I only like you as a paper man

Tuosi watched you rush downstairs, opened the bag and took a look.

The last time you got this kind of paper bag for you was at the CP exhibition a few months ago, when the paper bag was still in it... No, he better stop thinking about it.

He returned to the room, closed the door, and spread the contents of the paper bag on the table.There are not many things, only a small box and a letter with a beautiful cover.

Tosi opened the small box first, and there were a few pieces of chocolate in it.Although the workmanship looks a little rough, you can also see your intentions... After all, the chocolates inside are in different shapes: rice balls, mice, and crooked Fei Jiaqin.

He couldn't help laughing, and took out his phone to take a photo just like you.

... I really don't want to eat it.

Forget it, if he still wants it, just let you prepare another copy.

He picked up the rice ball-shaped chocolate (the rice part is white chocolate, and the seaweed part is black chocolate) and tasted it carefully.

The taste is not bad.

...Well, after all, the so-called homemade chocolate is to melt the bought ones and make them again by hand, so the taste is definitely not that bad.

Well, he didn't know what the contents of the envelope would be, so he still had some small expectations.

To show respect, before taking it apart, Tosi went to wash his hands.

He opened the curtains, only turned on the small lamp on the table, and opened the letter under the moonlight coming in from the window.

Although he didn't know the specific content, he could still deduce the subject of the letter.

It's a love letter.

……

really.

Inside the envelope were two sheets of letter paper.

One was addressed to "Kiss Fedya," and the other to "Mr. Dostoevsky."

Dostoevsky opened the former first——

"Dear Fei Jia:

Suddenly write you something similar to a letter, I don't know if it will bother you.To be honest, I thought about how to speak for a long time, but in the end I still used such a bland beginning, I hope you will not dislike it.

Maybe you don't know me. To you, I am just one of hundreds of millions of human beings. As an ordinary human being, I have nothing special. There are still many existences in the world who love you like me.It doesn't matter though, you don't exist after all.

...It may be inappropriate to say this, I should replace it with a more appropriate sentence: You are not a human being who really exists in this world, but you really exist in a certain work and exist in this world as a virtual character Beloved "characters".

And I have always loved you like this.

Regarding your ideal and yourself, I won’t go into details here—my language expression ability and vocabulary in the world are too barren. No matter how you describe your ideal and yourself, I can’t express my heart for you. Your respect and love, under this premise, the words that fall are tantamount to blasphemy for you.

To me, you are like an unreachable god—I can't touch you, I can't talk to you directly, and I can't even determine whether you exist in a "different world".But so what?Whether you are data, words, or images created with ink, you will always be you.To me, you are no different from a living person, except that you are not with me.I often wonder if what I'm going through would be better if you were by my side at this moment; if I would be happier if you were by my side; Will it be solved?

...I'm sorry, but these words sounded as selfish as saying "you are the object of my loneliness".However, human love is selfish in the final analysis. Once you fall in love with someone, you will hope that the other party can be with you all the time, and that the other party belongs to you only.In your words, this seems to be a sin that human beings are born with—people’s strong possessiveness will bring harm and pressure to others, and then backlash themselves will be surrounded by pain.When a person is alive, he will hurt others and be hurt by others. Only death is liberation and redemption.

I know that what I think and what I mean is nothing compared to your great ideals, and sometimes I think that I don't know you at all.I don't know your height and weight, I don't know your blood type, and I don't know your likes and dislikes... Even in the works, I can only see that you keep a distance and communicate with others On that side, I don't know the real you at all.

I often toss and turn, can't sleep, maybe this is just a dead end...I often think, what kind of human are you?I only know your purpose, but not your reasons for wanting to achieve it.However, a simple word of "reason" contains too much in it - what have you experienced in the past, what have you thought.I've always believed that people are made of the past, and you want to create a world without psychic perpetrators—what did you put together this answer?

I do not know.

You are a character in the work, so I can only wait for the follow-up of the work, waiting for your appearance month after month.Just because it is possible to see you again in the works every month, even other free days seem to become meaningful.Unfortunately, I still don't know anything about you until now, many years later.

...Even so, am I still qualified to say I love you?

I do not know.

I'm just an ordinary human being, if you really existed in this world, I'm afraid you wouldn't even look at me.My love for you is a one way street and I never expected you to respond to me.Even so I still love you, you are always on my mind, you stole my heart from the first day I met you, just thinking about you makes me feel happy and joyful .

I want to hear your real voice.

I want to dance to your pulse.

I want to hug you and kiss you.

I want to see your figure going away for your ideals, say cheers to you, and keep watching you like this.

I want to know you better.

If the longing and love for you are just my selfish thoughts and my sins——then I am also willing to accept the punishment that my Lord God will bring down for my sins.

i love you.

I'm not looking forward to anything, I just simply love you.

your believer

February 20, 2XX"

……

He read every word carefully.

Then, he picked up another letter paper.

"To Mister Dostoevsky:

(Traces of wiping)...don't get me wrong!The other one is not for you! ! !I won't give you—(wiping marks)

(wiping marks) I don't like-(wiping marks)

I never thought that one day you would actually appear in front of my eyes.

The day you left for the first time, I was sad for a long time and thought I would never see you again.People are greedy, every time a wish is fulfilled, they can't help asking for more... So my wish gradually changed from "I want to see you even if it's only for a moment" to "I want to be with you forever You are together".

……OK!I'm just talking!Just wanted to say that!After all, this may be an unfulfilled wish.You love every human being equally, and I am only one in 70 billion. How can you fall in love with any independent individual?If you really fell in love with someone like an ordinary person, wouldn't it be OOC!

How can my dear Fyodor be OOC! ! !

So - I just want to express my feelings unilaterally.

I like you.

These are the words that I can't say when I'm face to face.

I like you as Fedya Kiss, as Mr. Fyodor, as Mr. Dostoevsky... very much.

(wiping marks) Did you think I'd say that!Hahahaha you were fooled (wiping marks)

However, I know that you will not respond to my feelings... So for a long time so far, I have always emphasized that you are just my meal replacement.Because as long as I do this, I have a reason to stay by your side, and let you do many things with me willfully.

Maybe you can see it from the beginning, but as long as I don't admit it, it doesn't exist.

...well I admit it now.

I am frankly lenient.

The days and nights I spend with you are like a dream to me.I was so afraid that one day when I woke up from the dream, everything would disappear with it.

I like the feeling when I'm with you.

I never thought I could get along with you like a normal friend.

When we go out together; when we take care of you; when we hug you... I like all of them very much.

...But, if you want me to say it, you are too scornful! ! !

When I was in Russia, I was almost scared to death okay!Although I roughly guessed your intentions, that's why I mustered up the courage to write this kind of thing to you...but...can't you use a more gentle approach! ?

... well you can't.

This is more your style.

Who made me just like your crumb rice balls! ! !

Yeah yeah, even in Russia I was scared to death by you - in hindsight, it's really your style... I really like it!Milk Cream complained to me countless times: Are you shaking M?

... I, I am not shaking M!I just like Mr. Dostoevsky!

I, I just like you, so what can I do! ! !

Whether it's you who start all kinds of troubles for your ideals, or you who stay by my side like an ordinary person like this, I like it very much!

To be honest, being with you is really a torment, I have to remind myself not to act like I like you all the time...it's really hard for me.So now, I can't take it anymore.

It doesn't matter if you don't get a response, I don't ask for your response... You have more important things to do than stay in this different world, and I respect your ideals and you more than yourself.No matter what you become in the future, I will always love you from the beginning to the end.

...So, I wrote this love letter simply to express my heart to you.

Now that things are up to now, if I don't speak these words, I will be the only one who suffers.

Mr. Dostoevsky.

I have loved you since long, long ago.

Tea tea

February 20, 2XX"

……

Dostoevsky put down the paper.

Although he knows that you wrote it all, he still wants to ask—is it really written by the same person?

This kind of difference is like what you often say, "Even if Fei Jiaqin usually looks invincible, he can still have a trouble meeting with Mr. Dazai with Twitch", right?

...Compared with the first one, the second love letter is no longer a simple "incoherent" that can be described.However, the second letter is more like your style. You have proved it with practical actions, and you understand the hints he has been giving you all the time.He also understands all your feelings.

You are right, indeed, you are only one in seven billion.

But he is partial to you.

Although you don't know the reason why he will be partial to you now, but that doesn't affect anything.

Tosi bit his finger again.

"I don't expect your response", "I don't care if I don't respond"... You really know how to say it.

So……

How should he respond to you?

The author has something to say:

It can be seen from the end of four chapters

This answer is not so simple! (Hello

Let’s reply together, it’s just that the main text is over XD and there will be future talks and extra episodes~