Tagged post bipolar omega

Lu Jinsen lowered his eyes and handed the cup to Xie Zhitang. Seeing him take the quilt with both hands, he walked around to the other side of the bed and got on the bed under Xie Zhitang's bright eyes.

The rain fell fast and fast, crackling on the tiles, knocking out a series of accents.

Xie Zhitang knelt on the bed facing Lu Jinsen, holding the cup on his lap with both hands, obviously before Lu Jinsen went to bed, Xie Zhitang was still staring at Lu Jinsen intently.

But when Lu Jinsen went to bed, Xie Zhitang suddenly didn't know why, and refused to look up at Lu Jinsen, but just stared at the glass in his hand, as if he wanted to see the flowers in the ordinary glass.

Lu Jinsen saw Xie Zhitang's nervousness, so he didn't directly talk to Xie Zhitang, but asked Xie Zhitang softly: "Tangtang, is the Lu family's old house nice?"

Xie Zhitang didn't expect Lu Jinsen to ask such a question, he was a little surprised, then he loosened his hand holding the water glass and nodded.

Lu Jinsen slowly leaned on the head of the bed to relax himself, showing a very relaxed and gentle state, then patted the bed next to his hand and said to Xie Zhitang: "Don't be nervous, sit here."

After two seconds of silence, Xie Zhitang finally couldn't resist Lu Jinsen's huge temptation, and slowly crawled to the bed next to Lu Jinsen and sat down cross-legged, with lowered eyebrows and eyes, holding a water glass between his hands and placing it between his legs.

Seeing that Xie Zhitang refused to look at him, Lu Jinsen didn't respond. He just smiled slightly and continued, "You don't have to answer my next question, but don't lie to me, okay?"

Xie Zhitang was startled, looked up at Lu Jinsen, and said as if he was about to swear, "I won't, I..."

Lu Jinsen raised his hand in front of Xie Zhitang and said softly, "I know you won't, I'm just expressing such an attitude to you."

"You can refuse me," Lu Jinsen said slowly, "I hope you can answer, but if my question makes you feel sad, you can refuse to answer."

Lu Jinsen met Xie Zhitang's dazed eyes and said, "It doesn't affect anything, even if you don't say a word, it won't affect my liking for you."

Xie Zhitang hesitated and nodded quickly like a chicken pecking at rice, without speaking, but he subconsciously leaned slightly in Lu Jinsen's direction, raised his face to look at Lu Jinsen.

So Lu Jinsen stared at Xie Zhitang and asked the first question: "Do you like me?"

Xie Zhitang immediately sat up straight when he heard the words, and quickly said: "I like you! I have always... liked you very much."

Lu Jinsen nodded slightly, and asked the next question: "Then why don't you want to be with me?"

Xie Zhitang subconsciously wanted to deny it, but he froze as soon as he opened his mouth, and finally swallowed the words of denial, lowered his eyes and fell silent.

Silence was expected by Lu Jinsen, so Lu Jinsen only waited for a while, before waiting for Xie Zhitang's answer, he continued to ask: "Tangtang, don't you want me to respond to your feelings?"

This question is not difficult to answer, Xie Zhitang only paused for a moment and said softly: "I... like you is my business."

Xie Zhitang stared at Lu Jinsen's Adam's apple, no longer dared to move his eyes upwards, and said slowly: "I like you not on the basis that you will be with me or that you also like me, so even if there is no response, I will Still love you."

Having said this, Xie Zhitang suddenly raised his head and exchanged a glance with Lu Jinsen, then looked down in panic and said, "Of course, I'm very happy that you like me too. .”

Xie Zhitang looked down at the buttons on Lu Jinsen's waist, but as time passed, he finally bent his mouth slowly and repeated: "...I'm really happy that you like me."

Lu Jinsen said "Yeah." He said that he knew, then pondered for two seconds and guessed: "Like doesn't mean you want to be together?"

Xie Zhitang nodded slightly.

Lu Jinsen thought for a while in silence, and continued to ask: "You said you didn't want to reject me, but you were afraid that you would be different from what I imagined."

Xie Zhitang nodded again, slightly raised his face to Lu Jinsen, but his eyes were still on the buttons on Lu Jinsen's waist, waiting for Lu Jinsen's next words.

Lu Jinsen paused for a moment, as if he was thinking about whether he should say it, but he only hesitated for a moment and asked politely, "What do you look like to me?"

Xie Zhitang backed away slightly when he heard the words, as if resisting Lu Jinsen's question, he didn't speak, and he didn't look up.

What Lu Jinsen wanted to ask was not "Xie Zhitang in Lu Jinsen's eyes", but the difference between the real Xie Zhitang and Xie Zhitang's appearance in front of him.

Lu Jinsen didn't hide it too much, and Xie Zhitang naturally knew it too.

So he evaded the question.

Xie Zhitang chose to remain silent again, Lu Jinsen did not pursue this question again, but asked again: "Why don't you want to be with me?"

It seems that because of the comparison with the question just now, Xie Zhitang thought about it and felt that compared to that question, this question has nothing to do with it.

It's so important, so he pursed his lips slightly, and finally said: "I'm afraid, you're hurt... because of me."

Xie Zhitang's wording was also euphemistic, but Lu Jinsen could easily understand it without thinking. What Xie Zhitang said was that he was afraid that he would hurt Lu Jinsen.

hurt.

Lu Jinsen couldn't help thinking of what Xie Zhitang had expressed to him through the word "Thanos" not long after he arrived at Lu Jinsen's house.

Lu Jinsen thought at the time that Xie Zhitang's actions seemed to put himself and Thanos in the same category.

But he also felt at that time that Xie Zhitang had always controlled himself even if he got sick, and would rather hurt himself than hurt others.

It is fundamentally different from Thanos who doesn't care about life.

Lu Jinsen's idea has not changed until now, but he has a deeper understanding of Xie Zhitang's psychological state.

The fundamental reason for Xie Zhitang's rejection of intimacy is that he is worried that he will lose control and hurt others.

Lu Jinsen quickly thought again, could it be that Xie Zhitang once lost control and attacked people close to him?

If Xie Zhitang hadn't lost control, he wouldn't have such a firm thinking concept, which has almost solidified in his subconscious——

He believes that he is uncontrollable, and anyone who is close to him within a safe distance will be hurt by him.

But in the information he checked, Xie Zhitang didn't have a few close relationships that could be considered close, let alone close relationships that "may have been hurt by Xie Zhitang".

Realizing Xie Zhitang's difficult situation, Lu Jinsen frowned slightly.

But frowning, in Xie Zhitang's eyes, inevitably carries negative emotions.Xie Zhitang was already sensitive, let alone when he nervously opened up the backside of his soul that almost no one knew and presented it to Lu Jinsen.

Xie Zhitang immediately hesitated and wanted to retreat, leaned back but still controlled himself and did not escape, inevitably regretted that he hadn't kept a good secret and exposed his ugly side to Lu Jinsen.

But Lu Jinsen soon found out that Xie Zhitang's mood was not right, and comforted him: "I frown not because I have negative emotions towards you, Tangtang."

Lu Jinsen stretched out his hand and put it flat in front of Xie Zhitang, indicating that Xie Zhitang would put his hand on it, and then said: "Don't worry, Tangtang. As I said just now, your silence will not affect my liking for you. I want to continue One more thing, you can speak freely and it won't affect my liking for you."

Xie Zhitang's panic was finally calmed down by Lu Jinsen.Xie Zhitang slowly and tentatively stretched out his hand and placed it in Lu Jinsen's palm.

Lu Jinsen clasped Xie Zhitang's hand together, looked at Xie Zhitang and said in a deep voice, "Tangtang, as I said, I will face it with you."

Lu Jinsen's blue pupils were as clear and blue as ever, as if they could be seen through at a glance, but also seemed to be bottomless.

Xie Zhitang was in a state of disarray, his subconscious was fighting fiercely with his will.

Xie Zhitang knew very early on that he was different from ordinary people, and at the same time he also knew that compared with others, he was the one who was wrong.

No one likes an uncontrollable source of danger.

Even if his thoughts and logic of behavior can be quibbled on the grounds of illness, they cannot gain sympathy points to offset the huge difference between him and ordinary people.

But Xie Zhitang really wanted to be with Lu Jinsen.

Xie Zhitang was full of doubts and denials, but he couldn't resist Lu Jinsen's temptation, couldn't resist the temptation to be recognized and accepted, so he hesitated and gave a soft "hmm."

Lu Jinsen smiled at Xie Zhitang, and said gently, "Tangtang, shall we work hard together?"

Xie Zhitang nodded, suddenly thought of something, then raised his head anxiously and asked: "Are we trying...to get married?"

Lu Jinsen couldn't help but asked, "Aren't you willing to marry me?"

Xie Zhitang immediately shook his head.

Lu Jinsen said: "You can design our future home yourself, plant your favorite flowers in the garden, and the little fish you catch can also be kept in the fish tank."

"We will always be together for the next 100-plus years."

Then Lu Jinsen smiled and read a wedding vow: "'From this moment on, I will share my life with you. Whether it is good or bad, rich or poor, sick or healthy, love and cherish each other until Death will do us part.'”

Facing Xie Zhitang's shining eyes, Lu Jinsen lowered his head and asked, "Do you want to swear an oath with me at the wedding scene under the witness of the world?"

Xie Zhitang was about to speak immediately, but he hesitated when he was about to open his mouth, and asked nonchalantly: "Under what circumstances are you willing to marry me?"

Lu Jinsen seemed to be very aware of Xie Zhitang's concerns, raised his hand and rubbed the back of his head and said, "I know about your condition. So I hope you can find a psychiatrist, stop hiding your condition from the doctor, and actively cooperate with the doctor's advice." Treat and give feedback."

Xie Zhitang pursed his lips and nodded slightly, then quickly raised his head to look at Lu Jinsen, waiting for him to continue to make his request.

Lu Jinsen didn't say anything more, the hand holding Xie Zhitang's hand was slightly tightened, so that Xie Zhitang could feel the pressure on the back of the hand.

Xie Zhitang tilted his head and looked puzzled, Lu Jinsen looked at him and said gently and steadily: "That's enough, you just need to cooperate with the treatment."

Xie Zhitang inhaled lightly, and asked with some doubts: "Even if I...will never get better forever, are you still willing to marry me?"

"Yeah." Lu Jinsen said, "I didn't stay with you for you to receive treatment, Tangtang."

Xie Zhitang stopped talking, lowered his eyes and stroked the water glass with one hand.

Lu Jinsen was not in a hurry, he just said, "Don't look, drink some water."

The water in his hand had turned from hot to warm, Xie Zhitang raised his head and drank the water in the glass in one gulp, then turned his head and put the glass on the bedside table.

In a few words, Lu Jinsen described a brand new world for Xie Zhitang, like the Garden of Eden with milk and honey flowing in the river.

Xie Zhitang's heart kept beating, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Lu Jinsen.

The rest of Lu Jinsen's life.

Xie Zhitang was silent for a while, suddenly crawled forward again, helped Lu Jinsen's shoulders and sat on him, then held Lu Jinsen's face in both hands and looked at him deeply.

Lu Jinsen stretched out his hand to gently support Xie Zhitang's waist, and loosely fixed him on his body.

"I love you." Xie Zhitang said.

Lu Jinsen said softly "Yes." He didn't let Xie Zhitang hold his face.

Xie Zhitang looked at Lu Jinsen for a while, then suddenly lowered his head and kissed him between the eyebrows.

Lu Jinsen was a little puzzled, but he didn't ask, and accepted the kiss quietly with his eyes closed.

Xie Zhitang kissed Lu Jinsen's brow, but did not raise his head, but slowly moved down against Lu Jinsen's cheek.

The next kiss fell on Lu Jinsen's lips.

Together with his last unfinished kiss, it melted between Lu Jinsen's lips.

The author has something to say: It's been a long time.

.感谢在2020-08-1223:59:16~2020-08-1422:36:18期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels of irrigation nutrient solution: 22 bottles in Luoyang;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!