only in this mountain

"I haven't agreed yet..."

When Zhao Xiufeng finished explaining his intention for coming here and was about to drive away, Jiang He said while holding the black cat that was forced to him.

"If you have concerns, I can pay you half of the deposit now."

"It's not about money, I'm just wondering why you are looking for me, how do you know I can draw?"

"You don't need to worry about how I know. I have looked for many painters, but the results are not satisfactory to me. If you can finish the picture of the hundred cats I want, 100 million is enough for you for a lifetime. Even if something goes wrong in the middle, the deposit I will not ask you to give me back."

Ask yourself, the temptation of 100 million is indeed quite big, and the point of Jiang He's entanglement is that Zhao Xiufeng almost believes that he must have an eye for money.Art is priceless, but an artist also needs to eat and drink. Besides, he is not an artist, he can only be said to be a craftsman for a living.This time Zhao Xiufeng asked him to draw a cat and give him 100 million. What if he asked him to leave Zhang Huai in a reasonable tone next time?

On the other hand, Jiang He has a very clear understanding of himself. He knows his level, and if he can ask such a high price, it is very likely that he will be more difficult to deal with, no matter whether it is Zhao Xiufeng's commission or not.

"I said, money is not a problem. If we know each other well, I can draw for free. You suddenly came here and said a bunch of inexplicable things yourself. Isn't it a bit difficult?"

Zhao Xiufeng completely ignored what he said earlier, and only asked, "Do you have any other plans in the near future?"

Jiang He just said, "I don't have any, I don't want to take it." He was still organizing his words to reject Zhao Xiufeng more tactfully. Zhang Huai, who had been silent since Zhao Xiufeng appeared, suddenly grabbed the black cat from his arms and walked straight to it. Zhao Xiufeng returned the cat to him, and said, "Xiaohe only paints what he likes, you can hire someone else."

Zhao Xiufeng's expression became a little terrified, and there were tears in his eyes. He called Zhang Huai's name, but his voice seemed to be too sad, and he continued, "Why are you so heartless..."

From Jiang He's point of view, he could only see Zhang Huai's back. Right after Zhao Xiufeng said that, Zhang Huai turned back to him without saying anything.Jiang He hardly dared to look at Zhang Huai, but couldn't help taking a look, feeling that Zhang Huai was the same as usual, but there seemed to be something a little different.

Jiang He went to see Zhao Xiufeng again, but at this moment he heard the black cat say: "Let's go, don't make useless struggles, the longer you delay, the more you will harm others and yourself."

Zhao Xiufeng couldn't understand what the black cat said, but threw it into the car very roughly when he heard the cat meowing.

The black cat clicked his tongue: "Useless people will only vent their grievances on weak animals. Recognize the reality, you can't escape."

Zhao Xiufeng didn't get in the car immediately and left. In such a short time, his eyes turned red, and he no longer had the momentum he had when he first came. His eyes were sentimental but extremely desperate: "I knew he would not agree. I came here just to In order to see you again. For so many years, without you knowing, I have been to many places you have been to, and I have come into contact with people and things you have come into contact with. I always believe that my body and mind are still only for you. I once thought of giving up."

Jiang He was almost holding his breath, his palms were sweating a lot from nervousness, and Zhang Huai said helplessly, "You shouldn't have come to see me, but you should have seen a doctor. Over the years, your paranoia has become more and more serious. gone."

"Yes! It's my wishful thinking! I can't get you, so should I lose everything too?" No one answered his question, because at the moment he was hysterical like a paranoid, "Since it is destined to end like this, then ..." As he spoke, he walked towards the bridge alone.

When he climbed onto the guardrail of the bridge, several people knew his intentions. They knew how deep the river was, but they didn't know how determined one person was to seek death.Zhao Xiufeng's movements were so fast that by the time someone rushed over, he had already fallen straight down with his back to the river.

"What's the matter! Hurry up and pull him up!" Zhang Yunyuan shouted, and immediately prepared to go down the river, Zhang Huai hurried him down one step ahead.The distance between the bridge and the water was not high, but there were many rocks in the river. Zhao Xiufeng hit the ground head first, and unfortunately, the back of his head just hit a rock, and when he pulled him up, he saw blood on his head.

Zhao Xiufeng was still awake at this time, he looked at Zhang Huai who was pulling him in silence, two lines of tears flowed from his eyes.

On the shore, Zhao Xiufeng said, "Do you know how painful I am?"

After being sent to the health center, Zhao Xiufeng fell into a coma. He bled a lot, his clothes were still wet, and his face was as pale as a piece of paper.Regardless of how domineering he is when he is awake, once his eyes are closed, it doesn't matter whether he is really defiant or not.

Zhang Yunyuan asked Zhang Huai to go back and get some clean clothes for Zhao Xiufeng to change into. During the waiting time, Jiang He sat in a chair alone in a daze, and his condition was not much better than Zhao Xiufeng's.

"You are different from him. Zhang Huai only liked you. I also mistakenly thought that Zhang Huai liked him before. He went home with Zhang Huai, and then Zhang Huai said that he liked men. Actually, when you first came, I thought Zhang Huai has a good impression of you because you two have similarities. I saw him again today, and I found that he has not changed at all. You two are completely different people. I can only say that I like men for Zhang Huai This fact has always been brooding, not a deep memory of a certain person."

Zhang Yunyuan raised his arm and patted Jiang He's shoulder hesitantly. He sighed and said, "He never told us what was in his heart. None of us knew what happened in school. But if he really likes someone, he must It will be like treating you, with you, he will ignore me, and almost let me fend for myself."

The exaggerated statement made Jiang He smile a little, and Zhang Yunyuan said again: "I hope you don't doubt that no matter what happened before, whether he appeared or not, Zhang Huai's feelings for you are always the same. On this point, I I am very confident that my son is a dedicated person, once he falls in love, even death cannot take away that love."

Before Zhang Yunyuan approached Jiang He, he agreed, because the way he spoke afterwards reminded Jiang He of his deceased wife, Zhang Huai's mother.

"Death can't take away that love", he must have been thinking about it all the time.

They took back the black cat that Zhao Xiufeng threw into the car. They didn't know the habits of the black cat and worried that it would be bad for Xiaogu.

The black cat scoffed at Jiang He's arrangement, and even ignored the small dried fish that Jiang He gave it.

Jiang He felt that it could probably understand people, but he had no intention of probing, and decided that the black cat would not give him a chance.

"Xiaohe, I love you." Love words whispered in the middle of the night, usually foreshadowing something.

Usually, he would blush and let his heart beat, but today he pushed Zhang Huai away.

"I'm sorry Zhang Huai, I'm not in the mood today."

Saying and doing have always been two different things.

He has no doubts about Zhang Huai's feelings for him now, but he still wonders what Zhang Huai did to misunderstand that person back then.

Put yourself in the shoes of everyone, everyone has a time when they were young and ignorant. At that time, the relationship may not be stable, and it probably cannot be called love, but at a certain moment, who can pat his chest and guarantee that there is no slightest heartbeat?

Jiang He once told Zhang Huai that he liked someone in middle school. Although that person always bullied him and tore up his homework, but seeing him play basketball handsomely on the basketball court, he would feel a surge of emotion. for a long time.How did Zhang Huai react at that time?He pressed Jiang He under his body and kissed him forcefully, not allowing him to continue feeling emotional.

He can mind, why can't he?

Jiang He understands that some pasts are really hard to talk about, and he hasn't told Zhang Huai all about his past, so let them calm down now.

It's summer, the weather is a bit dull, and the temperature doesn't drop when two people stick together.

The more Jiang He lay down, the more he couldn't calm down. He couldn't bear it anymore and said, "Can you stop pushing me?"

It is unknown when Zhang Huai's enthusiasm for him will dissipate. It is certain that he must be the first to get impatient.

Not seeing Zhang Huai's expression, nor hearing his answer, Jiang He began to regret that he was too impulsive again, and his tone suddenly softened: "I'm sorry, if there is really no other way, can I use my hands?"

What responded to him was Zhang Huai's incomparably fierce kiss. Although the gesture was still gentle, Jiang He had no strength to resist.

During the whole process, Zhang Huai didn't say a word, only his heavy breathing and rapid heartbeat stirred Jiang He's fragile nerves from time to time.

Never before had Jiang He felt that Zhang Huai was extremely important and didn't like being forced, but he couldn't resist with all his strength, blaming himself for his incompetence, and even more blaming the culprit, Zhang Huai, so he bit him on the shoulder as if to retaliate.

Knowing that he was uncomfortable, Zhang Huai turned over and switched the positions of the two, and kept stroking his sweaty back.

"Don't you have anything you want to say to me?" The chance to calm down is gone, so don't think about fooling around again this time.

Zhang Huai first replied: "No matter what happened, I was waiting for you to show up and fall in love with you."

Thinking that this was all he said, Jiang He said in a cold tone full of resentment: "Don't emphasize anything to me, I have eyes and brains."

"Listen to me, Xiaohe, I never liked anyone before I met you. I didn't say this to make you happy. For me, there is no need to say things that don't exist. Now I tell you, it's not because You let me tell, but I want you to know."

Jiang He complained silently: "You can even turn your questioning into a confession, and you will really find yourself a step down..."

But then again, if he brought up the past, Jiang He would probably think too much. It's hard to say who the stairs are for.

14 years ago, Zhang Huai was admitted to No. [-] Middle School in G City, but was rejected by his roommates as soon as he entered the school.Although it is not a noble school, as the number one high school in the city, there are many students from wealthy families who spend money to get in. Zhang Huai's upper berth Tang Lin is one of them.Both are still in the developmental period. No matter the height or the appearance, Zhang Huai is the best in the class. However, he has a cold personality and looks poor.Tang Lin is used to bossing around, and he is not allowed to get close to people he doesn't like.

One of Tang Lin's children was Zhao Xiufeng, not from their school. During the military training, he asked a doctor to issue a UV allergy certificate, and then went to their school to see how they sweated under the scorching sun.

The phalanx of identical camouflage uniforms is arranged in order from low to high. Each squad has two vanguards. Zhang Huai is partnered with their squad leader. Although they are about the same height, the squad leader is dark and full of pimples. A comparison It seemed that Zhang Huai was outstanding. During the break, some people mistakenly thought that Zhang Huai was an instructor. Even the seniors in the second and third grades kept giving him tissues and drinks.

Zhang Huai didn't care much about the people and things around him since he was a child. He didn't feel lonely when no one talked to him, and he didn't feel the need to respond to other people's gaze.He didn't know that Zhao Xiufeng had noticed and missed him since then.

After returning to the dormitory, Zhang Huai took the lunch box to cook alone, and then washed his clothes with cold water.Other boys ran around naked after taking a shower, and he was tightly wrapped in long clothes and trousers.

Zhao Xiufeng stretched out half of Tang Lin's upper bunk and handed Zhang Huai the freshly unpacked beef jerky.Zhang Huai didn't answer, took the book and began to preview homework.

"What do you care about him? He looks like he is pulling something. In fact, he is just a country bumpkin. The ugly military training clothes are probably the best clothes he has ever worn in his life. Look at the shoes under his bed. Treat it as an antique..." Before Tang Lin finished speaking, Zhao Xiufeng gagged his mouth with beef jerky.

Zhao Xiufeng glared at Tang Lin, then lowered his head and smiled at Zhang Huai, regardless of whether Zhang Huai didn't pay attention to the head hanging down from the upper bunk, and said: "This year's curriculum reform, textbooks will be replaced with new ones, and what you preview in advance may not be useful .”

After all, he was still a boy, Zhang Huai looked at Zhao Xiufeng with some surprise.But it was only a few seconds before he turned his eyes back to the book with a blank expression.

Tang Lin answered a call and wanted to go out, Zhao Xiufeng said in a low spirit that he was sleepy and wanted to sleep for a while.That night the instructor came to the dormitory to demonstrate how to fold the quilt into tofu cubes. After he got out of bed, he didn’t get up again. He sat on Zhang Huai’s bed and asked questions. Zhang Huai would answer them, but he didn’t take the initiative to find topics. made a portrait of him.

Later, it was too late, Zhao Xiufeng fell asleep directly on Zhang Huai's quilt, Zhang Huai pushed him awake, he fell halfway up the ladder, Zhang Huai was beside him to help him.

During the military training, Zhao Xiufeng lived in Zhang Huai's dormitory all the time. Under his leadership, the boys who ignored Zhang Huai because of Tang Lin would also take the initiative to say hello to Zhang Huai. No one will get acquainted.

After the [-]th National Day, on the night of returning to school, Zhao Xiufeng called the whole dormitory out to eat and sing karaoke. The next day, there were still a few who couldn't get up to go to morning self-study.

Zhang Huai lived a simple life and had no hobbies other than studying. After self-study at night, he would go to the playground to run and exercise. Zhao Xiufeng didn't know how to do it. Occasionally, he would come over to give Zhang Huai a midnight snack when he finished his run.

At the beginning of the new semester, Zhao Xiufeng transferred to Zhang Huai's school and was still in the same class as him. Zhang Huai, him and Tang Lin became a recognized popular combination in the school.

Zhao Xiufeng often gave Zhang Huai things, ranging from pens and erasers to shoes and clothes. After Zhang Huai refused, he never got tired of it, and all the things were piled under the bed.Later, a superior leader came to inspect the school, and there were no unnecessary sundries under the beds of everyone, and those things were distributed to other people in the dormitory.

As soon as the holiday came, Zhao Xiufeng wanted Zhang Huai to stay in the city and play with them, but at that time Zhang Huai's mother was still seriously ill and his sister was married, so he had to shoulder part of the family's burden to relieve his father's pressure.

Zhao Xiufeng and Zhang Huai had been to his house, and they were stimulated by the rural toilets and bathing in the open yard, etc., which were very different from the city, so they didn't pester Zhang Huai for nearly two months.

Zhang Huai still went her own way and was not affected by anything.

In the sophomore year of high school, Zhao Xiufeng was in the arts and sciences class. Zhao Xiufeng was relatively weak in arts and sciences, but he followed Zhang Huai to the sciences class. Not only that, but he was also an art student. He spent most of the day in the studio, which caused his grades to plummet. Huai gave him extracurricular tutoring and gave Zhang Huai a lot of money, which he dubbed as tutoring fees.

He wasn't a hard-hearted person at first, not to mention it was a matter of little effort. He didn't use the money Zhao Xiufeng gave Zhang Huai for himself, but bought him his favorite food and paper and pens for painting.

After a peaceful year, Zhang Huai's mother's illness relapsed again in the blink of an eye, and when chemotherapy was hopeless, her mother persuaded her father to give up the treatment.Zhang Huai wanted to take a leave of absence from school to accompany his mother, but under repeated pleas from his mother, he promised that he would definitely be admitted to university.He studies harder than before, and treats others more indifferently.

At first, Zhao Xiufeng was very angry that Zhang Huai ignored him, but after learning about Zhang Huai's family affairs, she kept whispering in his ear and hoped that he could help the family find more skilled medical experts.

If there is even a little bit of possibility, no one will let go of it.Zhang Huai went to meet Zhao Xiufeng's family with a gift prepared by his father, but returned disappointed after learning that the expert had operated on his mother two years ago.The family is still very grateful to Zhao Xiufeng for his enthusiastic help. Every month when he returns to school, Zhang Huai will bring some fruits and vegetables grown by himself or chicken, duck and fish to Zhao Xiufeng.

Zhao Xiufeng accepted those things in front of Zhang Huai, but it is not known how to deal with them behind the scenes.Under such circumstances, Zhao Xiufeng proposed to let Zhang Huai be his model to support his creation.

When he heard this, Jiang He felt his temples twitching, and he wanted to rush out with a bad premonition. If he hadn't been so weak, he would have knocked down the bed board.

"Why is he so shameless? If he could really save your mother, would he let you promise him with his body?"

It is easy to pay back money owed to others, but it is the hardest to pay back favors.

No one said that being cold-faced to someone means not taking that person seriously. Zhang Huai really regarded Zhao Xiufeng as a friend, so he didn't doubt Zhao Xiufeng's intentions too much at that time.

"He opened a room near the school, and the easel and drawing paper have been set up, and there are other pictures that have been drawn, so I did whatever he asked me to do when he asked me to take off my clothes."

Jiang He was frustrated and distressed, and said, "Why are you so stupid? Since you knew about your mother's illness without you telling him, how could you not know that your mother had undergone an operation? After getting along for more than a year, will he not know what kind of person you are?"

Zhang Huai sighed softly, and said: "What you see is his unadorned appearance now, paranoid, arrogant, arrogant, even if he does nothing now, it will not give you a good impression."

In the second semester of the third year of high school, Zhao Xiufeng and Zhang Huai went home again in early April.

Zhang Huai went to work in the fields during the day, and fell asleep as soon as he touched the pillow when he was tired at night.

It didn't take long, he felt someone touch his lower abdomen in a daze, and there was a hot and humid touch through the pants behind the desk, he pushed it casually and didn't pay much attention, after a while, the pants were ripped open, and the middle part of his legs The organs were swallowed without any defense.

Zhang Huai woke up suddenly and pushed Zhao Xiufeng away, only to see that he was also naked, his face was flushed, crawled over and sat on his lap, and wanted to kiss him forcefully without any explanation.

At this time, Zhang Huai's mother asked Zhang Yunyuan to go to the neighboring village overnight to buy a plate of mosquito coils, worried that mosquitoes would disturb that delicate-looking young man in April. It broke into several pieces.

"you……"

Zhang Huai pulled up his clothes and called Dad, Zhang Yunyuan shouted angrily: "Don't call me Dad, I don't have a son like you!"

Zhao Xiufeng didn't intend to get dressed yet, he knelt on the bed and remained motionless, as if frightened.

Zhang Yunyuan really didn't want to talk to Zhang Huai. He was afraid that if he was not careful, he couldn't help but beat him to death. Now he was furious, and he pointed his finger at Zhao Xiufeng: "My son is not a woman, no matter how impatient you are, you can see who he is. It’s not good to do something at such a young age, to do such an outrageous thing!”

Zhao Xiufeng recovered from the trance and said, "It's against the law? Is it wrong to like men?"

"I don't care what you like, even if you like a pig or a donkey, you are making yourself miserable, don't drag my son into the water!"

Zhang Yunyuan has never heard of a man liking a man, and he has never scolded anyone in half his life. The only words in his anger are shameless pigs and dogs.

As for Zhao Xiufeng, he had never been scolded since he was born. Those words were not only vulgar but also extremely lethal. He protested a few more words, but Zhang Yunyuan's voice was too loud, and his voice was covered.

"We thought you had a good family background, so we were afraid that we would neglect you. You worked so hard for Zhang Huai's mother. Our whole family is grateful to you, but we don't sell our son!"

Zhao Xiufeng was yelled until his ears hurt, and he yelled back with the same voice: "I won't let you sell your son! I just want to fall in love with your son!"

Zhang Yunyuan said: "Get lost! A disgusting person like you is not welcome in our family!" As he spoke, he was about to drag Zhao Xiufeng out of bed and try to drive him out.

Zhang Huai pulled his father away, and put clothes on Zhao Xiufeng before his mother and grandfather entered the door. He stood in front of Zhao Xiufeng to block his father's disgusted eyes, and did not let the third and fourth people see his embarrassment. Said: "It's not disgusting to like a man, and it won't hurt the nature, harm the reason and corrupt customs." Then he knelt down on the ground with a plop, "The only ones I'm sorry for are you."

Zhang Yunyuan was so angry that he couldn't speak, and he didn't know what to do after thinking about it, so he drove Zhang Huai and Zhao Xiufeng out at dawn.

Therefore, Zhao Xiufeng believed that Zhang Huai also liked him, and he showed his love to Zhang Huai without any concealment. In his opinion, Zhang Huai's refusal was mainly due to the relationship between his parents.Until one night, when the other students in the dormitory returned home, Zhao Xiufeng climbed onto Zhang Huai's bed again, and Zhang Huai poured a bucket of cold water on him from head to toe.

"Tell me a thousand times and ten thousand times, I don't like you either. I used to treat you as a friend. From now on, you and I will have nothing to do with each other."

Two days later, the whole school knew that Zhang Huai was gay. People in the same dormitory avoided him like a snake. The head teacher and school leaders talked to him one by one.What he didn't expect at all was that when he was a model for Zhao Xiufeng, he didn't notice that he took photos.The theme of Zhao Xiufeng's creation is bondage, using gauze as a prop, wrapping around the body in circles, from dense to sparse, half-covered, half-covered, between young and mature youth, beautifully showing the freedom of bondage process.But if you change it from another angle, there will be another kind of inexplicable meaning, which is very tempting and has a strong visual impact. Putting it on the Internet at that time, even though the Internet was still slightly blocked at that time, it still caused a lot of trouble. turmoil.

"If you need money, tell me why you want to sell it? Are you worthy of your sister and your parents?" Taking Zhang Huai out of school was the only thing his brother-in-law said to him.Then he ran around in many ways, and finally made those photos disappear from the Internet, and found the source of distributing those photos.

"I don't want to see him again, you can figure it out." With his father backing him up, Tang Lin was confident.

The official rank crushed people to death, and the brother-in-law didn't even dare to raise his head in front of their father and son, saying yes repeatedly.

Zhang Huai soon transferred to another school, but before the college entrance examination, he lived with his sister to study alone. It was not until he received the admission notice after the college entrance examination that his sister was completely relieved and let him go home.

Zhang Huai didn't tell his parents and grandfather about all this, and Zhang Liu didn't reveal too much, so he couldn't let his family worry too much, and wanted his younger brother to forget that experience as soon as possible and continue his life without distraction.

"I'm sorry..." Jiang He's heart is full of guilt now, why does he put his own heart in the belly of others, why doesn't he trust Zhang Huai wholeheartedly?At this time, any words are pale, and no one can replace Zhang Huai to bear even half of the grievances.

"I'm in the mood again now, do you want more?"

The comfort of words is not worth the actual actions. Zhang Huai has been here for more than ten years. When he finally likes someone, he will feel uneasy and afraid of losing. He hopes to be responded and affirmed, and he also needs to be loved.

Knowing what he was going to do, Zhang Huai gently rubbed his waist, and reminded him in a hoarse voice: "Don't force yourself, be careful not to hurt yourself."

Jiang He snorted, tried his best to control his breathing and pretended to be calm: "I'm not fragile, how can it be so easy..." It's just that he really didn't know how far he should go. Usually, the first half is half-push and half-satisfy, and the rest is just enjoying. Shi Shi really felt that he had failed because of his awkwardness and hypocrisy. He was not a qualified lover.

Halfway through the bravado, Zhang Huai took control of the initiative again. While he was relieved, he still insisted: "It's just a little bit better than myself..."

It is still a violation of heaven to do evil, but self-inflicted evil cannot live.Zhang Huai didn't say any more, and continued with his unfinished "fortification" in a muffled voice.