perfect life

That night, after He Zihan turned off the computer, he lay on the bed and couldn't fall asleep at all.

I felt itchy in my heart, and I wanted to express some emotions, but I couldn't.

I also don't know what I think in my heart. Originally, I clearly decided to try to accept Chen Qiran and give myself and Chen Qiran a chance to work hard.

But now, seeing the protagonist written in the novel, I feel that things are not that simple at all.

It's not that hard work will be rewarded, and it's not that you can be together if you love each other.Although Chen Qiran had already made a vow that day, it is still lingering in his heart, but if he completely trusts Chen Qiran, himself, and this relationship, it is possible to get a good result...

He Zihan found that he couldn't do it at all.

He has always been insecure, and he lacks trust in people.

It is impossible for him to suddenly accept the feelings of a same sex towards him.Chen Qiran worked hard for so long outside He Zihan's incomparably strong heart wall before he got a chance to try.

If you want to go further, it is actually as difficult as reaching the sky.

He Zihan lay on the bed, recalling what Chen Qiran said that day again.

He said: "If it were me, I would not let the person I love suffer such pain. I will definitely do my best to make him happy and happy. If he is willing to work hard with me, I think, no one in this world can stop us from being together."

Is it really possible?

Really no one can stop it?

What if you are timid first?

He Zihan couldn't tell Chen Qiran that he was already retreating from the first day.He is neither brave nor firm, in fact he is very cowardly.

Because of the fear of being hurt, he is full of defense against no one around him, and because he is afraid that he will not get a good result if he puts all his feelings and love into it, he dare not let go of love.

He Zihan is not afraid that Chen Qiran will abandon him one day in the future, he is just afraid that after getting used to Chen Qiran's tenderness and love, if one day Chen Qiran can no longer be with him due to various reasons, what will happen to him at that time? ,what to do?

Will be overwhelmed with pain?

That kind of pain, just thinking about it, made He Zihan feel that his heart had been twisted together.

He was always prepared for Chen Qiran's questioning to disappear completely in his life, and he was always ready to separate from him.Under such a tormenting premise, He Zihan didn't know how long he could last.

When he didn't know what love is, he had nothing; after he knew it, he was always facing loss.

It's not that he doesn't trust that Chen Qiran can't stick to this relationship, He Zihan is just uncertain about the future.He doesn't know if there will be someone more suitable for Chen Qiran in the future, if there is, then under the influence of many external factors, even if he and Chen Qiran still have feelings, they will have to separate...

I tossed and turned in bed and couldn't fall asleep, and when I closed my eyes, I felt restless.

He Zihan has grown up so much, he has hardly experienced insomnia - he has always been in a very tired state, and it is already late at night after finishing his homework every day. After washing up, he returns to bed and falls asleep.

Life has always been so busy, every day is to get up early → go to school → nap → get out of school → after school → work → go home to do homework and sleep.

He watched the little children playing endlessly at home after finishing their homework every day, he watched other people running around in the classroom every day as if they had beaten chicken blood, he watched other boys playing sports Exercise everywhere in the class, he saw that some students in the class already have boyfriends and girlfriends, sometimes he will meet students who are going to have a big meal in places like KFC...

He knew that he was different from them.

However, just know this.Knowing this fact could not change He Zihan's life at that time.

He still has to pick up trash after school, and he still needs to use the money he gets from picking up trash to support himself.

Before meeting Chen Qiran, He Zihan's life was simple and monotonous, but he didn't feel boring at that time.Because life is too busy, so busy that I have no time to think about it, and I am so busy that I have grown into a high school student before I have time to reminisce about my grandmother's life when I was a child.

This kind of leap forward growth made He Zihan's mind somewhat different from that of ordinary people.

All his long and hard life he had been alone.

When he knows what pain and joy are, he has nowhere to vent and no one to share.After meeting Chen Qiran, suddenly he was like the happy prince in a fairy tale, being pampered in Chen Qiran's palm, so warm and happy.

The kind of life where you don’t have to worry about oversleeping the next day, and you don’t have to worry about not having a warm quilt in winter, is like being in paradise.

Although they had such a big misunderstanding in the middle.

I used to think that Chen Qiran would just leave behind a seemingly thoughtful aftermath plan and completely disappear from his life.

The harm that time was huge, He Zihan even developed hatred towards Chen Qiran where he didn't even realize it.

He didn't know the truth of hating because of love, he only knew that Chen Qiran had hurt him deeply, and the expression of the emotion of rebelling against Chen Qiran was the distrust of him, the complete distrust of him.

However, Chen Qiran's performance allowed He Zihan to overturn his previous distrust.

After examining Chen Qiran again, he found that he is actually a good person, he is still the one who treats him well, is doting and gentle, and loves him.The previous misunderstanding of him, and the hatred that arose because of the misunderstanding, in the final analysis, are all the result of the backlash of love for this person in my heart.

Then do you want to love him?

Will there be results?

Will you be happy?

Can you really be happy?

These questions lingered in He Zihan's mind, making his head ache as if it was about to split open.

At four o'clock in the morning, He Zihan still didn't feel sleepy at all.

A person was lying in a huge room, although the curtains were not drawn tightly, but because it was already late at night, the surroundings were still completely dark.In the quiet room, only my own breathing and heartbeat could be heard.Suddenly a light flashed in front of his eyes, like lightning but a little different.When He Zihan was in a daze, the light flickered again.

In such a quiet room, even though He Zihan knew that there were no ghosts in this world, somehow he felt a little terrified. He sat up almost all at once, and turned on all the lights in the room.

The sudden strong light made his eyes narrow again. He Zihan overcame the discomfort in his eyes, got out of bed quickly, opened the door and wanted to knock on Chen Qiran's door.

The moment he was about to knock on the door, he suddenly remembered that a long time ago, when he first lived in the guest room painted mango yellow, Chen Qiran had said: "If you need anything, just come to the next room. The door wasn't locked."

At that time, I didn't pay attention to this sentence at all, and I didn't even think that I would go to Chen Qiran in the middle of the night one day.

Now, standing in front of Chen Qiran's door, these words that did not know when they entered the depths of memory just popped out like this.

In the quiet living room, He Zihan's eyes were bright, and he suddenly showed a smile in the darkness that he didn't know the meaning of.

With that smile on his face, He Zihan turned the handle of the door, and sure enough, the door opened.

Chen Qiran seemed to be in a deep sleep, and no one was found when he opened the door.

He Zihan walked into Chen Qiran's bedroom lightly, turned on the bedside lamp and quickly returned to his bedroom, turned off all the lights in the guest room and living room, and after making sure that he didn't waste other electricity, he quickly got into Chen Qiran's bed.

With Chen Qiran's body temperature and his unique smell inside the bed, He Zihan lay in the cold place where no one had been lying before, and unconsciously approached Chen Qiran.

As soon as he approached, Chen Qiran embraced him.

"Zihan, can't you sleep?" Chen Qiran's voice came from above his head in a low voice, and He Zihan didn't know what to say for a while.

His voice didn't sound like someone who just woke up!

"You pretend to be asleep!"

"No... I woke up when you turned the doorknob."

"Really? I can't sleep."

He Zihan didn't ask any further questions, probably Chen Qiran was a light sleeper, so he was woken up by himself.Thinking of this, he added another sentence: "Sorry, I made you sleep because of the noise."

Although he said such words, he had no intention of going back to his room at all.

He Zihan nestled quietly in Chen Qiran's arms, and suddenly turned around, with his back to Chen Qiran.

Chen Qiran thought what was wrong with him, half sat up and asked him what was wrong worriedly.

"It's nothing, you lie down first, the wind is coming in."

"Ah."

Chen Qiran lay down obediently, because he was afraid that He Zihan would hate him for having too much physical contact with him, Chen Qiran put his hand on his chest obediently, although it was uncomfortable, he did not make any other movements.

"Chen Qiran."

"Ok?"

"Can you... sleep next to me?"

Chen Qiran responded, feeling warm in his heart, the feeling of being needed by He Zihan was really great.

Chen Qiran obediently held He Zihan in his arms from behind, letting He Zihan's entire back stick to his body.

Chen Qiran guessed that He Zihan might be cold, put his hand in his own, and hugged him completely.

"Well, is there any warmth? Your waist is so cold."

"Hmm...much better, thanks."

"Don't say thank you, there's no need to do this. If you can sleep more peacefully this way, we can sleep like this every day in the future."

"Actually not... I am, a little annoying."

"Speak out for me?"

"Well, that's not necessary. In fact, I just now... suddenly felt a little scary. The room was dark, and I was alone, so I felt that I couldn't sleep. Come to your side... that... um, yes better."

In fact, He Zihan originally wanted to say, "When I come to you, I feel much better with you by my side." But it's too nasty to say it like this...

He Zihan is not good at expressing himself, but it's not that he doesn't know which words are too ambiguous.

Chen Qiran's right hand was attached to his abdomen at some point, the warmth from the palm of his hand penetrated through his abdomen to his heart, and his whole body softened in his embrace.

"Your stomach is also cold, what's going on."

"do not know……"

"I hold you, are you warmer?"

"Um……"

"Hey, sleep well. Otherwise, I'll be sleepy again during the day tomorrow."

"Um……"