Deep Cabinet Licking Dog Diary

Snow on Monday 21st December

I went back to the dormitory early this morning.

There is only class in the second period today, I don't know if the three of them are awake.

Before entering the door, I did a long time of psychological construction, and I stuck it on the door for a while, listening to the movement inside.But I was scared, and I was still very nervous when I entered the door. Standing at the door, I expected all kinds of expressions they would see me.

As a result, they took out the key and opened the door to go in. The three of them were all awake, sitting at the table on the lower bunk, doing their own things.

I swallowed, trying to say "I'm back" as before.But at that moment I hesitated, my throat was blocked and I couldn't open my mouth, so I missed the opportunity to say hello to them.

And the few of them, as if they didn't know, no one paid any attention to me, and the room was dead silent.

After a while, I took the initiative to speak, and first went to talk to Hou'er: "Hou'er, you all get up very early."

He stared at the computer screen with both eyes, and said "huh" indifferently.

I said to Wang Baboon again: "Wait, this class is the last class of our semester."

Wang Baboon said: "Well, the three of us will go to the teacher in charge to sign a signature later, so we will go there first, and you can walk slowly by yourself later."

"Hey, what do you sign?"

"It's nothing. It's just that I didn't take this course at the beginning of the semester. The teacher notified me two days ago. Those who forgot to take the course should go to the Academic Affairs Office to produce a certificate of attendance, otherwise they have to retake it."

I slapped my head. If the three of them forgot to choose, then I must have forgotten too. I asked, "Why don't I know about this! Then you wait for me, and I will find him to sign too!"

He didn't answer me directly, but just said: "I can't sign it. You have to go to the Academic Affairs Office to get the application materials, stamp them, and then ask the teacher to sign."

"Oh……"

I stopped talking.

In fact, my heart was very sour, it was not a taste, and suddenly I felt the loneliness of being excluded.

But I deserve it, I have been away from school, a lot of information is not well informed, they have no obligation to inform me like a mother.Not to mention I also...

Judging by their appearance, I'm afraid they have made up their minds to break up with me.

I nodded in embarrassment and forced a smile: "Okay, I will... go to the Academic Affairs Office in the afternoon."

Desperately telling myself to hold back, hold back and not lose my temper, but it was still humiliating and painful.I turned my back to the three of them, but I always felt as if they were all looking at me with contempt.I am indeed weak, I even want to cry at this moment, I am entangled in the fear of secret exposure, the fear of broken relationships, the helplessness of being isolated...

I finally made it this far.

Suddenly a piece of paper fluttered down on my desk.

It is a stamped certificate from the Academic Affairs Office.

I looked back hastily, and there was only Liu Xiong's silent back.He sat back in his seat without saying a word.

This scene naturally fell into the eyes of Li Hou'er next to him.

I saw a look of disdain in his eyes immediately.

"I... I'm a motherfucker, meddling in my own business. Baboon, let's go later, you let them go slowly, maybe the bear will be happy."

Li Hou'er turned his head and put on the earphones, and smiled: "The clown is actually me."

Baboon Wang stopped him and asked him not to speak, and Liu Xiong slammed the table to ask him what he meant.

The dormitory went from extremely quiet to extremely noisy in an instant.

My eyes were sore, but I knew that what I said was futile, so I could only say something in a low voice: "I'm sorry."

To Liu Xiong, to Li Houer.

For Lu Bei, I finally lost even my friends.

At night, I stood on the balcony and called my family, saying that I would not go back on New Year's Day.

My mother was not happy, and complained to me: "You usually don't make a phone call for a month, and now you don't go home. It's not far away. How long have you been home?"

I frowned: "I'm working part-time."

"Part-time job, you say you work part-time every day. I paid you the tuition for college so you can go part-time?"

I have a headache: "I don't have enough money if I don't work..."

Her voice became sharp all of a sudden: "Your dad told me that you took away all your New Year's money some time ago. Tell me the truth, what are you doing? You want so much money?"

I was impatient: "I didn't do anything! It's just now...university costs a lot."

"You think your father and I haven't gone to college? If you eat honestly, don't compare, don't be extravagant, how much more can you spend! 1000 yuan a month is not enough? Are you eating gold? I met you two days ago Aunt Wang, she also said that when your elder brother Liu was in college, it was only [-] a month, and he still lived a good life."

I was annoyed by her nagging: "Prices are rising every year, how do you compare?"

My mother was angry: "Nothing compares! One thousand a month and 33 per day, the canteen is so cheap, you can eat enough! I don't think you should go to a big city to study, you are very impetuous now..."

I put down the phone right away.

My family is like this, neither exceptionally good nor exceptionally bad, just exceptionally ordinary.

When you are so small, you have to do more education. You must be beaten up to be an obedient attachment. It ’s a hysterical quarrel between the parents for many years? Adults have no conscience, I am too ordinary to be good enough to get used to being labeled and accused.But I know that many families are like this, I shouldn’t complain about anything, besides, my family’s conditions are not good, my parents have never abused me, and they did give me what they can.

So I feel that my family, like countless families, is extraordinarily ordinary.

It also caused me extra pain.

I tried hard, but I never felt any warmth in this family.

It's like my mother's tears after whipping me with a feather duster, like my dad's sigh after scolding me in front of everyone, like the tacit bed-same dream after they insulted each other with the dirtiest language... These appear in textbooks The details of "the most touching" and "the most able to discover daily silent love" that appear in elementary school essays on the Internet did not make me feel for a moment, oh, so I am loved.

Oh, it turns out that this is what they are silent and great, forbearing and deep, what they don't say in their mouths but deep in their hearts, love.

It turns out that this is, love.

It's too funny.

Do they really know what is love?

So I don't understand.

So sooner or later I have to escape.

I sometimes think, maybe I am a cold-blooded animal in nature, and cold-blooded animals have little affection for family and despise friendship, so I can do all of these, and I don’t have to.

But I can’t live without Lu Bei. Lu Bei is the heating rod for cold-blooded animals to survive the severe winter, the source of all the warmth, and the only consolation.

Because he knows how to love, he told me again, what is love.

What is called, love.

The author says:

The next chapter is finally Christmas la la la la!