Travels

The Sheng family's mansion is located on the hillside, and the green plants in the courtyard are extremely lush.The cold moonlight leaked from the clouds and sprinkled on the deserted cobblestone path. Someone passed by here not long ago, and the leather boots kicked, but the departure itself was silent.

The toes that had been on the ground accidentally touched the cardboard box, and there was a muffled bang. Xia Wanmu took two steps back and pulled the curtains tightly, only then did he feel a little safer.

The doors and windows of the dim interior are closed, and the gloomy moonlight is also blocked outside. No pair of eyes will be able to see this quiet corner of the earth.The fly in the ointment is that this bedroom is a bit too big, even if it is decorated with exquisite and elegant furniture, a sense of emptiness and uneasiness is still like a shadow, clinging tightly to the lonely person.

A deep and pleasant voice seemed to echo in the silent air——

Live up to youth, no regrets.

Hungering this sentence uncontrollably in his mind, Xia Wanmu squatted down, tore off the tape on the box little by little, and thought in a daze, what did Yu Qingge mean to regret?For the events of the year, in various senses.So the speech on the stage was actually expressing my heart, expressing my regret for making a wrong choice many years ago?Was that what he said to her?So should it be understood in this way - what Yu Qingge wants most, what is really important, is actually not everything he has now?

She pushed aside the cardboard, took out the diaries one by one, and scattered them on the ground.Eleven notebooks as thick as a one-dollar coin took up all the resting place, and crowded around.She crouched on the spot and didn't dare to move, as if these were not dead things, but fierce beasts that could bite, and if she wasn't paying attention, she would stretch out a sharp beak and peck fiercely on her heart.

Such a naked and honest heart, to some extent, is really too heavy.A sense of guilt for voyeurism rose in her heart, and she couldn't get rid of it. She was tied up, and she didn't know where to start, so she simply picked up a book and flipped through it.

[Rain on September 3

She still refused to see me, and the number began to fail.Today's announcement is over, and I went to her new rented place to wait for a while, but the lights were dark, and she didn't seem to be at home.

Where did she go in such a heavy rain?I wish I could talk to her. 】

[Sunny March 5st

Hearing that Manager Li said that she was looking for the company to settle the contract, I really wish I could have a chance to meet her.

It has been half a year, she has been avoiding me, I don't know how to see her again.There are more and more notices and trainings, and I can't find time to go to her house to watch.

I miss her so much. 】

[Sunny March 7st

She doesn't seem to come to the company anymore, and the staff can't hear any news. Did she give up?Probably soon no one will remember her but me.

But I actually think this is not bad, and those people with ulterior motives will not miss her anymore. I would rather she be unpopular, not remembered, not liked by others, and not suffer a little harm.The way those people look at her is disgusting, I wish I could take their eyes off.

She is such a good and excellent person, I know that I am not worthy of her, and I can't protect her, so this is the best, hide her, and wait until one day I can protect her...

I know she's not an object, a toy, or something that's mine, but I can't bear to lose her...she's a gift from heaven, and I can't lose her.

Yu Qingge, you have to work harder and sing better, don't make her wait too long. 】

【October 8 cloudy

Today is the day she goes abroad.

Is studying abroad a new beginning for her?Is she going to forget everything before?Will she forget me?It's been ten months, and I haven't contacted her once. I didn't know she would be so...resolute.I like her courage to move forward, but I don't know that this kind of courage can also be used on me. She really doesn't care about me.

She wants to forget me. 】

This is August [-]th of the second year after they broke up. This day is a very special day for her, especially for Yu Qingge, because the pages that record the thoughts of this day are crumpled and different from the previous ones. Those papers that are flat and clean are quite different.The white pages have turned yellow in patches due to time, and feel more brittle and thinner, and because they are full of ink, they seem to be torn apart if they are not careful.

This page was only half written, Xia Wanmu stared at the blank space on the paper thoughtfully, and gently caressed the scrawled handwriting on the first half page with his right hand, the touch of his fingertips was cold and gentle, as if he had penetrated through time. Blocked, touched the teardrops splashed on the paper many years ago.

The ink color of that year was smeared and melted by tears, and she gently tapped a few words that were no longer formed, only feeling that those tears were dripping on her heart, not on the diary.The air was cold, she sniffed and turned the pages carefully.

[This time last year was very hot, I still remember the feeling of lying on her shoulders, I don't know where she got the strength to carry me up to the eighth floor.I wish I could go back to that day and be with her forever.

From childhood to adulthood, she may not be the best person to me, but she must be the person who treats me the most, the person who has no reservations about me, and the person who sincerely thinks I am good.Her eyes are very beautiful, and there seems to be light in them. Being looked at by her, I actually feel that I am actually very good, and I can stand by her side and accompany me all the time.

Even someone like me would glow under her gaze.

I always thought she was a gift from God, the sweetness I deserved after so many years of suffering. Now I know that nothing is deserved, and nothing is deserved. Happiness always has a time limit, and people cannot last forever. Lucky, and after meeting her, my luck has probably run out.

She is free, and she will always have the right to pursue what she wants. I used to be in her eyes, but now what she wants is probably not me anymore. 】

Tears fell drop by drop on the crumpled paper, Xia Wanmu quickly closed the book, but smashed the diary on the floor because of too much force.She leaned over to pick it up, but the outstretched hand was trembling constantly, so weak that it was difficult to maintain the fist-clenching posture.

She felt a little tired, so she simply sat down on the ground regardless of her image, and the culprit who made her lose her composure lay quietly at her feet, but she no longer dared to take it anymore.Poor gourd is probably her destined nemesis, right?Otherwise, how could a few words make her tears come out, she was obviously not a young and impulsive kid, and she hadn't cried for so many years... She lay down with her eyes covered, but fortunately, the temperature of the floor heating was just right, There is nothing uncomfortable except for the hard floor.Yu Qingge's diaries were scattered around her, which made her feel very safe, and at the same time felt that she was a little mouse that got into the refrigerator, satisfied with the feast that was urgently in front of her.

I don't know how long it took, but the excitement finally calmed down. She felt that she was able to face those slapstick words again, so she grabbed the book at hand and opened it to read.

This book looks very new, as if it was written only recently, and there is still a small half of it empty at the back. She flipped forward, and it turned out to be the content of last year.

[Rain on September 4

She has a boyfriend, the university professor she met last time.That person secretly took photos of their date and she was smiling all the time, probably very happy.That man is also very good to her. From the photos, it can be seen that he really likes her, and his family background is not bad. If... If he can really make it to the last step, he should live a very happy life.

At least happier than being with me.

... what am I still thinking about?She has long forgotten about me.If you know that I am still wishful thinking, you will definitely dismiss it, right?If you know that I am still secretly following her news and asking someone to check her whereabouts, you will definitely hate me, right?

Human nature will not change, just like she is dazzling no matter where she is, and like me, no matter how much I have, I am disgusting and pathetic.Mingming had already withdrawn from her life long ago, but it was only now that she could rest in peace and be reconciled.

How hard is it to live decently?I used to be dazzled by the applause for a while, thinking that as long as I worked hard and born with a bit of talent, with a little patience, I would always get what I wanted in the end.But how can a person want everything?At that time, I was too conceited, but I didn't expect to pay the price of losing her in the end.

For me, there is no one else who can pour out my emotions except her.And she has so many possibilities, so many choices, each of which is better than me.She doesn't have to endure betrayal, lies, and endure hardships, she doesn't have to recognize such a despicable me, and she doesn't have to suffer so much because of it.

I once gave up on her so easily, treating her like a bird in a cage, planning to take her back when the time is right.For a person like me, even the thought of asking her to forgive me is a sin, but I still want to have the cheek to beg her to love me again.I don't deserve her, but I don't want to let her go no matter what. With despicable methods and greed, how can I get a good ending?

I regret it, but this regret has been too late. At that time, I thought I had no choice, but in fact, what if I gave up everything and went with her?Maybe I can't be decent in my life, maybe I still can't avoid the ending of separation in the end, but at least I once held her hand tightly, instead of being like this now. In retrospect, I only feel regretful, and I can only watch her go to someone else. .I lacked trust in her, nor did I have the courage to give up everything, and I also had an inseparable vanity, and I was only reaping the fruit of myself when I fell to the current situation.

I remember a movie I saw with her, and it said - "how" and "if" are two words that are least related, but if you put them together, they have a powerful force in your Haunting you for the rest of your life, "What if...?"

What would happen now if I never let go of her hand?And if I could muster up the courage to ask her forgiveness, would she hold my hand again? 】

This diary is not over yet, with tears in her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Shakespeare's little poem copied at the footer of the page, which she had read to Yu Qingge before:

Doubt thou the stars sare fire,

Doubt that the sun doth move,

Doubt truth to bealiar,

But never doubt I love.

The author has something to say: Mai: It's really a touching movie! (blade knife)