want to cover up

The night without the jubilation and long hustle and bustle is so dark and pure, as if all the stars have fallen into the deep blue sea, leaving only a cold and empty space.

The man hugged the female cap for a long time and never let go, because that clean and soft heart always made him powerless against him.

But Mu Gai knew that this was where Brother Xing and Ling'er were, and he wanted to know about him and his secret past.

He knew that everyone had a little sugar-coated castle, resplendent and resplendent on the outside, but full of ditch and devastation on the inside.

He wanted to tear off the man's sugar coating, plan the castle with a knife, and remove the dirty black pus and blood inside for the man!

He said, "Brother Xing, tell me those things, things about you that I don't know, okay?"

Yoshihisa

The man slowly loosened his hand, got up, walked to the cabinet, took out a thick diary, returned to Migai, and sat down.

"Little cutie, let's read it to brother Xing."

After finishing speaking, he rested his head on Migai's lap, put his hands around his waist, and buried his face deeply in Migai's arms.

Surprise flashed in Yugai's blue eyes.

It turned out that men had never read these things!

It was pitch black outside the window, and the room was as bright as an aurora. The night sky had a gentle breeze, but the air inside was cold and silent.

The female cover opened the diary, and then, the thin lips were lightly opened, the volume was not loud, but it was clear enough.

**********

August [-]th

At exactly twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, I asked Mrs. Li to put away the cold food and went back to my room alone.

After waiting for three hours, my father still didn't come back to celebrate my birthday with me.

He comes back to see me once a month, but this time it's been a full 35 days since he was last home!

He's busy, I know, so, I don't blame him!

When my mother passed away, she told me: Linger must be very obedient, so that your father will love you.

So I have to be very obedient.

August [-]

At six o'clock in the afternoon, my father called and asked me to go to his company.

I am ecstatic.

The birthday dinner made up for me in the evening was very luxurious, but I couldn't eat a single bite.

It turned out that the father didn't go home because of her and their beautiful daughter!

It turned out that I was the redundant one. I tried to convince myself to be obedient, otherwise my mother would be sad, so I didn't cry!

At eleven o'clock in the evening, I insisted on not letting my father's driver take me home, leaving it to the 'mother' and 'sister' who suddenly appeared.

Under the quiet and dark sky, filth flickered, and beside the quiet road, I sat on a stone chair and closed my eyes, as if I had pressed the power switch in an empty room, leaving only a dark daze.

A few minutes later, a deafening crash startled me and opened my eyes.

I looked around, and there was a silver sports car with a damaged front parked in front of the light pole ten meters away.

Before I could react, the car restarted and crashed into the twisted electric pole!

Walking over suspiciously, in the dim light I saw the man resting his head on the steering wheel quietly.

I thought he had been knocked unconscious, but when I stretched out my hand to check his breathing, a pair of sharp eyes like a nighthawk suddenly stopped me.

There was nothing else in those eyes except condensation and sternness!

I was so frightened that my hands trembled and I shrank back. Just as I was about to speak, the man said two words coldly, "Go away!"

His words made me freeze in place, and I saw viscous red liquid gushing out from his forehead, shocking!

When he wanted to continue again, I got the courage to stop in front of the car.

At that moment, I felt that my soul had left my body instantly, and my heartbeat was so fast that I thought it had lost its function!

In the dark, I couldn't see the man's expression clearly, and couldn't hear what he scolded.

At that time, I only knew that life is a gemstone bestowed by nature to be carved by human beings. It is the crystallization of endless pain and tears of every mother. We have no reason and no right to spoil it.

Afterwards, the man passed out, and I struggled to get him back home.

………………

August [-]

Today is my first day as a freshman to report to school.

Maybe it was fate, on the way, I actually saw that indifferent man who quietly walked away without even saying hello half a month ago.

He was followed by a group of men with expressionless faces like himself walking towards an exhibition hall.

Later I found out that he was Yunli's prince, named Chu Xingzhang.

Maybe he has forgotten, or maybe he didn't know me from the beginning, I didn't think about it.

September 25

My father asked me to attend the birthday dinner of the daughter of a certain group at night.

My mother said to listen to my father, so I didn't refuse, even though I really didn't want to go.

There I met that strange man again.

He is dazzling tonight, like a cold and noble prince, almost attracting the attention of all the famous ladies!

In the noisy night, I wanted to leave quietly, but unexpectedly, he stopped me at the door.

"What's your name?"

His tone was even more indifferent than when his father spoke.

I was a little surprised and replied that my name is Zhong Ling.

Later, he sent me back, but there were few words along the way. I politely extended an invitation to him, but he did not refuse.

September [-]

He suddenly appeared at the gate of my school, like ordinary friends, we went to Sharan for coffee, my latte, his mocha.

We sat quietly all afternoon, still speaking very little.

Sometimes I glanced inadvertently, and I would see the death-like silence in those beautiful pupils, which made me want to go for dialysis.

October [-]st

At one o'clock in the morning, I received a call from him, saying that he was downstairs in my house, and I didn't know he had been drinking until he came in.

The hangover soup didn't seem to work on him, he was sober and confused.

Because he said to me, let's date!

Then before I could digest his words, his lips sealed me.

I was panicked and distraught.

But he didn't push him away, because that chest was like a harbor—very safe!

October [-]

Today is Saturday, last night he took me to the place where he lived, his bedroom frightened me, it was as pure and black as an abyss.

We sat together quietly listening to music and watching DVDs, and I found out that he can also smile, and that smile is more shining and pure than the stars.

He hugged me to sleep, I was greedy for the smell of his body, we were like two children abandoned by God, close to each other, warming each other.

October [-]

He told me he likes me.

Yes, from the very beginning he never said he liked me, he just wanted me to associate with him, and I did so in the chaos without remembering the consequences.

Because of his irresistible eyes and tone!

We kiss each other, feel each other's temperature, put each other's hearts together, let them fit together slowly!

I never knew how a man's body should snap together, he taught me.

So I exchanged deep pain for unforgettable and inseparable.

At that moment, our hearts fit together and we didn't want to be separated. He called me Ling'er just like his mother.

He said, he loves me!

My pain was crushed by his kiss, and my body was tightly wrapped by him, so tight that I couldn't breathe!

I know that this cactus-like man is full of vitality, but has always been indifferent to people, and he is pulling out the sharp thorns on his body for me!

………………

October [-]

Brother Xing forced me to move in with him, and I never got tired of his domineering behavior. Since then, I only returned to the 'home' that lost the temperature when my father came back.

I am always so happy when I am with him, I like his smile, so pure.

I like his tenderness, full of indescribable sweetness.

I like his overbearing, always with a gentle tone of voice!

We moved into the newly renovated pure white bedroom to watch movies, listen to songs, read books, laugh, hug, and kiss together.

He took pictures of me, eyelashes, eyes, nose bridge, lips, ears, neck, shoes, shadows, and the 'sweetness' in the air.

………………

December 24

On Christmas Eve, I received the most precious gift in 16 years, a ring!

Brother Xing gave me the ring, a simple ring composed of two rings, carrying a long-lasting friendship.

Nothing can separate them except by destroying them completely.

They are just like the hearts of brother Xing and me, if they are to be separated, they will be torn to pieces!

He dragged me to run on the street where no one knew us, which attracted countless eyes.

We stood in the middle of the zebra crossing, he raised his head and said loudly to the sky: Zhongling!I love you!

Then, he asked me if I was afraid to be with him, and I gave him a soft smile.

Immediately, he held my face and printed it on his lips, ignoring the astonished eyes of passers-by!

His love is crazy, but I know his behavior is terribly sane on many levels.

On the second day, the photo of me kissing him was published in the newspaper as I wished!

He smiled softly after watching it, saying that the angle of the paparazzi was not good enough to capture Ling'er's smiling mouth!

October 29

His mother came back from America, and like many people, I was afraid of him.

She exudes a queen-like aura, with a strong sense of oppression, which makes me invisible.

She wanted us to sit together and have dinner together like a family, which was very depressing, but also very harmonious, because she didn't stop me from interacting with Brother Xing.

But that night, Brother Xing was very abnormal. He called my name over and over again in his ear, and kept kissing me, as if I was afraid that I would disappear soon. I felt his panic.

I know what he's afraid of because that's what I'm afraid of too.

........................

March [-] next year

I was thinking, how good it would be if everything could be done without turning around.

There are many beautiful things, but we can have very few, just like ambiguity never gets old, but true love becomes more and more abundant.

The imagination is beautiful, and I always sink my soul into clean disillusionment, because it can eliminate the sense of guilt.

Illusion is soil, allowing all good things to grow, but reality is a devil, devouring all good things, and I live in the illusion of reality.

After my father found out about my relationship with Brother Xing, he never called me again.

Today, he called and said he wanted to sever the father-son relationship with me.

I didn't show any expression after listening to it, because I didn't feel surprised, it was just chilling!

Then I received another anonymous call asking me to leave Brother Xing. I wasn't surprised, it was just pity.

March 21

It was on the news that Dad's company went bankrupt overnight, and I got that anonymous call again, and he repeated that sentence again.

I didn't tell Brother Xing, I didn't want him to worry, I firmly believed that I would not leave him, because I knew that I had nothing but him.

Brother Xing's face has become more and more haggard recently, but his smile was still so gentle and pure when he saw me!

I know that some things are developing in an unstoppable trend, and there is nothing we can do about it!

My mother said that growing up requires pain. This is a program made by God, and no one can change it. It’s just that brother Xing and I are children who have fallen out of favor with God, so this pain is heavier than others!

March 27

On rare weekends, brother Xing and I are tired of staying at home as usual, and I will never feel bored or lonely when I am with him.

He rushed to read my diary, but I was determined not to give it to him, so he never asked to read my diary again. I said I would show it to him when we were old, and he agreed with a smile!

In the evening, he answered a phone call!

Then, I woke up in the middle of the night and he wasn't with me!

At that moment, a wave of fear swept over me.

I curled up and hid under the quilt, and then a phone call came, I pulled out the battery tremblingly, and threw the phone away.

The phone in the room also rang suddenly, and I unplugged the phone line in panic.

soon after

Brother Xing came back, with a very anxious look on his face, and asked me what happened and why I didn't answer his phone.

stunned for a moment

I said I thought it was a harassing call and I didn't answer it, but obviously he didn't believe it.

April [-]st

April Fool's Day, on this day, I really think that God made a joke on me. It is God who lied to us, I told myself.

We used to feel the climate of snowflakes blooming together.

We tremble together and understand what tenderness is.

We walked hand in hand through the deserted sand dunes.

How much I want to continue like this, but the devil of reality is about to separate us.

If I choose to continue, the lives of my father and those two women cannot continue.

If I choose to continue, the memory about me in brother Xing's mind will be erased.

If I choose to continue, I will lose my right to watch him from afar.

If I choose to continue, from now on, brother Xing will have a living dead person by his side!

At that time, my brain seemed to be struck by lightning, directly to my heart, the pain was so painful that I couldn't breathe!

Then stubbornly persisted and avoided all questions!

April [-]th

I received several photos. In the photos, I saw that the sister who had only seen one side was naked, curled up and crying in a corner.

I saw the woman my father loved so much had her finger cut off, dripping with blood.

I saw my father was tightly tied up in the dirty and dark sewer, with countless water rats swimming towards him.

I saw Brother Xing's mother, her beautiful fingers landed on his fair cheeks, with a sinister expression!

At that moment I knew, I made a mistake, it was serious!

I have to pay a heavy price for this.

April [-]

When I came home last night, my brother Xing still had finger prints on his face, and he still smiled so innocently at me.

But when I said the sentence that I want to break up with him, all his smiles froze together instantly.

My heart was cut severely by the knife at that moment.

I saw anger in his eyes, and the strong arms around me made it hard for me to breathe, so I broke free from him mercilessly.

He asked, why?

I told him I was tired of this kind of life.

He doesn't believe it.

I said I was with him, terrified.

I said I was tired of hiding from the media with him!

My excuses suck and he doesn't believe them all!

He pressed me on the bed and kissed me desperately, our whole bodies were trembling because of two strange bodies.

My body hurt so badly, but I still didn't shed a single tear, because it was the pain given by brother Xing, I—willingly!

Woke up today, sore and tired, I had no intention of running away, because sooner or later he would let go of my hand!

April [-]

it's morning again

The sun spreads floodingly, and the warm air flows out the most gentle caress.

I got up sleepily and walked to the balcony.

The dazzling light shot into my eyes, pierced | the softest point in my heart, and the hard building deep in my soul collapsed in an instant.

At some point I had a little wrapper and a note in my pajama pocket, and I'm not surprised those people have this ability!

The note gave me an unquestionable multiple-choice question: should he lose his memory or be physically paralyzed!

In the evening, brother Xing ate the lotus seed soup I made for him, and drank the mocha I cooked for him!

Later I found out that there was no amnesiac drug in that small package.

That's - heroin!

I can't blame them for being mean, I can only blame myself for being stupid!

………………

April [-]

Brother Xing successfully quit drugs, he didn't blame me, he just asked me why, where did those things come from?

In order not to arouse Brother Xing's suspicion, those people released their father and let them live happily, so that when Brother Xing went to find his father, he didn't notice anything wrong!

So he was puzzled and asked me why?

I want to tell him soon, Ling'er is leaving, you won't be hurt after leaving, maybe it will hurt temporarily, but after a long time, the scab will not hurt anymore!

I firmly believe that this is a sin, we are all guilty, but this sin should be redeemed by Ling'er!

I told myself that I must leave tomorrow night!

**********

Migai quietly closed the diary, but tears were streaming down her face.

The man in his arms hugged him until he couldn't breathe, he buried his face in the man's hair, his voice choked up, "Brother Xing, Ling'er wants to say something to you, I'm sorry."

then

He said, "Ling'er, Mi Gai selfishly wants to take away the love that brother Xing gave you from you, so I'm sorry."