I can't, I can't

Kang Jiangxue suddenly said: "...are you injured?"

Sheng Lingyu replied naturally: "The minister came down earlier than his majesty, and helped him to go down the cliff once, maybe it happened at that time."

Blood was dripping from Sheng Lingyu's sleeve, only two drops, but it was already glaring in Kang Jiangxue's eyes, the little emperor suppressed many emotions, and said: "...Go back first."

Ping Wuqi was still busy and had no time to come here, so Kang Jiangxue and Sheng Lingyu went back to the room together. He knew where the medicine box that Ping Wuqi usually carried with him was full of supplies for treating wounds. Find out that laymen can almost treat the wound well.

The little emperor went off in person, spread out the gauze wound medicine under the lights, grabbed Sheng Lingyu's arm and said, "Stretch out your hand."

The little emperor's status is precious, and he has never touched anyone in the matter of bandaging and applying medicine. Sheng Lingyu said: "I will do it myself."

Sheng Lingyu only has one left hand left, and it is also injured now, how can he do it by himself, the little emperor said: "Stretch it out."

Only then did Sheng Lingyu stretch out her hand obediently. Sheng Lingyu hadn't shown anything unusual along the way. Kang Jiangxue only thought that Sheng Lingyu's hand injury was a few small cuts, but she didn't expect this person's left hand to open, and suddenly his eyes were full. The skin is torn apart, and the bones can be seen deeply. At first glance——

Bloody.

Kang Jiangxue was completely shocked by the bloody hand, unable to utter a word, she stared at Sheng Lingyu in a daze, and the latter said to him, "It doesn't matter."

...how could it be all right?Such a deep wound... Before Kang Jiangxue could say a complete word, Sheng Lingyu added: "It can still be used."

This was a very plain sentence, which almost wiped out the pain that Sheng Lingyu's bloody hand had suffered, as if it didn't exist.

But these marks obviously look like excruciating pain, crazy pain, and it is not an injury that can appear easily at all. It is clearly caused by constantly tossing and turning among the jagged and sharp rocks, and not letting go for a long, long time.

Is this the injury caused by helping to get off the cliff to take a look?Sheng Lingyu said that he jumped off a cliff once and climbed up again, so what did he say...

Both hands of Kang Jiangxue were trembling, and she forcibly restrained herself for a while. She used finely ground silver tweezers to carefully remove the grains of sand mixed in the flesh and blood in Sheng Lingyu's palm. Biting his lips silently, trying not to let out any strange sounds.

Between them, the two seemed to be upside down. Sheng Lingyu didn't feel much pain, but the little emperor was in unbearable pain. After cleaning up all the wounds of Sheng Lingyu, the little emperor said, "Why don't you talk? Shout out the pain." Wouldn't you?"

Sheng Lingyu didn't really hurt, since he climbed out from the cliff, he didn't feel any pain at all, but after thinking about it, he said, "It hurts."

The little emperor's eyes were red, and he couldn't bear it anymore after hearing this. He held Sheng Lingyu's left hand wrapped in gauze, wanted to touch it but didn't dare to touch it, so he said, "I'm sorry..."

Kang Jiangxue didn't know what apology he was apologizing for, maybe it was because he felt that he had to apologize too much, maybe he just needed a vent.

He was too scared, the more he thought about it, the more scared he became, he was so scared that he trembled all over, so scared that he just wanted to hold Sheng Lingyu tightly and not let go.

Eunuch Qian died, and the little emperor should have felt a little bit sad, but he couldn't tell what he was thinking about, and he could only see Sheng Lingyu in front of him.He desperately wanted to confirm that Sheng Lingyu still existed and would never leave again.

He said to Sheng Lingyu: "Sheng Lingyu, no matter what you think in your heart, you can tell me, and I will listen. No matter where you want to go or what you want to do, you can also tell me, and I will take you there, and I will listen to you. Help you do it. I know that I am not a good emperor, but I will try my best to be a good emperor in the future. Whatever you want, a good country, a good court, no matter what it is, I will try my best to give it to you."

"So you stick to it, I promise you, it will get better, and it will definitely get better in the future, don't leave, okay?"

These words sound very pleasant, almost every sentence can give people an illusion of being loved, Sheng Lingyu also knows that it is just an illusion, the little emperor feels differently to him and him to the little emperor, but even if it is an illusion , is enough for Sheng Lingyu.

He is willing, wants, and extravagantly hopes to indulge in this illusion.

He still has to spare no effort to maintain this illusion, no matter what he does, he must live cleanly in the eyes of the little emperor.

Sheng Lingyu said softly: "Yes."

Kang Jiangxue heard vaguely: "What did you say?"

Sheng Lingyu said: "My minister said, I will not leave."

The little emperor's heart was so chaotic, he was almost in a trance after experiencing all kinds of mental shocks: "...Really?"

Sheng Lingyu said: "Well, really."

There was another "hmm", which sounded familiar and gentle, Kang Jiangxue said, "You swear."

In fact, why does this sentence need an oath?That's what Sheng Lingyu thought. Ever since he climbed out of the cliff and poked his head out to see the branch of red plum, he had already made up his mind.

Sheng Lingyu was not lying. This night, he really jumped off the cliff, and he really climbed up again after jumping down.

It was an extremely ridiculous scene. I decided to jump down, but I made ugly and useless struggles after seeking death.

Sheng Lingyu originally thought that he was seeking a kind of relief, but when Yang Huo asked him to commit suicide, he said without hesitation: "Okay".

He really feels good.

A parent killer, as it should be.

At the moment when he passed by the gate of Luoxia Palace, Sheng Lingyu didn't think about it, and when he saw the tablets of his grandfather and mother in Mingguang Temple, he didn't think about it either.

He watched the little emperor walk away in the snowy night, watched the little emperor leave, he thought——he completely let go.

He knew that his grandfather and mother had been settled, that his younger sister Lingxi would be under His Majesty's protection for the rest of his life, and that without him, the little emperor would live an easier life without embarrassment.

He knew all about it, so at the moment before jumping off the cliff, Sheng Lingyu had no worries in her heart.

But after jumping down, at the moment when he was really facing death, at the moment when his body fell, before he realized it, Sheng Lingyu's body reached out and grabbed the cliff wall before his consciousness.

He slid down for a long time, and the stone wall cut open the flesh on his hand, but he didn't feel any pain. The memories flooded in his mind, and many things flashed like a revolving lantern.

Yang Huo, Fu Honglang, Lu Qiao, and finally the little emperor, many, many little emperors.The little emperor told him that Sheng Lingyu was very good, and Sheng Lingyu was a gentleman and a saint in his heart.

But how is he?

How is he good?

Is there any gentleman in the world who can think of a king and kill his own father?Which saint would be unfaithful and unfilial, struggling to survive in such a state of embarrassment?

He shouldn't live at all, doesn't deserve to live, can't live.

Sheng Lingyu was hanging on the abyss-like cliff with his bruised left hand. He knew that he should let go.

If he lets go, he will die innocently. If there is an afterlife, he can still be a descendant of the Sheng family again.

But he didn't let it go.

He knew everything, but he just didn't let go.

He didn't want to live anymore, but when he jumped down, he found that...he didn't want to die either.

There was a strong sense of unwillingness in his heart, and when he was trying to let go, he roared and kept shouting: unwilling.

Not for anyone, but for himself.

... He is not reconciled.

Obviously he hasn't fallen yet, but Sheng Lingyu feels that he has fallen to the bottom, and there are many unbearable things crawling out of his body, which makes him feel very sick.

That was a very short second, and Sheng Lingyu began to struggle upwards.

He said to himself: Climb, climb hard.

He left his life to God to decide, if he fell down, he would die cleanly, if he climbed up, he would live despicably.

later……

He climbed up.

He climbed up to the edge of the cliff with his left hand and lay in the thick snow. He saw Eunuch Qian hiding behind a tree and trembling. A ghost crawled out of hell.

Sheng Lingyu suddenly laughed, and he sat up with a smile, thinking about why he had to climb up in such a miserable situation.

What exactly does he want?

Because he really didn't want many things in his life, Sheng Lingyu got the answer very quickly.

Sheng Lingyu swore: "I will never leave Your Majesty. Wherever Your Majesty is, I will be there."

Kang Jiangxue finally waited for Sheng Lingyu's oath, and she was very happy in her heart, but when he listened, he felt faintly wrong.

He thought that Sheng Lingyu swore not to leave again because he wanted Sheng Lingyu to stop committing suicide, but what Sheng Lingyu said was not to leave him, the emperor. If he didn't leave the emperor, wouldn't he be trapped in the palace for the rest of his life?

Kang Jiangxue said: "...I didn't mean that."

Kang Jiangxue felt that these words meant too much and meant too much, he said softly: "Forever is too long, if you regret it one day, it will add more restraint."

Sheng Lingyu said: "My minister will not regret it, but your Majesty should not regret it."

Sheng Lingyu's oath, what does it matter if the little emperor doesn't regret it?Kang Jiangxue was dizzy, and asked suspiciously: "Why do I regret it?"

Sheng Lingyu said: "Because even if His Majesty no longer needs me and hates me one day, I will still not leave. I will stay by Your Majesty's side for the rest of my life, no matter whether Your Majesty wants me or not."

He said it as if one day he would hate Sheng Lingyu, but how could such a thing happen?Sure enough, Sheng Lingyu had always been worried, which led to the current situation. Kang Jiangxue responded: "There won't be such a day. I have already thought about it. No matter what happens in the future, I will stand by your side."