Breeze

Now I am afraid that the real time is approaching, but looking back on my life, Aixinjueluo.Hongli suddenly felt that in the past 70 years, he didn't know how to evaluate himself.

What has he done in his life?

What are you living for?

What is the meaning, what is the value?

What else is unforgettable for a lifetime, worth doing, and persisting even though you regret it?

He suddenly didn't know how to judge.Judge yourself, this life.

When he was young, it seemed that he was more outstanding than his own younger brother, Rui Hedi, who has passed away for many years now.

When I was young.At that time, Ama was still living in the mansion, and she was just the concubine of Lord Kangxi, and Er Niang was just a princess in that mansion, but he seemed to gather all the brilliance of the world on himself——later he found out, that This kind of self-satisfaction, in fact, is only because of shallow knowledge, so it will become a frog in the bottom of the well, conceited.

However, if the days go on like this, after decades of time, he will also grow up, and there will be a day when he suddenly sees the light.Definitely won't accomplish nothing like it is now.

He had imagined more than once that if he was the one who ascended the throne, how he would make the Qing Dynasty more prosperous.

If he had been reused by the emperor back then, and he had placed high hopes on him, how would he have shown his talents.

It was he who was taken into the palace by the imperial grandfather back then, how he would make everyone look at him with admiration.

Unfortunately, this is just a fantasy.

Perhaps from the first meeting, the first time I met the person who would have a profound influence on me in the future, it has already been decided.

It is not him who is valued and close to that person.

So it was not he who entered the palace, it was not he who was reused, and it was not he who became the emperor.

And it is even more impossible for him to get that person.

So his life, perhaps from that first meeting, has already decided the current trajectory.

Unexamined, mediocre, such a lifetime.

Up to now, more than 70 years ago, I still don't know why I live.

~~~~~~~

He still remembers that first meeting.Although he soon forgot about the person he met that day, in the years that followed, he slowly recalled every bit of that day and engraved it in his heart.

It was a snowy day, and we met for the first time in Xiaotang Villa.

See you for the first time.

At that meeting, he didn't have any special affection for that uncle who was younger than himself, and his respect was only reluctant.As for Uncle 23, he must not have a particularly good impression of himself.

Later, I regretted that I didn't show my good side that time, but it was already too late.

He also remembered meeting him many times later, and time after time, he maintained a superficial friendship with him, watching him and his younger brother get closer.

At that time, Hongli didn't know that he would regret it in the future.

And this future is not far away.

In the second year of the first acquaintance, Hong Zhou was selected to enter the palace, and he, who had always thought himself to be better than Hong Zhou, could only watch his younger brother step up step by step, replacing himself in the palace. The position in Ma's heart is even more valued by Ama.

He wanted to say he didn't care, and couldn't.

In addition to these, there is that person, the person who gradually entered his eyes, but never put him in his eyes.

~~~~~~~

After suffering for many years, suddenly one day, on a morning without morning, he woke up in the bed of his new concubine, with the body of that soft and fragrant woman lying beside him, Hongli suddenly thought, he Really, do you like that guy?

Maybe not.

That kind of sad, painful feeling from the bottom of my heart may just be a long-standing obsession.

Because that person didn't care about him and didn't see him in his eyes, so he wanted to let that person have him in his heart even more.

But when he told himself that he didn't have such strong feelings for that person, he couldn't admit it anyway.

After so many years, even obsessions have long been unable to give up.

What's more, he really didn't dare to say that it was just obsession, and he didn't really like it.

Without real liking, why would there be adultery, why would there be unexplainable involvement and hidden pain in my heart?

Every time I saw that person with the emperor, that unwillingness, that kind of dejection, was not a lie.

But you have to tell yourself that you love that person wholeheartedly, and you can't.

When he was really thinking about him, why did his heart throb when facing the beautiful and weak concubine?

This is... impure.

I remember that when Ama was still there, he taught himself this way.

It was several decades ago, and Lord Yongzheng commented on his three grown-up sons, saying that Hongshi was foolish and arrogant, Hongzhou was gloomy and cunning and put on airs, and Hongli had good eyesight and half-heartedness.In fact, at that time, he was not satisfied with any of them.

But compared to stupidity and impurity, being too scheming is still good.

So in the end Ama chose Hong Zhou, and that person also chose Hong Zhou.

Maybe he really likes the new and dislikes the old in his nature, he is vacillating, but if that person can give him the same opportunity as Hongzhou, he won't... won't be half-hearted...

Thinking of this, Hongli himself is not sure whether he can be single-minded.

He had some headaches, so he quickly raised his arms to wrap around the waist of the woman beside him, exerting strength on his arms, he heard a soft moan of "Ding Ding", a hibiscus face was raised shyly and timidly, and called "Fourth Lord".

Immediately, I only felt a little fever in my body when I got up in the morning, forcing all the restlessness and sad pain to be suppressed.

~~~~~~~

So it has been so confused for decades.

I have never figured out what kind of emotion I have for Uncle 23.

In fact, it may be said that this person, in life, is second only to his own Ama in importance. In his entire life, he occupies too much time, too much emotion, too much... concern.

But to him, maybe he is just a dispensable person.

Nephew, with such an identity, it is very possible that even Hongzhan is more important, after all, Hongzhan and Hongyi are so friendly.

But what qualifications do I have to ask that person to put myself in an important place in my heart?

Hongli smiled wryly, sighed, and looked at the blue sky in autumn.He didn't do anything particularly memorable for him.

Of course it is not as good as the first emperor, his biological brother Hong Zhou, that is the person he puts in his heart.

It's not as good as Ama, Lord Yongzheng, that's his fourth brother.

Thinking of these two people, Hongli felt a little unsure.

If there is any resentment, Hong Zhou has been dead for ten years, so what is there to be resentful about?Not to mention, the man who was gone almost 50 years ago - Amma didn't do anything to him.

When I was young, maybe there was some sense of injustice.But with time, everything faded.

And also more clearly, what is good and what is bad.

It's like, when he was a teenager, he thought that in Uncle 23's heart, he and Hong Zhou were the same.

And when he was in his twenties, he could see clearly that there was too much difference between himself and Hong Zhou in front of Uncle 23.

Now that I have lived for more than 70 years, I am almost lying in a coffin by myself. Of course I can see clearly.

Amma is the wonderful Amma and the younger brother is the gracious younger brother.

Nothing to complain about.

But it is always inevitable, there are still some weird emotions lingering in my heart.

It seems to be dissatisfied, it seems to be regretful, it seems to be... jealous.

Maybe Uncle 23 didn't know about the secrets of the palace, but he did.

Those open and covert fights back then, those disputes and contests.In the end, it seemed that Hong Zhou had completely occupied the man's mind, but Hong Li knew that he was the only one who was really defeated.

The rest are winners.

It was only him again, a crushing defeat.

How can this be calming...

~~~~~~~

At that time, he really couldn't calm down at all, and was even warned by Ama because of this.

But thinking about it now, some want to laugh at myself back then.

If you lose, you lose. If you play with your temper and lose your temper, will that person change his mind just because of this?

I'm afraid it will only make me hate myself more.

At that time, it was really too young.

It seems that it was because he stayed for too long when he was young and inexperienced that he lost everything.

Lost the country, lost the sweetheart.

As for Hong Zhou, he let himself get rid of his childhood and youth early on. He is a mature person, and he is competing with himself who is still immersed in his youth and cannot extricate himself.

Until today, Hongli suddenly discovered the real reason for his failure.

Whether it was Ama or the younger brother, they all stood at a place much higher than themselves, looking down at them.

As for Uncle 23, thinking about it now, he has always been like looking up to stronger people.

It turned out to be like this...

Hongli raised his hand to cover his face, and laughed like a sigh.

After so many years, I finally figured it out.

However, there is no regret, and there is no injustice.

The person serving at the side, Hongli, who is now old and only wants to recall the past, does not remember his name at all, only knows that Yongying, the seventh nephew who inherited the throne, specially sent him to take care of him when he was sick. It was originally the Hall of Mental Cultivation Eunuch on duty.Hongli raised his hand, his toothless mouth couldn't make a clear sound, but the eunuch naturally understood that he was asking for water.

Serving Hongli with a teacup and drinking a cup of tea, the eunuch saw that he closed his eyes and thought he was asleep, so he sighed to the people around him: "How many days are there for Prince Xun? It's not good to watch." look."

Hongli could hear clearly, but there was nothing to be angry about, very angry.

Yes, how many days are left?

He also wants to know...

Because right now, he is really... Lonely, lonely.

There is no benefit in living too long.The brothers are all dead, the sons and daughters have also passed away one after another, the first wife died early, and the women who were with him in the early years are all gone now.

If he is left alone, he will feel lonely and lonely.

That's why I think about what happened back then over and over again.

Back then Prince Yong's Mansion, back then the fourth elder brother and fifth elder brother, back then the West Five small courtyard, back then...young and ignorant, youthful and ignorant.

Those loves, those resentments, those hates, those regrets.

Now, it's just a memory.

~~~~~~~

On another autumn morning, Hongli was lying quietly on the bed, and the eunuch next to him sighed: "After all, I still went."

Another eunuch said: "The old prince is just procrastinating. He is sick and can't open his eyes. If he lives so hard, isn't he the one who suffers? It's a blessing to die so peacefully."

The people on the side said: "Isn't it a blessing? In this life, what kind of glory and wealth have I never enjoyed? It is full of children and grandchildren, seven sons and eight sons-in-law, and they are so peaceful when they leave. The old prince is so lucky."

If Quanxia knew, Yue Mo Hongli would also agree with him with a smile.

Good luck, good luck.

why not?