sweet kiss bitter summer

The bought breakfast had been placed on the cabinet for a while, Tan Chen probed the side wall of the disposable plastic lunch box with his hand, the temperature was very suitable, so he sat down on the stool next to the hospital bed, took out the meal in the bag With a box and a spoon, scoop out the warm and soft white porridge, ready to feed it to Liang Luo'an.

The head of the hospital bed was raised at an angle, a few pillows were placed on the head of the bed, Liang Luo'an leaned on the side, maintaining a half-sitting posture, and kept watching Tan Chen's movements seriously.

"Tan Chen."

Liang Luo'an said suddenly, "Your hands seem to be shaking all the time."

Tan Chen didn't seem to notice it, and looked down at his hand holding the handle of the spoon. It was indeed shaking, and the white porridge in the spoon was shaking out a blurry afterimage.

He put down the spoon, looked at Liang Luo'an again, lowered his head and smiled softly, and admitted "yes" as if mocking himself.

Liang Luo'an felt that Tan Chen seemed to be taking the matter too seriously, with lingering fears and absent-mindedness, making it seem that Tan Chen was the one whose life was hanging by a thread because of the illness.

He felt a little sorry because of this, he stretched out his hand and shook it in front of Tan Chen, and said, "Actually, I can do it myself."

Tan Chen didn't speak, put Liang Luo'an's protruding wrist back into the quilt, rubbed his disobedient wrist, and continued to feed him the porridge with some stubbornness.

The white porridge had no taste at all, and the soft and glutinous rice grains rolled over the tongue bit by bit, but Liang Luo'an drank it so that his mouth felt bitter.

He felt that he wanted to say something to Tan Chen, but he didn't want to say something bitter to Tan Chen with his bitter mouth, so when Tan Chen handed the spoon to his mouth again, Liang Luoan turned his head slightly , just pursed his lips and looked at Tan Chen.

"Don't want to eat?" Tan Chen asked.

Liang Luo'an shook his head, paused for a while, pulled out the hand that was stuffed back into the quilt by Tan Chen, and casually put it on the side of the bed, almost touching the position of Tan Chen's knee, it sounded very calm, as if talking about someone else's The same thing, very relaxed and said: "Tan Chen, did I almost die last night.

"Tan Chen's expression froze like a glacier that has just entered the cold winter. He stared blankly at Liang Luo'an for a while, then covered the lunch box in his hand, put it back on the bedside cabinet, and asked very nervously: " Have such a feeling? ""It seems to be there. "

Liang Luo'an said uncertainly, "Because I saw the carousel, it was very, very long."

Tan Chen frowned, his lips were tightly lined, and his expression looked unnatural, but he told Liang Luo'an in a very gentle tone that didn't match it: "It might just be a very, very long one." Dream."

After thinking for a while, Liang Luo'an felt that what Tan Chen said seemed reasonable: "Maybe it's really just a dream."

He gave a self-convincing reason: "Because you are also in this dream."

"Tan Chen, I always dream about you."

Liang Luo'an said again.

Tan Chen looked at Liang Luo'an, and didn't speak immediately, and his facial expression didn't change too obviously because of Liang Luo'an's words, but his eyes kept shaking from time to time, looking like an imperfect but wealthy building. Wax figure of emotion.

The weather outside the window was gloomy, and it had been drizzling since the morning. The rain seemed to be getting heavier and dripping through the half-open window, and the sound of fine and continuous rain could be heard in the room.

Tan Chen got up, went to the window and closed it, turned around, and stood against the light in the darkness.

Liang Luo'an couldn't see Tan Chen's expression clearly, but the sudden disappearance of the rain made the whole room fall into an even worse silence.

He belatedly realized that what he said was probably too abrupt because he let it go, so he looked out of the window and thought for a moment, then asked bluntly but well suited to the situation: "When will the heavy rain stop?" ... around noon."

With a dull voice, Tan Chen returned to the stool beside the bed and said, "Today should be a very sunny evening."

Liang Luo'an nodded, expressing his understanding, and now he finally saw Tan Chen's expression clearly, but unfortunately he couldn't quite understand it.

When Liang Luoan was struggling to figure it out, Tan Chen suddenly brought the conversation back to a topic that made Liang Luoan feel embarrassed: "Luan, what do you usually dream about about me?" He smiled reluctantly, " I might be a little curious."

"what."

Liang Luoan was a little surprised by the turn of the topic, but said frankly: "Most of them are relatively real. For example, when at home, when at school, and when renting out houses outside the school, many things will be true. dream."

"Then... what's not true?" Tan Chen asked again.

"Yes."

Liang Luoan said, "The location is usually the house I live in now.

Sometimes I dream that we work together, go shopping in the supermarket after get off work, and then go home.

We have a puppy, and at night when the puppy falls asleep, we sit on the carpet in the living room and look at the stars from the window, but unfortunately we can't see them very well. "

Liang Luo'an lowered his eyes, as if waking up from the confused reality and dream, and then said lightly: "But you haven't come back at that time, and you haven't been to my house, so I know it's not true."

Liang Luo'an's two hands grabbed the quilt and picked it up and down. His movements were very small and he didn't make any noise, which made him look very calm and lost.

Tan Chen stared at the folds that Liang Luoan had pulled out with his hands for a while, then suddenly stretched out his hand to gently hold his wrist, rubbing his thumbs against the raised and thin wrist bones, and then went down, bypassing the hole where the needle hole was left. On the back of his hand, he touched the somewhat cold and wet palm and the reddened fingertips.

Liang Luo'an was a little surprised by the sudden warmth in his hands, and looked at Tan Chen as if returning to his senses, and heard him say: "Now that I'm back, I know where your home is, if the dream still has a chance to come true... ..." "Tan Chen, I understand."

Liang Luo'an interrupted him, paused for a moment, seemed to be concerned, and said bluntly: "But Mom and Dad got angry again yesterday."

"What you didn't tell me before, I know now.

I explained to my mother that we were in love, but my mother was crying and my father was gone. "

Liang Luo'an repeated emphatically, "Mom and Dad are still angry, angry with me, angry with you, angry with us."

Both Liang Luo'an and Tan Chen knew very well that most of the reasons for Tan Chen's departure were due to this.

Seven years is a long time, so long that Liang Luoan thought it was not too much to use the phrase "things are right and people are wrong", but in fact, apart from the breakup of the lovers, and the extra lonely time and memory for each other, it turned out that many things Nothing has changed at all.

Liang Luo'an asked Tan Chen: "So do you still want to go?" Tan Chen opened his mouth, his expression was frozen, but his eyes showed a look of pain, which made Liang Luo'an suddenly feel very familiar, as if he was the same as seven years old. The eyes of Qian Tanchen when he left were very similar.

When you love someone, you can't look at him with eyes that don't love him.

The pretended determination is actually full of flaws, but Liang Luo'an finally understood it today.

After a long time, Tan Chen raised his head, looked into Liang Luo'an's eyes with an almost pious gaze, and suddenly asked Liang Luo'an a question that seemed to have little to do with the present: "Luan, do you think that now, for me? Is there a little bit, very little like? Even if it's just a little possibility."

Tan Chen carefully looked at Liang Luo'an, "Is there any more?" Stupid children are not good at answering questions, but after repeating the answers for seven years in their minds, as long as Liang Luo'an is honest enough, he can easily say: "I like it."

Seven years, seven years is a long time, but there is always more than seven years.

Such as 20 years, such as a lifetime.

Liang Luo'an looked at Tan Chen, and wrapped him in the heavy rain with his eyes, reshaping the clear evening after the rain.

He said to Tan Chen seriously: "Tan Chen, I have hidden a lot of love, if you need to use it for courage, I still leave it to you now."

"So are you still leaving?" Liang Luo'an asked again, he grabbed Tan Chen's hand, knelt up from the hospital bed and hugged him, and repeated in his ear with a crying voice: "Tan Chen, You don't want to go."

"Don't go."

Tan Chen said.

Perhaps such an answer is too irrational, but the existence of emotion itself is a kind of irrationality. The two are not impossible to coexist, but when you really lean towards love, you can let your emotions make choices.

——As long as you like me a little bit, you can decide me based on that.