Travels

Xia Wanmu never thought that the turning point she had been looking forward to would come at this time.When contacted by that Mr. Lu to find out why he came, she once suspected that the other party was sent by Yue Chuanlin to punish her, or that he was simply a fraudster with a lot of means.

If this person had appeared eight years ago, no, even five or six years ago when she was still fantasizing, she would have jumped into this trap without hesitation.But for now, she has waited for too long, and her enthusiasm has long been burned into flying ashes. Those unwillingness, anger, jealousy and madness that were once hot have turned into dust in the wind. Although they still exist in her heart, they can no longer be aroused. any impulse.

But for several hours that night, she couldn't sleep, she sat on the floor, her forehead pressed against the cold floor-to-ceiling windows, and her warm breath hit the transparent window and made a paste.She kept emptying out under this fog, her eyes couldn't see, her ears couldn't hear, she just counted her own breaths, after a while, her mind went blank, as if she had degenerated into microorganisms in the vast sea tens of thousands of years ago, only Under the first instinct of life.

She remembered how the hatred surged in her heart when she was betrayed by everyone, drowning her like the fury of the sea.She has never had such strong and aggressive feelings. She grew up in a scholarly family. The elders are either scholars or teachers. The family is always soft-spoken, harmonious and warm. Affected by this background, she He has also grown into an optimistic, positive, confident and kind person.But after Yue Chuanlin controlled Huaxing and blocked her completely, she finally saw how indifferent and malicious the communication between people can be. Minions, contemptuous words, sarcasm and ridicule, no lack of sexual hints and insults, as if she suddenly became the most disgusting maggot, despicable and despicable.During that period of time, she always felt like a tree that was broken in the middle, the leaves that had always inherited light and rain fell into the muddy sewage ditch with the branches, and the strong trunk was hollowed out by insects, revealing Potted holes, ugly cracks in the bark, like the parched mouth of a thirsty man.

If the hatred can disappear with the passage of time, it must be that the sufferings suffered at the beginning were not deep enough.The real despair is hidden in the deepest shadow in the bottom of my heart. Even if the wound on the surface has healed without a trace, the flesh and blood underneath will still ache in the gap between day and night.For Xia Wanmu, this period of time is unforgettable. She can still clearly recall the tortures she experienced, and the disgust easily hit her every unprepared moment, making her weak and angry.But the strange thing is, if there is anything that makes her hesitate to give up on Mr. Lu's proposal, it must not be the hatred and anger brought about by this pain.In the past eight years, she has already introspected countless times, and clearly realized how ignorant and useless it would be to fight back or take revenge on this hatred.For her, correct self-valuation, hurtful as it is, is essential.

So, what caused her to lose sleep in the night when the dust had settled eight years later, and she just wanted to accept Lu Zhen's proposal and do those risky things that even her own reason disagreed with?She is nearly thirty years old, not the ignorant little girl back then.If eight years ago she inevitably had the common problems of young people's vanity and love for face, and even had nostalgia and greed for the bustling and dazzling entertainment circle, the dust of eight years has washed away all of these.A stable job with room for improvement, a caring boyfriend, and a family who are eager for her to get back on track. Who would be willing to gamble all of this for an unpredictable future with no development prospects?She has been worn down for too long, and she no longer has the courage to try again, and even loses the capital to bear the failure.

The truth was clearly in front of her eyes, but it was so unacceptable that she was ashamed to admit that the remaining love for Yu Qingge would have such a big impact on her at this moment.A rational person can make such or such a risky decision out of prudent consideration when facing a major decision in life, but if he gambles everything because of some illusory and untraceable emotion, it is absolutely a mistake. dizzy.It's ridiculous enough to be obsessed with not being able to forget her ex-girlfriend for eight years. Now she is still thinking about putting her own future into it for this ex-girlfriend. She really doesn't understand what's going on in her mind something.

She tried to think as objectively as possible about a time she had spent with someone.Young love is always unforgettable, not to mention how outstanding and dazzling the other party is, and how attached, tender and freehand is he to her.Those times together were indeed so happy and beautiful that she once thought that Yu Qingge was the one she was destined for, but the reversal came too fast, before she had time to conceive their future, she was slapped by the pillow Cold shot.

No, strictly speaking, Yu Qingge didn't do anything wrong to her, she just didn't do anything, just stood where she was, watching her sinking bit by bit with cold eyes.Undoubtedly, she hated Yu Qingge, but at the same time she hated herself even more.Hate that she doesn't know people well, how could she find someone who is so selfish, cowardly, snobbish, and only sees herself; she hates herself for retaining pity and love for such a person after losing power, she can completely Yu Qingge was dragged into the abyss together because he had countless sweet traces of the two of them in his hands, but he never thought of using it as a bargaining chip.She suffers from her own weakness, but at the same time feels at ease for what remains behind this weakness. She has never betrayed Yu Qingge, even in the most painful and hated time, she has never thought of it.

As for Yu Qingge, every thought about this person in her mind made her feel mixed.She should have known what kind of person she was long ago, but after so many years of glimpses, she really couldn't make a conclusion about her previous thoughts.

They haven't seen each other since the last quarrel, maybe she was too picky about her feelings, and when she found out that the so-called love was nothing more than that, she would leave so resolutely, cutting off everything without leaving a trace.After that, Yu Qingge contacted her in many ways, but she ignored her again.It was easy at first, the anger of being betrayed was still burning brightly, and the anger of leaving drove her to clear all the things related to Yu Qingge from her life, and all the missed calls and unread text messages on her mobile phone made her There was a strange and distorted sense of excitement, as if she had successfully revenged on Yu Qingge, making her understand how unbearable and costly it would be for her to lose herself.But gradually, when all the rioting emotions cooled down, she couldn't help but click through the call records and short messages, trying to figure out the tone and mood of the sender word by word, and the urge to reply and meet was a little difficult. contain.She couldn't help but wonder, did Yu Qingge have any difficulties?After all, he is a person who is not good at words, even every time he quarrels, he is reluctant to say a serious word. When he is extremely wronged, he will only come up and nestle in his arms, waiting for the anger to subside.Many memories about Yu Qingge aroused her love and pity, reminded her how she loved and lusted after her passionately, and her heart was filled with tenderness and pity, but her natural reserve and ridiculous self-esteem jumped out to play tricks, making her She didn't respond at all.Later, the phone calls and text messages became less and less day by day, and there was no one waiting silently beside the familiar car downstairs. She thought Yu Qingge was disheartened. It's easy.But instead, she began to become more and more restless. When she was free every day, she would watch her mobile phone in fear, wondering whether Yu Qingge would come to keep her again. Was her weight getting lighter and lighter in Yu Qingge's heart?When she finally couldn't bear the waiting and guessing, it suddenly became an embarrassing and shameful thing to take the initiative to find Yu Qingge, because she found that after Yu Qingge left her, she was not as depressed as she thought, but went higher step by step , but she had actually landed on the ground, like an ordinary person, she could only look up.

She's feeling a bit annoyed, should she blame Yu Qingge for not being so obsessed with her, not so affectionate?But wasn't she the one who broke up first and left completely?Going around, she knew it was unreasonable but still thought maliciously, Yu Qingge was so docile and attached when he was in love, what a hypocrite he was, but he just took this relationship as a tonic in a tense life That's all.After speculating about her former lover with all malicious intent, she told herself that there was nothing worthy of her nostalgia about that person, it was just an ordinary failed relationship, it was no big deal, she could find something better.She wanted to leave with a proud appearance, but there was a voice in her heart that kept echoing, Yu Qingge was already beyond her reach, no matter how much she smeared and pretended not to care, she just couldn't eat grapes and said sour grapes , It is the helplessness and jealousy that can't be imagined.

She fermented in these negativity, which stink like rotten fruit and tasteless like chewed gum.For thousands of days and nights, she couldn't let herself go, it was difficult to move forward, and only memories remained in the future.When all kinds of emotions came rushing up, she no longer felt how unforgivable it was for Yu Qingge to stand on the sidelines before. She could find countless excuses for this, but she couldn't ignore one cold fact: they had already broken up.Yu Qingge will stand beside better people, and she will become one of the mortals who look up to the stars.

Time and chance can't kill love, but they can easily kill the courage to love each other.

So, later on, she finally stopped having any illusions, facing those occasional emails, WeChat messages, short messages, calls... her heart was as still as water.

They are already strangers.

It's just that occasionally those scenes of loving each other flashed past, which made her feel sad.