I haven't been a scumbag for many years

I want to go, to a place far, far away.It is a beautiful world.I will lie on the grass and give myself to wind and rain, to thunder and lightning, to dawn and starry night.Grasses popped out of my eye sockets, and vines took root in my legs.Flowers bloom out of my nostrils, butterflies cling to my phalanx...how wonderful...I would like to bathe in this worry-free world forever.

However, can people who died in this cold deep pool go to such a world?

In this dark, cold, deep pool that freezes the marrow of your bones, there will only be red, wriggling, thread-like worms that cannibalize your rotting body and drill holes in your white bones.

Your bone marrow becomes the nourishment for their elongated body, your hair will fall around, and your scalp will leave you.

You'll be knocked out of your bones.

Song Jiu, Song Jiu.

If you die here, you won't have a spring full of flowers.Do you live in the cold winter when you are alive, and sleep alone in the world of ice and snow in the dead world?

The world is so cruel to you, do you want to be so cruel to yourself?

Hahaha, how pitiful, hahaha, how ridiculous!

Song Jiu waved her arms and emerged from the deep pool.

His hair was dripping, his eyelashes had water particles, and his lips were blue from the cold.

He took a big mouthful of breath, white steam steamed up his forehead.

The heavy snow in the cold winter fell down, fluttering like goose feathers.Obviously looking at the warmth of Edelweiss, but in fact it is bone-chillingly cold.

Song Jiu got up from the cold pool.

I thought: I will leave in April next year.At that time, he was going to starve himself to death on the hillside where the spring flowers were blooming and the vegetation was fragrant. The sun, moon and stars were with me, and dragonflies and butterflies surrounded me alone.

That way I won't be lonely anymore.

It doesn't make any sense for an unloved person like me to be born again, it's better to leave.

Song Jiu thought to herself, walking slowly.His skin trembled from the cold, but his soul was numb and dead.

He couldn't figure it out in his previous life, and he won't figure it out again in this life.It would be a waste of goodness for a man like him to come back again.

The snow-covered road is so difficult and cold.After taking a step, the soles of my feet are as cold as needles.

Just like Song Jiu's previous life, every step was so difficult.

Song Jiu was born in an ordinary village.

My father is a carpenter, and my mother is a vegetable and fruit stall.Such an ordinary family should have lived a life of dutiful parents.

However, his father drowned.

The sun was shining brightly, and the broken glass of the wine bottle on the wall gleamed.

The cicadas in the afternoon don’t crow, the chickens don’t stroll around, and the dogs stick out their tongues under the shady trees.

Public super high toilets are at least three meters deep.

The big plank was bound in one piece, one piece for the left foot and one piece for the right foot.Take it easy.

His father hid there, watching the woman go to the bathroom.The woman's stomach hurts and she squatted for too long.His father has no strength to hang on the hook...

Since then, he has become a big joke in the village and town.

No one wants to play with him. A little older child who understands things will start to bully him when he hears the generalizations from the adults.

Song Jiu was beaten by his mother when she was young.The memory before the age of three is not clear, but the memory after the age of three is still clear.Because the memory of the body is very special, it hurts~ Of course I remember it.

He couldn't remember the happy things for a while, but he took it for granted that his mother beat him so painfully.

It seems that there is no need for any reason.

Probably because he looks like his father, and his father embarrasses his mother.

His mother seems to have a habit of abusing him.Being slapped in the face at every turn is a common occurrence, kneeling to do homework and kneeling to wipe the floor are even more common.

Later, when he was in school, children aged seven or eight bullied him.

The teacher and those adults will sigh, tsk tsk, what a sin made by adults, otherwise how could children suffer so much?

But the eyes are also contemptuous.

I think Song Jiu's roots are bad.

His father peeped at women in the toilet and was drowned in the toilet.

This stain is like the sun, how can it be ignored, people can never ignore the sun!

To what extent was Song Jiu beaten?When he saw people coming up, he would bite his lower lip in fear, then put his schoolbag aside, and knelt down to be beaten by others.

After the fight was over, someone told him to leave, and he left.

Back home, when his mother saw him, she was very angry, not angry at other people beating him, but angry that he was beaten as if she had lost face, so she picked up a stick and beat him again.

Song Jiu couldn't stand the pain from the beating, so she knelt down and begged her not to beat her any more.Otherwise, I won’t be able to cook dinner at night, or do my homework, and I won’t be able to wash clothes...

Day by day, he grew up to 14 years old.The nine-year compulsory education was over, and he couldn't continue his studies.Went to the construction site to move bricks.

At that time, the age requirements were not high, and the checks were not strict.

There are old acquaintances who work in the village, and they can get money by introducing someone in the past.He was introduced.

That was the first time he met his foreman, Xia Baichuan.

This is a 30-year-old man who takes good care of Song Jiu.The first piece of candy Song Jiu ate in his life was given by him. He held it in his palm and was reluctant to eat it. After peeling off the colorful candy wrapper, the milky white candy was in his palm, which looked sweet.He couldn't bear to eat.Finally melted into the palm of his hand by the heat, he stuck out his tongue and licked it.Squint your eyes, it's so sweet!

After eating the candy, he even licked his palm clean.

He thought the foreman was a good man.

But Xia Baichuan plotted against him, once he called Song Jiu into his office, no one was there, he wanted to molested him.

Song Jiu looked so stupid and easy to deceive.He is notoriously timid and timid, and he won't say anything about it.

You can still play him often in the future.

But Song Jiu is very sensitive about this matter.

Because his mother has several good friends, who like to touch him, he knew it was a bad thing since he was very young.More so in light of his dad's nasty death.

He was very secretive about such things.

He feared and hated such things, and felt dirty and disgusting from the bottom of his heart.Regardless of whether he is physically sexual or asexual, his psychology tends to be asexual.

When Xia Baichuan forced him, he climbed up the window.

When Xia Baichuan coaxed him down, he hesitated for a moment, looking at the pile of cheap candies in the red plastic tray on the table.

Xia Baichuan saw it, and quickly grabbed a handful and threw it to him.

"You come down, you come down, let's talk about it, I won't force you, I was impulsive just now. Don't you like sweets? Give it to you, what bad intentions can Uncle Xia have, right? I just like you. "

Song Jiu didn't pick it up, and the candy fell on the ground and on the window sill.Song Jiu looked at the candy in hand, but finally didn't take it.

Probably, the heart is too bitter, sweet is also bitter.

What good can there be in this world?

All the people, everyone he meets in his world is as cold as ice, and burns him like burning coals.

He likes the sunshine in April, warm but not scorching.

But... there seems to be no April in his life.

He fell through the window.When the blood wrapped him, he smiled. The temperature of the blood...was very warm.Warms him like an April sun.

However, when he opened his eyes, he found that he was back when he was eight years old.

This winter, the snow was very thick. He wore a pair of canvas shoes that he picked up from the garbage heap that no one else wanted, and put them on his feet.It's wet.

Feet know how to be numb.

Song Jiu sat in the classroom blankly.

After class, he picked up a piece of candle on the ground.At this time, many children will secretly light a fire to keep warm.Song Jiu put the candle in her pocket and couldn't help grinning.

After school, he went home.

Just like before you died, finish your homework.His mother asked him to pour her a glass of water, and he poured it over. When her mother took it, she saw him drooping his head, and slapped him so that the corner of his mouth was bleeding.

"It's gloomy like a ghost all day long! Get away! Don't get in the eyes of my old lady! You'll be short-lived for two or three days."

Song Jiu turned and left.

It was getting darker and darker.

But his room was lit by the light of a candle.That was the candle he picked up today, and he smiled with a small dimple, holding the candle in his hand, very happy.

He didn't sit on the bed, he sat on the cold ground, in a corner, watching the tiny flame of the candle.At this moment he is in the corner, his world is warm and bright.

The candle gradually extinguished and burned out.

Song Jiu went out, the snow outside was very white.The road is very bright.He came to the end of the road, and there was a deep pool on the lower left.He stood quietly on the shore for a while, snowflakes fluttering and falling on his shoulders.

He sat down slowly, then slid into the deep pool.No jump.He wanted to leave this world without a sound.

because……

He didn't want to suffer like that again, he felt pain.

The water covered Song Jiu's hair, and the water surface was calm for a while.

However, how can a cowardly person like him not be afraid of the cold in this deep pool?

Song Jiu stood up, crawled out, and walked back.

He went out quietly and died, and then went back quietly.

I changed clothes and went to bed.

The body temperature came back little by little.He fell asleep, curled up like a ball on the big bed...

He wants to embrace another world in April next year.

In such a warm April, another world must be as warm as April in this world.

I hope he can be the only one in that world.

Well, he also thought there was a dog there, because when he was alive, the only thing willing to get close to him was a stray dog.

He just fed it a mouthful of food.

It just wagged its tail against him with warm joy, and would stick out its tongue and lick him with joy.

Song Jiu dreamed about it.

It wagged its tail towards itself, and Song Jiu couldn't help laughing.

He still remembers when the teacher assigned a composition, the topic of the composition was: I want to do...

Everyone else is I want to be a doctor, scientist, teacher...

But what Song Jiu wanted to write was: I want to be a dog.

Even if it is a stray dog, there are kind-hearted people who are willing to feed it. He is not greedy, even if he is a stray dog, it is fine. I really hope that someone can give him a little kindness.

However, no.

No one is willing to give it to him.

The light in Song Jiu's dream went out.

The light of the world is on.

He went to school hungry with his schoolbag on his back, stooped and found a third of a steamed bun and half of a steamed stuffed bun from the trash can in the cafeteria.There are also two steamed dumplings that others don't want.

He flipped through it quickly, if someone saw it, would it be embarrassing to put it aside, they would crush his food, and then force him to eat it.

He didn't want to eat the food with shoe prints on it, it didn't taste good anymore.

However, just as he was about to hide the food in his arms, he stuffed a bun into his mouth and was about to leave.Looking up, he saw a boy.

A boy who was around his age but dressed exceptionally well and was clean.

Like a little master.

Song Jiu couldn't breathe for a second.

The boy came over, he was a head taller than him.

The boy stretched out his hand, Song Jiu subconsciously closed her eyes and shrank her shoulders.

However, there were no expected slaps or fists.Unexpectedly, this hand took what was in his hand and threw it back into the trash can.

His hands were strong but gentle, warm and dry.Thumb wiped the dirt off his face.

"My name is Xie Dongli. I just transferred from another school today. What's your name?"