imaginary rival

Regarding the question of whether to hate or not, Jiang Shiyu had never thought about it so deeply.

It is difficult for a person to think about whether he hates the relatives he spends with him day and night. Even if he really hates, there will be a beam in front of him. He remembered the sentence he saw in the past-I hate what my parents did, but I Don't hate my parents.

It's hard for Jiang Shiyu to say that he also has this mentality, after all, he hasn't thought about it, and his mother has never done anything to him that is destructive, heartbreaking or immoral.

It just... makes him feel uneasy.

Yes, disturbed.

His mother brought him too much anxiety, whether it was the indifference that was close to freeing him when he was a child, or the time when he left home when he grew up, or the fact that after the divorce, his mother poured all her emotions on him—— All Jiang Shiyu could feel was uneasiness.

There are also such and such small emotions, which were brought to him by his mother. Jiang Shiyu felt that these were wrong. The accumulation of these emotions might be called "hate", but Jiang Shiyu never thought about it.

"I..." Jiang Shiyu wanted to say something, but he paused, and raised his eyes to see his mother's expression - mother looked very tired, tiredness was written in her eyes, and her mental state tended to be a kind of overwork She was tired after a while, but when she asked this sentence at this moment, she did not ask it out of a trance.

So Jiang Shiyu thought about it, and asked, "Why do you ask that?"

Mom looked at him for a while, then said softly, "I almost left you."

"You didn't plan to come back, did you?" Jiang Shiyu asked.

He didn't care that his mother said this question so bluntly, after all, this was something he had already imagined, although when his mother's voice fell, his heart tightened for a moment, and soon loosened.

Mom tilted her head and did not answer Jiang Shiyu's question.

"Since last year, you have been sending me money. I calculated that the money is just enough for my college tuition and living expenses for the third year of high school." Jiang Shiyu looked at her, "The money is all your own savings .”

"Yes." Mom replied.

"But you are still back," Jiang Shiyu paused, "Why?"

Mom stopped for a long time, her eyes wandered a little, which happens when people think, and the light in their eyes can't find a place to fall.

"Maybe it's because I think it's not very responsible to just leave like this." Mom said.

Jiang Shiyu leaned back on the sofa, looked at her, and suddenly began to think, how long has it been since they talked so peacefully?

It seems that before he was 14 years old, his mother could still chat with him calmly. After the age of 14, this calmness was labeled as a "rebellious period" and thrown into the garbage dump, and he could no longer chat normally.

"You have always been responsible to me, haven't you?" Jiang Shiyu looked at her, "It is your responsibility to give birth to me and raise me."

"Yes," mother paused, "not all of them."

"Yeah." Jiang Shiyu didn't chase after him deeply, the part of "not all" is not all there.

"I used to think that if I raise you, I will be free, and I can leave you alone..." Mom whispered.

"You never cared about me." Jiang Shiyu looked up at her.

Mother seemed a little surprised that Jiang Shiyu suddenly said such a sentence, her eyes widened, and she came back to her senses after a while, and said, "That's right, I really...haven't bothered you much."

Jiang Shiyu pursed his lips, regretting that he said such a sentence suddenly.

Although it is true.

But it was too different from the way he used to talk to his mother. Tonight, he was different from before, and his mother was also different from before.

Mom's mood and state are very wrong.

It was difficult for Jiang Shiyu to judge whether this was the relief after he had figured everything out or the calm before the storm. These questions and emotions of his mother were all too sudden.

"I haven't had a job during this time, so I quit my job," my mother said in a low voice. "I'm out... traveling and wandering around for a long time. I didn't plan to come back."

Jiang Shiyu was stunned for a while, this was something he hadn't thought of.

During the period when his mother sent him money inexplicably, he asked several times, and went to his mother's company many times. The company said that she was still at work and in the company. Saw her colleagues over there.

A colleague and mother went on a trip together?

Jiang Shiyu pursed his lips and looked at his mother.

"I think you've grown up, I'm also divorced, and I'm free, but...it doesn't seem to be the case." Mom bit her lip and said, "My responsibility is still on you."

"You don't need to take care of me." Jiang Shiyu looked at her, "Just do what you did before, there's no need to suddenly come back to take care of me because of other things, there's no need for that."

"Really?" Mom asked.

"Yes." Jiang Shiyu said with certainty, "I was never your responsibility."

"Then," Mom paused, looking up at him, "do you hate me?"

Jiang Shiyu paused again, but this time the pause was very short. He came back to his senses, blinked his eyes, clenched his fingers a little bit, nodded, and said, "I hated it."

Mother was silent for a while, nodded, and said, "Yan An's mother also said the same thing."

"Huh?" Jiang Shiyu didn't expect to hear the name Yan An suddenly, and was stunned for a while.

"His mother said, if I go on like this, you'll hate me," said her mother.

"Ah." Jiang Shiyu looked at her, "So you came back?"

"No," mother continued, "she didn't say that to me until I came back."

Jiang Shiyu said "Oh" and waited for his mother to continue.

"I just think..." Mom frowned, and said with some difficulty, "Maybe, between us..."

"There is no need to force us to become like other families," Jiang Shiyu looked at her, "I grew up in your 'responsible' environment, now... there is no need to become anything else, If you mean something you want to leave."

He paused for a while, curled his fingers slightly, his nails scratched a few white marks on the sofa, and said, "You just need to tell me."

"I don't like you walking away without saying a word, leaving without saying a word," Jiang Shiyu continued, grabbing the edge of the sofa with his hand, holding it tighter and tighter, "and then giving me the illusion that you will come back at any time ,I do not like this."

Mother looked at Jiang Shiyu in surprise, pursed her lips several times, not knowing what to say, but she stopped talking for a long time and said nothing.

"If you want to leave and don't come back, just tell me," Jiang Shiyu took a deep breath, "Don't use... this method."

"Will Jiang Shiyu's family come to our house to celebrate the New Year tomorrow?" Yan An asked while pinching Little Binghai's paw.

"I want to come," my mother replied, "he and his mother are the only two people in his house. What's the point of celebrating the new year? Of course, everyone should get together to celebrate."

"Then let's make dumplings at night," Yan An said excitedly, "Jiang Shiyu said that they eat dumplings during Chinese New Year over there, knead the dough and make them themselves."

"You make it yourself," my mother looked at him, "you knead the noodles yourself."

"That's easy to say." Yan An said with a smile.

"By the way," my mother leaned back on the sofa, leaned over to Yan An and said, "Did Jiang Shiyu tell you anything about his mother?"

"Huh?" Yan An thought for a while, "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

"You know about his family's situation," my mother said, "It's the New Year's Eve, let them adjust."

Yan An let out an "oh" and continued to pinch Little Hail's paw.

"Jiang Shiyu's mother is too entangled," the mother continued, "If you don't give her a clear way, she will get entangled by herself, don't ask anything, don't say anything, and do some vague things by herself." Decide."

Yan An froze for a moment, then suddenly became happy.

"What are you laughing at!" Mom twitched his arm.

"If you put it this way, Jiang Shiyu and his mother really look alike," Yan An said with a smile, "They're both gourds with their mouths sawn off."

Mom also smiled and said, "So, someone needs to mediate between them."

"But Jiang Shiyu...has changed a lot," my mother smiled, "It's as long as the mother and son can live well."

"What if what they think is different from what we want?" Yan An hugged Xiao Binghai aside and looked at his mother seriously.

"What are we thinking about?" Mom looked at Yan An, "Why do we think about their lives?"

"En." Yan An nodded.

"What I mean by good is that the two of them can be happy and happy," my mother said seriously, "Why do you have to live according to our ideas? It's none of our business."

Yan An leaned back on the sofa, breathed a sigh of relief, and felt an indescribable lightness all over his body.

"Go and drink a glass of milk later before going to bed," my mother urged, "I've grown taller recently."

"Is it taller than Jiang Shiyu?" Yan An's eyes lit up all of a sudden.

"No," my mother laughed, "there's still a little bit left."

Yan An's eyes dimmed again, his mouth pursed, and he hugged Little Hail back.

After Jiang Shiyu said those words, he returned to his room.

tension.

stimulate.

He actually told his mother what he was thinking.

It's not that he doesn't care about his mother, but if someone wants to leave, he can't just beg for nothing to stay, and he can't keep it. In desperation, he takes a step back, and only hopes that his mother can give him an accurate word.

To go or stay, Jiang Shiyu felt that he needed a very definite answer.

I am still a little nervous now, my palms are full of sweat, and my heart is beating fast. After saying those words, Jiang Shiyu didn't look at his mother's expression, and got up and went back to the room.

Jiang Shiyu took out his mobile phone, and after a while he remembered what he was going to do, clicked on the WeChat chat box, and sent Yan An a sentence: Are you free?

Yan An returned quickly and played a video directly.

Jiang Shiyu got up, went to lock the door of his room, stepped back, and connected to the video.

The person who had been separated not long ago appeared on the screen again. Jiang Shiyu glanced at it, his heart suddenly calmed down, and he said to him, "I talked to my mother."

"Huh?" Yan An remembered what his mother had said to him, "How was the chat?"

"I don't know." Jiang Shiyu said.

"Did you fall asleep while chatting?" Yan An looked at Jiang Shiyu on the screen with an unnatural expression, "Is your mother talking to herself?"

Jiang Shiyu pulled the corners of his mouth and smiled face-to-face.

"Did we not have a good chat, Brother Xiaoyu?" Yan An fixed the phone and put it on the table, "Are you unhappy?"

"...No, I'm just a little confused," Jiang Shiyu recovered, and said, "I didn't expect that I would actually say those words."

"What did you say?" Yan An asked.

Jiang Shiyu regained his composure and told Yan An carefully what happened just now.

"Anyway... that's what I meant," Jiang Shiyu said, "I think I made it very clear."

"And then?" Yan An asked with widened eyes.

Jiang Shiyu thought his expression was a bit funny, his eyes were wide open, his lips were slightly parted, he looked very surprised, it was so funny, Jiang Shiyu laughed outright.

"Fuck," Yan An glared at him, "Aren't we talking about business here? Why are you laughing?"

"You are so cute." Jiang Shiyu said.

"Thank you," Yan An rolled his eyes, "I'm down to business."

"Then I went back to the room," Jiang Shiyu seamlessly continued the topic just now, "She hasn't come to see me until now, maybe she was thinking about it."

"Very good," Yan An said, "Auntie will definitely figure it out."

Jiang Shiyu glanced at him and smiled slightly.

Yan An also laughed.

This is pretty good, at least Jiang Shiyu thought it through clearly.

Jiang Shiyu didn't like the feeling of being hung up and down like this. Even if his mother was leaving, he hoped that it would be a serious farewell, not an inexplicable alienation.

That's uncomfortable.

But Yan An didn't want Jiang Shiyu to think about their affairs so clearly and be so indifferent. If one day the two of them really quarreled, it would be better for them to beg for nothing together and refuse to break up if they kept each other dead. face.He wants to be conventional, he wants to be vigorous, they are young, and they deserve it.

"I don't think my mother will come to see me tonight," Jiang Shiyu said, "Tomorrow morning, she should talk to me about something."

"By the way, my mother said that your family will come to my house to celebrate the New Year tomorrow," Yan An said, "to eat dumplings."

"Okay." Jiang Shiyu nodded with a smile.

"Go to sleep first," Yan An thought for a while after finishing speaking, "Can you sleep? I managed to say all those words tonight..."

"Maybe I can't fall asleep, so don't hang up yet," Jiang Shiyu said, "You can hang up after I fall asleep."

Yan An stared blankly at Jiang Shiyu, and suddenly smiled happily: "Okay."

"Do you think it's so strange?" Jiang Shiyu looked at him, "Wow, Jiang Shiyu would take the initiative to ask, it's amazing."

"Yeah," Yan An said with a smile, "it's pretty good."

Jiang Shiyu couldn't count how many times he had heard "very good" tonight, as if everyone would say that he was good at whatever he did.

"Let's chat for a while." Jiang Shiyu said with a smile.

The two chatted a lot, in a mess, they never had any topics in their chats, they just started talking about whatever they saw and thought of, and at the end of the chat, Jiang Shiyu's voice gradually became quieter.

After Jiang Shiyu fell asleep, Yan An pondered for a long time, then sat up suddenly, opened the small piggy bank on his desk, shook it, and took out a few coins.

The author says:

Uh, Brother Xiaoyu thinks that he can't keep his mother, so he hopes to have a serious parting. It doesn't mean that he can be separated from his mother with ease... After all, this kind of separation is likely to be a severance of contact.