Chuxue

I have been here for five days.

As for when to leave, I don't know.

When the warm yellow light shone on me, I knew he was back.

Through the window, I saw him turn on the light in the entrance, bent down and took out a pair of gray cotton slippers from the pure white shoe cabinet, replaced the black suede high tops with slightly wet soles, walked to the hanger, and put the cotton slippers on. Hang up coats and backpacks.

He lit the fireplace, the fiery coals crackled and burned, and the fire illuminated his face, and I saw his eyelashes sparkle.

He stood in front of the fire for a moment, made a cup of barley tea, then turned and went into the bathroom.

Barley tea is a must-have every night. He always brews a cup of barley tea before taking a bath, and the temperature is just right after taking a bath.

This is the conclusion I have observed in the past few days.

Looking at the porcelain cup covered with blue and white flowers on the table, steaming out, I seem to smell the strong aroma of wheat.

He was the first person I met here.

I still can't forget the surprised look in his eyes when he saw me at the window on Christmas morning, as if I was Santa Claus who came to give him presents on a sleigh pulled by reindeer.

He leaned in front of the window, with the bridge of his handsome nose facing mine. As soon as I looked up, I saw his pupils like a black pool, reflecting my fair face inside, as if he wanted to suck me in.

He was so close to me, if it wasn't for the glass window, I almost thought he was going to kiss me.

He glanced at the wall clock, remembered that he still had something to do, hurriedly dressed, washed and rushed out, as if he had already forgotten about me, without looking at me again.

oh!He didn't even say hello to me!

I thought angrily and angrily.

I started not thinking about food and drink, only thinking about him day and night.

Every day, every hour, every moment, every minute, every second, I see his eyes like black pools in my mind.

I think it's because I've only seen him alone.

It's just that he hasn't paid attention to me since the first meeting.

But I only have eyes for him.

I watched him silently outside the window every day, but I couldn't say a word to him.

He always leaves the house on time at 07:30 in the morning and doesn't come home until ten o'clock at night.

The winter night always comes very early, and I look forward to his figure every day in front of the dark window.

It's just that today, for some reason, he came back an hour late, with a downcast face, not as radiant as before.

I watched him sink into the sofa listlessly, loosen his tie feebly, and rest his head on the sofa.

There was still a cup of steaming barley tea standing in front of the table.

I watched the rising heat and gradually lost my mind.

Through the misty heat, I saw the light brown wallpaper, with oval Damascus patterns in full bloom, with a classic atmosphere.

A bunch of wall lamps hit his face, white like drugs, soft like an antidote.

He closed his eyes, but Gao Xuan's thick eyebrows were crowded together like mountains and rivers, his teeth were clenched, and his cheeks were slightly bulging.

Did something happen?I can't help but think.

But in the next second, I found out sadly that I actually didn't know him at all.

What does he do, who are his friends, what kind of personality does he have, what are his hobbies...

I don't know anything about all of this.

Even if I see him every day, I still can't understand him.

But the saddest part is that he doesn't even know I exist.

To him, I was stranger than a stranger.

ah!Thinking of this makes me so sad.

I also started to feel listless.

Seeing my sickly appearance, my friend joked, "You like him."

I don't deny it.

I thought, I'm in love with the man who likes to drink barley tea.

The friend looked surprised, how is it possible!

How is it impossible?

How could this be!

Why not?

But we can't stay long!

Then I just like him until he leaves!

Are you crazy?He is different from us!

The friend yelled anxiously.

I was silent.

Yeah, he's not like us...

I'm just a snowflake!

White and light, a snowflake that comes with the first snow on Christmas Eve!

I looked at my figure in the glass window, and my eyes were blank.

My friends and I came to this little window on Christmas Eve and it has been there ever since.

A small window, like a home is not a home.

I like to see the suede high tops he takes off when he comes in from the house, the little bits of snow on them as if I touched him.

I like to see him holding the steaming barley tea in his hand, taking a gentle sip, with a smile at the corner of his mouth, dazzling like a rainbow.

I like to see him wearing a navy blue cotton pajamas on the sofa, holding a book in his hands and reading carefully, and the gold-rimmed glasses are embedded on the bridge of the nose, cutting out a small arc, as if the corners of his slightly turned mouth, evoked my smile trembling heart.

I like to see him sitting on the off-white plush carpet in front of the fireplace, the flames are like bloody red tongues, licking the black charcoal, the side face of him is framed by the firelight, plated with a layer of gold, I have imagined countless times Sitting with him in front of the fireplace warmly, even though I knew it would kill me.

I really really like him!

If you can let me talk to him, even a word is fine!

I thought sadly.

The north wind was blowing, and the windows creaked.

But I don't feel the cold at all.

Because, I am just a snowflake!

I wake up in a softness.

When I opened my eyes, I saw those black pool-like eyes hanging above, looking at me anxiously.

Then Gao Xuan's thick eyebrows, straight nose bridge, and the familiar Damascus pattern wallpaper behind him gradually became clear to my eyes.

Oh my God, is this a dream?

I actually showed up at his house!

There seems to be something else, I moved, and there was a feeling where there was no feeling before, I slightly raised my head, and found that I actually had limbs, the same as him, the same limbs as everyone else, the blue blood vessels are like vines Crawling away, I seem to be able to hear the sound of the blood flowing inside, and my brand-new shadow is reflected on the glass window, a slender, tall and straight male figure.

Ah, if this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.

I prayed earnestly in my heart.

He looked at me and shouted nervously and anxiously, are you okay?

The eager cry brought Koshin me back to reality.

The body was shaken slightly, and the gentle and low shouting continued.

I finally realized that this was not a dream, he was really talking to me!

I nodded and opened my throat lightly, yes.

It was the first time I heard myself making a human voice, husky waking up from sleep.

After hearing my answer, he let out a long sigh of relief.

Only then did I realize that the tip of his nose was sweating like crystal dewdrops.

He licked his wrinkled lips and said, I saw you lying at the door when I got home, and I couldn't wake you up, so I could only hug you into the house.

You, are you okay?he asked cautiously.

I was intoxicated by his gentle concern, and after a while, I hurriedly nodded and said, it's all right.

How did you fall at the door?he asked.

I... I got lost, and I found a random reason.

He nodded, this place is indeed relatively remote.

What are you doing here?

I pursed my lips, not knowing how to answer.

ah!I remembered, you are Yu Cheng's friend, right?He told me you would be here today!

He suddenly said without beginning or end.

I'm really sorry, I told him that I could pick you up, but something happened at work today, and I completely forgot, he explained angrily, with regret written all over his face.

I froze for a moment, but didn't deny it. Perhaps, this was a good reason?

I'm so sorry that I let you find here alone on such a cold day!He is still blaming himself.

My heart is hairy, I can't bear to see him blame himself so much, but I can't help but indulge in it.

He suddenly put his palm on my forehead, it was so warm.

He probed for a while, nodded, and said, fortunately, he didn't have a fever.Then he handed me a cup of hot tea with a strong aroma of wheat.

A cup of tea would be warmer, he said softly.

The scalding tea will kill me.

I thanked him and put the glass aside without a trace.

I'm really sorry, Yucheng said you came here on business, but he has something to do, please let me take care of you for a few days, but I made you wait outside the door for so long, fortunately you are fine, otherwise I really don't know how to explain to him.He was apologizing to me again.

It's really okay, I said seriously.

I was too happy to be able to talk to you, so how could I blame you?

He looked at his watch and said, it's getting late, I'll put some hot water on for you, it will be better if you take a bath.

I nodded, okay.

I sat on the soft sofa and rubbed the pure cotton fabric with my hands, which was delicate and soft. I couldn't help but imagine him sitting on the sofa reading a book in my mind.

This is where he sits, where I sit now, the same place we sat, I thought sweetly.

The phone on the table suddenly lit up, and I couldn't help taking a sneak peek.

Cousin, my friend said that he will just find a hotel to stay for a few nights, so he won't bother you, let me tell you.

Alas!I couldn't help but chuckle in my heart, is it really God helping me?Then delete the text message without a trace.

I stood in the bathroom, and my appearance was clearly reflected in the mirror. I don't know if it was because of the light, but my skin was abnormally pale. No wonder he was so frightened just now.

I moved awkwardly, because I was not used to these upright walking feet.

I'm still afraid to use hot water, even if it's not hot, it will make me miserable.

When I came out, he was standing in front of the sofa holding a quilt.

Seeing me coming out, he said with some embarrassment, sorry, there is only one bed at home, if you don't mind, you sleep on the bed and I sleep on the sofa.

oh god!How could I mind?I was so happy that my hair was flying!

However, he is the master, how can he let him sleep on the sofa?

I said I could sleep on the sofa, but he insisted on letting me sleep on the bed. He said that he was very sorry for making me wait outside the door all day. Besides, I had caught a cold, so he was determined not to let me sleep on the sofa.

Ah, he is so kind, which adds another layer of my liking to him.

I couldn't help but look at him with admiration, and he just thought it was a touch of gratitude, and scratched his head embarrassingly.

It was late at night, and I was lying on his bed.

The sheets and quilt are both dark blue, with white tabby at the corners. Although the quilt is newly changed, I feel his breath all around me. He lies where I lie every night and falls asleep.

I was wrapped in a soft quilt, and the aroma of the shower gel surrounded me.

I couldn't help thinking that we were using the same bottle of shower gel, and our bodies had the same smell, as if, as if what was hugging me at this moment was not the quilt, but his warm arms.

Alas... I'm cranky again.

When he woke up in the morning, he had already gone out, and there was a spare key he left for me lying on the table.

I started living in his house as a brother friend.

In his eyes, I was just a friend of his younger brother, temporarily staying at his house because of a business trip, going out to work during the day and not coming back until night.

But in my eyes, he is the object of my secret love that I think about day and night. I have changed from a small snowflake to a human being, and I got the opportunity to live with him. I stay by the window every day, silently looking forward to Watching him come back, just like before.

I was the only one left in the whole house, and I wandered around in the empty room, looking carefully, trying to find all the breath of life that belonged to him.

Standing alone on the empty bar was the mug he used for his tea every night.

The original books and movies are neatly lined up in the bookcase, and the corners of the books are slightly fluffy. He must have read them countless times.

The kitchen is meticulously maintained, the only few kitchen utensils are hung upright on the wall, the stove is neat as if it has never been used, and there are a few blue sticky notes on the refrigerator, which seem to record some chores at work .

The clothes hanging on the balcony are still a little damp, and winter clothes are really not easy to dry.

The rattan laundry basket next to the washing machine seemed to betray him. The clothes inside were piled up like a hill.Maybe, he secretly cleaned up the house before I got up, but only forgot the little basket in the corner?

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but smile.

I walked to the glass window, and the soft snow was still laying quietly outside the window.

Yesterday I could only watch him silently through this small window, but today I can already stand in the room and look at the snow outside the window, it is really unbelievable!

I proudly showed my body to my friends. Through the window, they curiously asked me what it felt like to walk on my feet, and whether the bed was softer than the cold window sill.

I explained to them with a smile and shared my joy.

But we can't stay long!

A voice suddenly said, as cold as snow.

I froze for a moment, and there was no smile at all. He expressed the fear in my heart so straightforwardly.

Then I'll just stay until I go!

I said stubbornly.

Spring is coming soon.

He is still mercilessly piercing my sweet dreams.

I know.

My voice trembled.Then he closed the curtains angrily, not wanting to listen to them anymore.

A dark gray quilt is neatly folded on the sofa. Since I came here, he has slept on the sofa every day, wondering if he has a good rest.

I leaned carefully, buried my face in it, and sniffed hard.The scent of the shower gel is the same as mine.

The harsh bell woke me up, oh!sky!I actually fell asleep on the sofa.

His mobile phone was singing loudly on the coffee table.

I was hesitating whether to answer an unfamiliar number, the music gradually faded away, and then sounded again in the next second.

Is there something urgent?I think.

I picked up the phone, and his anxious voice came from inside.

Oh! thanksgod! You haven't left the house yet!I forgot my mobile phone at home, but I can't get away now. If it's not troublesome, can you bring it to the company for me?It's okay, if it's inconvenient, I...

No trouble!I'll send it to you right away!

Before he finished speaking, I spoke immediately.

He paused, as if startled by my firm voice, before speaking for a moment.

um, ok, thanks.

I saw him, wearing a long white coat, like snow.

oh!It turned out that he was a doctor.No wonder I come back late every day.

Heal the wounded, save the dying, and help those in need, they are angels!

My love for him is still stacking up layer by layer. I seem to be stuck in the swamp he opened up for me, getting deeper and deeper, and it is about to swallow me up.

This night, I insisted on swapping with him, I went to sleep on the sofa and he came to sleep on the bed.

But he said, you are a guest, how dare you let the guest sleep on the sofa!

But you are very tired at work every day, it doesn't matter where I sleep, I said.

It doesn't matter where I sleep, too, he said.

If... If you don't mind, we can sleep together, we are all boys anyway, after hesitating for a while, I finally summoned up the courage to say.

I haven't replied for a long time, I am a little annoyed, is it too reckless?

If it doesn't work...it's still me, I said dejectedly.

Well, we all sleep in bed.He suddenly answered.

I nodded, trying to resist the urge to jump for joy.

The quilt rose and fell slightly. This was the first time I was so close to him, so close that I could hear his breathing.

He has already fallen asleep, but I can't sleep at night.

He turned his back to me, and that quiet back fascinated me.

The hair on the top of the head is cute and willful, the soft short hair is shining with black luster, and there is a small black mole on the back of the neck. I heard that people with moles on the back of the neck are sentimental and kind-hearted.

The bed sank suddenly, he turned over, his breath swept across my face in deep and shallow breaths.

sky!Our faces are so close!I can even count how many eyelashes he has,

I could hear my heart pounding like it was going to burst out of my chest.

His lips were an abnormal red, like that poisonous apple, constantly tempting me, I felt a small wooden comb gently scratching at the tip of my heart, which made my heart itch.

I put the soft patch on, and the venom flowed in from the slit of my lips. I willingly swallowed this asshole, which belonged to him.

Since then, every night, I will secretly kiss him while he is asleep, and then fall asleep with sweetness.

When I woke up, the bed beside me was already cold, and he had already gone out.

Recently I have always felt very tired, limp and lethargic, and it was almost noon when I woke up in the morning.

When walking through the living room, he glanced at the calendar on the wall inadvertently, and his whole body became cold instantly.

Soon, spring will arrive.

We can't stay long.

This sentence echoed in my mind over and over again like a mantra, and I felt dizzy and dizzy.

I went outside and the temperature dropped and the wind picked up, making me feel slightly better.

He came back surprisingly early that day, before it was dark, he heard the sound of him opening the door.

Seeing me at home, he was a little surprised. I thought you weren't off work, he said.

I'm not very busy today, so I made up a reason.

Have you got a meal yet?He asked me as he changed his shoes.

have eaten.I replied reflexively before my brain responded.

Ah, I also said we could go out to eat if you didn't eat.He said with some regret.

have dinner together? !

Oh, shit! I really want to shoot myself to death, why did I lie just now!

I lost a chance to have dinner with him, I thought ruefully.

But my stomach rumbled inappropriately and just right. I was embarrassed for a while, and I dared not look at him with my head down.

He smiled lightly and joked, it seems that he is not full?

I didn't speak, he put on his shoes again, gave me a coat, and said, let's go out to eat together, I know there is a good restaurant nearby.

I bit my lip and took the coat.

10.

He took me to a grocery store, and we sat down in a secluded place.

I raised my head and looked around curiously, with a lantern hanging above my head, the dim yellow light seemed a bit ambiguous.

The food came out quickly, and we ate quietly without speaking.

He ordered a lot of things, but he didn't move his chopsticks much. Instead, he added more to a small glass of wine.

He has something on his mind, I can see it.

Is there anything you're not happy about?I asked.

He raised his head, his face was slightly drunk, and he held the sake in his hand that he hadn't had time to drink yet.

He put down the wine glass, but did not speak, stroking the rim with his fingertips.

I watched him quietly, I was waiting, I knew he would talk to me, it just took time.

After a long time, he suddenly said that a patient I was responsible for died of bone cancer.

I didn't speak, I shouldn't have interrupted him at this time.

Can you believe it?She's only 7 years old, and she's just a kid!She hasn't even started her life yet!

His lashes twinkled and his eyes were red.

I just don't understand why she has to suffer so much in her final days when her life is meant to be so short?You know what, we take her leg open, take out the bone, remove the cancer cells from it, and then put the bone back.Why, such a small child has to endure such inhuman torture! ?

He was a little excited, and his knuckles were pinched white.

When we all thought that the cancer cells had all been eliminated, it had already metastasized to the lungs at an unpredictable speed. She always asked me if she could still live, you know?As a doctor, I should tell her the truth about her condition, but I, I really can't bear it, I can't speak.She begged again and again for hope from us, but what we seemed to bring her was endless despair.

She left, it seemed to be a doomed ending, we could do nothing, her mother fainted several times from crying, and my chest was almost out of breath.

Having said that, he already trembled slightly.

It's not your fault!I held his cold fist and said.

That's not your fault.I repeat it again

do you know?Every child who died prematurely is an angel who came to the world to experience suffering. After a short stay, they will return to heaven, where there is no pain and sorrow, only joy and happiness.You have done everything you can. In her final days, there were doctors who worked hard to save her life, and parents who loved her unreservedly walked with her. She is not alone, and she will not blame you. So, please don't blame yourself, cheer up, there are many, many people waiting for you to give them hope.

You are my hope.

He raised his head and looked at me deeply, his eyes were red, like a fire, trying to burn me through.

11.

Since that day, our relationship seems to be one step closer. After he comes back every night, he always tells me something that happened in the hospital.

I suddenly realized that maybe he just wanted to find someone to talk to. He was facing life and death, pain and sorrow every day. Even if he was used to it, his heart would still be covered by dark clouds.

But I was so happy that I was floating when I walked, which made me feel that I was trustworthy to him, I could talk to him, and I was special.

He occasionally asks me things, and I can only make things up.

I enjoy being with him every day, but my increasingly tired body keeps reminding me that my days here are numbered.

He came out of the bathroom, steaming hotly.

He handed me a cup of barley tea, the sofa sank beside me, and he sat next to me, also holding a cup of barley tea.

The aroma of the shower gel penetrated into my nostrils instantly, I inhaled greedily, a little drunk, I don't know if it contains alcohol.

But he suddenly found my pale feet, the nails were slightly purple, stroked them with his hands, and turned pale with shock.

Why don't you put on your socks, your feet are almost purple from the cold!

The slightly angry tone made me feel sweet.

He cares about me.

The next second, he actually put my feet in his arms and covered them.

My whole body was stiff, as if I was frozen, and I just stared at him blankly.

When I realized it, my face was blushing, I quickly took out my foot and said, it's okay, I do this often, I'm not frozen.

But he glared at me, and firmly fixed my feet in his arms, so that I couldn't move.

This means that you are cold. You should exercise more and keep warm. It is so cold today. Even though you are at home, why do you always wear such thin clothes?

Yep, I had an occupational disease again, and I was being lectured angrily and worriedly by him like a patient who didn't follow the doctor's advice.

However, I'm happy with it.

12

The cold wind was blowing in, and he shrank his neck. When he found that the window was not closed, he got up and pulled it up again.

It's starting to melt the snow, no wonder it's so cold.he said suddenly.

My heart constricted a little.

Yes, the snow is starting to melt.

When the snow melts, there is nothing left.I said lonely.

He froze for a moment, wondering why I was suddenly depressed.

No, after the snow melts, it will be spring and hope.He seemed to be trying to comfort me.

I was even more sad.

So do you like snow or spring?I suddenly asked without thinking.

He froze for a moment and said, he likes them all.

Only pick one, I said.

He laughed, why can only choose one?

I didn't answer the question, but insisted that one had to be chosen.

Looking at my stubborn eyes, he didn't know how to answer for a moment, as if he had never seen me so persistent.

Before waiting for an answer, I lowered my shoulders and lost the battle. How could I be so childish?

I really regret that I don't know why I asked such a naive question.

Snow, I like snow.

Just when I was downcast, I suddenly heard his answer.

I raised my head in disbelief, and he was also looking at me, his calm eyes were different from before, there seemed to be something more, I don't know.

Before I could read the code in his eyes, he suddenly said, it's getting late, let's rest.

I was lying on the bed, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, but I was afraid of waking him up. My mind was full of the way he looked at me. I thought about it over and over again, trying to crack the code inside.

I turned around and suddenly met his eyes.

God, he still hasn't fallen asleep!

I thought I woke him up, and apologized repeatedly, but he said it was okay, and I hadn't fallen asleep. I always felt that I had forgotten something, and my heart was not at ease.

Um?I frowned and asked, is it a matter of work?

He shook his head, no.

Is it a family matter?

He shook his head again, no.

Just as I was trying to help him remember, I suddenly felt a softness on my lips.

Well, now that I think about it, I'm relieved now without the goodnight kiss, he said.

I suddenly petrified, he, he, he just kissed me?

Wait, goodnight kiss?

So...he knows every time I kiss him secretly!

oh!sky!I looked at his back, like a child who was caught stealing candy, and suddenly had the urge to get under the bed.

But, he just kissed me, does it mean that he doesn't dislike me, or...or he also likes me?

Thinking of this, my heart burst into ecstasy, as if there were countless butterflies flying in my chest.

13

My body is getting weaker and weaker, I always have tinnitus, and sometimes I can't even hear the sound clearly. Seeing my pale face, he asked nervously, are you okay?

I smiled and shook my head, but I didn't sleep well last night.

Hearing this, he smiled at the corner of his mouth and asked, is it because of me?

I was so embarrassed that I didn't dare to look up at him.

By the way, are you going home for the New Year?he asked suddenly.

I... don't answer, I said.

Is it because of work?he asks.

I can only nod my head, um, I have to be on duty.

But he said, I'm going home the day after tomorrow. Since you don't go home, the house will be handed over to you!

I was stunned for a moment, but I didn't expect that he would leave when I said I would not leave.

I can only nod my head, my heart is aching, my days are numbered, I can't imagine how much time I can spend with him after he leaves.

After a while, he touched his nose, and then said, um... I, I will come back after the Spring Festival. Then, I will treat you to a meal. I... I have something to say to you, and it can be regarded as repayment You help me watch the house.

I looked up at him, his face was slightly red, and the corners of his mouth were bent in embarrassment.

My heart trembled slightly, and I vaguely guessed what he wanted to say to me. My heart was beating wildly, it was ecstasy, anticipation, and emotion.

But more, it is fear, I am afraid, I am afraid that it is really just a thank-you meal, I am afraid that what he wants to say is not what I guessed, I am afraid that all expectations are just my wishful thinking, I am afraid that he will be wrong. I don't feel the same way I feel about him, I'm afraid, he doesn't like me.

I seem to be getting more and more greedy. At first, just being able to look at him from a distance can make me happy. Then, I gradually had the desire to know him. Later, the wish came true, and I wanted to be with him all the time. , Now, I hope he can like me more, like I like him, no, it doesn't have to be the same, as long as I like him one percent, because I like him so much.

On the morning when he came home, he was wearing a beige overalls down jacket. He hugged me gently with this dress. I buried my head in his neck, greedily absorbing the smell of his body, and he touched me. The fluffy hair on the back of the neck whispered in my ear, waiting for me to come back.

Wait for me, wait for me, wait for me...

This sentence is deeply rooted in my heart, and it has become the only strength I can sustain at this moment.

The weather is getting clearer, the snow on the window sill has gradually melted, and spring is really coming.

I saw myself in the mirror, and my body was so transparent that I could barely see it.

I know, I really can't stay long.

wait me back.

I read this sentence and counted the days day by day. There are only a few days, but to me it is as long as tens of thousands of years.

Finally, finally, I made it to the day when he was coming back.

The weather is sunny, the climate is warm, and spring is here.

However, I have no strength to stand up.

I was lying on the floor, the warm sun caressed me, I could feel my body getting lighter, and a puddle of water was gradually flowing on the floor.

I thought, I might not be able to wait for him to come back.

oh!My heart hurts, I like him so much, I want to hear what he has to say to me.

I heard his footsteps.

near, near.

Then there was the sound of a key being inserted into the lock, and the door opened!

I finally saw him!

So handsome, so warm, I like him so much.

He turned around the room, but didn't see me, his brows were tightly frowned.

Oh, he can't see me.

Because, I have melted.

Under the gaze of the sun, I gradually rose into the air.

I saw him walk to the water stain and pick up the note on it.

The paper trembled slightly, and the black writing had been blurred, but it was still recognizable:

Nice to meet you, thank you for your care these days, if there is fate, I hope we can meet again when the snow falls early next year.

A little snowflake that likes you