[SSHP] End of life

"Severus, I'm going to pass out." Harry said weakly as soon as he got into the car.He grabbed Snape's hand.

Snape threw his hand out of gear and the car started.Harry squirmed and groaned in the passenger seat.Until he found out that the direction of the car was the cave where they lived for a few days.

The car drove into the dry cave and stopped in its old place.Snape went around to Harry's side and helped him open the car door.He couldn't tell if Harry was really powerless or just faking it.As he helped Harry out of the car, the boy's hands wrapped around his fingers like nimble little snakes, and he saw pride in those sly green eyes.Harry ducked his head quickly, hiding his emotion.

Snape closed the car door without tearing it open.He breathed a sigh of relief, the healing spell was not a simple standard spell in the textbook, and it was used continuously without any obvious adverse reactions. It seemed that the boy's magic power had finally recovered almost.

He half-supported and half-hugged Harry into his preferred position.The brazen little bastard was so thoroughly put on that his weight was almost entirely on him.He got his suitcase out of the backseat, pulled out wood and matches, and lit a fire.He sat down next to Harry, and the boy immediately fell on his lap, moaning that he was dizzy.

"Well done, Potter," said Snape dryly.He clenched his right hand into a fist.It wasn't until their hands parted that he realized that his palms were sweatier than Potter.If anyone was pinched and hurt in the short few steps just now, it would not be him, it would only be this reckless but brave young man.He has always believed that recklessness and bravery are close but far apart because of wisdom, and now Harry Potter seems to have successfully crossed this sea.

Harry turned his head on his lap, his green eyes bright and delighted.Then he grabbed his finger and shook it slightly.

"Look, I'm safe and sound again. I heard you worried about me. So if we win at the end, will you try to stay with me?" Come on I'm still childish and impulsive and we might fight but I'll grow up and I'm really not that bad. If you don't want to leave school I can try to get a teaching job in school if you really hate it If you feed each student bit by bit of knowledge and the students refuse to swallow it, then we can find a place to live in seclusion, or do some other work. But can you not let us lose each other?"

The little bastard wanted to bring up this topic again.Snape looked down into those eyes.After a while, he spoke, realizing that perhaps this was the first time he'd been so calm on the subject.

"Ever since you were back in your third grade, your eyes have been on me. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but it's not real affection. You never really thought about what I meant to you. Think about it, Potter. That's not me, that's your fear. My presence reminds you of your past loss, as the end of your loss, and maybe you think that if I live, it won't happen again. And this A lot of things have changed a lot at once, things are going for the better - let them go now, Potter, from the last time. You're just afraid, and you have to realize that everything you're afraid of is It won't happen again. You need to move on."

Snape's right hand rested loosely on the ground.Harry twisted his cuffs, thinking for a moment.

"I've thought about my fears and what you are to me. Every time I think about it, it makes me feel so guilty. Because I didn't think about anything when I was actually using that spell. You're right Yeah, my ancient magic literature is terrible, I looked it up in the dictionary for half a year, and I still don't know what it is. I thought it was just a resurrection spell, but I didn't know that it would take me back in time and let me remedy those It happened. I just wanted to keep you, and that was the only thing I could think of, and even if it meant losing everything, I wanted to bring you back," he said, avoiding Snape's gaze. Before that, these He never said to anyone, "Maybe as you say, I want to save more most of the time, but I'm really a selfish person. I use spells full of despair, and never think that if What are the more serious consequences of this spell, all sacrifices will fall short. Then I came back. I thought I was just trying to figure out what kind of person you are and why you acted like that, but in the end I couldn't figure it out myself Cleared up. Then I found out that I really care about you. If you are harsh to me, I will be sad. When you got Cruciatus, my eyes, nose, and heart all hurt like hell. Until you get better. I will Just walked out, knowing that nothing will happen again. I just want to be with you forever, and nothing can separate us except death."

"A touching speech, Potter." Snape said indifferently. "You can already talk for such a long time. Getting up and lying down will not help you any more."

Harry sat up, grabbing Snape's robes presciently, causing him to fall back down in less than half a second.

"Are you still refusing to accept me, Severus? You care about me way beyond the normal scope of the mission. It has no more excuses, and we're not even friends," said Harry, clutching the A piece of cloth, "We have never licked each other's wounds, because we can find peace together. You don't know how tight you hold me at night, you sleep so deeply, you won't wake up when I turn over. You trust I trust you as much as I trust you, we need each other. We get as much from each other."

Snape grabbed his robes suddenly and pulled it out of Harry's hand, but Harry grabbed it again quickly.He glared at Harry with a pale face. "I beg you please, Potter. It's all over soon, stop disturbing my peace with these things, or do you want me to kneel before you and beg you to shut up and let me go? No, I won't Will accept, we can't - you want me to go to the grave with sin and stain, yes I don't care, I have enough sin and stain. But I can't!"

Harry stared at Snape in surprise.The man's suddenly hoarse voice was almost hysterical, but it was obvious that his state at this time was not the routine impatience that he had every time this topic was mentioned before.He stared into Snape's eyes, finding a strange desperation in them. "Why can't we?"

"I was a classmate of your parents, I was a Death Eater and was almost judged, I told the prophecy to the Dark Lord that killed your parents, I was your teacher, almost all Hogwarts graduates hate me , I am notorious in British wizarding circles. And you are the savior, the boy who survived, the leader of the light side, the hope of all. I will destroy the war you finally won after going through so much Reputation, and Dumbledore's, and you deserted. Do you need to hear more?"

"Maybe I need to. I need to make you understand what you're talking about as much as I do, Severus. My friends will forgive me one day, and even Sirius won't be a problem. And others, when I'm so After being suspected and smeared repeatedly for many years, do you think I still care about these things?" Harry said in a steady voice, and there was even a hint of triumph in it, "You have listed so many disadvantages in public opinion, but is there any one that is Because you don't love me yourself?"

"I could say a hundred things to you, but it means nothing. Go away, Potter. Go back to your own world."

"Meaning, you've said meaning many times. Not every decision has to be meaningful. You love me and you need me, and we can't resist our attraction to each other. That's enough. Why don't you give us a chance? "

"Very well. Do you want me to say it - it's immoral, it's not right. It's going to ruin your life!" Snape hissed, impatiently and agonized, "You'll get tired of it, you won't need it, and one day you'll hate it, but then you'll be ruined and there's no going back. You'll regret it, you'll hate yourself, and you'll hate me for knowing Will it be so or let you get into this situation. Potter, if your understanding-"

"But I love you. I don't care about public opinion, let them be, I just want to live my own life. Accept it, Severus, you're hesitating right now, not because you don't want to, but because you want to Want me. Because it goes against your—well, while I'm more inclined to describe it as your narrow kink, I think you think it's your morality. Severus, I think you could try Try to get yourself something more, it's not just your selfish desires. It's a win-win."

After staring for a long time, he broke free again unsuccessfully.But there was no panting of extreme anger. "Your tone is very much like that damn old bee." Snape looked away, his voice began to break subtly, and there was something slightly sweet in those choked nodes.

"I guess you don't know it all the time. In fact, he is the biggest supporter behind me. He has always encouraged me to be with you. He tried to wake me up many times, but unfortunately I always didn't get it." Harry smiled and looked up. , he was delighted to see Snape's slightly tongue-tied expression.

"Severus, you always think of the worst possibility before it happens, but you don't need to think that much. If that possibility does happen, it shouldn't make us feel sad because of the doomed ending." Don't start." Harry took Snape's hand and pressed it to his face, "What do you want to do now? After 40 years, you can't really abandon all concerns, let go and get what you really want of?"

Those bottomless black eyes watched Harry's parted lips.But Snape didn't move.He just sat there quietly, giving Harry a long, oppressed stare.

"Okay. I'll do it then," said Harry, leaning forward into Snape's lap and kissing Snape on the lips.Snape pursed his lips, but still didn't move or speak.

"Look, I broke your right again, you can go on. Don't you want to do something?" Harry said in the most cogent tone he could.Never in his life had he given so much patience to anyone.

Snape frowned.He took a breath and seemed about to speak.

"Sorry—I'm not saying you're a coward, or trying to shirk responsibility or anything." Harry stretched out a finger and pressed Snape's cool lips, "Since we won't hit it off and run to each other in surprise and hug Together, there is always someone who has to step forward. I am for myself. I expect you to respond, but I will not force you. I only hope to get your reply before I die. Of course, I am more I hope I won't wait too long." Unknowingly, his tone was full of pleading.

After a short silence, Snape spoke calmly. "Potter, I never give you praise beyond yourself, but I won't deny the fact. You will be the most powerful wizard of your generation. 'Savior', it may not have come from you, but it Definitely yours. You'll get more for yourself. You have endless options."

"But I always knew what I wanted most."

"I can't give you much."

"But you'll give me your all," said Harry.He met those gentle black eyes bravely.

Those eyes stared at him silently for a moment.It was as if a door had opened in the deepest part of the tunnel, and a little light diffused out, gradually spreading until it took over.The deep black is melted by the light into a piece of tenderness, mature and mellow.Harry waited, he knew the answer, it never came out, but he was willing to wait.

"If you want it," said Snape slowly after a while, still shaking his head disapprovingly, "I'll compromise, but it won't last for sure. And when you don't want it, I hope You can give me back myself."

"Never, Severus. It's immortal, and I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you." Harry's voice shook uncontrollably, and by the time he realized it, his eyes had filled with tears.He wiped them off, touching Snape's arm lightly and tentatively.

Snape held Harry's wrist hesitantly, and the warm touch stayed there for a while.Then he wrapped his arms around Harry's back and pulled him gently towards him.Harry tilted his head back again, briefly touching lips.It was a dry, feathery kiss, and Snape's fingers wiped away more tears before they ran through Harry's hair.He cupped Harry's cheek and looked into his eyes for a long time before finally lowering his head slowly.The tip of the tongue touches and sticks together, clear and shallow but not separated.The rhythm of the long kiss was soothing, more soothing than longing, and Harry felt he was completed.Something sprouted and grew in my heart that I had never had before, warm but extremely painful.It's not a beast, but something more enduring, more serene.like a tree.

When they parted, Harry found that apart from softness in Snape's eyes, there was imperceptible sadness.He realized that Snape's kissing him was so precious not just because of affection, but because he still hadn't really allowed himself to have it and was already preparing to lose it.His preparation doesn't mean distrust, he just values ​​him so much that he thinks he deserves better.He obviously didn't think he could surpass more people himself.

He shook his head, took off his glasses, and rested his head on Snape's neck.This man is always so pessimistic when it comes to such things, and always wants to back down.But he can continue to be pessimistic, and he can continue to work hard to maintain his correctness.He, Harry Potter, a man who has always chosen to break all deadlocks with persistence and has never failed so far, will spend his life slowly telling him about his mistakes.

Although the soul is not a key and a lock, he will not go to another lesser than himself.He loves him not because the soul connection tells him he's the best fit, but because he is who he is. For 22 years, Harry Potter has never blindly pursued perfection, but he never settles for anything, and never lies.

"Choosing me is the most successful thing you have ever done in your life." He murmured.

"Don't be complacent, boy."

"Being with you is also the most correct thing in my life." Harry said.

Snape was noncommittal.After a few seconds, he let out a snort of disapproval.But at the same time, his hand was caressing Harry's back tenderly.His breath brushed against Harry's ears, and Harry curled up in his arms, feeling a reassuring exhaustion.The continuous use of the healing spell still had some effect on him.

Snape moved slightly, and Harry found a more comfortable position.When he closed his eyes, completely relaxed, they were satisfied and almost sleepy at once.

"Have you ever regretted choosing Death Eaters?" Harry asked in a daze in the warmth and comfort that enveloped him.

It seemed like a long time later, when he was almost falling asleep, thinking that Snape would not answer him again, he heard a low and slow voice.The voice was quiet and steady, with decisive hardness, but as smooth as a piece of black velvet.

"It's no use regretting, Potter. I'll do my best to make up for anything I've done wrong. But they won't make me regret it. It's the path I've chosen, and I believe it will bring me what I most desire, for Parting ways with my one and only friend. I would never have thought that was wrong then. And I don’t think so now - without the mistakes of the past, there would be no future.”

Harry didn't move or speak.He buried his face in Snape's chest, quietly clinging to the warm soft material.His body vibrated slightly, Snape unfolded a heavy woolen cloak to wrap around the two of them, and leaned against the wall in his arms.He closed his eyes, feeling the big hand gently rubbing the back of his head.The crackle of burning wood, the sound of slow breathing, the warmth and smell of potions, and an unparalleled sense of satisfaction and security.Nice, he thought.This was Snape, the best person he had finally found after spending most of his life so far.

The author has something to say: It's Sunday~ I was extremely frightened + bland for several days in a row, today I feel refreshed.

I found that writing about love and love is faster than the plot, lol.

I think the weakness of SS is not taking the initiative.Or not active enough.If he had pursued Lily as clearly as James did at the time, it probably wouldn't have been the result.Didn't Rowling herself say that Lily was almost with SS?I am just strengthening his morality here, I agree with Erha’s statement, laugh, isn’t this just my own idea hahaha, selfish desires are not wrong, everyone wants something When I was young, as soon as I found out what I wanted, I immediately felt that having a desire was a heinous crime. Not only did I hold back and refused to want it, but I had to punish myself three whips. This is not most ordinary human beings. This is Constantine.Why do you want to live as an ascetic with thorns on your back.