disappearing light years

There is a saying in China since ancient times that the people do not fight with the rich, and the rich do not fight with the officials. If you are an official with no money and no power, you deserve to be in bad luck for eight lifetimes.This kind of thing is very obvious in Chen Yufeng's body now, Chi Mu doesn't know how Chen Yufeng talked with his parents after he left that day, but from the moment he saw the injuries on Chen Yufeng's body, Chi Mu also somewhat anticipated what would happen next matter.

Sure enough, when Chen Yufeng returned to work at the Public Security Bureau, a document came down from his superiors asking him to "leave his job and go home to recuperate."

Chen Yufeng had no complaints, and soon began to search for jobs in high spirits. It stands to reason that with his education background, even if he is not in a state agency, he can find a good position in the legal department of many companies.It's a pity that the truth is like those protagonists who have been persecuted in soap operas. It's not that they can't find a job, but that after they find a job, they often work for two or three days and are immediately fired by their superiors for inexplicable reasons.

Hitting the wall one after another can always damage a person's self-confidence, especially for a hidden favorite like Chen Yufeng, who has had a smooth journey from childhood to adulthood, and has never worried about his future. Now not only does he have a job What's even more sad is that no matter how much distress he has in his heart, he still smiles and tells Chi Mu, don't worry, it's fine, we can handle it.

Chi Mu wants to persuade him to give up, it's not a time when everything is at stake, so don't work too hard, self-cultivation at home is fine.However, Chen Yufeng said that if he didn't fight now, he would have no strength when he tried to fight again later, and he didn't want to rely on his late life to support him.

This is the same principle as going all out, then declining, and exhausting three times.

Later, Chen Yufeng still found a job, but the place where he used to work dropped from above his neck to below his neck.

At first when Chi Mu asked about it, he only said that he was working outside in insurance and sales, and that he was a bit tired, but it was also time for exercise.Although Chi Mu's mind is not meticulous, nor is he a rough person, he soon noticed that Chen Yufeng had many wounds like abrasions and calluses on his palms that gradually became denser. Driven by curiosity, he quietly followed Chen Yufeng to visit him When I went to work, I followed him to a construction site. I watched him put on a tight white vest and work pants, wear a hard hat, and move sand and stones with ordinary workers on the construction site. All gray.

Chi Mu returned home in a daze, pretending that nothing happened, and for several days after that, whenever he saw Chen Yufeng's smiling face, the word "Depending on each other" popped out of Chi Mu's mind unexpectedly, although it was warm, it also made people feel sad.

He began to re-examine the relationship between himself and Chen Yufeng, and suddenly felt extremely guilty. Chen Yufeng became like this almost all because of him, because he promised to be with him, even though he didn't know what happened later .

A person who has been alone for too long will always find some warmth to rely on. This is the meaning of two people forming a partner. Chen Yufeng can bring this kind of warmth, so Chi Mu just passed by without thinking or thinking. Consequences, without even considering whether there is the most important thing between them-the love that can bind two people together.

This is not what he wanted. He gradually felt that the deepest feeling he has for Chen Yufeng now is guilt. In ancient times, King Zhou of Shang Dynasty ruined a country because of Su Daji, and Chen Yufeng made such a mess with his family because of him. It was not what he wanted at all. , brings nothing but guilt.

A few nights later, Chen Yufeng came back very late, wearing gauze around his shoulders that smelled like disinfectant.Chi Mu questioned for a long time, and he also hesitated for a long time before telling the truth.This is the risk that often occurs on construction sites: a thin steel bar falls from the top of the house and just brushes against Chen Yufeng's shoulder.When Chen Yufeng described the scene, his tone was relaxed and natural, as if it was not a big deal. Chi Mu looked at the wound for a moment, and realized that as long as the steel bar was not brushed, but hit in the middle, Chen Yufeng's arm would be almost useless.

Misfortunes never come singly, and because of the injury, he couldn't use his arm strength. The contractor threw him a little compensation and then fired him again.

Seeing that Chi Mu's face was ugly, Chen Yufeng comforted him, "It's okay, it's not a serious injury, I'm in good health."

Chi Mu said, "Stop looking for a job."

"I don't want to be looked down upon by you."

"Why don't we go find your parents."

Chen Yufeng shook his head, "I don't want to go back, they can't tolerate you."

"Then we break up."

When this sentence came out, Chi Mu was stunned.Chen Yufeng stared at him blankly, stretched out his hand suddenly, and hugged him, "Chi Mu." He said anxiously: "It's not good to say such scary things now, we finally got together, we..."

Chen Yufeng's voice was trembling, Chi Mu put his hands on his face, thought for a while, and then said: "I just want to ask you, for me, you left your parents, and the whole family made trouble like this, are you at ease?"

Chen Yufeng didn't make a sound, just tightened his hands, the muscles were too strong, and the faint red was soaked from the gauze on his shoulders again.

"I know, you are not at ease, you have the name of an unfilial son on top of your head, which makes you very painful." Seeing that Chen Yufeng was silent, Chi Mu simply spoke for him. At first, he would find it difficult to say such words , but the moment he really said it, he discovered that it was actually the case.

Chen Yufeng closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

Chi Mu said: "Don't deny it. Parents who suffer from body, hair and skin, no child will not care about their parents. I saw you looking at the phone for a long time, but didn't dial a number, so I guessed it. It is very similar to the feeling of missing and timid facing my parents when I came out of the closet."

"They will understand one day, believe me." Chen Yufeng was still defending, "As you said, your parents didn't understand you in the end."

Chi Mu smiled, "If you were born in an ordinary family like mine, and your parents don't have any burdens on your shoulders, maybe they can understand, but unfortunately this assumption is not true, you should be able to understand the truth of being too cold at a high place, like A person like your father is watched by a group of people all the time, you want him to say frankly to a group of high-ranking officials, 'My son likes men', and I support him, is it possible in such a country?"

"I……"

"My sense of guilt is getting heavier and heavier. You always make me feel that I have interfered and destroyed an originally harmonious family and hurt the hearts of two old people."

"Why do you always take the responsibility on yourself, I am the one who pursued you first!"

Chi Mu was silent for a moment, then suddenly looked directly into Chen Yufeng's eyes, and said lightly: "Because I feel guilty, not only for you, but also for your family."

silence.

silence.

silence.

After a long time, Chen Yufeng asked slowly in a hoarse voice: "You want me to go back so much, but you... have never loved me, have you?"

Chi Mu lowered her dim eyes.

"Not at all, right?" Chen Yufeng shook his shoulder.

His eyes were filled with sadness, as if he lost all his spirit in an instant, a dull and speechless emotion stretched and swelled in Chi Mu's chest, he tried hard to control his voice not to tremble, and said: "I have feelings for you , but, that's not love."

It was a very peaceful sentence, but it was extremely cruel to Chen Yufeng's ears.

He let go of Chi Mu's hand, swayed and stood up.

Chi Mu kept his head down, he heard the sound of the door opening and closing, there were already thousands of lights outside the window, he didn't know where Chen Yufeng was going, but at that moment, he took a long breath of relief, as if a piece was hanging in his heart. The huge boulder that fell for a long time, with a bang, landed hard.

It is actually a very troublesome thing for people to sort out all kinds of intricate emotions. Chi Mu spent a whole night sorting out his relationship with Chen Yufeng. They have known each other for many years, friendship, family affection, no matter how he is. The look at the horoscope still doesn't bring love.

It's time for him to admit defeat. This is the result that can't be changed even if he works hard. If Chen Yufeng's family background is not so strong, if there is no obstacle in their step forward, they may be able to support each other for a lifetime, but Chi Mu knows, that kind of The bond that brings them together will not be "love", but "habit".

Perhaps this is really a good result. Human beings are animals loyal to instincts, just like when he is late, he can deal with any matter related to Chen Yufeng very clearly and methodically, but after reuniting with Jiang Yuchen, even if he looks at him more Feeling nervous, this is a very bad signal, he has caught it, even if Chi Mu can guarantee that he will not cheat in the days to come, it will be very unfair to Chen Yufeng after all.

If you want to be fair, you must make sacrifices. Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain. This is the same reason as when he resolutely broke up with Jiang Yuchen.

At noon the next day, Chen Yufeng came back with a portion of takoyaki, and the two ate it face to face. Chen Yufeng proposed to break up, and Chi Mu agreed.This relationship lasted less than three months, and it came to an abrupt end.

A few days later, Chen Yufeng asked someone to send Chi Mu's box back. The brown suitcase seemed to have been scrubbed specially, and Chi Mu saw four words "I wish you happiness" written on the corner of the box with a marker.

"Pa-ta." A drop of water suddenly overflowed from the corner of his eyes, just landing on those words.

Everyone will have such fragile moments. Chi Mu vaguely remembers that the last time he shed tears was when he was 14 years old in the senior high school entrance examination. Because his grades were not satisfactory, his father used a feather duster to whip his back several times. Convinced, he desperately endured the pain, but when his father sneaked up in the middle of the night to apply ointment on his back, although he was covering his head and pretending to sleep, his tears had already soaked half of the pillow.

I wish you happiness.

The handwriting left by Chen Yufeng hit Chi Mu's lacrimal gland so precisely that even if he pressed his eyes desperately with his hands, he still couldn't stop the crackling tears. Everyone will say the word "bless you", and everyone wants something like "happiness".Before I was late, I always felt that those who bless others when they are frustrated are full of duplicity. Out of the inferiority of people, when I have a bad life and can’t get happiness, I certainly don’t want to. Others have a better life than me, so the "I wish you happiness" given to others by a broken-hearted person is probably deceiving oneself and others, and cannot be trusted.

But he just believed in the four words in front of him, and the sincerity of the person who left these words. That person was by his side when he was frustrated, gave him warmth, wanted him well, wanted him to be happy, and wanted to be with him. He shared the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys of life, but God failed to fulfill his wishes. Chen Yufeng was full of enthusiasm and sincerity, but he was not his beloved.