[Gintama] Don't go against your heart

Recently, I have been having strange dreams, and sometimes I have occasional illusions. I probably slept in vain last night.

It was as if my heart was being suppressed by a boulder, and I could see nothing in the darkness. I could only smell the thick smell of blood blowing towards me along with the dumb wind, and the faint smoke of gunpowder. It made her cough.Seeing corpses all over the place in the distance, including those from the Heavenly Daoists and comrades-in-arms in the military camp, I glanced casually and found one or two familiar faces lying dead on the ground, at my feet.

It seemed that someone was calling her name non-stop, but after the wind hit her, she couldn't hear anything clearly.I just felt my body trembling uncontrollably, they were all gone, and she was the only one left.

Turning your head slowly, you always feel as if there is something behind you.The silver-gray hair was covered with red spots of blood, and the eyes stared at her blankly.

Unable to hold back, the hoarse voice came out like this: "Ah——"

……

Waking up from an intermittent sleep with a dry and sore throat.Picking up the cold boiled water on the bedside table, he drank a big gulp, feeling the coolness flowing down the esophagus to the whole body, and then shivering uncontrollably.

Xian Xi got up, stumbled out of the bedroom to look for a thermometer, wiped it with alcohol cotton briefly, stuffed it into her mouth, opened her mouth only to find that her throat hurt badly.

After 3 minutes, I took off the thermometer, and as expected, I had a fever.

After searching in the medicine box for a long time, he couldn't find any antipyretics, so he drank some water and hid under the blanket again.

Dazedly, he suddenly remembered that when he had a fever, Yinshi ran to the hospital in the middle of the night carrying himself on his back, and kept muttering along the way: "You are not allowed to sleep for me, I will hold on to Yinsang, Otherwise, Yinsang will eat all your pudding in the future."

It was obviously such a consolation that sounded funny, but Xian Xi felt very nostalgic.

It seems that freedom is actually more cautious than anyone else.

Fear of change.

The current life is actually not good at all, but she has no power to change it.

Now it's like this - muddled, dark and dull, a little favor can make me happy for a long time.

The dream is getting longer and longer, so that it almost eats back my real life.

Can't change anything.

Incapable and powerless to cope.

I just want to throw myself into a warm embrace again after doing something wrong, just want to act like a baby again after getting into trouble.

When I wake up in the morning, I turn on the TV, brush my teeth and wash my face while listening to the morning news.The weather forecast is coming soon, but she opened the curtains to look at today's weather, Xianxi hesitated for a while, and then picked up the remote control on the sofa to turn off the TV.

After the incident, she was spent in the hospital.Sustained high fever, sleep talking, and coma tormented her for a full week. After waking up, all the organs in her body stood up and resisted. They couldn't accept her changes so quickly, and then Xianxi had to accept a long recovery. .

It's not like in TV or novels, the heroine suffered a huge blow and lost the most painful part of her memory.On the contrary, those memories firmly occupy their own territory in Xianxi's life, and they cannot move.

As for who rescued her and opened the handcuffs for her, that is unknown. According to the doctor in the hospital, it was a few warriors who returned home temporarily from the shore who rescued me and sent Xianxi to the hospital by the way. .

There are a total of [-] fractures in the whole body, one of which is a comminuted fracture of the ankle, and a large wound in the lung. After surgery, it is almost okay to rest for such a long time. It is a pity that the left ear cannot hear for the rest of its life. The voice is gone, and sometimes there will be sudden neuralgia, anyway, there are many after-effects, and she can linger on with this body, Xian Xi feels that her life is really too hard.

The cat at her feet rubbed against her heels, Xianxi knew it was hungry, it was a stray cat she found in the backyard when she moved into this house, it was the same as the one that was often abused and harassed in the Matsushita private school before Feeling the same, Xian Xi kindly adopted it, after all, it was the only living thing in this house besides her.

Pour the milk into the food plate, Xianxi watched the cat happily bent down and stretched out her pink tongue to lick the milk, and stretched out her hand to touch the top of its head, as if she knew what she wanted to do , it gently rubbed Xianxi's palm with the top of its head, and its nose was sore: "They say I'm useless now, and Yinshi must have thought I was dead..."

The vision in the left eye gradually became poor. I woke up one morning and found that my left eye could not be opened. I went to the doctor for an examination and said it was infected because I shed too many tears. When I rubbed it with my hands, it might be A capillary was broken.Crying may cause bleeding, so tell her not to overuse her eyes as much as possible.

Although he knew intellectually that he was now half a useless person, he still felt a little unacceptable in his heart, and slowly walked from the center of the hall to the door, holding on to the crutches.The sudden pain in her head caused her to kneel down on the ground, and the crutches also fell to the floor. Xianxi laughed at herself, then slowly stood up and picked up the crutches. I have suffered all the injuries, so I should go back and be able to comment on one of the top ten people who moved China, right?

Stumbling into the hospital, Xian Xi was helped by the nurse into the doctor's office, and then asked the doctor for a follow-up visit.

"There is recovery, but it will take at least a month for your lungs to return to normal function, and the same is true for other organs. You have to take it slowly, or you won't be able to bear it all at once. What's more, your breathing is not smooth now. I suggest you It is better to use a respirator on the hospital bed."

"Understood, thank you doctor." After thanking you, Xianxi still refused the doctor's kind request. In fact, she had suffered injuries when she was 19 years old. , hesitated for a moment and said: "Also... About this foot, even if I don't know medical theory, I still know it. These days must have passed the best shaping period for the body to recover. It must be broken again. ?”

"Things like breaking a bone again...you should be in better health..."

"It can be done now." Xian Xi took a deep breath, and then begged the doctor: "If I don't take this step, I will have to rely on crutches for the rest of my life."

"Okay... Nurse, please help me." The doctor frowned, as if he couldn't bear to do it.

"Eh? Doctor, even if you say so, I will..." The nurse on the side was obviously afraid that Xianxi would make some mistakes, it was the first time she had seen such a person, "Your body can't withstand such a toss, Miss Xianxi, you still..."

Seeing the silence of the two for a while, Xian Xi had no choice but to stretch out her hand, at least except for the feet, her hand was still intact, except for the wound on one hand that had soaked in sea water for too long, there was some festering, and there was no bone loss.

There was only a cracking sound of the bone, and in an instant, the pain poured in like a river bursting an embankment, big drops of cold sweat poured out on the forehead, and the bone broke again without warning. One can imagine how painful it was, but Xianxi was nailed through even the shoulder blades. They all just snorted. In this case, they bit their lower lip tightly and did not make a sound.

The nurse at the side anxiously pulled out splints, bandages, etc., and asked the doctor to fix her ankle. After handing it to the doctor, she hurriedly brought a respirator, "Ahem! Huh... this way... that's good Is it..." Xian Xi took a few quick breaths, almost out of breath, then raised her hand to wipe off the sweat on her forehead, and smiled weakly.

As a result, the water handed over by the flustered nurse at the side relieved some of the pain, Xianxi breathed a sigh of relief, looked at her ankle that had been cast again, and then spit out a mouthful of blood, it was the recurrence of the punctured wound on the lung, Fortunately, she had just made up her mind for a moment, otherwise she really didn't know what to do, she didn't want to see Yinshi and the others in a wheelchair with a cane, they would definitely laugh at her.

Thinking of this, Xian Xi felt a little aggrieved again, she blinked her eyes to relieve the soreness, then looked at the panic and accusation of the nurse in front of her when she took off the bandage on her hand, and then looked at the doctor beside her, her eyes almost popped out "Little ancestor, it's best not to get water on your wound for the time being. I've told you several times! Have you touched a knife again? You can save me, your body can't support such a high-intensity training now." , Can’t bear weight, can’t bear weight, I have to say it several times before you can listen!”

"Yes, I'm sorry, I don't want to be... a damn useless person." Xian Xi sighed, and now she was going to lie in the hospital for another ten days or eight days, her back was almost moldy, she couldn't help it To touch the knife, what if she can't even use a knife after she recovers.She didn't want to give up on herself, not at all.

Xianxi knows that she has never been a resolute person, because there were too many people around her who were harder and stronger than me, and she was always cowardly and dodged, because she knew that there was such a strong backing, who was always by her side, Make decisions for her, even open bottle caps that she can't unscrew.

She can do without the sympathy and pity of others, she has things that many people can't touch.

Her self-esteem made her unwilling to admit her patheticness.

The author has something to say:

...I think I should torture Xianxi a little more, I feel uncomfortable watching the smooth sailing days@[email protected]