing happened, you stay by my side, and you will always be my imperial guard."

After saying these words, Kang Jiangxue felt a tingling pain in her heart, reminding him all the time that he had cut off some emotions that he had just discovered...but he had to do this, it could only be like this.

Sheng Lingyu treated him better than everything in the world, and because of this, he couldn't let himself get it and be greedy with peace of mind. He couldn't and couldn't be so selfish.

Sheng Lingyu has been restrained by him.

He hoped that Sheng Lingyu could live more freely.

Sheng Lingyu's face changed suddenly, it wasn't joy or anger, he didn't seem to hear what the little emperor said clearly, and he took a step back after a long silence.

With this retreat, he left the little emperor, stood up from the bed, then moved the corners of his lips, and smiled in an extremely inappropriate way.

Kang Jiangxue was surprised, and inexplicably called out in a panic: "...Sheng Lingyu?"

Sheng Lingyu didn't answer, but he didn't smile again either. He covered his face with his hands, and when he put them down again, all his previous stiffness and trembling disappeared without a trace.Sheng Lingyu said lightly: "Thank you Your Majesty, I seem to be a little tired."

These words were meant to drive away customers, but no negative emotions could be heard. Kang Jiangxue was a little flustered, but she couldn't say what to stay. matter.

Just as she was about to speak, Sheng Lingyu said again: "Your Majesty is also tired today, it's better to wash up and rest earlier."

Kang Jiangxue was blocked back, so she could only tell her: "...then remember to drink porridge, don't starve for too long and hurt your body."

In order to reassure him, Sheng Lingyu picked up the porridge bowl and drank a few sips on the spot. Now Kang Jiangxue had nothing to say, although she felt a little gloomy in her heart, she finally went to the outer hall to find a palace servant to serve her.

When he turned his head again, Sheng Lingyu had already folded his clothes and lay back on the couch, leaving only his back.

……

There was a long silence, the lights were turned off, and there was no sound around, Sheng Ling Yufang slowly opened his eyes.It took a long time for the little emperor who was one step away to fall asleep. From this distance, he could hear the little emperor's breathing every night.

Sheng Lingyu got off the couch, walked slowly to the little emperor's side, lifted the curtain, and silently looked at the little emperor's sleeping face in the dark. Usually, he would do such a thing at night, but once, he saw the little emperor's face. The time is extraordinarily long.

He thought: no use.

Some things are useless to say, what you want, you can't wait, you can't ask for it, you have to get it yourself.

He had to fetch it himself.

Sheng Lingyu withdrew her gaze, put on her outer shirt, opened the door and left in the dark.